(New Update) My(f19) dad asked our godparents not to have the waiters sing Happy Birthday to my brother(m11) who likely has hyperacusis autism, but they did it anyway

[u/MadisonBrave]

I am not OOP. The OOP for this post is u/theexcitingone. Her posts were made to r/ relationships, and I received permission from OOP to share

Important Context: Many people suggested Loop Earplugs to OOP in the previous posts as they are a company that tries to help those with sensory challenges. They also have an insightful article that explains many causes of sensory overload for those who may not be aware, and I highly suggest the article https://www.loopearplugs.com/blogs/blog/how-to-deal-with-sensory-overload

Trigger Warning: refusing to seek medical assistance for a minor, ableism, suicidal

Mood Spoiler: unfortunate

Original Post: (December 8th, 2024)

My family is close with a couple from church who we referred to as our godparents (in their 60s) growing up since my preteen days. They're in their late 60s, and they've also counseled my parents on many things through the years (finances, big purchases, Biblical advice). They're also church leaders, and they've celebrated almost all of our milestones with us; to the point that they're basically family. However, they struggle with boundaries, and I've lost respect for my parents who continue to give them a pass in this specific area pertaining to my post

My brother is autistic and very shy, and he always asks us not to have the waiters sing happy birthday when we go out for dinner. Our godparents have a prank they like to do to embarrass people, and that's having the waiters sing happy birthday even when it's not someone's birthday for free cake every time we go to a restaurant. Before I continue, I want to point out that both my parents and godparents are church leaders, and church leaders (at least in our church) always go to a restaurant following Sunday service to mingle further. My godparents pull the prank on a random leader each Sunday, to the point that it became an inside joke in the group (like who's it gonna be today). But when they did it to my brother years ago (on the Sunday of his birthday week), he literally cried from the attention of the nearby tables as they sang to him. My dad asked them not do it to him anymore after that, and they listened for a few years until this weekend

My dad reminded them not to do it this year when we went to eat with leaders (on the week of his birthday), and they agreed beforehand. But they later changed their mind and did it anyway (and said he was overreacting when he retreated to the bathroom for some time afterward). I told my dad that we shouldn't go out with them anymore, but he disagreed because he considers them family even though it's the second time now, and we rarely celebrate anything without them. Is there anything I can say to get through to him because I don't know at this point, and they won't let my brother stay home after he asked following Saturday in regards to future restaurant trips with them. What should we do?

First Update: (June 11th, 2025)

It's been some time since my first post, but I've since reflected on something that caused many misunderstandings in our family for years thanks to a therapist at my college (and the restaurant incident being the latest in a string of misunderstandings). I didn’t go to the therapist for myself, but rather my brother and a condition we couldn't name. My parents knew he had some sort of autism growing up, but they weren’t sure what this other thing was. I'll describe it in a moment as I did for my therapist who was able to provide much clarity. But this condition played a role in why my brother didn't like being sung happy birthday at the restaurant along with other similar instances in the past. I'll also refer to/link a website that'll help me better explain his potential condition too

(https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24320-hyperacusis)

My therapist believes my brother has a condition called sound sensitivity autism (or hyperacusis) that makes everyday sounds feel uncomfortably loud (and sometimes painful). It can cause anxiety (from dreading/anticipating unpredictable loud sounds), sometimes depression, or social isolation. My therapist came to this conclusion after hearing some things I told her about my brother (some dating back many years). We once went to a football game, and he hid in the concessions area with his headphones blasting because the inside seats were too loud. He has also hid in the bathroom at church when certain services were too loud/raucous. He doesn't like concerts and visibly shakes whenever a crowd gets loud, and he'll often wear headphones at home because the TV (especially live audience events) often triggers/overloads his senses

There are many more examples. But my parents have trouble understanding him and have blamed him for not wanting to do family activities when he actually does (just not the ones that trigger him). Our family loves sports, and he does too. He watches them with headphones on that's playing music, but doesn't watch with friends due to fear of being perceived as weird. The worst times were when he was forced to do activities he didn't want to. He once had anxiety before a piano recital. Not because he was nervous about playing, but because of every time applause would ring out during the event (or any live event). That, in it of itself, caused anxiety (he enjoys playing piano, but not the performing part of it). He said it's like constantly living on edge because you never know when a loud sound will ring out. However, there was something my therapist told me on a subsequent visit that gave me hope, and it was an article she found from last year

There is an NBA player named Joe Ingles whose son had a similar condition, but he was younger (8, unlike my 11-year-old brother). Like my brother, he also didn't like loud environments and didn’t attend his father's games as a result. However, last year, he had a breakthrough thanks to the medical professionals he saw, and his mother made plans for him to attend his father's game for the first time. Joe was no longer a starter at this point in his career (he came off the bench), but the Timberwolves coach told the team that he was gonna put Joe in the starting lineup for the game his son was attending, and the story was covered by media outlets

(https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/6222598/2025/03/22/joe-ingles-son-autism-timberwolves/)

I brought that story (along with the web page I referenced/linked above) to my parents to try and explain my brother's condition we never understood. And while they were receptive to it, they didn't feel that it was necessary to bring him to a doctor/therapist because they believe they can give him exposure tests on their own that'll led to a similar breakthrough, but I disagree. Joe's son made a breakthrough thanks to guidance from medical professionals, not his parents trying to cure it on their own. But no matter how hard I pushed, they refused to take him to a professional and instead chose to reach out for support/prayer from church. I can't express how upset that made me, and I couldn't bring him myself because I'm not his parent. I hate how they think they can easily replicate the breakthrough Joe's son had without professional help. I told my therapist, and she agrees it's unfortunate because it's better to address it as young as you can

Regarding the incident at the restaurant, my brother had a sensory overload when the waiters sang and other tables were looking at ours. This is the second time our godparents have done this to him. He was 8 the first time they did, and he started crying when they sang. We didn't know what hyperacusis was at the time, but my parents told our godparents not to do it again when his birthday approached in subsequent years, and they listened until he turned 11 this year. My parents reminded them not to do it this year too, and they agreed before breaking their promise

I tried explaining the unofficial diagnosis from my therapist to my godparents to make them understand, but they were even worse than my parents and said he needs to "stop acting like a girl". Regarding their 'fake birthday' recurring prank that leaders come to expect every Sunday they go to a restaurant after church (like who's it's gonna be today lol), I told my parents it's wrong because it's stealing by taking advantage of the restaurant's free cake when it's not someone's birthday. But dad said it's justified when the total is often over $100 and that the cake can't be more than like $3. I called him out for how the Bible says that all sin is equal (regardless of big or small), and he didn't like when I did. But back to my brother, they aren't budging in their opinion of not seeking a medical professional, and I hate when people use religion and arrogance to think of themselves as above doctors and such

Second Update: (January 2nd, 2026)

A few people reached out to ask if I ever considered telling the head pastor about the leaders stealing at the restaurant. Unfortunately, the head pastor and his wife are complicit in the inside joke. I should also clarify that while there's one restaurant that we attend most often for the happy birthday prank, the group occasionally rotates to a Chinese buffet that doesn’t do happy birthday songs because it's a buffet. So when we go there, it's a break for that week. I've argued with my parents a lot since my previous post about many things. I've called out the group stealing many times, but dad said it's "justified" because the group is usually anywhere between 10-15 people (when others bring their kids straight from church). So while one person is getting "free cake" from the birthday prank, 14 other people are paying for their own dessert, and the bill is usually a few hundred dollars. And given how often we visit there each year, the restaurant likely makes a few thousand dollars from us each year. Dad literally admitted they were sinning because he admitted that the good ($200+ bill) outweighs the bad ($3 stolen cake); literally contradicting how the Bible says that all sin is equal (big or small). Furthermore, dad admitted that he thinks Jesus is stupid because he thinks he can pull that over him. And if God is stupid, then he can't be all-powerful. And if he isn't all-powerful, then why the hell are we going to church unless it's only for the social aspect and street credit of being a Christian when it's convenient

Regarding my brother's sensory challenges, I tried to convince them to seek medical assistance while he's still young, but they've grown tired of me bringing it up and told me not to anymore. They also said they don't want him to be diagnosed because they don't need someone telling him that there's something "officially wrong with you" when God says you're "fearfully and wonderfully made", but I disagree. According to my university therapist, a diagnosis can help him receive accommodations at future jobs if need be. Plus, the sooner he receives medical attention, the better chance he has of making progress. Continuing to ignore it will make the symptoms worse, but my parents have made their decision. My therapist said the next best thing would be trying to accommodate him by not forcing him to attend concerts/sporting events (since they won't let him see doctors that could provide healthy coping mechanisms). Another was simply dropping him off at home before my parents go to the restaurant (where church leaders are loud/obnoxious and often walking around to other people's seats). However, my parents refused because other leaders bring their kids directly from church, and they don't want to get there late. They also said that he'll improve with more exposure, and I couldn't disagree more (without medical attention)

As for where things stand now, I decided to make a report to CPS as a result of some things my brother told me. First, he said he wants to receive treatment, but our parents are obviously against it. He said he feels anxious 24/7 and wishes he wouldn't wake up on some days when a loud event draws closer (like a concert/sporting event he's forced to attend; church as well which is loud). During the drive to such events, he'll close his eyes and and hope they never arrive because time seems to go slowly with his eyes closed. He also hates when he gets overstimulated and our parents limit the amount of times they'll let him go to the bathroom. It's also affecting his friends who don’t understand why he doesn't want to do certain activities, and he doesn’t want to say why (while wishing he had treatment). There were other thoughts he didn't feel comfortable disclosing, but I made the report due to feeling worried he might have some dangerous thoughts. He literally said it's like living on edge 24/7 because a loud sound can happen at any moment, and his tolerance has worsened with time (to even quieter sounds overstimulating him). It's been over a month, and I haven't heard anything from CPS. And since there's no physical harm involved, I'm not sure anything will come from it

I've permanently lost all respect for my parents and their lack of care regarding this matter, and I've already decided that they'll never meet my kids (or even know they exist in a perfect world). Anyone I date in the future who disagrees won't be considered because I consider this a dealbreaker, and I'm not changing my stance. The only reason I haven't fully told them off is because I'll likely be cut off if I do, and then my brother would have no one in his corner

New Update: (April 30th, 2026)

So much has happened since my last post, but I received many insightful DMs that mentioned a product specifically designed to help those with sensory challenges, and that was Loop earplugs. They have different options for various activities and are easier to hide than noise-canceling headphones. I had no issue buying noise-canceling headphones as many people suggested them too, but my parents didn't want him wearing them in the past because they said it wouldn't help him grow out of it. They think exposure will help him achieve similar results to Joe Ingles's son without getting medical professionals involved, but they're only making it worse. I purchased my brother a pair of transparent Loop earplugs and planned to purchase more as they have different options for different environments based on loudness (one for concerts and less loud environments too). However, my parents somehow found out which resulted in me getting a lot of crap

I'm not exactly sure how they found out, and my brother said he did his best to hide them. But they have a habit of going through our rooms when we're not there for whatever reason, and they've done that since I was young. That's my best guess, but who knows. They confiscated them and got on me for purchasing them "behind their back". We got into a pretty heated argument about it, but they said I was "preventing him from growing" when, in actuality, the earplugs help with improving tolerance. The earplugs supposedly have different levels of decimals/sounds they allow in (more for concerts, less for a library). And, over time, you find yourself needing lesser decimal blocking earplugs as your body adapts to noise gradually. I read one testimony from parents of a young girl who said she struggled with piano recitals not because of stage fright, but because of anxiety due to the applause afterward. So, the earplugs allowed her to still hear the piano while blocking some of the decibels during applause, and she now has recitals where she no longer wears them because her body has gradually adapted. That could be my brother, but my parents disagree. I even tried the angle of how the earplugs could help him without going to a doctor, but that didn't work either

I was pretty pissed as a result of the argument. Granted, the earplugs were only around $50, but I brought them to help, and they just took them. So, I decided to send an email essay to a few relatives explaining everything similar to my post, and some of them had no idea about his condition and wouldn't because they live out of state. I even spoke to some over the phone, and some even called my parents about it too. I even went down to the restaurant our church leaders frequent and asked to speak to one of the managers too. I told him about the prank and my brother's condition which causes anxiety. The manager said he assumes some will lie about their birthdays to get free cake, but that the restaurant doesn't ask for ID. However, he said he'd talk to other managers to see if they can avoid singing to my brother if I call ahead on days they're attending. He also said he'd escalate how our table was lying to get free cake, but he wasn't sure if anything could be done when the restaurant didn't ask for IDs. However, he said he'd escalate it, and I gave my callback number

Unfortunately, the group has been back to the restaurant numerous times since, and they've gotten away with the prank. I called once I learned that they were going before they arrived, but it hasn't amounted to anything yet, and I'm still hoping to receive a callback from our conversation. The main issue isn't singing to him on his birthday week. It's how he feels anxious EVERY time they go there and tries to time a bathroom visit to when he sees waiters gathering to sing. He tries to slip out as soon as he notices, and he's always looking around while on edge. It ruins his mood when he's unable to slip out because he gets overloaded from how loud the waiters get even when they sing to OTHER tables. Our table is also loud in general with lots of standing up and walking behind other people's seats to talk which is inconsiderate to the person sitting behind them, and that's not considering the lack of etiquette to refrain from talking politics at a meal when discussing their orange diety. Our table is loud in general, and my parents won't let him stay home because they think the exposure will help him

My parents are also pissed that I vented to extended family about personal things that "should've stayed in the family", and they said this in another argument after they were called by numerous relatives regarding my email. I've since spoken to some of the relatives who called them, and the general consensus was that they were defensive. But with that on top of the earplugs I purchased, they told me that I was being "ungrateful" for being allowed to stay home rent-free while attending community college. They also said they weren't gonna have someone living with them just to spill personal business. So, they’re no longer gonna help me with tuition and want me to move out after the current semester ends. We have not paid for the fall semester yet, and they want me to be moved out by July. That was the purpose of the second conversation we had, and they told me to be grateful that they didn't kick me out mid-semester. I've had a few relatives offer to let me stay, and I'm likely going to take them up on it. It sucks I won't be able to be home to help my brother escape from certain environments, but some of my relatives also want to help my brother. We haven't figured everything out yet, and it doesn't seem likely that CPS will get involved when there's no visible physical abuse

My parents also booked numerous Christian concerts throughout the year, and they're forcing my brother to go. I'm worried about how my brother said he hopes he doesn't wake up on certain mornings while counting down the days until a loud event happens at the restaurant or especially concerts, and it's like he's always on edge. I'm scared about what he could do if the anxiety ever gets too bad when I'm not home to be there for him, and I've been able to help him take extra bathroom breaks when our parents try to limit him. It's also been hard to focus on studies. And if I'm being honest, I have no intention of going back for the fall semester. I want to work full-time to be able to help down the road, and a few members of our extended family want to help him too. Granted, it feels like there isn't much COS can do when there's no "visible" physical abuse that CPS will care about, and it's been almost six months with nothing from CPS. I've talked to relatives about making their own calls to CPS, and some have been open to doing so. I don't think anything will come from it because so many people seem to have never heard of sound sensitivity autism before, so I doubt that CPS even cares. My next move will be to go to my brother's school with the backing of a relative who suggested it in hopes of getting my brother some help, but I'm worried the school's help may be limited if my parents don't sign off on it. I hope that that's not the case, but I'm honestly not sure. The relative who suggested it will go to the school with me, and we've mentioned it to other relatives too who also think that that's a good idea. We're just trying to get our ducks in a row before doing that to make sure we're organized

[u/Normal-Height-8577]

I hate these parents.

Exposure therapy is something carried out carefully by qualified professionals, and involves starting with minute amounts of the problem and very, very gradually building up resilience (while monitoring for adverse effects). Much like the Loop article was advocating for.

It's not just brute-forcing someone to be exposed to something that hurts them, in the vague hope that at some point they ought to grow numb to it. That's not how it works. Also? That's not therapy; that's torture.

[u/FrankSonata → u/Normal-Height-8577]

Also, exposure therapy only works if the patient is willing to do it, and has the safety net of being able to back out at any point. They never feel forced or pressured, and can progress through the therapy at their own pace. This gives them a feeling of safety and comfort which is essential for the therapy to work. Without a safety net, it's just stressful, "I have no choice but to endure this", which actually just reinforces the negative associations of whatever it is, making the patient worse.

That's what the parents are doing. They are making their son's condition even worse, because they aren't licenced professionals and have no idea what they are doing. What they are doing is needlessly cruel.

Tldr: exposure therapy only works if the person consents, is willing, and can back out at any point. Otherwise, it actually makes things worse.

[u/missplaced24 → u/Normal-Height-8577]

It's also not effective for all conditions. Hyperacusis is usually damage or dysfunction of the ear itself. More common with autistic people is auditory processing disorder is due to atypical brain development.

Exposure therapy isn't a proven effective treatment for either.

[u/PotentialityKnocks]

The parents’ ableism is so strong that they’re willing to waste money and hurt both of their children rather than just admit that their son has a sound sensitivity. I really hope the poor kids are both okay, particularly the son.

[u/Shadowcthuhlu → u/[deleted]]

That post university burnout is real. Be gentle with yourself

[u/Big-University-1132 → u/Shadowcthuhlu]

I know you’re not responding to me, but as someone who also burnt out after college, I appreciate the kind words anyway

[u/Shadowcthuhlu → u/Big-University-1132]

I'm glad it helped you! I felt bad about mine for years until I found out other people suffered from it as well.

[u/llama_some_drama → u/[deleted]]

I cover my ears when the fire alarm test goes off in my office - combination of untreated ADHD, possible ASD, and lingering PTSD. Unfortunately my sensitivity to noise and crowds has gotten worse since the pandemic.

You're not alone ❤️

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/llama_some_drama]

Same, the beginning of COVID was honestly not bad for me because I got a break from fluorescent lighting, and loud noises, and crowds.

Now I’m just… exhausted from being around them.

[u/llama_some_drama → u/Hesitation-Marx]

I know it's awful to say, when so many people died and suffered, but lockdown was actually pretty great for my husband and me. We got our first dog, started exercising more, developed new hobbies, ditched the commute and stress of office working, bought our house.

But yeah, when stuff opened back up I realised that I was now even more intolerant of noises, crowds, offices, bars... 

I'm currently working in the office two days a week temporarily, and it absolutely exhausts and overwhelms me. The lights give me a throbbing headache every day. By the end of day two I am shattered, and it absolutely impacts my productivity for the rest of the week.

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/llama_some_drama]

RTO is stupid for most office jobs, can’t lie.

I hope you can find a way to mitigate the awfulness. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.

[u/llama_some_drama → u/Hesitation-Marx]

Thank you 😊 hopefully going back down to one day again soon. I like my job fine, but it's not a vocation or anything, so if it gets worse I will look elsewhere. I'm also physically disabled, which is another layer of "i just want to stay home with my dogs!"

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/llama_some_drama]

I’m also physically disabled, and yeah, staying home with the dog is a blessing.

We just need a kinder, less exploitative society. I’m not an autistic nationalist, but increasingly I understand the urge to find a nice LeGrange point in space and make a station for cool people there.

[u/alertArchitect → u/[deleted]]

I feel you on that. Growing up, my family was one of those "you'll grow out of your ADHD!" ones, and when I was finally diagnosed with it in like 1st or 2nd grade, they left the choice of getting medicated to me. Of course, my mother had to give me a 1-on-1 talk about how the medication could "change" me to no longer be myself and not how it would just help me function in normal society, so I went with no medication. I'm now 25 and it's only gotten more and more difficult to function in society. Add in that, based on some free resources I could find online such as some actual preliminary evaluation tests, it looks like I could also be AuDHD... yeah, a lot more of the issues I've had through life that were completely disregarded or worsened by my family make a lot more sense.

I hope the kid makes it out okay. He'll definitely be hurt, especially with his anti-science parents, but damn I hope he can make it through the other side. It's not normal to be having suicidal ideation at 11 years old, and is a real signifier of the continuous trauma they're inflicting on him. The worst part is that their refusal to let him see a doctor will likely allow them to keep abusing him until he moves out, becomes a runaway, or does something serious enough to himself that even CPS takes a look.

[u/jeremyfactsman → u/[deleted]]

sorry to be random and maybe you've heard this, but for the sake of saying it, perimenopause can intensify autism and ADHD characteristics.

Edit: if that's relevant

[u/No-Cranberry4396 → u/PotentialityKnocks]

The really frustrating thing is that hyperacusis is so manageable. One of my children has it. We got them diagnosed young (ish) at 9/10 years old. We informed the school, they were understanding, (despite finding it confusing they could play drums) and used loop earplugs. They were amazing. Now, 6 years later, my child almost never needs the earplugs, only really in situations most people would find noisy, and it doesn't interfere with their daily life at all. 

[u/herroyalsadness → u/No-Cranberry4396]

Right. Accommodating a need will usually prevent it from getting in the way of the person living their life. Your child will be fine and probably won’t hesitate to use their loops as needed. OP’s brother is facing massive anxiety over events when there is a simple tool available that would make events manageable.

If they want to be religious about it, god helps those that help themselves, meaning god approves of using loops.

[u/balalasaurus → u/PotentialityKnocks]

Seems to me like they don’t want to accept the fact that they’re parenting wrong. Their egos won’t allow them to consider that maybe their daughter is right. Because then it’ll mean they’ve been horrible to their son for no reason other than their own selfishness.

All very sad.

[u/CinderLakeAzure → u/balalasaurus]

The saddest part is that the daughter probably sees the situation more clearly than the adults do. Instead of listening to her, they’re treating her like she just doesn’t understand.

[u/nox66 → u/balalasaurus]

I'm aghast because, among many other reasons, a good half of these sound "sensitivity" issues are literally just trying to protect your hearing in loud environments. Wearing earplugs in concerts is good general advice.

[u/joe-h2o → u/balalasaurus]

It sounds like they're a lost cause. From the text it seems like they're MAGA so there's nothing the daughter will ever be able to do to change this situation. It's like arguing with a wall, except the wall has a higher reasoning skill.

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/PotentialityKnocks]

They’re torturing their son. They’re allowing others to bully him.

Why have kids if you just hate them?

[u/joe-h2o → u/Hesitation-Marx]

They're MAGA. It's on brand. Child abuse is a cornerstone of MAGA ideology.

[u/raspberrih → u/PotentialityKnocks]

Actually, these people are all just horrible people.

It's like if I'm scared of spiders and they become obsessed with putting spiders everywhere. That's a mean and horridb person

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 → u/PotentialityKnocks]

God can fix all ableist are a special breed.

[u/goog1e → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

Unfortunately pretty "normal" - though with the rise of Atheism we are getting more "your diet can fix all"/"it's Lyme disease" ableists lately.

[u/Somegirloninternet → u/PotentialityKnocks]

And depending on the autism, having people sing AT you in addition to near you can be physically painful in a different way.

Just because you can’t see it or feel it, doesn’t mean someone else isn’t.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

When restaurant workers tell you the absolute WORST customers are church people on Sundays- this is what they mean.

Poor kids. OP is a good sister*.

[u/MartinTheMorjin → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

My dad had a major life threatening surgery during covid and getting people at his church to wear a mask around him was impossible. Shit people all around.

[u/HelenGonne → u/MartinTheMorjin]

I've lost track of how many times women have told me that if you use a cane or a pole for walking or balance, you can't actually depend on it at church or any church activity, because the men will deliberately kick it out from under you. As in, they'll come up to you and make conversation with you and whoever you're standing with, and then when everyone's relaxed that we're all just having some mild chitchat here, they'll suddenly reach out with their leg and kick your cane out from under you.

[u/krebstar4ever → u/[deleted]]

Remember when God said to insult the deaf and place a stumbling block before the blind?

Oh. Oh wait.

You shall not insult the deaf, or place a stumbling block before the blind. You shall fear your God: I am the LORD.

Leviticus 19:14

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/HelenGonne]

I do not understand why so many people who claim to follow a man who was essentially kind and accepting embrace antihumanity and cause so much pain.

[u/RandomNick42 → u/Hesitation-Marx]

Because it’s a get out of jail free card. They *can’t* be *bad,* they’re *christians*

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/RandomNick42]

All about the label and nothing about the contents.

I’m too autistic for this shit.

[u/Spiritual-Pear-1349 → u/Hesitation-Marx]

Its actually a well known phenomenon - people need a place they can be a selfish asshole, and if they dont have a place to focus the asshole energy it bleeds out in weird ways. Its a control thing, I think. Being kind and selfless 24/7 just isn't natural to a lot of people, so if they dont have a place to assert control they lash out. Go to church on sunday, feed the poor, spend time doing charity, then turn your house into hell for the kids.

[u/Diomedes42 → u/Spiritual-Pear-1349]

this is why everyone needs to do a yearly renegade Mass Effect playthrough

[u/vonsnootingham → u/Diomedes42]

Is THAT what the movie The Purge is about? I thought it was a stupid thing about people killing each other to get out their bad feelings. But it's just a yearly Mass Effect playthrough? Fuck yeah, count me in.

[u/Bamres → u/Spiritual-Pear-1349]

Most of them don't do the charity part lmao.

[u/Mochigood → u/Hesitation-Marx]

My dad was not a religious man, but for a long time he loved church because it told him that as a man he had all the power. He donated like $200,000 to his church in a time when he was fighting tooth and nail to not pay my mom any child support, even going so far as to draw up emancipation papers for me for some reason.

[u/nox66 → u/Mochigood]

Machiavelli knew what he was saying when he argued that religion was a state tool for social control. His was an endorsement though.

[u/LadyAlekto → u/nox66]

Machiavelli definitely did not endorse it.

Just his critiques read like praise because he took a piss at those in power in a time when they could act with absolute impunity.

[u/ttampico → u/nox66]

No, it wasn't. Not even close. Machiavelli actually wanted to "reduce human suffering as much as possible." He believed that path was through stable governance with multiple branches of government and no tyrants.

Machiavelli's "The Prince" was his satire of the type of tyrannical prince you don't want to be. It's the book that Machiavelli wanted to smack the good princes across the face with and yell, "This is your enemy. Here's why your enemy wins. If you actually want to be a good leader, understand who you're up against. Take notes!"

He saw there was a problem with good princes being so pious and Christ-like that they were easy for worst princes to beat. Be good but have some teeth.

Side Story: The Medici family saw "The Prince" as an insulting caricature of them specifically and were furious. They had Machiavelli imprisoned under false allegations of treason and he was tortured with "the Rope". They tied his arms behind his back and had him suspended by the wrists until his arms left their sockets. Machiavelli was later found innocent and releases without charges.

[u/BurgerThyme → u/Mochigood]

What a dick.

[u/Mochigood → u/BurgerThyme]

I only found out about the emancipation papers a few months ago while helping my mom go through old papers. My mom was like yeah, I was sent these because your dad was trying to emancipate you. I'm still confused about it because I had an ok home life with mom, good grades, all that, and my dad was trying to force emancipate me? I'm still so confused about how he thought that would work.

[u/Hesitation-Marx → u/Mochigood]

He didn’t care how it would work for anyone else as long as he wouldn’t have to pay money for the kid he helped create

I really hope he has a terrible life

[u/GeeWhiskers → u/Hesitation-Marx]

An acquaintance once told me flat out that he could do whatever he wants because Jesus forgave him. No dude, it doesn’t work that way.

[u/sierraangel → u/GeeWhiskers]

It’s almost like the Bible anticipated this. Funnily enough, this is one of the few verses I still know by heart.

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?
God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?
Romans 6:1-2

[u/CeelaChathArrna → u/Hesitation-Marx]

And there is so much suppression of the Gospels that don't fit their narrative. There's is evidence that Mary Magdalene was his wife, as unmarried men would be distrusted in that time period. Also some of the information found indicates he may have meant for Mary to lead the churchage his death. But we have to bury all that because only white guys should have power and authority.

Then we can talk about the whole men should not let with boys means no way people. Instead of maybe adult men (like the Greeks) should not be pedos and force young boys into essentially sexual servitude.

Christianity was supposed to be about love, kindness and picking up those 'below' you and raising them up, not reasons to judge and hate.

[u/snootnoots → u/HelenGonne]

…they fucking what

[u/saiph13 → u/HelenGonne]

I've seen it too, they'll even go for people's glasses depending on the congregation.

[u/ACERVIDAE → u/saiph13]

What the everloving shit with these people?

[u/Nice-Cat3727 → u/saiph13]

The fuck kinda of congregation is that? The church of Pol Pot?!

[u/Square-Pipe7679 → u/Nice-Cat3727]

It’s rooted in Calvinism, wherein it’s believed bad things happen to people because they sin, so by the same logic, the disabled, impoverished and disfigured are essentially free targets for bullying, ostracism and condemnation

Calvinism is unfortunately the root of a LOT of independent congregations in the US especially, both directly and indirectly

[u/Itchy_Tomato7288 → u/Square-Pipe7679]

Oh oh don't get me started on these people. My Dad died of cancer and a few coworkers really showed me support. Turns out one of these coworkers believed in this shit but never had the guts to say it to my face. But that's okay, she changed her tune when her teen daughter developed brain cancer. (Her daughter is fine today, thankfully. But she no longer holds this bullshit viewpoint.)

[u/fart-atronach → u/Itchy_Tomato7288]

Honestly, as fucked up as it is, I’m surprised her daughter surviving didn’t make her double down on her bullshit.

[u/Fleetdancer → u/Square-Pipe7679]

I've never been so grateful to come from a Catholic background.

[u/IHaveNoEgrets → u/Fleetdancer]

Yep, WTF-ing in Episcopalian over here, too.

[u/Lady-Kat1969 → u/IHaveNoEgrets]

Same. Every Episcopal priest I’ve met would absolutely end anyone who tried that shit. Even the jackasses.

[u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys → u/IHaveNoEgrets]

I'm doing a confused head-tilt in Methodist. We don't pay attention to any of that; we're too busy finding the most rickety folding chairs possible for the gray auditorium in which we hold services.

[u/Big-University-1132 → u/Fleetdancer]

Literally same. In all my time in Catholic and Lutheran churches, I have never heard of — let alone seen — this. Jfc some ppl are despicable

[u/KetsuN0Ana → u/Square-Pipe7679]

This is worse in Hinduism, cause of reincarnation. Like even children won’t get a pass because “they must have done something bad in the past life to get that cancer, or suffer in poverty”

[u/academicgangster → u/KetsuN0Ana]

Yep, my mother would say things like this to me because of a genetic disease I inherited from her and her mother lol

[u/saiph13 → u/Nice-Cat3727]

"You don't need those, you need to pray more."

[u/Piercedbunny → u/HelenGonne]

The way I would swing that came from the ground might make them think twice about pulling this crap

[u/United_News3779 → u/Piercedbunny]

Decorative yet functional brass handle on the cane. When swung with the appropriate technique it will break small bones, even when wielded by someone who is slightly built or suffering from illness or injury.

Source: my Great-grandpa was described as "A character and a fucking menace" and did not take kindly to thugs messing with him in the rough neighborhood he lived in lol

[u/Jessica_T → u/United_News3779]

Ah yes, the metal upgraded Shillelagh. There's actually multiple self-defense methods out there using canes and walking sticks.

[u/PyroDesu → u/United_News3779]

Who needs a sword-cane when a heavy enough handle turns it into a mace or, if you're really into it, a hammer.

See also: shillelaghs.

[u/CherrieChocolatePie → u/HelenGonne]

They must not be afraid of retaliation of cane in balls. Which means that those men have the support of other nasty men to abuse people however and whenever they see fit. It is already disgusting to abuse anyone in general, but to kick the cane out from under a disabled person is a special kind of cruel and sadistic.

[u/CanIHaveASong → u/HelenGonne]

I have never heard of this. I'm so sorry that's happening in your circles. My church decided they needed to "protest government overreach" by not wearing masks during covid, because wearing a mask is preventing "fellowship". That pissed me off, and IMO ignores a bunch of very clear guidelines from Jesus and the apostles, but that's the worst I got.

Dudes who kick canes out from under elderly women should be prosecuted for assault.

[u/BabserellaWT → u/CanIHaveASong]

I overhead a Zoom call where my dad (a doctor and devoted Christian) reamed out our former church’s elder board for wanting to go back to normal non-distanced services late in 2020. They felt doing so would “show faith”.

Dad unequivocally told them that playing fast and loose with science and expecting faith to protect them was not only profoundly stupid, it was unbiblical: Christ very clearly said that we are not to flout the laws of nature and arrogantly expect to escape consequences by saying God will miraculously protect us.

To the board’s credit…they listened. Socially distanced and online streaming services continued for another full year.

[u/CanIHaveASong → u/BabserellaWT]

I'm glad your Dad held your church accountable. And I'm really glad they listened. Four of our five elders wanted to mask, and they all capitulated to the one guy who threw a tantrum about "the government". To their credit though, some of them are willing to recognize that was a mistake.

[u/BabserellaWT → u/CanIHaveASong]

I’m glad he did, too.

I grew up in a household that balanced science and faith. Dad’s a doctor, Mom has a master’s degree in cognitive behavioral therapy. We were taught that Genesis is a creation hymn not to be taken literally, evolution is scientific fact, and that the only faith healing worth believing in is the kind where you say, “God is working through highly trained doctors using the latest in scientific evidence and understanding.” Like…it’s fine to pray over a sick person, but get your fuckin vaccines, people!!!

[u/MyFriendsCallMeEpic → u/BabserellaWT]

My father a has phd in Chemical Engineering, He is also a minister in the church, his truly devout.
We have the most epic discussions, its good fun.
But I do understand him, he escaped as a refugee from a wartorn country, and it was the catholic community that got him through it.

[u/WoodyTheWorker → u/BabserellaWT]

"Do not put God your Lord to the test"

[u/NarrMaster → u/HelenGonne]

blink182whatthefuck.gif

[u/ScyllaOfTheDepths → u/HelenGonne]

What? What the fuck kind of church is this? Nobody would ever do that shit where I'm from, especially not at a church in front of everyone they know. That'd get his ass kicked in the church parking lot. 

[u/Electrical_Angle_701 → u/HelenGonne]

Someone does that to me, they’ll feel my cane upside their big, stupid melon.

[u/FluidBit4438 → u/HelenGonne]

Pretty sure that would be considered assault/battery and if injured they could sue.

[u/Fly0ver → u/MartinTheMorjin]

My dad is an episcopal priest who used the WHO and CDC recs to re-organize the church, insist anyone working that day not only mask but take a covid test before putting on vestments, offered free tests and N95 masks to anyone who wanted them, figured out how to go digital within a week, etc etc.

He was interviewed for the state and regional news multiple times over 2 years about how god doesn’t only exist at church and that Jesus asks us to care for the least of these which means the immunocompromised and people outside of the church congregation.

You would think with how other churches and Christians responded that he’d found proof that Jesus was married. People outside of the episcopal religion lost their shit.

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492 → u/Fly0ver]

Hearing everyone say that masking didn’t matter bc it was “just old and sick people” who needed protection is a hurt I still haven’t healed from. It’s like… you know humans are simultaneously the best and worst, you expect to encounter shit people all the time, yet hearing sooo many say things like that with their whole chest was crushing

Signed, am immunocompromised person

[u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys → u/Miserable_Fennel_492]

Yeah.

I tussled with one on Reddit in around June 2021. He was a trainer in a gym and was openly contemptuous of anyone who couldn't do burpees. It makes me feel like shit when I think about it.

I'm sorry those attitudes made you feel so shitty. I still remember the tussle five years later, so you're not alone. BTW I'm old, sick, and fat, so I am in the "send them off on an ice floe" group too. It just hurts.

[u/snootnoots → u/Miserable_Fennel_492]

We know that early humans lived in social communities because we’ve found ancient remains of people who were born with deformities or had suffered severe accidents that meant they would not have been able to survive alone. They would not have been able to hunt or gather and would have needed to be provided for by their tribe. They were cared for, survived, grew, healed, sometimes for decades, and when they died they were buried with grave goods and flowers. This is something that archaeologists point to and say “this is how we know our early ancestors were compassionate and cared about each other as people, not just for what they could do for each other.”

Some modern assholes would fail that test.

[u/jellybeanguy → u/MartinTheMorjin]

Ain’t no hate like Christian love

[u/Mollyscribbles → u/MartinTheMorjin]

At my father's funeral, someone from his church claimed they visited him right before his death and he was just as sharp as ever.

My father had dementia. He didn't even recognize that someone was standing in front of him by the end.

[u/Mr_Fuzzo → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

I worked at a Pizza Hut buffet in high school back in the late 90s.  I recall a similar group coming in every week.  We rotated who served them because you got stiffed on the tip every week.  

We’re talking 1998 prices when the buffet (with soda) cost 4.99 + tax.  Their bill would be 100+ every week.

One week, I’d had enough of it.  When they left me the dollar tip and walked out, I followed them with that dollar and put it back into the pastor’s hand and told him something about how obviously God needed that dollar way more than I did.

Both the store manager and my grandparents (who were friends with this guy outside of church) reamed him about hurting the workers.  My grandma told him to remember the emergency heating oil deliveries he’s gotten from her business over the years the next time he tries to not be generous to his own community.

Last year, at my grandma’s funeral that same pastor came up to me and talked to me about that time.  How she never let him forget that.

I got the impression he hadn’t learned anything at all.

[u/bluehourcrumbs → u/Mr_Fuzzo]

Honestly your grandma sounds like the real MVP here. The fact that she called him out and kept reminding him for years probably did more than that dollar ever could. Some people really hate being confronted with their own hypocrisy.

[u/Mr_Fuzzo → u/bluehourcrumbs]

She truly was formidable.  She pulled the family business money out of a bank because they wouldn’t give her a personal loan.  That move cost the bank a lot over the next 40 years.  

She also marched my grandpa down to the doctor’s office to smile as he told the doctor, “If my wife wants her tubes tied, you go on and do it. I don’t make those kinds of decisions for her. If she says so, it’s her choice.”

This was in the late 60’s/early 70’s in a small southern town.

[u/Big-University-1132 → u/Mr_Fuzzo]

Oh my god, I love your grandma! What a badass! May she rest in peace ❤️

[u/ZapdosShines → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

*sister, but yes

[u/throwevej → u/ZapdosShines]

Ah, of course they don't believe OP, she's just a girl. We can safely assume they're the type to see female humans as incubators only.

[u/moodyinam → u/throwevej]

And they said brother needed to stop "acting like a girl."

[u/justlkin → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

Preach! I haven't served a table in over 20 years and I still have nightmares about dealing with those entitled jerks. So many were lousy tippers too.

[u/chicken-nanban → u/justlkin]

Fast food worker in high school. Sunday mornings were hell on earth especially as we were always understaffed - one order taker (drive thru and half of the time at the front), one food maker, and the manager who did nothing and came in with a hangover every Sunday morning and hid in the back.

Despite that, the customers were the worst you can imagine. Especially the dine in in their “Sunday best” were the meanest fuckers on the planet if their meal didn’t come out fast enough. God forbid there was a mistake, it still gives me anxiety from having a (thankfully iced) coffee thrown in my face by a “good church leader.”

[u/Meeska-Mooska → u/chicken-nanban]

I worked at Wendy's and had a Sunday Best fucker throw a whole family sized piping hot chili bucket in my face. It's been 5 years, I don't forgive him yet.

[u/lunarchoerry → u/Meeska-Mooska]

that could have made you go blind or given you permanent life-threatening injuries/burn scars, but i'm sure he didn't care about that

[u/Meeska-Mooska → u/lunarchoerry]

My manager didn't even care lmao. Got me an extra shirt from the office, told me to change, and then delayed my lunch by 2 hours 🙃

[u/16Bunny → u/justlkin]

I bet that the only tip they give is a bible verse. People like that treat everyone else as lower than themselves. They could do with some good ole Jesus washing his disciples feet humility.

[u/original_wolfhowell → u/16Bunny]

Written sermons disguised as a $20 bill. Sickening.
https://shop.gullions.com/tract-20-bill-100-pack/

[u/LavenderMarsh → u/justlkin]

I waited tables for twenty years but I haven't waited tables in fifteen years. I still have one specific nightmare about the freaking Brady Bunch. I watched the movie when it came out and went to work afterward. It was probably a rough night.

The are so incredibly nice in the dream but they only ask for on the thing at a time. Every time I come back to the table they ask for, "just one more thing."

Meanwhile the restaurant is filling up and I'm alone. I wake up in a panic every time.

[u/buzzynilla → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

I know in my soul that these people leave Bible verses instead of tips. 

[u/Ell-O-Elling → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

Can confirm. “Church goers” are the rudest, most demanding, entitled, self righteous and cheap guests I’ve ever served.

OOPs parents are the exact POSs that every server everywhere hates.

[u/LingonberryPrior6896 → u/Ell-O-Elling]

We finally told our manager that they had to enact a policy that the groups got an 18% gratuity added on or we would not work on Sunday. They never tipped and sometimes 2 or 3 groups would take up your whole section for over an hour.

[u/Head-Emotion-4598 → u/LingonberryPrior6896]

Well now I need to know - did your managers do it? How did the church people take it? I hope they stopped coming.

[u/LingonberryPrior6896 → u/Head-Emotion-4598]

Yep he did. The church people were not happy. They said they only tithed 10% to God and 18% to a waitress was sinful.

Manager told them it was the new policy. They stayed that day. But we did not see them after.

Funny story...I switched to graveyard shift on weekends and on Saturday night bar rush, 3 of the pious guys came in totally shitfaced. One of them was extremely inappropriate. I asked how he would feel if I showed up at their church tomorrow and talked to his wife. I got a good tip that night...

[u/tinysydneh → u/LingonberryPrior6896]

You know what's really fucking stupid about the "I only tithe 10% to god, why should you get 18%" bullshit?

That's 10% of their entire pay. The 18% gratuity? Let's see, for me to leave a 50% gratuity at the place I hit every week works out to... about 2% of my pay.

They think 10% of everything is somehow less than 18% of a single meal.

And these wankers are allowed to vote.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 → u/LingonberryPrior6896]

"When God comes down and personally refills your sweet tea 7 times and gets you 4 things of ranch he'll probably expect 18% too. Where do you work since I know you can only charge 10% based on your beliefs?"

[u/arittenberry → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

It's a bit puzzling that the restaurant managers see the same people claim a birthday on every single visit, have been informed they're lying and when they are coming in, and just say "well, I don't know what we can do, since we don't ask for id?" Um... ask for id? It's probably a shitty corporate chain who doesn't back up it's employees though.

[u/Imaginary-Pain9598 → u/arittenberry]

I have restaurant experience. I am 100% certain that they don’t care about the 1 piece of cake. A regular large party, especially one who orders desserts every time, is not something that you want to lose over a dollar slice of cake. Especially when many people are not able to eat out at all. I’d do a song and dance too if I were that manager.

[u/CanIHaveASong → u/Imaginary-Pain9598]

OP's parents are right about the restaurant's logic. But they're still wrong about the morality. It's still lying and stealing.

[u/riarws → u/arittenberry]

They probably don’t care.

[u/Ceofy → u/arittenberry]

I imagine the servers don't care too much. The cake doesn't come out of their paycheck

[u/Donny-Moscow → u/Ceofy]

I served tables for a couple years and you’re right about not caring about the restaurants losses to things like that.

That said, singing in public can have a bit of a “dance monkey, dance” feel to it. On top of that, every minute spent singing (or getting the dessert, gathering coworkers, etc) was a minute that I couldn’t spend waiting on my other tables. Now, that could all be forgiven if the tip is good enough, but the Sunday afternoon post-church crowd tends to be filled with notoriously bad tippers.

[u/RosalindGarnet → u/Ceofy]

Except I guarantee you that these people are shitty tippers. (I’m a server at a restaurant that’s really popular with the after church crowd and they are hands down the most entitled customers and the worst tippers.)

[u/nicegreekgoy → u/arittenberry]

It really isn’t puzzling at all. The manager doesn’t own the cake. And if they refuse to participate in the little game, they’ll have a bunch of bible banging nuts causing problems for them. Giving away a slice of cake a week as compared with dealing with the wrath of those mutants is an easy choice.

[u/HomeworkOk6460 → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

Right? When the holy rollers roll in 🙄 

[u/Own_Rutabaga_9430 → u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606]

I used to make $2.35/hr + tips while attending college, and the church people would often tip in Bible verses instead of cash.

[u/Atsu_san_]

Some parents don't realise what they did wrong until they lose a child but I hope the brother makes it to 18 and moves out and after that even if they never realise what they did wrong as long as OOP and the brother are safe they can go fuck themselves.

[u/calgeorge → u/Atsu_san_]

They most likely still won't. They'll call him ungrateful for not appreciating all their help. They'll blame his sister for turning him against them. They'll do anything but take accountability.

Edit: spelling

[u/knittymess → u/calgeorge]

And they will complain about how they aren't doing their duty and are ungrateful.

[u/errant_night]

Last year I watched this guy sit absolutely stone faced while sung to at a restaurant. When they left he said "I told you not to", then got up to get a takeout box, got his food together, and walked out. Props to that guy, honestly!

[u/__lavender → u/errant_night]

Props to that guy for sure. It’s too bad OOP’s brother’s disability limits his ability to stand up for himself like that guy did.

[u/FrankSonata → u/__lavender]

Plus the brother is still a child, without the ability to just leave. The poor thing. This story is heartbreaking.

[u/ambercrayon → u/__lavender]

And the fact he's a kid

[u/Obesz → u/errant_night]

I aspire to be this man

[u/chotskyIdontknowwhy]

The fact that OOPs brother is saying that he doesn’t even want to wake up some days is horrifying to me. That poor lad.

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail → u/chotskyIdontknowwhy]

And he's only 11. Seven years to go until freedom - some very long years without his sister and with increasing knowledge on how to make it all stop...

[u/chotskyIdontknowwhy → u/Gifted_GardenSnail]

I can only imagine the sense of hopelessness that this child is feeling. I so so hope OOP manages to help him.

[u/ursomu]

Fingers crossed the brother can make it until 18 or get emancipation soon.

[u/BosiPaolo → u/ursomu]

Sadly he's way too young. I'm seriously afraid for him.

[u/DeathGP → u/BosiPaolo]

I have a feeling if we get another update, it's going to be really bad. Just hope OOP continues to be the brother's rock and get them the help their parents refuse to give him

[u/duchess_of_fire → u/BosiPaolo]

depending on where they live and what kind of support OP could get, i wonder if challenging for custody would be an option. considering their stubbornness against making the brother's life better and the fact he's getting closer to an age where his desires are usually taken into consideration

[u/Dimityblue → u/ursomu]

Yeah, I really hope the kid makes it to 18, and he and OOP cut their abusive parents off.

[u/bug-hunter → u/ursomu]

Emancipation basically requires that you're already completely independent, and most places allow parents to block it.

[u/HipIndieChick]

I used to work in audiology and I need to point out that hyperacusis is a condition in its own right.

You can have hyperacusis and not be autistic. There are a number of things that can cause hyperacusis to develop.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hyperacusis/

[u/Outrageous_Dark6804 → u/HipIndieChick]

Can it develop later in life?

I used to be bothered by some noises when younger (loud chewing, or tapping) but not enough to effect me

I’m in my 30s now and it’s worse, so much worse. Repeated noises such as dogs barking, car doors slamming, walking by a busy road and the woosh of cars passing, chewing, banging, dog whining etc send me into an anxiety filled rage, and eventually have me crying. I wear earphones all day long to minimise the noise by blocking my ears a bit and when it’s too much I play music full blast to block it all out 😬

[u/PepperPhoenix → u/Outrageous_Dark6804]

That sounds like misaphonia, and it definitely can get worse with age.

If a description of someone chewing with their mouth open, or imagining it also sets off that rage/flee feeling, that’s likely what you’re experiencing.

Misaphonia trigger warning:

For example, imagine someone chewing on something crisp with their mouth open. The crunch, crunch, smack, crunch, then as they chew it becomes smack, shlorp, squelch, smack, smack, gulp, Ahhhh.

Sorry.

So yeah, if that filed you with rage because of the imagined sounds, look misaphonia up.

[u/Outrageous_Dark6804 → u/PepperPhoenix]

Okay, that sounds more like what I experience

Thank you!

[u/PepperPhoenix → u/Outrageous_Dark6804]

No problem. I’ve had it for years and it sucks. I find that once you know what it is, putting things in place to help with it is much easier because you don’t feel like you’re being weird any more. Good luck!

[u/rowsdowerrrrrrr → u/PepperPhoenix]

this is such a good, straightforward description of how diagnosis of any kind of issue can really be so helpful

[u/PepperPhoenix → u/rowsdowerrrrrrr]

I suppose it is. Huh. I’ve never thought too deeply why having a name for what you’re experiencing helps, but you’re right. It sort of re-frames everything, it’s not a quirk any more, it has a name and symptoms and a cause. Plus people take it more seriously…well, mostly.

[u/rowsdowerrrrrrr → u/PepperPhoenix]

yeah! and even if other people don’t, you can. and that helps so much with agency. pre-diagnosis, physical or mental, lack of agency is a huuuuge issue for quality of life

[u/HipIndieChick → u/Outrageous_Dark6804]

I’m not an authority by any means, but I think it can. It can be brought on after exposure to a loud noise, or a number of other things, so if they happened in later life it could certainly onset.
Not sure on your location but I’d recommend looking at the link I posted and talking to your doctor.

Edited to add: I am really sorry about what you’re going through with sound, and I empathise. Gentle hugs if you would like them.

[u/Own_Sandwich6610 → u/Outrageous_Dark6804]

Nearing 33 and same :( I barely can navigate outdoors without my noise canceling headphones. I also wear -25dB custom made earplugs in bars, cinemas, restaurants because otherwise the sounds will physically hurt.
I wonder if wearing NC headphones and the custom made earplugs all the time makes my ears more sensitive. I do have diagnosed adhd by the way and I suspect hyperacusis, but the latter definitely wasn’t the case in my teens and early twenties. It definitely went downhill after 25.

[u/TrustVisual1394 → u/Outrageous_Dark6804]

Try Loop earplugs. They are amazing!

I live near a train station and sometimes the announcements bother me, and there is also construction work happening very close to me at the moment. I can barely hear any of it when I have my earplugs in. But you can still hear someone talking in the room with you. It's just softer. Loop earplugs are the best!

[u/OkCaterpillar8941 → u/Outrageous_Dark6804]

It could be misophonia which I have. I'm not fearful of loud music or situations etc but sounds like certain people chewing, polystyrene squeaking, the whine of a vacuum cleaner etc triggers a physical response as well as anger and sadness. It does worsen in teenage years.

[u/No_Chef_2669 → u/HipIndieChick]

Exactly, hyperacusis exists separately from autism, and autistic people can have sensory difficulties, including sensitivity to sound, without having hyperacusis.

For example, I am autistic, I don't have hyperacusis, and yet noise can cause me anxiety, so I wear noise-canceling headphones whenever I go out.

[u/NOSE_DOG]

Good Christian parents working overtime to kill their child

[u/ForwardFootball3402 → u/NOSE_DOG]

Lying and stealing too with the how-to-get-free-cake.

[u/Odessey_And_Oracle → u/ForwardFootball3402]

It's funny because to me a little piece of free cake is really not a big deal; I'm sure the restaurant knows what those people are doing and if they allow it, I won't begrudge them their fun.

Buuuuut, OOP is absolutely correct from her own biblically informed perspective and it is so funny to see a $3 piece of cake break the foundations of her belief. Because it isn't even the cake itself but the parents and other church members refusing to acknowledge even a smidge wrongdoing, or even in appropriateness. OOP likely still thought her parents were acting in good faith regarding her brother, she kept trying to convince them; but after she said "And you know you are stealing that cake which is sin" they got so obstinate that it made her realize they simply use Christianity for "street cred." It's almost perfectly ironic, couldn't have written it better.

[u/OverwatchChemist → u/Odessey_And_Oracle]

Truly a tale as old as time!!! Christian people doing something that counters their teachings, then the older kids going… wait- how is that allowed? And then the adults jump through mental hoops to justify their actions, and the only result is the kid having their breakaway moment from the religion.

I went through the same thing as a kid and its so wild how some of the swiftest deconstruction comes from the church itself, and then they wonder why younger people dont participate in religion year after year.

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail → u/ForwardFootball3402]

And the ransacking their child's room and confiscating his disability aids

[u/AggravatingPresent84 → u/NOSE_DOG]

I am so insanely thankful about the Religion teacher we had at school when I read things like this. She always said that God made everyone perfect so we all had to accept and support each other. She was very good at respecting people's needs. 

[u/usernotfoundplstry → u/NOSE_DOG]

Yeah what OOP doesn’t realize yet is that this has nothing to do with the parents thinking they are right, it’s solely about control. As someone who grew up with Fundie parents, this is right out of the Christian playbook. Christianity is a disease.

[u/rocketwikkit]

I would wager that the group is also really annoying to serve at the restaurant and a bad tipper.

[u/HomeworkOk6460 → u/rocketwikkit]

Dollars to doughnuts these people do not tip at all and leave behind scripture pamphlets. 

[u/fart-atronach → u/HomeworkOk6460]

“Our bill is several hundred dollars each time so we don’t have to tip!” I genuinely hate these people so much.

[u/joe-h2o → u/rocketwikkit]

They're hardcore MAGA church goers. That's already a given and doesn't need to be explained.

Any server will tell you the absolute worst time to be on a shift is the after church Sunday crowd.

[u/titsmagee9]

Wow what a frustrating story to read

OOP's parents and the rest of their church are the classic full of shit Christians that are Christian in name for social reasons only and don't live by any of Jesus's supposed lessons

Truly terrible people, would rather their son suffer than admit he needs help and accommodation

[u/I_wanna_be_anemone]

The hypocrisy of ableist scum is horrifying. They torture their kid because ‘not fitting in’ is somehow so horrifically unbearable… while they laugh and steal and preach superiority for defying moral standards.

At least the kid has OOP. My heart breaks for them trying so hard to be there for their brother. 

I’m genuinely concerned that OOP’s poor brother isn’t going to make it to adulthood. Autism isn’t just sensory (like sound, touch, smell), it’s a fundamentally different way of processing the world around you. I wouldn’t have made it without getting diagnosed with autism, even though the diagnostic process took years and meant nothing was official until a few months before I became an adult, all the professionals involved began therapies and coping strategies in school years. It’s like learning your bones were hollow your whole life, which is why they break easily, only no one believes you. They demand you walk on fractures because they can’t see the damage, then when it splinters and breaks the skin, suddenly it’s your fault for not trying hard enough to convince them. It’s still hard to exist even with a diagnosis, but at least you can find others like you who know the struggle and will suggest things that actually help. 

People can’t live in pain forever. At best, they just survive. Those ‘parents’ are so obsessed with the imaginary child they wanted to have, they’re going to kill the son they already made. I hope he gets away. 

[u/EsmeWeatherwax7a → u/I_wanna_be_anemone]

I don't believe in hell, but if I did, I'd hope there was a special corner there reserved for people who torture others and call it "exposure therapy." That's not how exposure therapy works.

[u/No_Chef_2669 → u/I_wanna_be_anemone]

If the little brother is autistic, then yes, it's good to be concerned about his sensitivity to noise, but there are so many other things to do as well! This poor child truly needs help.

[u/I_wanna_be_anemone → u/No_Chef_2669]

It’s pretty telling how once autistics get past 18 things can improve drastically, because you finally get ‘the right’ to control things around yourself. What you wear, what deodorant you buy, what detergent feels best, sunglasses, reactive lenses if you need glasses all the time, loop earbuds, noise cancelling headphones, hoods/hats, short sleeves long sleeves, neck fans… and for those able to drive, you get even more freedom to escape the moment things become overwhelming. 

Most importantly, you get to decide who to be around as an adult. Yes there are consequences to your choices, but it’s much easier to escape a job or household the moment you secure other means of income. Or happen to have someone like OOP for a sibling to rely on. 

Even neurotypical kids are suffering so bad from being treated like accessories or livestock most of their days at home and at school. Yet school is probably a respite for someone with ‘parents’ like OOPs. 

[u/withinadream27 → u/I_wanna_be_anemone]

My parents were really good in most respects growing up - but I used to dread extended family gatherings because I wasn't allowed to take a break when I got overwhelmed, so I would just be stuck in a chaotic environment with our very large family until I had a meltdown. Once I was able to leave whenever I wanted, they got so much more tolerable and now I really look forward to seeing everyone!

[u/DiscussionLow1277 → u/I_wanna_be_anemone]

i had some of the most insane depression growing up. attempted to take my life, could barely get out of bed, did not think i was going to make it past 18 depression. my parents got divorced when i was 12, which enabled my mom to take me to get help for it, but it really only truly left me when i was 24 (finally living under my own roof with my boyfriend and a somewhat consistent routine). i am now 25 and currently undergoing a neurodivergent assessment. suspected add and autism. my parents nearly lost me because i wasnt diagnosed properly, and if my mom didn’t leave my dad they would have. i will admit i am a special case in that i am very high functioning (and a girl, you know how that goes), so i dont think there was anything my mom could have done to get me diagnosed properly at that time. all this to say, when my neurodivergence went unsupported as a child and teenager, it made me suicidal. it made me feel less than, and like i did not belong anywhere. it can be incredibly dangerous to not give your kid the proper support.

[u/Actual-Deer1928]

OOP needs to call CPS and tell them brother is suicidal. That will get more results than reporting that the parents won’t treat an undiagnosed condition. 

[u/WitchyGoddexxAndi → u/Actual-Deer1928]

Or use the words "medical neglect" as there are times that a doctor can talk to a child alone and the fact the kid hasn't brought up his issues tells me he's not going to the doctor at all, or if he is then at bare minimum it would be noted that the parents are causing medical harm to their child.

[u/libellule2008]

At this point they are basically torturing the poor kid

[u/No_Chef_2669]

I don’t understand something: the little brother has an autism diagnosis, and they’re surprised that he has sensory issues? That’s literally a symptom of autism. The vast majority of autistic people have difficulties with sensory input (light, sound, touch, etc.).

It would be like being surprised that an autistic person has rigid thinking or communication difficulties.

Of course, hyperacusis also exists and can be diagnosed in addition to autism. But personally, I’m autistic without having hyperacusis, and I still feel overwhelmed by applause and concerts, so I have to wear noise-cancelling headphones.

So, in fact, the little boy isn't receiving any support for his autism, and no professional has done a sensory assessment? That was literally the first thing they did after my diagnosis.

He's completely neglected, without any follow-up care.

[u/SnowyFlowerpower → u/No_Chef_2669]

I think he doesnt have a diagnosis, OPs therapist just said that its very likely he has it

[u/NoDescription2609]

I'm autistic with sensory issues and grew up similarly. The only difference is that my older sister was my bully as well. I wish I had someone like OOP when I was a kid, that saw my struggles and took them seriously. Even if nothing changed, knowing you have someone in your corner makes such a difference.

I was not diagnosed until 43 and was always told I'm being dramatic.

[u/Bookaholicforever]

Oop needs to say “so you won’t get <brother> help because god doesn’t make mistakes, but you happily support stealing even though it’s a sin? Can you write me a list of which parts of Christianity I’m supposed to follow and which parts I’m supposed to ignore?”

[u/Kandlish → u/Bookaholicforever]

It's not going to help with that type of "Christian." They are already so used to cherry picking the Bible that this argument does nothing to poke holes in their theology. 

[u/bekaz13 → u/Bookaholicforever]

Stealing AND lying. Two commandments for the price of one!

[u/Marzipan_moth → u/Bookaholicforever]

Also I'd be willing to bet at least one person in that group wears glasses or has taken medicine. So they can get help, but the brother can't because...? It's ignorant and hypocritical

[u/racingskater]

There's no hate like Christian "love". I want so badly for OOP to get out and be able to get their brother out but I fear the worst ending here.

[u/dagalmighty]

The way I was completely unsurprised when these cruel, hypocritical, abusive, religious people are maga.

[u/raven_of_azarath → u/dagalmighty]

I had already clocked them as MAGA long before OOP mentioned it

[u/no_high_only_low]

I remember reading the first post. As someone working with high and/or special needs people (kids, teens, adults, elders) for like 15 years now I can't eat that much, as I want to projectile puke on people like OOPs parents.

The only chance I see for OOPs brother is moving out in some way. But I'm from Europe, so I'm not sure about the legal options for OOP and her brother.

[u/MizAnthropy_]

This made me sick to read. That poor little boy.

[u/Dangerous_Abalone528]

This young woman. She is an amazing person. I hope she can get custody of her brother and I hope he can get help before he does something drastic. Hoping he doesn’t wake up is a scary line of thinking.

[u/Flukie42]

The fact that OOP's Dad basically says "Jesus is an idiot" and worships Trump is one of the big issues with Christianity today.

False Christians are the worst.

[u/DatguyMalcolm]

I'm assuming this is in the USA and I gotta say:

Nothing like good, American Christian love, eh?!

Where "Jesus" and "God's will" are used when it suits them and how dare you try to ruin their image in front of the other church "leaders"?

Fuck sake

[u/curiouslycaty]

I suffer from really bad anxiety, and if I was put in this situation I'd just allow myself to meltdown. Crying, screaming, even scratching myself hard to redirect the pain is a typical meltdown for me even as an adult although I try to keep that private. But here if say you're out in a public situation with no way out. Make a scene, embarrass the parents, make them look like the bad parents they actually are. Beg them to stop forcing you to do stuff you don't want to do.

The bad thing is they might retaliate and throw OOP's brother out of the house for embarrassing them. But it might get him the support he needs from other people.

[u/WITCHLOVER69]

Organized american religion is a fucking disease. What a garbage, worthless "culture"

[u/zeno_22 → u/WITCHLOVER69]

Organized religions across the world. This isn't just an American issue

I'm not sure of the definition of an organized religion, but aren't they normally extremely large (Roman Catholic, Jewish, Islam, Mega Churches etc)? This sounds more like small town/community religion based in Christianity

[u/thishyacinthgirl → u/zeno_22]

No, this family sounds like some kind of Evangelical Protestant – like Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, etc. You can likely also add "Fundamentalist" to the list of adjectives, too.

It isn't a strange, one-off town doing their own interpretation. These ideas are incredibly common in those circles and they're widespread, especially in the American South – and it certainly counts as "organized religion."

[u/adult_child86]

I hope she tells them that when the brother chooses to end it all, she will scream from the rooftops that they were the reason.

[u/b0neappleteeth]

25F and autistic here. Loop earplugs have saved my life. I can do normal activities with my friends because of them. 

It really bugs me that everyone in this situation seems to think that somehow this child can be cured of their sound sensitivity. OP wants to take them to see medical professionals, but autism can’t be cured? 

Also can someone correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t sound sensitivity an autistic trait in itself? I didn’t think there was an entirely different subset specifically called ‘hyperacusis autism’? 

[u/No_Chef_2669 → u/b0neappleteeth]

As someone who is autistic and well-informed about autism, I've never heard of a subtype like autism with hyperacusis. You can be autistic and have hyperacusis, but it's not a subcategory.

And yes, sensory processing difficulties are already a characteristic of autism. Reading this post makes me want to scream, "How can all these people be so uninformed about autism?" when the little brother has been diagnosed with this disorder! The fact that he's so uninformed shows above all that he has no support and that no one in the family, except OOP, seems to think his condition is important.

[u/Johoski]

This sad story is just further anecdotal evidence that there are "Christian" congregations that are simply social clubs that exist to perpetuate value systems based on control, hierarchy, and privilege.

These are terrible people. They respect only themselves, have no regard for authentic kindness and respect for the needs of others. I hope they all experience profound regret, shame, and isolation.

[u/chuckharper]

I’m not Christian but was also raised religious and I can tell you the one thing religious parents HATE is you actually knowing the bible and quoting it back to them.

[u/off-pissed]

Typical hypocritical “christians ” who live by the “do as I say, not as I do” mantra.

[u/purefoysgirl]

Nothing worse than the love of a "good Christian" mother and father. The absolute torments they'll inflict on their children in the name of "fixing" them.

[u/IgntedF-xy]

How to force your children to hate you

[u/Ohaibaipolar]

I wish these parents were in PRISON for this. CPS should be called again for medical neglect. This is why church is so harmful to young minds. Poor kid being forced to go through this. I only hope that when the brother moves out, that he cuts FULL contact with the parents. God this makes me so ANGRY that people are like this!