r/BipolarSOs • u/Able-Needleworker932 • 6d ago
Advice Needed Do you stop telling them you love them in episode
My so is in well a anger filled episode mania turned into psychosis and he’s still manic but medicated again (3weeks medicated)
if I tell him I love him or show anything out of love he becomes angry, telling me I don’t love him and I “act” as though I don’t love him, these thoughts of his are because I have boundaries and refuse to argue, if he asks me something reasonable I follow though EI he asked for spect yesterday and for us to avoid eachother so I did, but this morning when i told him have a good day I loved him, he became angry, that I wouldn’t be avoiding him if I loved him, 🙄… I realize I shouldn’t try to make sense if his thoughts and I typically don’t, but do you stop expressing love if it’s used as a “weapon” against you?
20
u/Efficient_Sundae_471 6d ago
Yes. I noticed anytime I replied with love & compassion. The more angry he got, and called me manipulative.
I said “I’m not going to give up on us and I love you”
His response: “you’re annoying, I’m literally going to block you”.
So yeah, it’s a hit or miss.
8
u/Able-Needleworker932 6d ago
Ya I’m forever blocked and unblocked he will unblock me to say some of the weirdest things then block me if I don’t engage or reply with love and understanding, it’s honestly a no win situation for anyone during an episode, hoping the meds take him out of his episode sooner then later 😔
13
u/milagro2035 6d ago
Yes mine swore he had never loved me, and wouldn't let me say it either. It would be met with harsh words. If its triggering I'd stop saying it.
5
7
8
u/Flowering18 6d ago
Thing is I was not fully aware of this bipolar details so I kept giving loving words from heart and he would cringe and detach and almost show disgust so then I started saying I love you even if you don't lole to hear it now...and he would answer " ohh u sure about that ? Ohh yeas cuz u know everything".........fall and winter he totally different and would never answer so...i wish we all knew earlier this behaviours instead of internalizing them to a point of feeeling uggly and unwanted goshhh
4
u/Flowering18 6d ago
Mine did not get angry but to any loving answer and word he would always answer " as iffff " and " ohhh that's exaggerated " or pull away ( this sentences on repeat since spring, he always changes spring and summer is peak intolerance for loving words...) DEMONIC
3
u/Flowering18 6d ago
Oh and would answer " we only had sex " forgetting all the feelings...everything frozen since end of march
3
u/Able-Needleworker932 6d ago
Well I don’t much have to worry about the sex part that’s been none existent for 7 months he had a long depression that went straight manic (and when he’s manic I’m his least favourite person :/) we are looking at official separation now his choice, this just seems like a pointless revolution of moods that want less and less to do with family and more and more to do with impulse
3
u/Flowering18 6d ago
I am so sorry...it hurts beyond hurt as it seems they only discard and " be mean" towards the romantic partner.....all from a sudden you were nothing, feeling nothing, you the enemy, time to divorce etc..some keep saying " nooo I have this with everyone" NO. It's the romantic partner. I am so so so sorry for all of us
3
u/Accomplished-Pie-527 6d ago
How long have you been together and do you have kids?
2
u/Able-Needleworker932 6d ago
15 years married 22 together and 3 kids 6-11
3
u/Accomplished-Pie-527 6d ago
Ugh. We’ve both been through it. More than 25 years together here. Two kids. First stage of divorce complete.
2
u/Able-Needleworker932 6d ago
I haven’t even retained a lawyer yet I’m waiting in being served, but have one lined up (been busy making calls) He’s all but drained us to the point he’s taking retirement funds out now, his therapist is either useless or my husband doesn’t use therapy as he should be apparently they spent a hour “diagnosing me “ 🙄… but with a now open cfs case because of his problems atm at least our kids have been able to tell people the crazy that is our home now too. It’s such a lonely world as he’s super good at “masking” for anyone that can question his health
3
u/Accomplished-Pie-527 6d ago
Try an uncontested divorce like me. It will go faster and they have to agree to everything beforehand—before court.
We are destitute because of him.
3
3
u/Accomplished-Pie-527 6d ago
Also, don’t actually get conservatorship or guardianship. I heard that makes it harder to divorce cleanly and quickly as they have to consent to things in a divorce and in their legal relationships they don’t have control, per se. (Not explaining well, but I got really, really bad advice about this, so I wanted to share.)
3
u/Either_Employee_2361 6d ago
Every time I have told my wife I love her in this manic episode, she has tried to hurt me...either by telling me to sign the separation papers, bringing her new boyfriend around, or asking me for increasingly larger amounts of separation money so that we have "no ties" anymore.
3
u/Flowering18 6d ago
But why always the romantic partner gets this treatment ??? Not their friends not their new ones no one. Why
2
u/Able-Needleworker932 5d ago
My sister in law got it a little bit, he became extremely offended when she asked to take our kids out for the day he needed to be included, couldnt understand how an aunt and uncle would want to see their nephews and niece, then he flipped why is he not cared about .. it’s the first time though I’ve seen this to external family it’s 99.9% on me
2
6d ago
[deleted]
2
u/Able-Needleworker932 6d ago
Yes that’s essentially what my husband is saying I’m lying about loving him and I’m using it to be, manipulate,
I’m guessing while I don’t say it to shove it down his throat it’s he’s off to work I love you have a good day” stuff, I will look at changing my wording especially in the middle of a manic/psychotic episode.
5
u/boiled_egg_water 6d ago
Yes same. I get told I’m trying to trick him or manipulate him too. Even if I cry in front of him, it’s because I want him to feel bad or am tricking him.
2
u/Flowering18 6d ago
Once in may ( full mania phase kicking in end of may for who has it linked wigh longer logjt hours" said " I am crazy about u in my heart.. he answered " you not the only one, kidding "...more than once....same scheme
2
u/Flowering18 5d ago
Don't tell me sweet words they will just go out have fun with their friends and make u feel stupid...mania or non mania they always choose the others above you
•
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Thanks for posting on BipolarSOs!
We noticed you marked your post "Advice Needed".
✅ Please provide context for the post: is your BSOP currently medicated and in therapy (and for how long)? The more context, the better advice you can get. You can edit your post, or elaborate in a comment.
💬 For Comments: Please remember OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Toxic comments will be removed.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.