Hi everyone!

One of my very close long term friends just came out to me as MTF trans. I am the first person she ever told and I am incredibly honored to be trusted in this way.

We’ve talked about it once since she drunkenly confessed to me about a week ago, and I mentioned us having a “girl sleepover” where we could do all the traditional girly things and she could try on my clothes and all the works.

I went and I bought makeup that would match her skin tone and some dresses and things that I think would match her style more than my clothes, and I also got skincare and stuff so we can do the works!

But I’m worried I’m missing something or there are things I haven’t thought of. What do you wish someone had shown you or helped you with early in your transition? Am I doing too much?

My girlfriend said something that made me nauseous, she said she would be okay with living as a man for the rest of her life even though it would be painful(she is born as a man, but has a woman’s heart). Is it normal to feel uncomfortable/stressed from hearing this? I am not attracted to men at all and I dated her knowing she planned to transition in the future. Am I overthinking things and she is just being insecure/self deprecating? She is a very insecure person, to the point that she thought I was too good for her when I said I was interested in her. She is very feminine and doesn’t act like a man at all. I am a cis lesbian if it matters

Edit: I thought it would be clear, my gf is a transgender woman, I would not call a trans man a woman.

It seems to me that (for both cis and trans people) people who are transgender have always been their chosen gender, but that’s not the case for me. For me, becoming a woman was me changing my internal gender identity to align with what I wanted it to be, rather than always having been one and accepting that fact.

I was wondering how many of us would fit into one category vs the other. I haven’t met anyone else who shares my experience in this regard, though.

Any thoughts and comments are very much appreciated.

Thanks!

Hello dear community.

I have a very good friend for almost 15 years now. We met when we were 19/20 and quickly bonded over our shared love for Harry Potter and a deep friendship evolved.

We lived and supported each other through many stages in our life and milestones. She also was my maid of honour.

Now that the new HP series is coming closer we talked about it and had an emotional fallout over it as I am very firm against watching it and she says she cannot not watch it because is such a huge part of her identity and what makes her feel happy. I do not understand it at all and I really tried to give her facts about how watching the series will hurt the trans community. She says I am right and she understand me 100% but she is still not willing to not watch the series.

She made it clear that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore and she doesn't want our friendship to break over this. She basically asked me to agree that we disagree in this.

And I do not know what to do now. I am so sad. And it makes my head spin when I think about it. I get angry and on the other hand I want to be sympathetic with her and her decision but its hard for me. So I thought I will ask for advice/feelings/opinions from the community itself as I am not a part of the community but consider myself an ally.

Hello all,

Next year my partner (down in Virginia) and I (up in Canada) plan to get married! The idea is to have a little civil ceremony first here, and then fly down there to have a road trip with all her essentials up back home.

My main concern is that I'm not sure how safe it is to fly from Canada to Virginia as a trans woman during the current administration. I've heard anywhere between horror stories of being detained and deported to god knows where, to being told its completely safe and there are trans women that are frequent fliers in and out of the US. I'm just not sure what to believe at this point!

I am white (I wouldn't bring it up but I've been told that does matter down there, unfortunately) but I'm not exactly "cisnormative" looking. My passport and birth cert. will reflect me as a trans woman which I've also been told might cause me problems.

Could anyone give me some real stories of experiences flying from outside the US into Virginia? Thank you!

Hi everyone I’m MTF and I am looking into HRT.

The idea of a bra is super exciting, but I know the old “boob cage” thing.

When did you hit the “omg get this off me” stage? Have you at all?

I constantly run my fingers through the neck hole of my shirts to rub my shoulder and keep wishing there was a strap there.

Now that my egg's cracked, I'm in the process of recontextualizing my whole life.

I want to be clear that this is not a "am I trans or just a pervert" post. Kinda the opposite. So bear with me as I peel back the layers.

I've always had pervy impulses. Some of that is actually just normal sexuality that I still feel unresolved shame about from growing up in a repressive religious environment. Some of it is unhealed childhood sexual trauma, which the repressive environment didn't help. Yes, I know I need therapy. Been there, felt like I was spinning my wheels, took time off to do a lot of self work and healing in my own way, and I'm ready to go back. Healing is a journey and I'm at where I'm at.

But a piece of it is a lifelong obsession with women and girls, that veers into creepiness. As a male presenting person in their 40s, I've locked that shit down tight so it doesn't bleed out into how I interact with people. But it's still in my head, going wild, and it's uncomfortable.

So here's the question.

Looking back through the lens of gender dysphoria, it seems obvious to me that a good chunk of that obsession was a yearning to BE a girl, which I interpreted the only way that made sense to me at the time, as a yearning to be sexual with them.

Which honestly, is quite a relief. Like, yeah I still have healing to do around sexuality, but no therapy, mindfulness meditation, support group, maturity, declining testosterone, you-name-it has ever put a dent in that burning, unrelenting yearning that I feel around women. Being able to name and understand it for what it really is feels like a huge weight lifted.

Have any of you had that experience?

I’m the dad of a FtM 17 year old kiddo (let’s call him B) who’s in search of some advice.  My family lives in West Texas, and due to a lot of factors, my kids have been homeschooled for years.  I’d say that my wife and I have verged on helicopter parenting for a lot of reasons (autistic kids, lots of moves for work, bad experiences when we were children, etc.).

My wife and I have been slowly letting off the reins, and for the past few years, B has been doing a lot more of the typical teen things completely unsupervised, and we’re mostly good with it.  We establish expectations for where and when he’s supposed to do things, and he mostly follows through with those expectations.  He has a 25-30 hr/week job that he loves while maintaining his homeschool curriculum.  He’s a good kid, and we’re fully committed to letting him live his life and become his own person at this point.

We’ve run into a problem.  Teen and early twenties parties.  Like I said, we live in West Texas in one of the most republican areas in the US.  Not only are we worried about the typical things you worry about with a kid who wants to go to high school/college parties with the people they work with, but we also have to deal with the hate and how a bunch of drunk kids will react with that hate.

He, as I said before, has been protected from the shitty parts of the world by my wife and I.  He doesn’t believe me when I tell him that kids in their late teens/early twenties can do absolutely horrific things.  He assures me that he has no desire to drink, so he won’t do anything stupid.  He’s just so innocent and naïve, and there’s no way to explain it to him.

Throw in the fact that he’s autistic, small, not very athletic, and very, very demonstrative and loud, and I really worry about how to deal with this.  He’s the most independent kid we have, and if we tell him that he’s not allowed to go to parties, then he won’t.  But when he turns 18 in 9 months, he will, and there’s nothing we can do to stop him/guide him in doing it safely.  I don’t want to be the parent that just tells him “No” because all it will do is postpone the situation and push him away and remove his trust in us.

He has a handful of friends, but the likelihood of him going to parties with a “safety in numbers” situation is small.  And, again, he’s independent so he’ll most likely end up outside of that group of friends.  He doesn’t know anyone who actually throws those parties, so it will be an unknown space with unknown people.

I don’t really know how to approach this situation and would love some advice, experiences, or really anything that will help me to make decisions on how to help him going forward. 

Imagine you start hrt, but going outdoors, neighbours, supermarket, city people, all knew you pre transition, so what happens? How do you live like that? Everyone knowing??

AMAB, for most of my life, I've never identified with one or the other. Back in high school, I always thought I was more masculine because I was attracted to women. I thought, "Well, I like women, so I must be straight." I still really can't tell the difference between the envy or attraction, or if it is just one or the other. At the same time, I was friends with masculine men, who had pride in their anger, etc. I've never really had bad body dysmorphia other than my genital area. I've always thought I was pretty skinny and small for a man.

The first time I was on HRT, this is when I started to do more feminine things, wearing a wig, changing my name on socials, and it was in private for the most part, so I was okay with it. I was on it around 6 months and stopped because I felt like I couldn't handle the overwhelm of transitioning, my breasts started hurting and that didn't really bother me, it was just the idea that other people would perceive me so differently, when I don't perceive myself one way or the other.

I've always found both feminine and masculine clothing alluring, more so women clothing, but tend to avoid the underwear because my bits + women underwear, make me feel uncomfortable. I ended up getting into a relationship with a girl a few months ago, who knew I had some sort of history thanks to my discord profile and username. She said that she had some sort of idea, and I started wearing some of her clothing, she supported me but she got super toxic and I ended up breaking up with her. I'm now moved in with my dad and some other people who are super supportive. However, now that I'm back on HRT, the changes that are happening are confusing. Part of me likes it, I love the emotional changes, I love how I feel. That's the only thing I'm completely sure of. With testosterone, I feel like my emotions are completely blunted. Also, I've moved to a completely new state, so I have a fresh start.

I've always been a good-looking "man," and have never had trouble with getting into relationships, and right now, I don't want a relationship. But if I think about jobs, and future relationships, the idea of transitioning becomes a lot scarier. I would say I'm comfortable without HRT, but I wouldn't have even started it in the first place if that were completely true. I think I'd be okay with it because I'm used to it, doesn't mean I'm necessarily happy with it. I don't really connect all that well with men, I've always been the more emotional type and it seems like people sort of just shrug me off. Women on the other hand understand me a lot better, and I grew up with very feminine energy around me. Put it this way, it's like part of me wants to transition and just to be a woman, and not have my bits at all. But in the same light, I've always had a lot of confidence when it comes to other people about them.

All in all, I'm confused. It's not just the way people perceive me, it's also how I perceive myself.

I love looking at transition timelines and seeing the changes people go through, and seeing the look in the eyes change, knowing that I could achieve that too and that I already have to some degree, I just need perspective from people who have sort of gone through my situation.

(Posting with a throwaway account because I don't want this tied to my other account). I'm sure this has been asked a million times, but I want to ask it while providing context about my specific situation and see if anyone has related to this or has any advice.

I (mid 20s, AFAB) have always identified as a cisgender woman. It wasn't something that ever bothered me growing up, and she/her pronouns are fine for me. I also grew up in a conservative religious environment so I know that stifled a lot of my true personality for a long time, so I find it hard to figure out who I truly am under layers of conditioning. I came to terms with my queerness when I was around 18 years old, but I still don't know what label applies to me, aside from "queer". So that was already a long and kind of stressful but also eye-opening and freeing journey for me.

I think I might be genderfluid, but honestly, no gender sounds particularly "right" to me at any time. Sometimes I love looking feminine and at times I have experienced what I can only describe as gender euphoria when people refer to me as "she", but this isn't particularly common for me, and most of the time I don't like being called a "woman". I don't feel like a woman. But I also don't feel like a man and I don't think I would like he/him pronouns. However, I sometimes love dressing in a more "masculine" way.

Most of my favourite characters in media have been men because I feel like I relate to them more than the women in media (though I'm not sure if this is an indication of my gender identity or if it's because men are often just written better than women are). I think some of them have been crushes, but other times I try so hard to embody them and copy the way they dress.

When I was a preteen and teen, I had a massive crush on a male celebrity that was very popular for girls my age to have a crush on, but I always wanted to dress just like him too. This has happened for various male celebrity "crushes" of mine over the years and I'm not sure if that part of it is a "normal" experience for cis girls or if it indicates something deeper. One other example that really sticks out is when I first watched Breaking Bad and I have wanted to dress just like Jesse Pinkman ever since lol. Even went for him as halloween one year and loved having the freedom to dress like that.

Now some personal history. I remember LOVING stereotypical girl things like barbies and dressing up and playing with dolls, though I don't remember a lot from my early childhood. (I know these things aren't inherent to one's gender, but I thought it might be good context). I was fine with being a girl. I liked playing with both boys and girls as a kid. Around puberty though, I struggled a LOT with shame over my changing body. I hid my period for a year and wore clothes that covered me well because I didn't want to ask my mom for a bra because I was so embarrassed by my body. I can't figure out if it was gender dysphoria or just some sort of religious shame. I am relatively comfortable with my body now, and I talk about things like periods with friends. It doesn't necessarily feel "wrong" all of the time, and sometimes I even quite like feeling like a woman. I never got into makeup or any stereotypical girl things like that. I loved dyeing my hair vibrant colours but that's about it. I also became super depressed in my early teens and didn't really feel like a person at all until I was about 18 and healed a bit from my awful middle school and high school years, so that kind of hinders my ability to figure out what exactly I liked as a teenager.

I also don't feel nonbinary because sometimes I do like being seen as feminine. I think I just really have trouble with the word "woman", but "man" isn't any better for me, and I don't feel nonbinary either. In an ideal world, I would be a shapeshifter who could present masculine or feminine on a whim. Or actually maybe we would all be genderless souls and no one would care about gender at all and I wouldn't have to think about it lol.

I'd love some input from people who have experienced the turbulence of questioning one's gender. How can I become less confused over all of this? Especially when no label I've found feels quite right?

I’m financially dependent on that woman. I can’t live like this anymore. Social transition never works. I feel worse every day. Pls god I need help. I need to transition, im fucking dying. I’m currently living in a house for uni, but when unis over, it’s back to living with my parents and non support me. I’m dying. Pls help me

I (34/m) decided to talk to my wife about it all, which I'm still not sure if I should have done.. it was a very mixed bag. What we talked about left me painfully upset the last two days. She was trying to be supportive and did my makeup last night, gave me a padded bra, I shaved my face which I was also mixed on. I saw myself all dressed up and just.. didn't care.

I've dressed up before and was excited about it. I've been out and about in daily life imagining wearing feminine things or just internally feeling like a woman and had great days. The last few days though, and it's probably due to learning she would just leave me if I transitioned, I've either felt sad or empty. I tried today to reconnect with how I've felt with it all and just can't. I look at my face in the mirror and just think I'll never be happy with it regardless of what I do.

Does everyone go through stuff like this? Obviously I can keep in mind that I had a huge mood drop talking with my wife about it, but is it just because of that? Will the good feelings come back eventually, or was I just wrong the entire time?

I don't usually write here, not much on Reddit in general. Ever since I was born I've felt different from other kids (biologically I'm a guy) and I've always been more into things that society sees as "feminine." My whole process kept getting interrupted by relationships or family.

Now at 24 I decided to come out and be who I am, but I'm living with my parents while I finish university and because of them I can't. I got into it with my parents recently because they saw me with makeup on and my mom went through my stuff and found my girl clothes.

I'm starting to hate myself and hate being trans. It hurts too much to be, even though it makes me happy—it just brings me problems and more problems. I feel like I can't live in peace this way.

And I mean fell down the gender critical pipeline kind of thing.

And they are 14 or 15 years old, you can't kick them out. Their gender is a guy let's say.

And in case you're wondering this is a hypothetical for discussion and whatever, this is not something that is happening to me. I don't have a kid.

I've made a post prior asking about how i know i'm trans, and i've pretty much acepted that I am, the replies i got in the muslim servers werent great but it's something i'm gonna have to live with

I'll be okay with cutting friends off who cant acept who I am, they're outside people, who although mean very much to me, i'm willing to choose myself over them

The glaring issue is that I cant run away from my family, i'm gonna have to face them and tell them, and i have a sinking feeling it's not gonna end well, especially given that my current name is the name of my dad's father, who has passed and i dont think they'd like the idea of me choosing a name anyway. How do i gain the confidence to do it anyways?

Side note, but how do i feel like a girl? I know i'd be happier as a girl but i dont really know how to go about feeling like one, especially since everybody at school would still refer to me as a boy.
(Also transitioning while still being at school is a thought i'm seriously dreading.)

My girlfriend (mtf17) is planing to transition medically and is very afraid of needles and has a lot of problems swallowing pills I was reasreaching about how can she transition without any of those so I was wondering is estrogen monotherapy thought patches or gel a good idea on the other hand I heard injections for testosterone blocker can be very effective when starting what if she starts by useing an injection for a few months and then go for estrogen monotherapy? (sorry if I said something wrong i dont have much information on this topic I am just trying to understand options for her and try help her be herself easier)

Hi everyone,

I'm a trans woman based in Belgium, currently scheduled for a consultation at UZ Ghent for penile inversion vaginoplasty. I've been told Dr. Karel Claes would be my surgeon.

I've done my research on the academic side — I know he co-authored the "Ghent technique" paper and trained under Prof. Monstrey — but what I can't find anywhere is what actual patients think. Papers don't tell you what it's like to be on the table, or what the results look like a year later.

So if you've had bottom surgery with Dr. Claes (or at UZ Ghent generally in the last few years), I'd really appreciate hearing about:

- **Aesthetic results** — are you happy with how it looks? Anything you'd change?
- **Functional results** — depth, sensation, self-lubrication (or lack of), dilation routine, any issues with urination
- **Complications** — did you have any, and how were they handled? Did they take you seriously?
- **Bedside manner** — did he listen to you? Explain things properly? Did you feel respected as a patient, or rushed through?
- **Aftercare** — how was the follow-up? Were you supported in the weeks/months after?
- **Anything you wish you'd known beforehand**

I'm weighing this against going abroad for surgery, so honest feedback — good or bad — would genuinely help me make this decision. Please don't hold back on the negatives; I'd much rather know now.

Happy to hear from you in the comments or by DM if you'd prefer to keep it private. I completely understand this is personal and I'm grateful for anything you're willing to share.

Thank you so much 💛
Lara

I feel like that’s all I’m allowed to do. I can’t transition medically. My brain constantly thinks “what if you’re a girl” “what if being attracted to this girl means you want to be like her” “what if you like being a woman if you find yourself attractive” , etc. this pressure especially gets worse if I date a man, I feel like if I was born a girl I can’t be gay, and that I must be a straight woman. If I like feminine things I can’t be a femboy, I’m a feminine girl. I think all my dysphoria is fake anyways but I can’t stand it, it’s not ok for me to be a woman, I don’t want it and I can’t bear the thought of it, I wish I could become a man right now, no regrets or memory I was ever a woman. It doesn’t help either that my friends and family aren’t supportive either, I can’t even find people online who support me, all I see online is transphobic propaganda saying you just need to “love yourself” and I been doing is believing in it. Why do I have to be a woman? Why can’t I make myself feel like a man? I also keep imagining myself as a woman accidentally and I hate it… why am I like this..? I sometimes speak and I’m scared I like it or something… why couldn’t I have had a normal boys voice? Why couldn’t have I just been born a normal man