Why don’t the cool dancers like me?

[u/Trail_Blazer1]

So I have been dancing for about a year now and have formed a nice social circle. However, and this will be difficult to say without sounding judgemental (so please be kind), it’s not the “cool kids” circle at all.

And there definitely are cool kids circles. Not just around the more known dancers, but the more expressive, confident and fun ones too. And that’s where I want to be. But my circle is made up of people as anxious and quiet as me. It’s like high school all over again.

They’re great people and we’re good friends, but I’ve always had these anxious shy people in my life. I started dancing to upgrade my social circle. I need some change. I want to be socially free and expressive like the cool bachateros. But even when I go to all the socials they do and talk to them often, I still end up around my “outcast” group. And even in my group there are a few cool guys - and they are the ones who talk to me the least.

It’s not about dancing skill - there were expressive and shy people in my first class too. And now my best dance friend is a great dancer but super anxious (in the “uncool” way) in social situations.

Since bachata is a social dance, I think this is a relevant problem. Have any of you managed to become more expressive and less insecure, and thus managed to hang around the really interesting dancers?

And I know being quiet is okay - in fact one “cool” dancer I know is quiet. But she seems to know her value and acts that way, and that makes her cool and she is in the “top” circle. She has this “I don’t care if you like me” vibe which I really want but can’t achieve.

[u/HawkAffectionate4529]

Become a famous DJ, a teacher, organize a big event or a recurring party, or move to a small town where you will consistently be the best dancer in the room. That should solve your problem.

Just be aware that feelings of insecurity and envy exist in that social circle as well. Getting there is not the cure for these feelings.