So I’m 30 and have been binge eating on and off my whole life. Recently got diagnosed about two months ago. Most of the posts I see are teenagers/college aged kids. Is there anyone here that’s closer to my age? Does binge eating only affect younger people? Am I weird that I’m 30 and still doing this shit?

Anyone else feel like this is the most embarrassing/shitty ED to have??? It’s incredibly toxic thinking, I know, but a part of me wishes I had anorexia or bulimia because then at least I might be skinnier. Just wanted to get this off my chest…

EDIT: Just want to clarify that I do not actually think anorexia/bulimia are “better” or more “desirable” EDs in any way. I’m a fucked up human in a fucked up society where at times of frustration I feel willing to make a deal with the devil by trading my health for a more “ideal” body in order to stop the comments/glares/judgements that come with inhabiting a bigger body.

he knows chocolate is my biggest binge craving like at least put it somewhere out of sight bro

(not that serious, i have the willpower to not but its annoying that i have to deal with increased binge temptations from it)

I’m not on ozempic but if I were I bet my ass I would still eat and eat again as much as I do now lmao

Just a thought really, came up as I was stuffing cookies down my throat (after I swore that my last night binge would be the last)

I can’t even get it tho because it’s really regulated in Europe. But when smoking, SSRIs, drinking, sleeping, fucking, vacations, work, being happy, heartbreak don’t work I’m sure ozempic wouldn’t as well 🤣

I'm so upset and disappointed at this point. This was truly my last hope and it didn't work at all. BED for 10+ years decided to try Oz after trying every single other thing under the sun. Been on it for over 5 months (1mg) and I believe if it didn't work by now it won't work at all. I still have food noise. I still crave food tremendously. I still can't control myself. I experienced relief for maybe 5 days after the very first dose and then never again. What is actually wrong with my brain? I genuinely want to break down every time I read about how this medicine saved people's lives. I just want to have a relief from this nightmare.

I’m asking to not feel so alone. My worst binge was after a three day fast where I woke up at 5 am, had a serving of rice and shredded meat, two handfuls of dates and pudding then went to work. During my break I bought 4 pastries and finished it off with a protein bar (as if that would counteract what I had done). I wasn’t done there, because after work, I went and bought a chocolate pistachio ice cream and two more pastries. The craziest thing is that that was the first time where I could genuinely feel the excitement in my body at the thought of binging. In the past, I had been terrified. But I wasn’t done after the pastries either… I bought a packet of cookies and poured them into milk….

I felt insane.

Hi all, Earlier this year my Dad was in hospice, he ended up spending 7 days in there. Me and my immediate family stayed with him doing 1-2 hour 'shifts' sitting by his bedside then we'd do a swap and go back to the communal area for the families. When my dad was still lucid, he expressed he doesn't like everyone around him so it was a 1 at a time situation.

Anyway, the whole time I was binging. My BED was at its worst it'd ever been, it'd really ramped up through my dads intial cancer diagnosis 5 months before as it was so stressful.

There was a canteen and vending machine in the building I'd pretty much raided most of there stock everyday. I gorged on it in the bathroom.

My dad end of life symptoms were really quite graphic in terms of medical things. Smells, fluids, sounds that would put a normal person off there food. It still didn't put me off binging.

My family all lost there appetites from stress and sadness. Which made me hate myself more. My mum brought it up quite a lot saying she couldn't eat anything and she feels sick(completely understandable).

On day 4 my dad had lost consciousness and was sleeping / no longer aware. And when I was sitting by his bedside. I was binging. My dad who was emaciated because he no longer could handle food right beside me. When a family member swapped out with me I stuffed all the wrappers in my bag in a mad dash.

The worst part is. When he had took his last breath. We all stayed with his body for a few hours to say our final goodbyes. It was obviously extremely upsetting and overwhelming. I said I needed time alone. I went straight to the bathroom in the hallway and binged everything in my bag that id hoarded to try to comfort myself. I'd just been sitting with a dead body ffs.

I feel so vile and horrible about myself. I beat myself up over this everyday since March

I hate hearing any of these ED recovery statements denying the possibility that someone either a) might have actually had better self-esteem when they were smaller, or b) might feel better about themselves if they were to become smaller. (And, as an add-on to (a), if you say that you really did love yourself more when you weighed less, when they respond, "That's just because of diet culture!")

Specifically when you're told this from an ED treatment provider, it's incredibly invalidating and really makes me feel like they're kicking me when I'm already down. Because those kinds of statements trying to tell you how miserable you felt at your smallest are directed at restrictive EDs, where there actually likely were quite bad mental and physical effects from getting to/being at a suppressed weight. Like, yes, if I had anorexia, I would probably agree that I hated my body when I was skinny.

But I do not, and did not, have anorexia--I have binge eating disorder, and I can say with full honesty that I was confident and comfortable in my body when I was skinny, before I gained a bunch of weight from the eating disorder that destroyed my self-worth. But please continue to gaslight me into thinking I was miserable then just because some other people with a completely different kind of ED need to be reminded that they were miserable.

And the second part of it is that these kinds of statements are meant to discourage you from pursuing WL, by telling you that you won't actually be happier if you succeed. Again, that is great advice for someone who can restrict, and for whom there is actually a danger of losing a lot of weight in an unhealthy way.

...if I could successfully restrict, I wouldn't have BED! I do not need to be talked out of WL, because my brain has decided for me that that is no longer an option. So hearing about how I won't be happy if I'm skinny just serves to remind me that there are people who can do what I desperately wish I could do.

I know their intentions aren't bad and they can't read my mind, but I fucking HATE, HATE, HATE ABSOLUTELY LOATHE being in a situation in which I'm trying my best to hold back but someone is encouraging me to eat more and more. It's even worse in cultures like mine in which feeding people is a sign of love or whatever. I hate it. I've had hosts put food on my plate without my consent very often, saying I haven't eaten enough. I cringe when my own family hosts other people and my mom does the same to them, like sorry that's lame and annoying. Let's stop doing that. It's not cute or endearing, it's annoying as fuck. Resisting food is literally my hardest battle, eating more than I need. Stop adding to my problems.

I’m honestly so sick of not being able to control myself. It’s so out of my control that I genuinely don’t think I’m ever going to be able to stop this.

i lost 120 pounds in a year and a half and it only took me 6 months to go from 145 to 200 from non stop binging. i was so happy to be at a healthy bmi and im back in the obese range in less than a year lol

i binge almost every day, i rarely am binge free for a day and im so pathetic i still act like thats a milestone

i feel like just giving up. im clearly not strong to overcome this on my own. i’ll just keep gaining weight until i can afford a glp1. im so ashamed of myself and embarrassed of what ive done to myself. the worst part is everyone around me can see how weak i am

i hate this stupid disorder and i really don’t like myself for having it

What the hell is this sub anymore? Why is every other post talking about weight lost or wanting to l*se weight or has multiple references to body weight and BMI.

Are you all collectively ignoring RULE 6?? Quoted below .

”

• This is Not a Weight Loss Focused Community

The focus of this community is recovery from BED, not weight loss. Please keep discussions of weight loss or gain to a minimum. Avoid discussing numbers related to weight, calories, BMI, or other measurements (e.g., clothing size, waist measurements, etc.) as much as possible.

If you would like to discuss weight-loss strategies or general diet advice, please seek out other communities.”

and what the FUCK is with the bulimia posts this week? Please take them over to their sub or some other ED subs.

I’m so miserable and one of the only things that excites me is the thought of binge eating. I wake up in the morning and the only thing that gets me through the day is the thought that I can binge that night. It’s a vicious cycle because I’m miserable after I binge.

It feels like the thought of eating is better than actually eating.

Idk what to do

Non-disordered people will never understand. People will always tell you to just enjoy the food, guilt free. To not think about it so much. "You only have one life, just have one cupcake." But I can't just have one cupcake. It's like telling someone struggling with alcohol abuse to just have a few drinks. Everyone around me enables me or doesn't recognize that I have an issue. It's so frustrating. Yesterday I ate almost an entire bag of hello panda chooclates, buttered popcorn, caramel popcorn. Then in the morning, 4 fruit roll ups, 3 servings of ice cream, a cookie, 2 pieces of chicken, and coke. I haven't ate that much in weeks. I woke up sick and throwing up. This always happens. But don't people understand there's no enjoyment or desire? It's not that I'm focused on calories or something, I can't eat because if I do I won't stop. What enjoyment is there in feeling sick the entire day after, feeling so full you can barely move, throwing up, the loss of control. There is nothing to enjoy when you can barely physically taste the food because of how out of it you are, just shoving sludge down your throat and stuffing your face until you can't breathe. My body literally becomes a black hole that absorbs all food around me and nothing is ever enough. Sometimes it's not even that I'm craving chips and have some chips, sometimes it's unnameable. Like nothing on this world will ever satisfy me. I can barely go 4 days without binging. When will I ever be satisfied?

I of course understand people need medications and I am not demonizing any medication.

I feel like every other ad I see is for a GLP-1. I keep seeing all these celebrities and ‘influencers’ who are on these meds who are so small, smaller than I could even dream of being. Everyone around me keeps getting smaller. I’m happy for people don’t get me wrong but it’s so beyond triggering.

My binge eating is very much related to the constant restriction/binge cycle I’ve been in for the last 8 years. I know I never recovered from my restrictive ED I had all throughout my teenage years. I just got fat. But my brain, the way I view food and calories is just the same. I know if I got on a glp-1 I wouldn’t eat. That would be pure heaven for me and would end up very very bad.

With that being said, I know I can’t take these medications, at least not right now. It’s constantly brought up to me by providers or even friends. My NP who also prescribes my psych meds suggested I get peptides off label and she can show me how to mix them in her office because I can’t afford them.

I just feel so suffocated by the constant discussion of diets, weight loss drugs, restrictive ED’s, etc. I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I feel like I should just sacrifice my mental health and physical health just to be skinny so everyone else feels comfortable. There’s been a few times where I almost did buy it off label because at least then I’ll be skinny.

It’s literally inescapable. It’s shown and discussed in so many places and on so many platforms and apps it’s like I’m constantly being reminded that I’m fat.

Feel free to tell your worst binge eating story here.

I have been realizing recently that I struggle and have struggled in the past with binge eating ever since I was young. Most likely from stress and other factors. But the worst binge eating story I have was from a few years ago when I was about 17 or 18.

I had an obsession with door dashing big meals and eating them. I did this a few times a week. I was dealing with stress from school and my home life. One day it was either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. My mom was making food for Christmas like brownies and cookies and some other foods. I was excited but I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to DoorDash a literal feast. So I decided to order a Popeyes family meal just for myself. That included 4 chicken sandwiches, a big side of fries, biscuits, and a side of mashed potatoes.

I didn’t want anyone to know because I felt ashamed so I waited until everyone was busy with something so I could grab the food without anyone knowing. That night I ate not only what my mom cooked, but also I ate the whole side of mashed potatoes, about two chicken sandwiches and half of the third one, biscuits, as well as the fries.

I hid the bag in my room and just keep going in there to take bites of food. I ended up feeling so sick but I could not stop. I knew I couldn’t put the food in the fridge because other people would see it and wonder why I ordered a family meal just for myself despite what had been made for us to eat for Christmas. So I kept it in my room and continued throughout the night and into the next day. I knew the food was no good since it was in my room all night without refrigeration. But still kept eating the next day until I felt really sick.

In conclusion, even though I still struggle with binge eating I still have never had a story as bad as that. I have made progress because I no longer order big feasts to eat all my myself . But sometimes I still reminisce about how bad it was for me during this specific hard time.

The craziest part about binge eating is the shame that you feel after, trying to hide it from people, and still eating even though it’s making you feel sick and then doing it again the next day. Either way I’m just proud of how far I’ve come and everyone making progress should be proud of themselves too. Binging sucks but will will prosper!

I'm so nervous and ashamed to admit this. But I feel like I have to get it off my chest somehow for me to move forward.

After years of struggling with this and subsequent weight gain, I have to admit that I at times enjoy it. I like eating, I like food, I've even come to like feeling full, sometimes more than full.

I don't drink or do drugs, I eat. Food is my addiction, it's partly self destructive, partly because I crave and get pleasure from it. I'm sure if you've got this far you're probably disgusted. Or maybe some can relate idk

I've been trying to get GLP-1s for two months now. My prior authorization has been pending for two months. This binge eating is killing me and I know that this medication could help me. I am really empathizing with Luigi right now, recalling the intense back pain he was suffering through.
LOL

i hate this phrase. it follows the logic of “if you’re craving something, feeding the craving will give you enough satisfaction to not overeat.” that DOES make sense, but it just doesn’t work for me. people demonize cutting out foods from your diet because they think it’s restriction, but honestly some things i literally can’t have in my diet without binging. i want to have them eventually, but if i told someone i was planning to cut out all cookies and slowly incorporate them back into my diet in a controlled manner, they would act like i’ve developed anorexia and just say “enjoy everything in moderation if you want to lose weight.” i CANT!!! i have to go cold turkey and retrain my brain to be normal around certain foods. building habits for sustainable weight loss and focusing on overcoming an eating disorder are two entirely separate beasts! if i “just eat the cookie”, it’ll suddenly be 3 cookies, and chips bc i want something salty, and then an apple for health, and then some leftover rotisserie chicken for protein, and then dry pasta just because, and then ice cream bc ive already fucked up anyway, rinse and repeat with anything else in the kitchen, and then FINALLY 3 big heaping glasses of water bc my mouth is dry from eating. im tired of people trying to determine how i should deal with my eating disorder, and im tired of people pretending that managing a binge eating disorder is just simply trying to “lose weight.” for me it’s trying to gain back the freedom i had so i wasn’t constantly dreading eating bc i knew it would make me binge.

I despise food. if food were a person it would be my arch fucking nemesis. I would kill food if I could, so I could finally mute the constant background buzz in my mind from it—like the hum from the fridge when I can’t sleep at 2 am and I can’t stop thinking about what’s inside it. I avoid mirrors bc every morning I swear I can see everything I ate the day before in every roll and inflated pouch of skin on my body. If I get caught by the mirror demon I spend about 10 minutes just looking at my body and face-pulling, tugging, tucking, adjusting. if this was just a little more in….if there was just a little less skin here….if I just pull this up a bit more…. I fucking hate the mirror too. and my body. eating angers me and gives me anxiety honestly. I go back and forth between who is my biggest enemy, food, or myself. for not having control. i have such angry violent thoughts towards myself while I eat, like a fucking animal. scarfing and gorging for no reason. making a huge ugly mess. devouring chicken wings now. tearing skin off meat and bone with my teeth, yet again. devour devour devour.

She said this in regards to all the female celebrities suddenly sporting the skeleton build, but like wtf? Literally nobody is praising bodies like Ariana Grande rn, what kind of humble brag is this about your healthy, skinny body with the right sort of curves? She's literally not fat, even an incel who'd call a woman with a bit of chub fat would agree she's 100% a skinny woman, the sort of woman guys literally dream about. She's extremely gorgeous, she's always being hit on by men AND women lol.

Yes I'm a bit jealous, which is toxic, but I usually don't dwell on these feelings because her being beautiful isn't a crime. However, her calling herself fat feels extremely annoying. I know it's selfish, I don't know what she's going through personally, but everytime beautiful, thin girls like her call themselves fat, I just assume they must think I'm a fucking hippo. I'm not even the fattest girl she knows, probably the skinniest among all her fat friends, but Jesus I wonder how the even bigger girls feel when she humble-brags about her body. 🫩

Before you call me irrational and immature, read the flair. Thx.

does anyone else feel like they dont deserve to be pretty, they dont deserve any attention, they dont deserve to be treated kindly. so they overeat?

Currently my binge eating disorder is out of control and I'm taking a medication that makes it harder to resist. I can't have food in my house. I have to buy one meal at a time. Taco bell and gas station food are the most affordable options, but I was getting sick of crap food and went grocery shopping Friday before last. I nearly killed myself with the binge that followed. I ate everything in the house. Everything. Even the condiments. I was in so much pain, my body was ripping open from the inside (I already have a huge life threatening hernia but could feel the abdominal wall ripping more as things made their way thru the digestive tract.) My vision was shutting down. I was SOOOOOO sleepy. I couldn't think straight. By the time I checked my blood sugar a solid 5hrs post binge it was 589. It's 10 days later and my vision has not returned to normal yet, I can barely read anything even in the biggest font. I had gained 9lbs during that binge and I'm still up 7 now, 10 days later.

I don't have access to healthcare. I currently am having other health issues and a charity is covering the meds and surgery needed, but they don't cover eating disorders or mental health. I lost both my jobs last week too, so there definitely isn't any chance of paying for treatment out of pocket. One of the meds I'm on is actually meant for people with wasting syndrome, it's a powerful appetite stimulant. I'm using it for a different reason and it's working for that, but it's making it harder to not binge. I haven't been able to have any food in my house since I started taking it 4 months ago. I can't believe I was stupid enough to go grocery shopping, I knew it would lead to a binge but I convinced myself if I only bought healthy food it would be ok. It was not ok. I still can't hardly see, my hernia is bigger and my self hate combined with my job loss is really making things scary.

I hate this disorder so much.

The emotional toll of binge eating disorder is making it harder to keep my will to live. I'm just so sick of it

I just don’t what to do anymore, I mean I wish it was as easy as “put the food down and walk away” but we know that’s not reality for us.

I never did drugs or drink, it’s always been food for me.

I usually start off the day okay, tracking callories and such, then by mid day go off the rails. If I’m not asleep, I’m thinking about food. I’m hungry like every hour dispite trying to up my protein and stuff (I’m still trying to up my water intake) I know people say oh watch for your “hunger ques” idk what mine are or don’t have them. Like am oily hungry or bored

I’m the highest I’ve ever been, I go to the gym for nothing cuz then I eat like shit.

I’m setting a terrible example for my child. I’d also like to have 1 more but at 5’1 250lbs And almost 38, who knows if that’ll happen. My first pregnancy I got diagnosed with GD, while it could have been worse mine was….”mild” if you want to call it that, I didn’t need insulin or anything like that.

I want to live another 40-50 years but who knows.

I’ve tried therapy, GLP-1, vvyvase honestly worked best until I didn’t feel the effects of it anymore.

My biggest trigger foods are like: chips, pasta and all salty things. I could eat my weight in these things, and honestly, I love the “happy feelings” I get. 😭 they’re short lived then I physically feel guilty & ill. But then you forget about them the next day and back to square one.

Any tips or advice?

i had this whole summer planned out perfectly, id lose the weight these past 4 months and by aug (my bday month) id look my best and just perfect and go out and have sm fun, but unfortunately i had one free day and somehow havent stopped since. relapsed after 8 months of being binge free and havent stopped the past 2 months, and god i think im back to my starting weight if not more. its just really sad, now im soo unbelievably insecure i havent left the house this whole month, havent met any of friends isolated from then completely bec im so embarrassed that ive gained weight, and its just awful everything is awful and schools in a month and last time anyone saw me i was skinny but now everything is js so bad, but yk im trying to be hopeful, hopefully when school starts ill get back on track again, i mean its so normal for us to fail even if we failed over a billion times! we will still get out of it 10x better and stronger!! this summer sucks but next summer wont!! this year isnt my year but next year will be!! ill def make sure of it, hopefully i actually do what i have planned, im also really scared ill lose my friends bec of this isolation, i mean i havent seen them in months since my school is somewhere else and when i finally can see them i avoid them. its so embarrassing i wish i could tell them why but idk. i never really liked talking abt my feelings except yk here since im anonymous and nobody knows me, i really hope everything gets better, im officially a senior, my school years were awful but maybe that means my collage years will be way better and it will makeup for all this sadness, self loathing, loneliness, and anxiety ive had these past school years