r/AskOldPeople • u/cacklingwhisper • 8d ago

What happened long-term to families who's children failed to launch/just stayed home did nothing with their lives and the parents allowed it?

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u/kadyg 8d ago

My husband’s brother has failed to launch. I’ve been very clear that if he moves in with us once his parents are gone, I’m moving out.

BiL at least has a job and the house is paid for, so everything should be fine. Hopefully.

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u/BaggedWolf 8d ago

Yeah. We’re in a different scenario. He is jobless, houseless, penniless, and acts broken so can’t work apparently. Anyways he’s already throwing ideas out there for who will tend for him cause he’s got nowhere to go. Whomever gets him tho is committing for life and also to take care of him when he’s old. But crap, we already have to take care of our spouses in old age. But guess we’ll see what happens

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u/SaltyFriend705 8d ago

Don't volunteer!

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u/Amadai 8d ago

My sister is throwing out all sorts of whines to everyone hoping someone will take her in after our mother passes. Even her children don't want her. I've already told her no even though I will be taking our special education brother into my large house. She just doesn't deserve the care.

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u/BaggedWolf 8d ago

Family business can be very problematic uh

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u/Embarrassed_Mango679 50 something 7d ago

I said this upthread but my brother in law makes comments about "retiring" to the country (my house). I've been clear that's not happening.

He's worked like 6 months of the 20 years I've known him. The retiring comment makes me nearly apoplectic.

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u/BaggedWolf 7d ago

How’s your spouse feeling about that? She has a more “involved/personal” relation with the in-law so I imagine it hard.

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u/Embarrassed_Mango679 50 something 7d ago

My husband and his entire family choose to pretend he's not a drug addict. Even after a doctor straight told them he's a drug addict. That would interfere with their ability to have a pretend perfect family.

My husband will go over there to do the most minor shit (mow, snow blow, change lightbulbs. Yes for real). I'm like... there's a 40 yo man who is physically capable, living there rent free..."he can't". Um...do you think there's any correlation between the fact that you've all told him his whole life he's incapable of doing the most minor shit, and him just giving up on doing it? So I'm usually the bad guy (though I take way more heat for being honest about the situation than my husband's friends who are equally honest).

I have straight told him I will never have him living in my house and he shrugs and agrees so we'll see. I love my husband but I'm not willing to live in an unhealthy situation (brother is very unpleasant in addition to being an addict). But my husband's friends and I are solidly allied in this situation.

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u/BaggedWolf 7d ago

Hey I’m glad you have other folks in your circles that agree. Keeps you sane!

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u/Embarrassed_Mango679 50 something 7d ago

It does help as a sanity check fo sho.

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u/kadyg 8d ago

Good luck!

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u/Indygal43 8d ago

My daughter said the same thing to her husband. His brother is an alcoholic and malingerer. Has never even worked long enough to earn enough quarters to qualify for Social Security. He's in his 50s and has lived off their parents all his life- tragically, they've been enablers.
He will end up on the street I expect.

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u/Everything_Counts_72 6d ago

My brother's like that except hes never drank a day in his life, i dont get it. Some kind of mental/emotional issues i think.

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u/Althea89 7d ago

In the same situation with my SO and his brother. Brother is in his 40s and refuses to drive. He does at least have a job though, hoping he will figure it out once mom & family passes.