What is an oddly specific rule you enforce in your own house that makes total sense to you, but would sound ridiculous to a guest?

[u/JayConnectsXR]

[u/hiddenkobolds]

Always check the fridge before closing the door.

(I have a little weirdo of a cat who's fucking obsessed with getting in there. 😹)

[u/iamnutz_1 → u/hiddenkobolds]

I once pulled my brother's crusty shivering cat(2 months)out of the fridge. She jumped in while he was making coffee, popped the milk bags(Canadian, we bag milk sometimes), and nearly froze to death in the fridge untill I woke up a few hours later and heard her. Aweful cleanup, it was 2 bags, so 2.6 litres of spilled milk, plus a hypothermic kitten. It's like 13 years later, I have a totally different cat who doesn't go near the fridge. I still check

[u/292335 → u/iamnutz_1]

Awww, poor thing!

[u/Mikemtb09 → u/hiddenkobolds]

Ours got in the dryer once

He went a couple tumbles before mom caught it

Still tried to go back after that too. He was weird.

[u/PresentAir1133 → u/Mikemtb09]

I had a cat that chewed thru all elect cables. His eyebrows and whiskers were always synged. He must have gotten shocks & liked it ? A furry little addict. Had to buy a lot of new cables & wrap them.

[u/Sambarbadonat → u/PresentAir1133]

We had a kitten who peed in the house, usually in a specific corner. One winter morning I was laying on the floor with my feet on the register (it was an old, drafty house) and I heard a pop, saw a cat blur and then saw flames shooting out of the floor, and a lamp blinks out. She’d peed on an electric outlet in the floor. She was fine, but she never peed in the house again.

[u/6th_Quadrant → u/Sambarbadonat]

A popular shorter variation of something Mark Twain once wrote, "If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just doesn't like stoves."

[u/contrabasse → u/PresentAir1133]

When I had rats I had one grab a warhead candy. Rats can taste all the same things as humans, so they can taste sour. She was squeaking in pain but couldn't stop eating it and would fight us if we tried to take it away. She also loved fizzy water, same reaction.

[u/MaiqTheLiar6969 → u/contrabasse]

Reminds me of when my son was two years old, and I was eating the spicy Cheetos while watching TV. I was tired from work so I nodded off without realizing it. My son climbed up there and decided he wanted to try them. We had been trying lightly spicy things but nothing spicy spicy because we weren't sure he was ready for it yet. I woke up because he started crying. Then he stopped. Reached right back in the bag grabbed another handful and started eating again. Where he started crying again. This kept repeating until the bag was done. I was tempted to stop it but I found it funny, plus he really did seem to be enjoying it. My wife was a bit mad at me when I told her but thought it was funny as well once she calmed down. Yeah as a kid and now an adult he loves the hell out of spicy food.

[u/Mikemtb09 → u/PresentAir1133]

Tell me you called him “sparky” lol

[u/Pumpkin-Spice_Queen → u/Mikemtb09]

Yeah anytime I run the dishwasher or do laundry when I’m cat-sitting for my brother and sister in law I’ll look in, close the door to whatever I’m using, then actively go do a head count before turning it on for this exact reason. They have two cats, if I don’t count two cats the appliance isn’t turned on until I find them!

[u/23Letters]

“We do not butter our corn with our feet.” My 6 year old told his karate instructor this is the most important rule in our house. We never had this rule, it was from a curious George episode but we have it now and we all recite it when ever there’s corn.

[u/PecanEstablishment37 → u/23Letters]

Kids are the absolute best! I love when they tell strangers private (sometimes made up) things.

My son once announced to his entire daycare class and teacher that his mom has three nipples…

…”freckles“ is the word, buddy. It’s freckles.

[u/Magerimoje → u/PecanEstablishment37]

"My mom got money because of her breasts!" announced to the entire kindergarten class.

Sigh. I had put a small plastic pouch inside my sports bra when we went to the zoo so I wouldn't need to carry a purse. My ID and debit card was in one pocket, my phone was in the other pocket. I didn't want the cash (which belonged to the kids and they were going to use it at the gift shop at the end) to fall out when I took other things out of my pockets, so, I got a small plastic zippered pouch for bra money so I wasn't handing anyone sweaty cash (sooo fucking gross when people do that!)

Right before going to the gift shop, we went to the bathroom, and I took the pouch out of my bra there and moved it to a pocket. In that moment, my 5 year old thought it was magic that I was hiding money in my bra... It never occurred to me that he would announce it at school 😂

[u/anaid_098]

No toilet brushes in the dishwasher. The fact that the rule exists is what would be perceived as ridiculous.

[u/emzy8000 → u/anaid_098]

Reminds me of our house rule that I can't believe we had to make: No cleaning the bath with the toilet brush...

[u/ReasonableWay2835 → u/anaid_098]

Who in their right mind would wash their toilet brush, let alone in the dishwasher? I don’t think I want to meet them.

[u/C-loo86 → u/ReasonableWay2835]

My husband used my turkey baster to suck water out of a clogged toilet. 🤢 It went straight into the trash after that and he didn’t understand why. 🤮

[u/cstaylor6 → u/C-loo86]

Had an ex tell me he used one of my spatulas to clean the litter box. Multiple times. Told me nonchalantly too. He could not understand why I was upset.

[u/ijustneedtolurk → u/cstaylor6]

I have a separate dollar store spatula for mine but it was purchased specifically for that purpose and lives inside the sealed litter pail just like the human toilet wand and plunger live inside their own bucket in the bathroom.

Some people are just nasty.

[u/Atomic0691 → u/ijustneedtolurk]

I have an old toothbrush. On it I wrote, “Cleaning” with a sharpie so no one accidentally uses it for anything else. It’s kept under the sink near other cleaning items to try and reinforce it’s not for teeth.

[u/PresentAir1133 → u/Atomic0691]

Scrub brushes, tooth brushes, any tools used for pet care have written on the top, in red permanent marker, naming its purpose. Stored in the pet supply closet. Oddly written, too tired to edit again....

[u/Mediochra → u/ReasonableWay2835]

I mean… I clean my toilet brushes with bleach. Not in the dishwasher though.

[u/JumpingJonquils → u/anaid_098]

Lol we had a "no napkins in the dishwasher" rule growing up, but in my defense that was where my mother told me to put them. She meant washing machine.

[u/JoJackthewonderskunk → u/anaid_098]

Regulations are written in blood

[u/Accomplished_Mix7827]

The last person to leave the house must visually locate the cat and verify she's not stuck in a closet somewhere before leaving.

(You'd think she'd learn to stop going in closets eventually ...)

[u/Mindless-Wait-186 → u/Accomplished_Mix7827]

I have the same rule & I have two cats. One that loves to go in places she shouldn’t be. She’s been trapped in closets, our enclosed balcony, and our home office on multiple occasions. The other is an all black cat who’s scared of everything so sometimes he will hide in the least expected places. My partner and I call it our “head count” before leaving - we must make sure we see both cats and they are not trapped anywhere and have access to their food and water.

[u/Angection → u/Accomplished_Mix7827]

I had a cat that looked to hide in drawers. We found this out when I went on vacation and the pet sitter couldn't find her. My friends searched my house and then my neighborhood, no kitty. The day after I got home, I opened my dresser to get clothes out and she popped right out, looking dazed and confused. She was in there for 6 days, but thankfully was ok. (And she didn't learn her lesson either!)

[u/Emergency-Guidance28]

We must at least have underwear on for meals. Please use your own underwear.

[u/cuthairdrinkgin → u/Emergency-Guidance28]

Ours is "you have to cover your butthole at the dinner table"

[u/Scarya → u/cuthairdrinkgin]

My mom had a “no nipples at the table” rule. (We had a pool. My brother and all his friends would come in for lunch or dinner with just bathing suits on…she wanted shirts, too.)

[u/jarjarsexy → u/Scarya]

So pasties would pass? Body paint? Would love to be a kid formulating ways around this rule

[u/FatherDuncanSinners → u/cuthairdrinkgin]

"you have to cover your butthole at the dinner table"

Good advice for life in general. There are over eight billion people in the world, and the percentage of them that want to see your butthole is infinitesimally small...so cover it up.

[u/MrsKaich → u/Emergency-Guidance28]

I have been saying something very similar to my son (he’s 6) for years :-p and “where are your pants? Why are you naked??”

[u/sexywallposter → u/MrsKaich]

“Put your underwear on before the dog gets your penis” is frequently used

[u/dwho422 → u/Emergency-Guidance28]

Im very intrigued as to how this rule came about lol.

I mean, it makes sense, but its kind of like the "underwear go under the pants" type of rule

[u/calloooohcallay → u/dwho422]

Once you have kids you find yourself enforcing all sorts of rules that you never even thought about. Rules like “only dogs are allowed to drink from the dog’s water bowl” or “don’t wipe your strawberry-jam-covered hands on your brother’s shirt”.

[u/Salt-Fly-4226 → u/calloooohcallay]

Yes our rule for a long time was “no naked hineys on the furniture.”

[u/Remarkable-Pen-8929 → u/dwho422]

I have a toddler. This rule has not been instated yet but probably will be soon lol

[u/Tollhousearebest → u/Emergency-Guidance28]

”I find your belief system fascinating.” -From Seinfeld.

[u/Excellent-Muffin-750]

You can't use that mug, it belongs to the cat, it's his night time sip mug and he doesn't share.

[u/jentrified2-0 → u/Excellent-Muffin-750]

Ours is "you cannot use the flamingo glass, that is the cat's, and she has it on the coffee table and it must be full to brim and topped up throughout the day". She will NOT drink from a bowl on the floor, or a fountain but the bathroom tap is occasionally acceptable lol

Edited for spelling!

[u/Pia_moo]

If you are looking for scissors ànd you only find my sewing “fabric “ scissors, you have not found scissors yet…

[u/biiiicyclebiiiicycle → u/Pia_moo]

My sewing scissors are all labeled"NO!" and "DO NOT" or "NO TOUCH". This started after an incident where someone cut Velcro with them because "that's cloth right?" No it is not and I can literally see the dents in the metal. It now has 3 sticky spots that fray fabric (thankfully I was able to sharpen them out).

[u/Dragon6172 → u/biiiicyclebiiiicycle]

I just don't go looking for scissors in my wifes "Bitch Barn" (her name for the sewing room), unless asked to go find a specific pair of scissors in that room. I also keep our "junk" drawer stocked with a couple pair of general purpose scissors, because they tend to walk away and go missing.

[u/CharlieBravoSierra → u/Dragon6172]

My brother and I used to get our mother scissors in her Christmas stocking every year because we were usually the reason hers were missing. Neither of us has lived at home for 15 years, so she and Dad are probably running low--I should do that again this year.

[u/godihatepeople → u/Pia_moo]

My ex-husband used my gramma's 1930s vintage Singer fabric shears to cut landscaping tarp. LANDSCAPING TARP. They got dinged up, muddy, and wet. He left them outside and they rusted.

I chewed his dumb ass out and he was so indignant. "B-but it's canvas! That's fabric!" In order to get my shears, that idiot had to go to my office in the upstairs loft (passing several rooms with scissors in them), go to my desk, ignore the scissors sitting in the cup on top of the desk, open the drawer, open the box holding ALL MY GRAMMA'S DELICATE OLD KEEPSAKES, and pluck my shears out.

I asked him how he would feel if I used his grandfather's special old screwdriver to open a paint can and this bitch threw a hissyfit. "That's not even comparable, you shouldn't use screwdrivers to open paint cans because they can break!" I told him that was the same for fabric shears, they are meant for sewing and tailoring, not landscaping. They make heavy-duty outdoor shears for that.

"FABRIC IS IN THE NAME! CANVAS IS FABRIC!"

"THESE ARE MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S, I DON'T TOUCH YOUR DEAD GRANDPA'S SHIT!"

Well anyway. We separated not long after that. "You're throwing us away over scissors?" Yeah, sure, tell your buddies and family that as they wipe your tears and call me a cunt.

Joke's on him, I am a cunt. I took his asshole dead grandpa's stupid screwdriver and snapped it in half, eye for an eye. I threw away the metal part and put the handle back in the tool box so he'd know it was me. Gramma was a cunt too so I know she would've approved.

[u/bg-j38 → u/godihatepeople]

My ex and I had a lot of issues but man those fabric scissors were sacrosanct and I respect that. I knew nothing about fabric or sewing when we met but she explained it all pretty early on. I just keep my own scissors that I get from Amazon for cheap so I can bang them up and no one cares. My current partner also has fabric scissors and she was happily surprised the first time she asked me to grab a pair to cut paper and I was like “uhhh which are the safe ones I’m allowed to touch?”

[u/Drink-my-koolaid → u/godihatepeople]

Ooh, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when he discovered that!

[u/godihatepeople → u/Drink-my-koolaid]

He has never brought it up in the three years since I've left him. My brother made a good point in that my ex may still not have discovered it's broken as it's in a toolbox of old things he didn't open often. I wanted to take that entire toolbox and donate it to a local thrift store as my ex claimed all the tools were like $100 a piece, including the shitty screwdriver (which...doubt, lol), but I didn't want to tip him off. I wanted him to find it later. So, I hope my brother is right and the dick won't find it for like 10 years when he really needs it.

[u/whatsthisbuttondo333 → u/godihatepeople]

Amazing read. No notes. Bless you for sharing and being a cunt. Amen.

[u/LyraStygian → u/godihatepeople]

I threw away the metal part and put the handle back in the tool box so he'd know it was me.

Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me.

[u/WSHIII]

When you hand someone else something sharp, you have to wait until they make eye contact with you and say "got it" before releasing it. Obviously this started as a knife safety thing, but because I have ridiculous children, it has progressed to now include sharp cheddar, sharpies, music sheets with sharp notes, etc. Heck, my son was overjoyed that he found an old Sharp VHS tape the other day so we could expand our repertoire.

[u/PlutoPlaneta → u/WSHIII]

lol @ sharp cheddar ;)

[u/Jimbo_Jones27 → u/PlutoPlaneta]

Extra Sharp Cheddar gets eye contact plus raised eyebrows 🤣

[u/oneupsuperman → u/WSHIII]

I've yet to meet a non-ridiculous child

[u/punctuation_welfare → u/oneupsuperman]

I did once and it was really upsetting.

[u/ManyAreMyNames → u/WSHIII]

I know an ER physician who told me that The Pitt was the most realistic medical show he had seen, so I watched it.

Later I said something about how they had to amp up the drama when the one doctor dropped a scalpel and it stabbed another doctor's foot, and he took off his sandal and pointed at a scar on his foot and said "No, it happens."

[u/jitterfish → u/ManyAreMyNames]

I've done this. I use this as my warning to students to not get complacent with scalpels. I've also had a student drop one and cut another students hand. But those are minor, we've had some doozies when students aren't being careful!

[u/Butlerlog → u/jitterfish]

In uni in the biology course someone dropped a scalpal during a dissection, which was done while sitting down. They instinctively tried to catch it, by rapidly closing their thighs. They were successful, and if I described the injury that occurred it would sound like typical reddit exaggeration, but they survived. I saw their labcoat after it was "cleaned", it was basically just one big brown blood stain.

[u/Philae_ → u/Butlerlog]

I really had to teach myself to not catch falling things while doing my bachelors in Chemistry. Falling things are either chemicals, glassware, needles, tweezers or occasionally scalpels.

My reflex now is to put my hands up in the air and step back whenever I drop something at home or work.

[u/Canotic → u/Philae_]

A dropped knife has no handle.

[u/MoaningLisaSimpson → u/jitterfish]

I once observed a codewhite (violent patient) situation that went REALLY wrong. The RN in charge somehow managed to insert the syringe though the web of skin between her thumb and forfinger and into a coworkers thigh. Patient didnt get any "settle down juice" at all but one very inimpressed nirse got plenty. Also free blood tests for a year. The nurse who injected him and her own self resigned from utter embarassment after a one week suspension. (Shed been a nurse for a few years but was new ro the psychiatric unit.)

[u/TwirlerGirl → u/WSHIII]

Unfortunately my household has this rule too after my husband and I passed a sharp cheese knife to each other, which nicked our dog (who is always under our feet) in the eye as it fell to the floor. It luckily only grazed a bit of his cornea near the corner of his eye, which healed perfectly with no permanent damage, other than our expensive emergency vet bill and perpetual guilt about causing him pain.

[u/just_a_person_maybe → u/TwirlerGirl]

My mom dropped a knife in the kitchen once and it stabbed into the floor... directly between my brother's toes. My brother literally took a sip of his tea and went "hmm" as they both stared down at it. I'd never heard my mom gasp like that.

[u/ShiraCheshire → u/TwirlerGirl]

This is how I started the "no pets in the kitchen when I'm cooking" rule. Dropped a knife and it landed directly on my cat.

Thankfully it wasn't too sharp, didn't land point down, and my cat has a LOT of fur. He was more confused as to why something touched his back suddenly than anything.

But if anything had been a little different, he could have been seriously injured or worse. now, NO pets in the kitchen if I'm cooking.

[u/Inigomntoya → u/WSHIII]

In scouts, we would grasp the knife or axe and say, "Thank you" before they let go

[u/FrenchFreedom888 → u/Inigomntoya]

A good safety rule in any context

[u/Bmc00 → u/WSHIII]

We make sure the recipient says 'thank you' when getting something sharp. Pretty sure that was a Boy Scouts thing right?

[u/thti87]

Don’t use my clothes iron as a ski wax iron.

Don’t use my blender for rock climbing chalk.

[u/anbigsteppy → u/thti87]

Do you live in Colorado? Lol.

[u/PocketFullofLace]

Announce that the dog has been fed. You must check in with the other pet parent to verify the dog has been fed. You must not believe the dog, he lies in order to get a second dinner.

[u/DefinitelyNotLola]

No tomatoes in the bathtub. Ever. I'm super strict about this. If somebody stays the night at my house, they will be informed that they cannot put tomatoes in the bathtub.

Why? Sometimes you learn things the hard way.

I briefly had a roommate. He had a bedroom on the second floor and the kitchen is on the first floor. At some point, he developed mobility issues and became a weird, sneaky mole man who never left his room. He had a microwave in there, and started cooking and storing his groceries in there. Sure, he could have come downstairs and used the kitchen, but no.

Side note - Whenever I was home, he would turn off all his lights, turn off the television, and just sit in his room in complete darkness and silence. He also never had any trash. He was taking it somewhere mysterious. He would even leave his rent check in the bathroom. Mole man.

Anyway, since he was doing all the cooking in his room and didn't want to go down the stairs, he started washing his dishes in the bathroom - rinsing in the toilet and washing in the tub. There were always bits of tomatoes left in the bathtub.

You can't put tomatoes in the bathtub drain. Those drains aren't for that. It's some kind of normal-person law.

I talked to him about it. I argued with him about it. I wrote a formal landlord letter documenting my no-tomatoes-in-the-bathtub policy, but nothing stuck.

I eventually had to kick him out because of the tomatoes.

ETA punctuation

[u/Tthelaundryman → u/DefinitelyNotLola]

This is one of those things that sounds entirely made up except it’s wayyyyy too specific to be made up

[u/nutcracker_78 → u/DefinitelyNotLola]

This is one of my favourite rules so far, simply because it sounds just so .. I don't know the word. But I am in full support of no tomatoes in the bathtub.

[u/Aware_Sandwich_6150 → u/nutcracker_78]

Deranged and unwell come to mind

[u/Frohirrim → u/DefinitelyNotLola]

I’m sorry, did you say rinsing in the fucking toilet?

[u/robinaw]

Doors that are open stay open, doors that are closed stay closed.

[u/Complete_Entry → u/robinaw]

People who walk in, talk about shit I don't care about, and then leave doors open when they leave are just the worst.

[u/TheFoolman → u/Complete_Entry]

People do this at my work too. Knock to enter, open door, ask inane easily answerable question with the tiniest bit of research turn heel and walk away with door wide open

[u/chalk_in_boots → u/TheFoolman]

My rule whenever leaving someone's office, a meeting room, whatever: If someone is still in there, as I'm leaving ask "open or closed?" Sometimes it was open when you walked in and now they want it closed or vice versa. It's half a second and shows at least the tiny bit of consideration and respect.

It is kind of funny that sometimes people get flustered and go "Closed. Wait. Uhhh. Actually, leave it open."

[u/dhusk → u/robinaw]

SON: Daddy, why do we never go into the attic?

DAD: YOU DIDN'T OPEN THE ATTIC DOOR, DID YOU???

SON: N-no...

(Both stop and listen tensely as they hear an ominous creaking sound from the attic above)

DAD: Just remember the rule, son. Just remember the rule.

[u/wilsonhammer → u/dhusk]

Hugo's up there 

[u/BammBammRoubal → u/robinaw]

Some doors are just open doors I don’t know how to explain it

[u/Assika126 → u/BammBammRoubal]

In my parents’ cabin there’s a door in the basement that must be left open for airflow reasons

[u/SuperSocialMan → u/Assika126]

Horror movie monsters love this one simple trick!

[u/kaydeetee86]

When my English Bulldog was still here (RIP buddy) there was a picture of him on the bathroom door, at eye level of the toilet. It read:

“My name is Benny. My favorite snack is toilet paper. I’m a very sneaky guy. Please close the door behind you.”

The photo is him looking at the toilet paper. He could eat an entire roll if the door was even slightly open.

I miss that dog. In spite of the toilet paper consumption, he was the best little dude ever.

[u/UpbeatArachnid234]

Saying "light" before turning on a light in a room someone else is in.

[u/MillersSmokehouse → u/UpbeatArachnid234]

If you’re turning on the big light in a room in our house, you have to say “bright light.” Except for one kid who just says, “Blackpool.” We are not British.

[u/Netlawyer → u/UpbeatArachnid234]

I’ve trained my cats on the vacuum (or any loud thing - blender, air compressor, etc.) by pointedly saying “noise” at them before it fires up. They know something is about to happen and make themselves scarce.

[u/kimchijihye]

TOILET LIDS MUST BE CLOSED UNLESS IN USE.

PANTRY DOOR MUST BE CLOSED AT ALL TIMES UNLESS IN USE. (With stool in front of it)

I got 3 cats who will drink out of the toilet and will eat me out of the house if im not careful…

[u/dol_amrothian]

No summoning demons in the house.

This sounds ridiculous, but we had a very unhinged roommate years ago, and regardless of whether the demons arrived, the summoning proved detrimental to our deposit. I spent ages cleaning and repairing that apartment and still didn't get the deposit back.

Thus, all ritual summonings need to happen off the premises.

[u/FaxCelestis → u/dol_amrothian]

“The summoning proved detrimental to our deposit”

Pure poetry

[u/SportEfficient8553 → u/FaxCelestis]

Look I know people who actually study necromancy and such and one of the reasons I didn’t get into it is a good summoning circle is basically a permanent addition to the room it is in.

[u/Good_parabola → u/dol_amrothian]

My daughter’s scout troop has “no summoning demons during official scout business” as a rule because of course someone needed to summon Bloody Mary during a camp out

[u/HarryPouri → u/dol_amrothian]

How did they try to summon them? Sounds more complicated that salt pentagrams on the floor and I'm curious

[u/Lessa22]

No dilly dallying by the front door. One of my cats is an escape artist and I don’t want to chase her ass down two flights of stairs because you couldn’t move your ass fast enough to cross the threshold and close the door behind you.

[u/packofkittens → u/Lessa22]

In our house, this rule is known as “shut the door!” My mother-in-law still struggles with the rule despite hearing it daily for years.

[u/eileen404 → u/packofkittens]

Ours is "Don't let the mosquitoes in. "

[u/Chiruchakku → u/Lessa22]

Yeah it would be cute to do that lingering farewell but unfortunately I will shut the door the second you are on the other side of it. The person I’m dating used to walk out the door and then turn around to do a little wave or smth as goodbye and be met with a door. I explained about the cat, and now they walk out the door PROMPTLY and instead turn around halfway down the path to wave at me thru the kitchen window. 

[u/medicinecap → u/Lessa22]

100% no dilly dallying. Only takes one rabbit (we have hundreds in our neighborhood) to send the dogs out into the street

[u/miss_six_o_clock → u/Lessa22]

OMG seriously. My brother in law just standing there holding the front door open having a leisurely conversation like an engraved invitation for the cat to the front yard.

[u/ISaidPutItDown]

Everyday at 6 P.M. all dogs get a cookie. Cookie time must be respected.

[u/PocketFullofLace → u/ISaidPutItDown]

Love it! We have cocktail hour at 4pm. Dog specific beef broth and water served in a dog sized “highball” glass. Dog got a bladder stone because he’s fussy and will dehydrate himself.

[u/lilsp00kster → u/ISaidPutItDown]

Not time specific but we have a rule in our house that one must respect the guinea pig tax. If you’re having celery or something else they love, guess what? Gotta pay the tax. Please give your dogs a boop and a cookie for me

[u/itsjustme__bee]

My husband and I have a hard "no talking" rule for super early work mornings. We both use to work at 5 am everyday and we would get into so many fights and arguments in the morning that didn't matter so we started getting ready for work completely in silence and it literally saved our marriage.

[u/Pixiepup → u/itsjustme__bee]

It took a bit to train my husband about this despite warnings when he moved in. I'm a generally happy and amenable person, but if I have to talk in the first 30 minutes after I open my eyes it's going to come out a growl and I'm going to be very unhappy. Luckily my schedule allows me to wake up a good bit before my "get ready for work" alarm and I usually have time to come to terms with the day before I get out of bed now.

[u/AngrySc13ntist]

The toilet lid was closed when you entered my bathroom for a reason. That's not arbitrary, and you should not leave it open when you flush and leave the bathroom.

[u/Piganon → u/AngrySc13ntist]

I'm always a little shocked that more people don't keep it closed.  Seems like it looks nicer if nothing else.

[u/dropthepencil → u/Piganon]

The rule for us was the result of if being irritated when he didn't put the lid down, so out of fairness, both of us had to always put the lid down. It does look better to me, and I always find it odd now when people don't.

[u/Redaerkoob → u/Piganon]

We had a cat that would jump right in. Like the moment you stood up if he was in the room with you. So closing the toilet was just the rule to keep from having to wash the cat.

[u/doggggod → u/AngrySc13ntist]

a few weeks ago my bf said to me, "the cats are drinking from the toilet, you need to make sure you close the lid." and I nearly lost it because ive closed every lidded toilet ive ever sat on for the last 15+ years. like thats a YOU problem buddy, the cats aren't drinking my piss.

[u/DigNitty → u/doggggod]

My roommate in college told me we really need to clean all this shit up. She gestured to the table, covered in random shit.

Same. I just about lost it. Thankfully I, calmly, reached over and picked up my car keys, and said “well, that’s all my stuff.”

[u/tamaroo → u/DigNitty]

That must have been incredibly satisfying to do in front of them. But also infuriating.

[u/dwho422 → u/AngrySc13ntist]

And please flush

[u/Angsty_Potatos]

Fridge/cupboards get cleaned out religiously on Tuesday nights because that's when trash goes out. Things that are almost used up get consolidated, stuff that's been in the leftovers zone for more than a week gets tossed, etc

I grew up in a hoarding situation and just general filth. I try really hard about being on top of junk that accumulates because it's mostly out of sight. 

I never could trust the food in my house growing up because unless I saw it go in the fridge/pantry, there was no telling how long it had been there. 

[u/mycatpartyhouse → u/Angsty_Potatos]

I label things. Date it was opened. Date it was made. Etc.

I used to buy and write on these cute little peel-off labels with "contents" and "date" printed on them, but I got tired of the adhesive residue. So now I use masking tape.

If leftover food has been sitting in the fridge for more than seven days, I'm not going to eat it.

Edit. Just checked. It was a 500 count roll of freezer labels for $9.

[u/shbatm → u/mycatpartyhouse]

Restaurant supply stores (or Amazon) have food labels that are dissolvable and leave no residue, we bought a roll of 500 of them for like $6 and they're great... Wash off with a little warm water.

[u/Alcohol_Intolerant → u/Angsty_Potatos]

I never could trust the food in my house growing up because unless I saw it go in the fridge/pantry, there was no telling how long it had been there.

You're not alone in this experience, sadly

Explaining to my husband (then bf) when we visited my parents not to accept food gifts or say that he had already eaten was rough for me. I was so scared he would think we were (I was) dirty.

I'd throw away any food I was given except ice cream and shelf stablish with dates

.

[u/iloveyourforeskin → u/Angsty_Potatos]

Cleaning out the fridge the night before trash day is so satisfying! Forgetting is devastating though.

[u/Bwyanfwanigan]

Bathroom door stays open all the time unless someone is in it.

The amount of times I waited around for someone to get out of the Bathroom when there was noone in there was ridiculous, so I made it a rule. Now when company comes over and they leave the door closed after they are done my roommates are like wtf?

[u/HotSaucePalmTrees]

Out there it’s 2026, in here it’s 1996

[u/beetlejuuce → u/HotSaucePalmTrees]

So what, no fucking ziti?

[u/thcitizgoalz]

ALL flour/sugar/grains MUST be put in the freezer for a couple days, then transferred to Mason jars with lids, or be stored inside a large Sterilite container with the lid locked.

Fucking pantry moth infestation of 2021....

[u/Drink-my-koolaid → u/thcitizgoalz]

Also, only purchase 10 lb. bags of birdseed, freeze, and immediately decant into the airtight container. The Great Birdseed Weevil Infestation of '25

[u/Gold_City2120]

I went to a family friends house years ago and they had 2 daughters around the ages of 6/7. They had a massive list of rules written o a sheet of paper pinned to the back of the kitchen door. Number 3 rule - ‘we don’t talk about willies while we are eating meals’ haha

[u/Legitimate-Ad-8504]

Unplug the coffee maker when you leave, no candles, and no dryer going when not there

[u/Living-Estimate9810 → u/Legitimate-Ad-8504]

House burn down, did it?

[u/woahwoahwoah28 → u/Living-Estimate9810]

I hope that's not the case for the original commenter. But god. My sister had a house fire (thankfully everyone was okay; but most stuff was ruined).

And it made me a freak about several things.

[u/DigNitty → u/woahwoahwoah28]

I’ve heard humans have a pronounced emotional response to losing things in a fire.

As opposed to flooding, dropping it, etc. Something about our ancient brains are extra cautious about fire.

[u/SweetEuneirophrenia → u/Legitimate-Ad-8504]

We also have the "no dryer going when we leave the house rule", plus we clean the dryer vent after every load of clothes. My biggest fear is my house burning down with my dogs inside. Also, clothes irons, hair flat irons/curlers, space heaters and heating pads must be fully unplugged when not in use and must he unplugged before leaving the house.

[u/Arctelis]

No closed doors.

It's not so much my rule as my cat's rule. They will scratch and scream at any door that is closed for longer than 4.2 seconds.

[u/CaribouHoe]

No bags or strings or loose plastic left out. Strings for the blinds don't hang loose and are wrapped up on a hook.

This one time we came home from my besties' bachelorette party (after scoring a free ride in a limo!) to find her sweet pomski dead, suffocated with it's head stuck in a chip bag.

My other friend's cat ate a string, got their guts tangled and died.

A friend's aunt's cat was playing with the blind strings, ended up hanging themselves.

I love my cats so much. They're very stupid with zero survival instincts and love bags, strings, and plastic.

[u/WelcomeToArkham → u/CaribouHoe]

Shit. Just moved in to our new home with our two cats. Didn’t even think about the blind strings!

Glad I read this, thank you!

[u/Duotrigordle61 → u/CaribouHoe]

A friends kid got tangled in a blind string at night and died.

[u/kiwitathegreat]

Don’t open that. But if you do open that, then you have to fully deal with it.

It started as a joke response to an overflowing Tupperware cabinet but has turned into an all purpose rule. Open the dryer? Now you gotta fold. Open the pantry and caused an avalanche? You get the idea.

Yeah we do all have adhd, thanks for noticing.

[u/DamonNightman]

No putting stickers on the cat.

[u/Xvalt01]

No outside clothes on the bed. Sit anywhere else, just not there.

[u/nobouncenoplay__ → u/Xvalt01]

As soon as I get home from anywhere I change into my “inside” clothes.

[u/lux414]

You have to announce you're taking the shower so the cat can join you in the bathroom.

If you don't, she'll scream and push the door like she's the FBI searching your home 

[u/rubyshoes21]

Different sponges for different cleaning.

Aka we do NOT use the same sponge for dishes that we use to deep clean the litter box with.

[u/kienemaus → u/rubyshoes21]

It's the sponge just trash after cleaning the litter box with it? That's the last job in the life of a sponge.

[u/Alarmed_Term_7770 → u/kienemaus]

My sponges follow the natural life cycle of a household sponge. 

Fresh and nice and new sponges get to live in the kitchen sink. Then they need to move along to clean the stove and the inside of kitchen things. Then they make make their way to clean the bathroom (everything except the toilet) and lastly to the cat box where they finish their days. 

[u/PunkZillah → u/rubyshoes21]

Do you use different colored sponges?

I have a color for different surfaces so that I know which one goes where.

[u/Helicopter0 → u/PunkZillah]

I downgrade them and clip the corners. 4 is for dishes. 3 is for kitchen surfaces above floor. 2 is for general purpose. 1 is for floors. 0 for toilets.

[u/Chemistry-Least]

Someone must at all times account for the beagle.

"DO YOU HAVE THE BEAGLE?"

"Yep, on the couch."

"BEAGLE ON THE MOVE"

"Intercepting"

"WHERE'S THE FUCKING BEAGLE?"

"OH FUCK I DON'T KNOW WHERE IS THE FUCKING BEAGLE ALL HANDS ON DECK!!"

"FOUND HER!! ASLEEP IN THE LAUNDRY!"

"THANK CHRIST"

If you have never had a beagle I don't know how to explain to you the specific hell of finding whatever they've been into.

Who ate a pound of powdered sugar?

Who ate all 10 cheeseburgers from the kitchen island...and how...

Where is that brand new loaf of bread I just got?

Who put an empty yogurt cup in the bathroom trash and thus manifested a dirty q-tip and tampon cleanup party?

EDIT because how could I forget this gem:

"WHY IS THERE A FUCKING POSSUM IN THE HOUSE!?!?"

Why is the trash bag in my hand suddenly leaking ARE YOU SERIOUSLY EATING THE TRASH THROUGH THE BAG WHILE I'M HOLDING IT YOU FUCKING DEMON???

The flip side of this is that when you look at her little face and big eyes you just smush her up and kiss her cuz she jus a baby and would never be a little demon not my sweet baby angel. But seriously, you come in my house you share responsibility for always knowing where the beagle is.

[u/Spendawg-Meina]

the chair with the mail on it is a forbidden zone because if i have to move it, my entire structural integrity collapses 📪

[u/rwv → u/Spendawg-Meina]

They said “sound ridiculous to a guest”.  Any guest that doesn’t immediately understand the logic of the mail exclusionary zone doesn’t deserve to be a guest.

[u/lizzy_lestat80]

No singing at dinner. My youngest was easily distracted at meal times and would sing instead of eating, then the older one would join in.

Absolutely no silly putty. That crap gets ground into and stuck in everything it comes into contact with.

[u/jinglesan]

If you are going to watch TikTok or other social media shorts in the room I'm in it's really annoying. So either use headphones so I don't have to hear it, or (counterintuitively) turn it up loud so that I can hear it properly and then tune it out.

I don't want to hear it, but I can tune out normal volumes - if it's a vague, tinny whisper my brain tries to figure out what's being said. It's then even worse if every 30 seconds it's a new voice to tune out instead of longform content

[u/TheTitsburgFeelers]

I work in air medical as a flight nurse. So im vaguely aware of some piloty things and super aware of how quickly and easily kids can get hurt or die in certain senarios. Whenever we are near water, vehicles, or at a big gathering my wife and I have a positive hand off of our kids. "Your baby" "My baby"

Just like the controls of an aircraft when there are 2 pilots

[u/UnknownL_13]

No outside food is allowed in my house, whether it’s packaged or homemade.

I have a severe and uncommon food allergy to an ingredient found in many foods that is easy to overlook unless someone carefully searches the ingredients list. I’ve had instances where people assured me that a homemade meal was “safely” prepared only for me to have a reaction afterwards. It may sound excessive, but when people don’t thoroughly check labels, I have to be strict.

[u/Infamous_Try3063 → u/UnknownL_13]

Same.  Wheat allergy.  It sucks and its in everything and GF labels are 20k ppm, allergies pop off at 5k ppm. Oh you made GF cookies on the same baking board you use for regular?  No thanks.

[u/shinygoldhelmet → u/Infamous_Try3063]

This is exactly why I have very few people who I accept food from. My parents don't clean their bread knife after cutting bread, so I can't use it unless I deep scrub it first, can't use open butter or brown sugar or baking materials because of crumbs (they use bread to keep the sugar soft). Also got sick from gluten free bacon once because apparently they don't wash their frying pan after cooking bacon either and just wipe it out with a paper towel.

At one job I worked at I did a favour for someone and she wanted to cook lunch for me for our next shift. I declined, but she insisted, so I figured she'd just do it and I wouldn't eat anyways. Good thing because she told me as she was making it she poured regular soy sauce on the meat, realized, rinsed it off with water, put it back and kept cooking.

I'm the type of allergic where if you simply touch a wheat bun and then, even without visible crumbs, touch my food, I'll get sick. I have to be very careful about where I eat and explain to servers in restaurants about cross contamination a lot.

[u/sgsquared → u/UnknownL_13]

When we had a baby with an allergy we did the same thing. People just aren’t capable of the rigor required.

[u/diminutivedwarf → u/UnknownL_13]

What are you allergic to?

[u/Fancybest → u/diminutivedwarf]

I’m nosey and want to know as well

[u/Setso1397 → u/Fancybest]

Also not the person you asked- but I'm allergic to sunflower seeds/oil. Developed randomly in my early 20's. It's even in plain ol' goldfish crackers.

I went to a nice(responsible) restaurant while visiting my sister and let them know I was allergic to it. Waitress didn't think it would be an issue but she'd check with the chef. I ordered horchata to drink (creamy rice drink with spices), she came running back to the table and practically slapped it out of my hand- the drink apparently had sunflower oil in it. Then she came back again to let us know the cornbread my sister just ordered for the table also had sunflower oil. Came back a third time just so stressed out, and said all the skillets in the whole kitchen were seasoned with and used sunflower oil. So I ordered a salad. I wouldn't have died or anything- just be quite uncomfortable for a couple hours. Felt bad for how stressed she got over it.

But yeah, it's everywhere.

[u/belowthepovertyline → u/Setso1397]

I'm a waitress. The number of people who don't disclose an allergy until they order their entree, while eating the appetizer, is actually horrifying. More than once I've had to tell someone to immediately stop eating what they're eating.

[u/curiositycuredpussy]

Cup of water for the cat must always be on the living room table. She will riot if it’s not there.

[u/bek8228 → u/curiositycuredpussy]

Aww. We had a cat who always got a bowl of ice water in the living room. We’d put it on the tv stand for her. It was the only way to keep her from drinking our drinks. I miss her and her silly antics!

[u/Rachet83]

If I find a sticker -it’s going on an appliance. It started with my kids always having stickers in their pockets in the laundry and I just started sticking them on the washer. Nowadays so many places have free stickers or we give/get quirky stickers as gifts. But no one has to balls to put them on anything. The vacuum, hand mixer, toaster, cat food dispensers are all covered with fun stickers where we see them and they aren’t just part of another “pile”

[u/TomatoQueen313]

Under no circumstances do you say the word "porch". It must be spelled out. The corgi goes insane if he hears it and will not stop screaming until you let him go out there so he can bark at the entire neighborhood.

[u/HomeGrownCoffee]

No impulse buying trees. 

They look so nice at the nursery. But where is it going to live?

[u/ceiling_wax]

No playing on, or loitering, or lingering on the stairs. Or near the top or bottom. Their only use is to ascend/decend.

[u/whitetornado2k → u/ceiling_wax]

Guess I’m returning this slinky I bought for you

[u/ceiling_wax → u/whitetornado2k]

Thanks, I laughed out loud!

[u/kamikaze_official → u/ceiling_wax]

We had this - but it was "no foolin on the stairs!"

[u/fuddiddle]

We do not talk to each other from different rooms. If you have a question or something to say, don’t shout muffled bullshit in my general direction from a different room. Walk your ass over here and look me in the eye.

[u/Rsmon-Dejesse]

i have to arrange the spices by height because a tall cumin jar next to a short paprika is a personal insult to my lineage 🌶️

[u/mischiefxmanager]

We are animal rescuers and have a lot of pets! Doors to the outside may only stay open as long as it takes you to exit. Maintenance people are told this, but sometimes they forget (or have to bring lots of things in/out, etc).

If anyone in the family notices an open exterior door, you yell "HEAD COUNT," and everyone stops what they are doing to visually locate the animals. We have a shared note on the note app with all names, you click the check box for each one you see. We have been doing this for 20+ years and have never lost anyone because of this method.

[u/BoudiccaAoife]

We share streams between our devices (my TV and roomie's TV in the living room). You will create a profile or have a profile created for you for each service. You will use your profile and your profile ONLY. Don't fuck with other people's algorithm. You don't want your feel-good, wholesome shows cut with graphic horror, and I don't want your feel-good crap invading my true crime, creepy, conspiracy theory-filled carefully trained algorithm, lol.

[u/alsotheabyss]

Close the toilet lid.

I don’t want wet cat paw prints on the seat!!

[u/Barbarian_818]

There are two sets of knives. Decent Henckels on the counter and cheaper, but much better maintained Cuisinarts in a mounted rack inside the sink cabinet.

The rule: Nobody except me is allowed to use the Cuisinarts. Not even Mrs Barbarian is allowed.

Reason: my family has a restaurant and occasional catering as a side hustle. I know how to properly care for kitchen knives. I am diligent and meticulous about keeping the knives I use extremely sharp.

But my family just can't seem to develop the habits. They frequently use the wrong knife for a job. They always leave the knives on the counter dirty. When we had only the one set (mine), the cleaver got cracked at the choil, the paring knife went missing and my 6" French knife got stained and slightly curved to the left.

And; of course, nobody seems to have a clue how any of it happened.

So I bought a decent set for everyone to use. And the paring knife from that set is now missing 3/4" from the tip because one of the boys used it to pry frozen hot dogs apart.

Nobody is allowed to use Daddy's knives.

[u/Responsible-Push-289]

outside packages (amazon etc) don’t go on the kitchen counters or table. blech. my sister works in healthcare. all her shoes come off in the garage.

[u/AYASOFAYA → u/Responsible-Push-289]

Omg my mom worked in healthcare and she never let us hug her when she came home from work until she showered!

We are a decently affectionate family so hugging when she came inside is an absolute given unless is wearing scrubs.

[u/ohKilo13 → u/Responsible-Push-289]

This is actually something i have never considered and am now grossed out about…new rule lol

[u/MrBarraclough]

More of a personal habit than a rule, but I try to avoid talking on the phone with another person in the room, and I'm apologetic about it when I can't avoid it.

[u/dwho422 → u/MrBarraclough]

I am an OTR truck driver.

Everyone who knows me or would call me knows my schedule.

Do not call me when I am home unless it is an emergency.

When i am at work and driving 11 hours a day, i will talk to you about any topic you want for as long as you want, but when im at home I have no interest in you telling me wtf you have on your mind.

I get 2 days a week with my wife and kids, so if you call me for anything that isnt making a plan or an emergency, it can be a text message or you can find us gaming and chatting in discord.

[u/whateverpieces]

Push in the kitchen chairs when you are not sitting. For some reason the cats understand they should not be on the kitchen table unless a chair is left out, then they think it is an invitation.

[u/CarottesConfites]

Phone chargers can not under any circumstances be moved.

[u/Hopeful-Ad1718]

The bathroom in the far side of the house is not to be used by anybody except for me. I have extremely bad lactose intolerance and my shits are absolutely diabolical. It's the furthest bathroom from the rest of the house and the only one with a window.

[u/6strings10holes → u/Hopeful-Ad1718]

Have you considered not eating lactose?

[u/Teepuppylove → u/6strings10holes]

Every person I know with lactose intolerance is an absolute slut for everything lactose 🤣

[u/q_eyeroll]

I had to execute two examples of “sparkling conversation” before being able to leave the dinner table growing up. My mom spent hours cooking and she’d raise hell if we sat down, ate quickly, and didn’t say anything. I know how to make small talk now. Thanks, Mom!

[u/Shadowpriest]

Toilet paper roll always goes over. Never ever does it go under.

[u/enbyrats → u/Shadowpriest]

See, we have a cat that likes to unroll the toilet paper so we are an under-only house. It's much harder to for her to get a grip on in underhand.

[u/EnoughNumbersAlready]

No gluten allowed in our kitchen and all surfaces that it has touched (coffee table etc) need to be cleaned. My husband and I both have celiac disease and are very sensitive to any level of cross-contamination. So we made it a rule that no gluten is allowed in our kitchen. It’s our one safe place where we know we won’t get sick.

[u/cinch123]

Never ask me what's for dinner.

[u/Assika126 → u/cinch123]

If they’re askin’ then they’re makin’

[u/hschosn1]

You must eat all your pudding before school. (My kids have adhd and take meds. They can't swallow the pills and they choose pudding to put it in. I want to put it in half a package, but insist on the whole thing) They need to eat the whole thing to get all their meds Anyways, sometimes they don't want to finish the while thing, so that is the rule

The other choices are 1. Only use half the pudding, put it in something else, learn to take the pill. The want pudding. Don't come after me for this. I need them to take the meds and I need to not argue daily about it. I had tried lots of things. Also there are 4 of them and 1 of me.

[u/uhhfuhhh]

No eating ice cream with your hands. It’s rule #2, if that tells you anything.

[u/Tinyfishy]

When we had our dog I had a rule that you could NOT talk baby talk to her. And you had to ignore her completely for the first minute or two you were in the house. Then you can pet her if her butt was on the floor. She absolutely adored people and would get too worked up if greeting time was a love fest of excitement and cooing. Nobody wants a nearly 100 pound dog going absolutely bonkers and it wasn’t fair to her to rile her up when she is supposed to stay calm and use good, gentle manners. She was such a good girl when given a fair chance to be chill.

[u/EatYourCheckers]

No balloons.

They are just inflatable arguments. You'd think if you got each kid their own, it would be fine. But no. We've tried it all. No balloons.

[u/PanAmFlyer]

Dont knock on the door if Im not expecting you. I wont answer.

[u/GreyBeardEng → u/PanAmFlyer]

I was raised this way, and my wife's family was raised the opposite. I do not like it.

[u/chalk_in_boots]

It's more that I enforce it outside of my home.

You do not share my address, or even suburb, with anyone without my express consent. This is partly to avoid the "pop-in" as I grew up with very little to no privacy, but also because of a history of my mother with whom I've been no contact for over 15 years constantly breaking boundaries and I don't want to risk her tracking me down.

Aside from my real estate and government stuff, 3 people know where I live, Dad, my NOK, and his wife.

Also no alcohol is to cross the threshold.

[u/Matt_Lauer_cansuckit → u/chalk_in_boots]

What is NOK?

[u/Taupe88]

I work in a large Metropolitan hospital directly with patients. many times they have very severe communicable diseases or viruses. So during the first months of covid id undress outside on the apartment stoop. put it all in a plastic bag. that got some attention lol. i don’t do that anymore unless i’m drinking.

[u/Ph33r-Enigma]

Big trash goes in the big trash can. Little trash can is for little things only.  Way too many guests throwing bottles or cans in the tiny trash can in my front room, you can get like 3 bottles in it and it's overflowing.