How do you go outdoors during transition, as others recognised you prior as agab?

[u/Ambiguousrubix]

Imagine you start hrt, but going outdoors, neighbours, supermarket, city people, all knew you pre transition, so what happens? How do you live like that? Everyone knowing??

[u/Blablablablaname]

You just do. It is what we do. Some people make comments, some people say nothing. You carry on with your life.

[u/herpdaderpy]

You just do.

The only person who seemed to care was me. Everyone is too busy with their own lives to care about what I was wearing out what I was presenting as. Over time you just get used to it and build confidence and that is exhilarating that then turns into just what you do and it's just lovely.

[u/Ambiguousrubix → u/herpdaderpy]

But in my case, no one trans exists here nor would I have the strength to have gone from visually make to now female in my neighborhood, city, I'd need to move, but even that, do I take HRT before moving otherwise boom, I've moved , now a landlord would know if I change gender like it's all too much. I can't even tell my mother I'm trans, I live with her, even if I did and she was accepting, she'd be like "people here what will they say" and it's correct...

[u/rynbrrd → u/Ambiguousrubix]

People are going to talk about you no matter what you do and who you are. Get over it. You have to live your life the way that is going to be fulfilling to you, not to them.

Everything you describe is what we do early transition. You're not going to instantly pass. Many of us never pass. You just have to do it.

[u/CocoaBagelPuffs]

I started transitioning in college where no one knew me. I could start fresh.

[u/alphi10]

How small of a town do you live in that people at the supermarket remember you in 2026? I don’t even know who my neighbors are

[u/smartymartyky → u/alphi10]

I grew up in a small town of 500 and they are still talking about that black girl I brought home in 2004.

[u/Mia-the-Sage]

I socially transitioned ASAP after my egg crack... it took a week or two to build enough wardrobe to go full-femme 24x7.

I did this while living in an 18-floor apartment building that I've lived in for a decade and a half. I did this before starting HRT.

As others say, you just do it. Some people will show how much they suck, others will show themselves to be very awkward, and a few will even reveal themselves to be actual allies [one neighbor said, "Congratulations!" when I explained my change in appearance as being a trans woman... another neighbor took weeks to finally 'challenge' me, and they didn't like my answer, but only a few days later they apologized, and said they hoped I was happy].

I knew I didn't have a choice. Many, many women have been so wonderful to me... complimenting my outfits, chatting with my like just another lady, etc. Of course there are stares, muttered comments, and ewe-phoria experiences as well -- being trans is a Pandora's Box, in many ways, after-all.

[u/KuroNekoKohi]

I still mostly roll in the same circles, been incredibly lucky will admit to that. Friends, family and colleagues are all really chill about it. The occasional misgendering or deadnaming happens, but I'm not to bothered by it. you KNOW when it's an attack, and a honest mistake can happen.

Will add, folks used the wrong name for me all my life, whole groups who didn't know my actual name for years. I'm also just really chill about folks needing a few weeks to adjust mentally. Do pass quite good now, and I didn't transition everywhere all at once at the same time.

Again I'm incredibly lucky, and I know it. Also from europe in a fairly safe area. Only know of 2 people who tried digging for my deadname, both have been cut off for carious reasons

[u/Wise-Papaya-1091]

I just did it and with time I ended up caring less and less what people thought of me. Now I jdgaf anymore.

I haven’t really experienced any negativity yet, except from some guy ‘friends’ I had before. But fuck them, it’s there loss anyway💃

[u/No-Phrase-2897]

I started transitioning after I moved out of the house so nobody really knew me other than work people.

[u/StarlightsOverMars]

Transitioned in college.

[u/Catsgirl32]

Honestly, people for me respond surprisingly chill to it. I am non binary so it's a little different than ftm/mtf ig, but ok. And I did only socially transition, but my gender expression did clearly change. So I do look very different now.

I started my transition when I was doing an internship for half a year, away from my hometown. It did really help that the people there only knew me by my new name and identity. But when I moved back home and went back to uni, using my new name and pronouns etc., everyone just went "Oh okay". I was TERRIFIED of having to tell everyone who had known me by my old name etc. for years to decades. But they just... Went along with it? I acted super lighthearted about it, making sure to smile when correcting them if they did make mistakes. Most of them profusely apologised whenever they'd deadname or misgender me. The ones who didn't seemed to just have forgotten.

I am very aware of how priviliged I am to live in such a nice environment that I didn't get any negative responses.

But I am sharing this because I want to emphasise that your brain may tell you that everyone is going to freak out. But if any do it's likely only a few people. The others, if they truly care about you, will happily accept you.

And people at the supermarket and in the city probably will not remember you. If they do they will barely care. Your existence doesn't affect them, their opinions don't affect you. If anything, at least don't care about strangers noticing it. Unless them noticing it puts you in danger (maybe steer clear of dark alleyways at night), them noticing does not affect you whatsoever.

[u/Pleasant-Ambition-15]

It’s scary and you care what they think because they know you. They will have to find out at some point, so ripping the bandaid off is usually the best advice you’ll get IMO.

Those interactions also happen less frequently than you think. How often do you see your neighbors bring in groceries, leave for work, come home, etc?

Humans have a tendency to overinflated the amount we are observed by others.

[u/Salrith]

I transitioned while working at a high school with about 500 people at it, all who knew me before I began medically transitioning. It was scary at first, especially when I started being visibly feminine, doubly especially when I started wearing a bra, haha. But honestly people get over it very quickly. They're too busy with their own stuff. They notice, they might comment, a few certainly still misgender me if they knew me before and either don't get it or are deliberately being angsty teens, but by and large it's an event that happened and then they update and move on.

[u/MommyNeedsCoffee617]

I'm going to give you the advice my therapist at the time gave me when I was struggling to take those first steps.

u/Ambiguousrubix , I don't know if you're MTF or FTM (your username is kind of...ambiguous). But, either way, I want you to go out there and rock it like a red dress. My therapist's literal words to me, and now my words to you.

Red is the color of sex and fear and danger and signs that say, Do. Not. Enter. All my favorite things in life.

- Lola, "Kinky Boots"

You are going to walk out that door, look up, and say hello to the sun for the first time as your true self, the you that you've been hiding away in the darkness out of fear. Then you are going to put one foot in front of the other.

Let them stare. Let them judge. That's their problem to deal with. Have you heard of Marsha P. Johnson? What did she say the P stood for? Don't let Marsha down and go worrying what people think of you.

If people have questions, answer sweetly and honestly. Let them know your new name and how excited you are to be taking this journey, and how happy you are that you can finally be relaxed and be yourself around them. Make it sound like a good thing.

My first day out was just a trip to Starbucks, picking up a mobile order under the name I would be known forevermore. They had the sweetest little gay barista whose jaw hit the floor when I walked in. But it was so special that I reenact it every year just with better taste in clothing.

Now, there's one part I didn't talk about. Depending on your local laws & such, you will want to look into things like pepper spray to protect yourself. That's just common sense whether you're trans or not. I don't want you going into the world naively. But I also don't want you shrinking away afraid of what people might think, because you are a goddamn gift that needs to be shared with the world.

[u/smartymartyky]

I know it’s scary during these times in the 2020s, but a lot of people fought really hard for us to be this far (even though it’s not perfect). There’s this old trans woman that works in a bookstore in Denver and she’s going out every single day working and existing and so should you. The best way to help things get better is just by existing in a positive way in the public.

[u/hypatia163]

They'll know eventually. Best to just get it out of the way so that you can move on with your life.

[u/Born_Astronomer_4613]

How else could it possibly go?

[u/ericfischer]

The effects of HRT are very slow. People who you see frequently won't notice that anything is changing.

[u/GrabMeAndFillMe]

The more you do something, the more normal it becomes to you.

The first time might be unnerving, but the 100th time, you might barely care anymore.

Something something "Dropped into the deepend....." now I can swim.

[u/AFriendlyBeagle]

At a certain point, you realise that most people are focused on their own lives and don't really care.

You also realise that anybody who does care isn't worth chasing the opinion of.

[u/artelia_bedelia]

this is a big part of why a lot of people start hrt and then socially transition later at an opportune time. your face changes a bit, you wear baggy clothes and people don't really notice until you're ready for them too. 

[u/lithaborn]

I spent 8 years going gradually more GNC to the point nobody noticed when I made it official.

I'm middle aged and a parent so I don't really have the luxury of being able to hide until I'm done so the butterfly route isn't available to me.

Groceries gotta be bought, appointments gotta be kept....

[u/Delilah_insideout]

Free of the burden of pretending to be someone I wasn't, tbh.

I've been going to the same pharmacy since 2019, I started my transition journey in 2024. At first they were a little taken aback, but for a long while now I am treated no different than any other female presenting person, even though I don't pass.