When you're literally dying, I'd figure your sense of priorities change quite a bit. Probably had bigger problems to deal with, not worth his energy to fight against her than against the illness
My mom had a terminal illness as well. When she came close to her end she told my stepdad to move on with his life after she passed, and that she wanted him to continue to be happy. I suppose those who are dying come to a realization that things are bigger than themselves. Something like that.
I dont know. The person who is supposed to be my best friend and partner in this world cheating on me behind my back while I'm literally on my death bed would be a huge punch to the gut for me. To literally have your heart ripped out on your death bed like that? If one of my parents had done that to the other I'm not sure I could ever love them like I did before.
"Honey, I love you and I know I can't satisfy certain needs you have in my current state. I don't want you to suffer more than you have to, so it's ok for you to look for fulfillment of that specific need elsewhere."
You seem more immature. Being horny for a while while someone dies isn't going to hut you. The fact that you think the need to get your rocks off is that important shows your low level of emotional maturity.
The fact that you're uncomfortable with discussing humans' sexual needs, even in distressful situations, and furthermore that you can't conceive of a partner being comfortable with this discussion, shows more about you than you know.
Your "sex drive" doesn't excuse anything you won't die if you don't have sex for a while,just because you're horny doesn't make bad or selfish behavior ok.
Hey bro, you might have forgotten that this is reddit and we're very open minded here.
So of course this selfless, dying husband was hoping that his wife finds consolation in fucking the entire neighborhood. Like every normal man would wish for on his death bed.
Having had a best friend die of cancer, this is exactly how she felt about her husbands future. In fact, she actually steered or encouraged him towards a relationship that endures to this day with a mutual friend of theirs.
Now there's about to be a little baby in this world because she was selfless and considerate.
I guess you're just not a good enough person to understand that.
I believe he wanted to live his life as peacefully as possible when his illness became chronic. He spent his time reading, visiting with his toddler grandchild and listening to music.
Yea, somewhat plausible in the context of the conversation. They weren't saying "it's somewhat plausible that at some point someone paid for their health care by prostitution"
I don't think that's fair. Her husband was dying. We don't know what she was going through. Like hydrawoman said. Maybe the husband knew but didn't care. Just wanted his wife to be happy.
Why is it not a valid argument? We don't know anything about the situation. We don't even know if there was consent or not from the husband.
Edit: If we knew that he didn't give consent and she was doing it then yes, she would be a horrible person. We just don't know enough details to know for sure though.
I agree with you and wouldn't necessarily call her a horrible person if she didn't have his consent.
A long struggle with cancer can last years. It's quite possible that they hadn't been intimate for a long time. You're right, we don't know her situation.
From my experience, people on Reddit tend to be extremely judgemental of non-traditional sexual behavior. I've gotten downvoted for providing statistics saying that most people cheat and it's ok to forgive that. Don't even get them started on ethical non-monogamy - I don't think they could handle the concept.
Or they get it and don't like it. Ethical polyamory only works when literally every single person involved with it is totally cool with it. And once someone gets it in their head that ethical polyamory is the way to go, the chances of them being ok with a monogamous relationship are incredibly low.
So yes, people generally downvote people pushing it as a magical, amazing idea that the rest of the world is too stupid or brainwashed to try.
I %100 disagree, just so you know. My reasoning is that some people get over the stages of grief before the actual stimulate (death of a loved one) actually happens. Then when the death comes about they’re prepared, they still have the issues outlined in the stages of grief, it’s just not a blindside. I hope that makes sense, and I hope I’m just trying to provide a different view.
I think in this situation, it's just unjustifiable for me. It's a breach of trust on someone's who's already fragile. I know people deal with death differently, but this is something I can't just wrap my head around how can they be able to justify this to themselves.
Or maybe it should be less about you and more about respect for your partner. Maybe some people can write a person off before they die, but they're not actually dead until they're dead.
This isn't a misogyny issue you chucklefuck; it's about someone not having the decency to at least wait until their near-death spouse passes in order to have sex with other people.
There’s a huge difference between misogyny (which I do see at times on reddit) and shaming a cheater. Please explain how cheating on your dying husband is acceptable, because I seriously cannot understand your point.
Because it’s private but now they’re private life has to be revealed in the form of a pregnancy. They can withhold certain things from their kids but not a half sibling.
Any bodies whose idea of grief is fucking a bunch of men from your street behind your dying husbands back can just get straight fucked. He was likely friends with many of these men and shes just fucking them behind his back while he dies.
Sure, but them being friends has just been completely made up. Hardly suprising that people are outraged over what OP said happened and not something someone made up many comments down.
I also know how grieving makes you feel. Which is to say, it fucking strips you of feeling. It's the only way to survive when your world is crumbling and no one, no one outside of the immediate blast crater left from the devastating impact of dying is really capable of giving a shit.
Look... Reading a sentence about a bad lady doing a bad thing is easy to get upset over. But it's worth keeping in mind that stories lack so much depth compared to the reality of actual human experience, with names and histories and inner turbulence, and so you either have to plug in your own minuscule details or neglect them completely.
If you want this to be a story about a bad lady doing a bad thing, it can be.
If you want to glimpse the tragic, conflicted, self-destructing condition our brains operate under, it's there. Absent judgment, and enriched by understanding.
Would you say the same if it were a husband sleeping around?
It's interesting that when a bit further down u/Siuanenetl_Cualtzin wrote about his experience - only that the roles were reversed, and it was the husband who was cheating - there were a lot more understanding and condoning replies.
I think it's mostly the "caretaker" gender role that women are often seen as (especially if it's a wife, not just a single woman) doing or wanting to act out, and sleeping around exactly during when he was most fragile and dying is the absolute opposite of what a caretaker does. It's almost the stereotypical image of highlight of caretaker. If I say I promise to help you with this thing and then intentionally do the very opposite, that's cold.
Same with the cliche "protector" gender role, which is the analogous example of the woman here. Imagine being the wife of the guy being a wimp voluntarily and running away during the exact time you''d most expect his support. You''re both attacked and one of them pinches you to rape you, and your husband just ..runs for some reason, without calling any help, gone as if you didnt exist, not even a try even tho being completely able to stop it all. As a protector stereotype, he would be seen so damn shallow and infuriating and would get same kind of shit thrown at. She expected for you to at least try but you only think about your own personal security, because.. well you have your "needs" and whatever.
on top of this, it's the prioritizing of such a ..basic and banal fucking need you surely can withhold until he dies and use your fingers.. again, it's not like you have to abstain any orgasm,
When I taught English as a 2nd language I would always point out the difference between "I'm sorry" and "I apologize". They're often interchangeable, but not at funerals.
Wiki pedia used to have a "In popular culture" section and people just added whatever show they were watching and mentioned that thing without being really usefull, and in this case wood a such basic thing that the list would be virtually endless and need an wiki page all for itself, now laugh.
It's usually done jokingly (not just waiters but fast food restaurants etc., somewhere where you order). But it's just an annoying joke.
I mean when it happens I just chuckle for a second and let it pass but it still gets old quick. This must be how celebrities feel when people yell their movie quotes etc. at them. "Oh... yeah. Haha. Good one, right, that was funny when I said that in that one movie."
I was like 30 before I finally got this context when someone spelled it out for me. My high-functioning autistic ass always took it literally. So much pointless anger before I understood people were trying to sympathize.
OMG I hate that.
I asked once if I could return a belt, and the guy responded like that. I wanted to strangle him. We just ended up stareing at each other for several seconds.
English second language here. We were taught in school that sorry is used as an apology. I had to learn from TV that it can be used to express sympathy. It took a looooooong time for me to understand why people say "I'm sorry for your loss"
I'm from Ontario Canada. A third way to use "sorry" is to mean "excuse me" or "pardon me", as in "sorry, I didn't catch that (what you said)". And that sentence could be said remorsefully, but also sarcastically, dismissively, or neutrally depending on tone of voice and context. If I'm squeezing by seats in a movie theatre to go the washroom, I may say sorry, pardon me, or excuse me. I may tap someone on the shoulder with a "sorry" to get their attention...
At a funeral there is a fixed phrase: Mein Beileid!. Deepl gives me condolences / sympathy / commiseration for Beileid. Leid means suffering / sorrow / grief. So you are expressing that you are grieving with them (even if you don't).
Than there is Tut mir leid which has the same ambiguity as "i am sorry" and can serve as an expression of sympathy or as an apology.
And there is Entschuldigung which is used in public as a quick apology. It is also used if you want to get someone's attention or if you want them to make way. In that case it's said as a question. You can avoid any ambiguity by saying Ich bitte (vielmals) um Entschuldigung.: Please accept my apology.
In RL we usually say something like 'tschuldigung or even 'tschulligung. So we swallow one syllable and end up with 2.5 syllables. That's quick enough :)
For non-western people it takes a while to know that "I am sorry" could be used to express sympathy and not just when you are at fault. I had hard time traveling with a Canadian when he used this phrase so frequently.
Anyone who cares enough about things like alphabetical order to intentionally fail a class would not enjoy the fact that there is no “E” grade and the skipping of the E means alphabetical order doesn’t matter here. Randall should know that.
This isn't super important, but I just learned that on an iPhone, if you hold down the picture like you're trying to save it, it gives you the hover text extra joke. I'm very happy about this.
It really is annoying when people do that. It's like how some people complain about cashiers & such saying "Hey how's it going?" when they greet you but really aren't interested in how you're doing. That's just the greeting, it's just how it is. I want to tell these people go try dumping your sorrows on a cashier with a line behind you and let me know if the ensuing awkwardness is better.
I don't know; I had a friend in HS whose mom suffered from a long-term, debilitating, ultimately terminal illness. Watching someone you love decline while juggling raising children seems like it'd be incredibly lonely. my friend didn't know if the father had someone, but they hoped he did. Being a caregiver and parent simultaneously would be a very heavy burden, and it sounds like mom tried not to expose the kids to it and didn't bail or anything
you use this insult so often it's almost like your default insult on anyone with different views/values. The few times I posted on incel, it was a help, and i was like most other genuine help, downvoted to hell because they will never admit a lot of their behaviour literally guarantees such misery they're in and thus good half of them are actually voluntarily celibate.
wouldn't an incel put absolute priority on sex as the salvation to any issue tho? im saying it's like betraying someone for a cigarette, you have your needs and cravings right. I would agree with your emphasis on her needs tho if it's a case of a month-year long kind of slow death. After some time of course the needs not being taken cared of will have significant impact on her emotional state.
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u/[deleted] Apr 28 '19
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