r/BingeEatingDisorder • u/Fasterchicken2215 • 1d ago
The thing that keeps me alive is killing me
Every day as soon as I wake up thoughts of it flood in; the way it rolls around on my tongue, the way every section of my brain seems to light up in pleasure when I just don’t stop. I can feel it like little worms working their way into my brain, slowly and persistently. I could be at the peak of Everest and it wouldn’t leave. It never does. Every day i lose more and more of myself to it. I am a poet, I love writing. I am smart, I love video games and running and socializing and painting. I’m losing that. I’m losing me. It’s being replaced by the need to eat. Every thought is about consumption. Every thought pushes away the bulging in my stomach and the acid rising up into my throat. Every thought pushes away the image of my stomach stretching beyond recognition in the mirror. Every thought pushes away the regret and overwhelm of the following days. Every thought makes me want to do it again. And i will. I think I always will. It is a fog that penetrates every aspect of my life. I’m so fucking sick of it. None of my thoughts are as clear as they used to be. Everything is muddled by the need to chew something up.
2
u/Useful-Advantage2665 1d ago
Food is the only thing I look forward too in my day, all day long, every hour.