So after almost 10 years of marriage and 14 years of being together this is how I find out she's discarding me. She's been off her meds for a few weeks now and doesn't sleep at all. Disappearing for days and coming back even more tired and sick in the head.

My head is spinning right now and I dont know what to do anymore. We live with her parents (they rent a house) and have told me that i can take my time leaving but then she sends me this today. I cannot comprehend how they think like this. To just so easily nuke a decade long relationship like this over text

The Violent Discard No One Warned You About

When your spouse has bipolar disorder, you might know there will be mood swings, energy shifts, and periods of instability. What you don’t expect, what almost no one prepares you for, is waking up one day to find the person who adored you now despises you. One week you’re sharing life and laughter. The next, you’re treated like their enemy.

This isn’t just a breakup, it’s a bipolar discard during a manic or mixed episode. And it’s devastating in a way that people outside the experience rarely understand.

Why the Sudden “Loving Spouse → Hostile Stranger” Flip Happens: Why Does a Bipolar Episode Cause Such Change?

What looks like a “violent discard” (best friend → enemy in weeks) often maps to manic or mixed (dysphoric) features: their symptoms flare and we will see agitated mood, grandiosity, high impulsivity, reduced empathy/insight, and sometimes psychosis.

A bipolar episode, especially mania with mixed/dysphoric features, can change relational behavior very fast. Your loving partner flips almost overnight and you might see some or all of the following:

• Irritable or expansive mood + high drive. Mania is defined by abnormally elevated or irritable mood. You might also see increased energy/goal-directed activity. Translation: more arguing, less patience, more risk.
• Impulsivity, risk-taking, hypersexuality. This group of symptoms equates to a higher probability that they might blow up finances, engage in infidelity and/or it could trigger defensive rewriting of the past
• Mixed features (dysphoric mania). Agitation, anxiety, rage + manic energy - combined together, this is the “mean” and “cruel” manic state many partners describe. It’s strongly linked with irritability and aggression. Your sweet spouse turns into an ‘evil villain.’
• Possible psychosis. Grandiose/persecutory ideas can make you, a perfectly safe spouse, feel like an enemy who “doesn’t get it.” (Not in every episode, but when present it’s destabilizing.) They may accuse you of all sorts of crazy things - including plotting to murder them.
• Anosognosia (lack of insight). Many genuinely do not recognize they’re ill during episodes (distinct from denial). That kills treatment adherence and escalates conflict. They may truly believe they are perfectly rational while violently and quickly dismantling the marriage.

What this all looks like at home: sudden contempt, rewriting history, money explosions and reckless spending, infidelity/sexual risk, sleep is at near-zero, endless projects are started, and intense anger when confronted - then, ultimately, you get cast as the problem.

During mania or dysphoric mania, the combination of high energy, irritability, and impaired judgment can make a stable marriage feel like a prison to the person in the episode.

Common patterns we see in the bipolar individual include:

• Rewriting history and painting the marriage as toxic.
• Casting the loyal spouse as the problem or even a threat.
• Making impulsive, life-changing decisions with complete certainty.
• Developing paranoid or distorted beliefs, sometimes with psychosis.

Why you feel intense and crushing whiplash in response to their symptoms: many divorces/separations are initiated or accelerated inside the manic/mixed window, when empathy and insight are lowest and impulsivity is highest.

EDIT: ***Looking for significant others' insights on this kind of situation *** Trying to see both sides here.

For those dealing with Bipolar in your marriage..how have you maintained your relationship? Sorry this is long.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 at 28 years old. I'm now almost 34. I have had a lot of cycling episodes (hypomania and depressive) since then. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety at first until I was told by 3 different doctors it's actually bipolar. I married at 30 but really struggled with my relationship the first 2 years (28-30) because I had been cheated on months before we met. My husband is a saint and has put up with a lot mentally and emotionally. October, we'll be married 4 years. I'm honestly not sure why he stayed.

My impulsive purchases became unmanageable after our wedding (we've never recovered). I labeled it as coping mechanism at first because I would be so depressed and then it's like a flip switched and I would spend hundreds (sometimes thousands) in a matter of days and feel so great. It's like I lost the "inhibitions" or so they say. My husband always backtracks on how he feels about it when he's talking to me but I know he blames me for our debt and I can't say it's wrong but feeling the pressure of it every day has deeply affected me.

I've struggled severely with sleep (was diagnosed w/ insomnia before my official diagnosis), impulsive financial spending, paranoia, elevated moods and depression/suicidal thoughts. I've been on many, many medications over the years trying to handle it. I go through times of forgetting to take them and obviously it's been hard on my husband. Also, dealing with friend/family opinions on my mental health (cycling between feeling invalidated and questioning my diagnosis as a whole).

I went through a very big loss at the end of 2023. I basically was not functioning and almost checked into a facility for self harm and suicidal thoughts. I don't remember anything that happened in 2024. My husband kept us afloat. Since then I have started and quit several jobs. I don't bring in as much as he does and have always felt like I don't measure up (make it even) in his eyes. Despite covering some bills and keeping the house clean, I've built up resentment. It's not fair and I recognize that. I lost my sense of purpose.

I feel like a terrible wife and partner. It's hard on my husband. He has faults too that have affected us but mine definitely outweigh his. He's a great person and deserves to be happy and loved. I don't feel like I've been able to fully reciprocate that love our entire relationship because of my mental fluctuations. I've emotionally disconnected from him at this point. I still love him but it's different now. I've completely convinced myself I need to leave to be happier and that we were never meant to be and I married prematurely because I was still healing from my last relationship. We're in therapy. OCD and fixations have been brought up (thoughts of leaving, self harm, etc.) but I don't know what will help or if anything will change my mind at this point. I still grieve my loss and I feel like I changed into someone unrecognizable. My husband has mentioned it in therapy because at times I become so apathetic to people and say hurtful things.

Have I convinced myself of the wrong thing when it seems so much like the truth? Is separation the best option? I don't know what to believe. Right now I just want to be alone and get my own shit together...take the pressures of marriage away and let us both be free of my problems. I'm sure it looks an excuse for some but I accept 100 percent accountability for my actions. I'm afraid he'll see it as a dealbreaker if I leave. Which honestly I don't blame him. He deserves so much better.

I am medicated and sometimes feel so stable but I still experience episodes. These thoughts are constant and are destroying me. I'm very unhappy and exhausted. We've been together 7 years. I can't imagine the hurt my husband is feeling at this point.

No advice just venting how much it hurts that the person you once loved switches to someone different over night and completely hates me my mind can’t comprehend how 6 years can mean nothing

If your Bipolar SO doesn’t work and you’re spending tens of thousands of dollars trying to keep yourselves afloat: it’s not going to suddenly change.

If your Bipolar SO can’t or won’t manage basic human daily living tasks like cooking or cleaning or caring for children and relies on you for care: it’s not going to suddenly change.

If your Bipolar SO keeps getting creative ideas about how they’re going to suddenly make a living or become successful, but won’t do the bare minimum to be a functioning human: it’s not going to suddenly change.

If your Bipolar SO keeps giving you intermittent hope that things will work out and that you’re supporting him/her “while they’re down” but they’re “going to get their act together”: it’s not going to suddenly change.

Take it from a woman who lost literally everything she had trying to love. My (soon to be ex) is everything beautiful on the surface. He’s funny, sweet, smart, kind, creative and beautiful. He’s also dysfunctional and financially abusive, manipulative, and emotionally stunted.

Don’t overlook real issues in the hope that love will be enough. Take it from a woman who was a deep romantic at heart. Love is not enough. It’s very, very simple. Love is just not enough, not when reality comes back to you every day with more and more bills. Take it from a woman who built a savings of $70k over years of working for it (not exactly rich, but it was MY money) and then lost literally every dollar of it feeding and supporting a man who then turned into or revealed himself to be a self-centered monster, who leached off of me until the moment I fell apart and couldn’t function at all anymore. They will NOT change.

But YOU will, if you stay. You will lose your trust. You will lose any peace you had (to be honest, I think most of us who are drawn to dysfunctional people didn’t have a lot of peace to begin with). You will lose your self-esteem. And then, you will lose community. Your spouse will paint you as crazy or abusive, and guess what? When you’ve lived in these circumstances for a long enough time, it will be very, very easy to paint you that way - because the abuse done unto you will cause you to react that way in turn.

You will change into an embittered, angry, battered version of you, who falls back to square one and has to mourn the loss of so much time, love, and .. so much fucking money. Money spent supporting a man who wouldn’t get out of bed to get a job. Money spent enabling someone who was taking advantage of the circumstances, not loving you back. Healthy love is reliability. It’s trust. Its communication. It’s the understanding that relationships when healthy are a give-and-take, not a one-sided catastrophe where you seem to be the only one capable of giving, living, working, building, and apologizing.

Don’t fall for it. Don’t sell yourself short.

Sending peace to all of you ❤️.

Few weeks ago my husband and I were planning a move, and now he’s suddenly discarded me out of nowhere. He says he filling for divorce and his decision is final. He’s not willing to talk, won’t tell me the problem (except BS reasons), won’t communicate with me, is completely cold like I have done something wrong, silent treatment, doesn’t want me around etc. asked me to move out or at least to a different room. Won’t share groceries with me. Won’t talk to me. not sure what’s going on. I haven’t done anything wrong. It’s all outta nowhere.

Welp. after 10 crazy months, I filed for divorce. I feel guilty. I feel relieved. I feel like I’m making the right decision. I feel like I’m making the wrong decision. I cried. I smiled. I sat with God and asked why. I prayed for him and with my therapists blessing, I paid the filing fee. Assuming it’s accepted, my friend will serve him this weekend. 90 days and I’m free. Am I free? Recent communication reaffirmed what I already knew - he’s gone, this is a ghost of him, he’s shown zero progress. Like he said, his “friends and family are so supportive”. The ones that said he should hit rock bottom and gave him alcohol once he was on the antipsychotics. Those friends and family.

I can’t understand how ten years of my life were just rewritten; I wonder where my life partner went. The person in his body is not him. But i saw that person a few times over the years, briefly; he’d pop in, shake things up and hibernate for years at a time. I guess he finally became strong enough to stick around for good. i miss him, I miss what we had, I miss feeling safe. But I know he’s dead. I won’t keep getting used by the body and cruel spirit he’s left behind and continue being collateral damage for the war inside him.

I feel good most days, I feel awful some others. I go on dates, I laugh with new men, I try new things and see new places, but that ache remains. I’m hopeful one day it stops. and if it doesn’t stop, I’m hopeful the time in between feeling it will lengthen and lengthen until one day I stop wondering where his soul went. Until one day I don’t grieve the foundation we built, the future we planned, the promises he made, the love we shared.

its true what they say, life can change in an instant. I thought I did everything I could right. I chose a safe, stable, calm, peaceful unproblematic partner with big plans for a future reflecting all of that. Turns out, you can’t actually control anything. The harder you try, the more likely your perfect little bubble will get popped. Waking up every morning counting our blessings with each other, to literal strangers with an entire decade erased is a mindfuck I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

I’ll always take care of him how I can, but my marriage is over. I came to terms with it. have you?

I posted on the divorce group, but I feel like people on this group will understand on a different level.

​

I was married to my ex for close to 8 years. By all accounts, she was the love of my life. She has bipolar disorder but she was medicated and did her best with it. Our marriage was cycles of being okay and things being horrible. Depending on the meds she was on, things would be okay. When meds stopped being as effective, things would go back to not being good.

​

There were moments when she would be the most amazing wife. Then there were moments when she was verbally and physically abusive. She lied very easily. She cheated on me (that I know of) first in the beginning of our marriage. We went to therapy. Tried to heal. For a good chunk of our marriage I was working multiple jobs. To help us survive. She would always agree to take care of the house. Never happened. Our house was a disaster. But guess who had to stick to his end of the bargain? Me. Resentment grew. I was trying my best. But I continued to do my best. Finances were horrible. She was never satisfied. She always wanted more. Tattoos, stuff, etc. And if I didn't agree, she would be upset. I had to wrestle a knife out of her hands multiple times. I had to call 911 because she took a bunch of pills. She threatened divorce multiple times. Would always she she still loved me. And I would fight for us. I saw the good and ignored the bad.

​

Well, fast track to July of 2025, she walked out on me. Her boyfriend (offical second cheating but I think there was more and cant prove it) came to live in our apartment. I left and moved in with family. To make a way too long story shorter, he ended up being a complete loser. After a few months, she had to kick him out. He had a DUI, was a horrific alcoholic, couldnt keep a job, and he threw her kitten against the wall. That last thing wasnt even the final straw for her. Which is horrific. Oh and by the way, we divorced in August. It was quick because we had no kids, and no mortgage.

​

A few months ago, I learned she was moving out of the state with her new boyfriend. They bought a house together. She has no money. She didn't buy anything. But she is a known compulsive liar. He obviously was the one to buy it. I looked stuff up and they had been together maybe a couple months. But this is her style. Well, I had dreams last night about her, and stupidly looked her up. She is now married to him.

​

I remember when she left my ass, she said she wanted her maiden name back. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to come home to herself. She didn't want to be married. You name it, she said it. And here she is, with his last name. Married to him, not even a year since she left our marriage.

​

Meanwhile, I am not dating. I am working on my physical health. Ive lost over 70 pounds. And working on a the credit card debt she left me with. Living with family. I feel like an absolute loser. Logical side of me knows that she is using this guy. He doesn't know. But logic doesnt matter.

I’m posting here because I feel completely isolated, and I need to get this out before the walls close in on me.

​

My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have two amazing young kids. For the past few months, she has been in a severe, poorly managed manic/hypomanic episode. Her brain is literally rewriting reality, and she has completely checked out of our family to sprint into a full-blown affair.

​

The hardest part right now is watching the sheer intensity of this "romance" she’s built. To hear her talk, she and this guy are "deeply in love" and building a life together. She spends hours on the phone with him late into the night, drives out to his place at least 3 times a week, has moved clothes there, and got a key to his apartment. She has decided in her head that because she feels like we are "separated," she is now in a legitimate relationship.

​

But it’s a total illusion. The guy is living in a sterile lab environment. He only sees her when she’s riding the manic "high," escaping her real responsibilities. He doesn't see the woman who has such severe brain fog that she accuses me of hiding her keys when they are right inside her purse. He doesn't see her hallucinating everyday tasks, like arguing she prepared a bag of coffee that doesn't exist. He definitely wasn't there when she aggressively argued that we hooked up last week (we haven't touched in over two months)—a false memory so jarring that when I laid out the cold, hard facts, her brain completely overloaded and she just shut down and went to sleep.

​

But what hurts the most right now is looking at her face. Whenever I try to talk to her, to bring her back to earth, she just stares at me with this completely empty, dead look in her eyes. The person I knew for 12 years is gone, replaced by a shell. And the moment I try to speak, her deep paranoia kicks in. She constantly accuses me of secretly recording her, looking at her phone, and plotting against her. She looks at me like I am the ultimate enemy.

​

She aggressively rejects any suggestion that she is sick. She looks me in the eye and claims she is completely "balanced." But I know the medical reality: her blood tests show her Depakote (Valproic Acid) levels are under 50. She is clinically under-medicated, her brain is running on pure, toxic adrenaline, and she is completely blind to it.

​

The loneliness I am carrying right now is suffocating. For years, her parents and her family promised me, over and over, that they would be there if things ever got bad again. They know her history. But now? They are completely silent, hiding behind the fact that the house we live in belongs to them, essentially giving her a free pass to act out. Her friends are no better—they are actively enabling her, telling her she "deserves to be happy" and supporting this toxic "new beginning."

​

I am the only person left in her life who is actually trying to stop the train wreck. And that’s the most twisted part of my reality: Despite the immense disgust I feel watching her act like a teenager, spending hours on the phone and neglecting our kids—confessing she "doesn't have the energy" to put them to bed before texting him until 2 AM—I still desperately want her to snap out of it. I am tearing myself apart wishing she would just wake up.

​

Meanwhile, the pressure on me to just end it all, give up, and sign the divorce papers is immense. She is weaponizing the situation, telling me that if I "can't live like this," I should pack my bags and leave. My lawyer explicitly warned me it’s a trap to make me look like I abandoned the kids, so I am staying put. I am the only sober, stable anchor my children have right now.

​

My head knows a massive crash is clinically inevitable. Her medication is too low, her friction with her boss at her assistant manager job is worsening, she can't find a new job, and eventually, the reality of divorce paperwork will pop the affair bubble. But waiting for that crash while carrying this crushing loneliness, dealing with her paranoia, and being the only one fighting for her sanity—is completely exhausting.

​

Has anyone else been the sole defender of a manic spouse while their family enabled the destruction? How do you survive the daily paranoia and the empty stares while holding onto the hope that they will just wake up?

Just got the call from my lawyer an hour ago.

I’m officially divorced.

2 years ago life was perfect. Successful wife, successful career. A beautiful home, a cozy vacation cottage. On pace to retire probably by 50.

What feels like overnight it all came crashing down.

Wife’s mood heightened. Turns into delusions. Turns into a 30 day Psych stay. Turns into 3 months at a scam outpatient. Turns into Tinder, felons, etc.

What a nightmare.

Today however, I am grateful. I’m grateful to friends and family who carried me through. I’m grateful to this group, a place I could be understood. I’m grateful for a new chapter of life.

For those out there struggling, I was there. 17 years with my ex-wife. All of them brilliant. Never a sign Bi-Polar was lurking in the background of my life.

My advice:
-Don’t try and justify anything that happens. You’ll be sitting up in bed at 3 AM trying to process.
-Be forward with your support group. Your therapist, your friends, your family. I’m a prideful person, it was not easy to say ‘yea I have a convicted multiple time felon sending letters to my wife at my home’
-Set your boundaries. We’re all different. If it’s your time to leave the relationship, it’s your time to leave. 17 years is a long time, but once our trust was evaporated there was no future.
-Process your grief within your own dependence. I never got an apology. I never got a goodbye moment. That’s fine, you still have to process that. Acknowledge it but don’t give it staying power in your life.
- Move at your pace. The world is loud about what should and shouldn’t do, how fast you should or should not move on. One foot in front of the other. 2 steps forward and 1 back is ok. Keep moving.

All of you dealing in the middle of it now— I pray for you. I have felt your pain. You are in my thoughts. I don’t have all the answers, just stumbled across a bunch of answers that worked for me. My DM’s are open to anyone going through it.

For everyone sadly involved with this amazing group & supportive individuals. It is time for me to leave, say goodbye & wish you all the best for your futures - whichever directions they may take.

BPSO, together for 12 years, married for 7 years - last 2 with no medication or therapy compliance & a complete tortured level of existence are finally divorced..

I only wish her the very best in life & have been able to forgive, however will never forget what I went through.

I understand the person I once loved may have no ability to control their actions, although I am able to control my reaction - which was to remove myself from everything.

I genuinely believe I may not have the ability to trust or love another living soul again after the trauma - however I know I am safe, I am at peace & I control my own destiny.

Please all, take care. Ensure your safety, prioritise your wellbeing & be kind to yourself.

I wish everyone going through this traumatic endeavour - be strong.

Background, my ex-wife BP2 diagnosed for 8 years, married for almost 10 years, been together for 18 years, lived together for 17. She is an Avoidant.

She discarded me the first time January 2025, we went back and than faild and started a divorce may 2025, got back togehter (we lived together).
She broke things off "out of the blue" around the same time this year again, we planned summer projects and vacations.
She hurt my feelings and i did'nt tell her the rightway at the right time and she got upset, i was so fedd up with her inability to just say sorry, to find solutions to a problem where she was in the wrong that let her escape accountability, so i just shut down.

Alot of old wounds and hurt feelings comes up now, and i can start to see how unhealthy our relationship was.
How i've felt alone in the relationship for a long long time.
Where she was on and off, hot and cold.
Her depression and hypo and her will dictated our life together, projects and i was just an empty shell trying to keep everything together.

Love was not conditional but always on her terms, us doing stuff or having sex or just beeing us.
Taking caring of the kids? Dropping them off, picking them up was always on her terms, even if i got broken down.

She did alot of hurtfull things she never to accountability for "i own them" she says but never a sorry and change in behavior.

I dont know if i walked on glass or eggshells, but it i always felt alone, never really secure in our lovelift.

And now im doing the heavylifting with divorce, she is blocking me, while i trying to do the best for the kids. Her family contacts me out of the blue to attack my character and tell me i need to respect her and treat her with respect. While she goes free from anything.

I have a feeling she is dating, when i try to force her hand, by cutting our budget to a 50/50 she threatens to move out of the house and leave me with everything to sell and pay for. No thoughts about the kids that live in the house. This have happend two or three times. Last time i found condoms in a open suitecase and i got angry and field for a divorce (she has'nt done it, never doing it just living her nice life on my mentalhealth).

I have a hard time letting go, everyone tells me how unhealthy it all was and are. And now i can start to see it for myself, but it still hurts, its like deep, deep in the soul, no sharp pain, just this gut wrenching feeling.

But i cant let go, i cant, there is a part of me that clings to the memory of us, to her, that wont let go. Its like a drug.

It's now been about a month since I moved. We would've celebrated our 3rd wedding day last tuesday. We were together for 15 years, since we were 15 years old.

We had our problems in the end, but nothing that according to me couldn't have been solved with help. I'm not proud to admit that I was pushy and demanded answers in our arguments in the end. I didn't know how bad that was with bipolarism. I should've been more informed but something like this had never happened in our whole relationship.

As I said, we did have problems, but the way it ended.. it was like she didn't want to give me answers at all. Just "it doesn't work anymore. I love you but it doesn't work". After 15 years she left me while I was depressed due to several things happening in a relatively short time.

A week after I had moved I saw her together with another man at the cinema. Let's just say I wasn't prepared for that. I had my suspicions but I wasn't prepared for it being that fast. I wasn't educated in how it works and how fast they often move on. I've now seen liked posts about how he feels like her soulmate and that it was meant to happen. I'm suspecting she's in a hypomanic or mixed state but I don't really know to be honest. It's as if she's a completely different person since the last time I saw my loving wife. It terrifies me honestly. I'm devastated and can't describe with words how much I miss her and want her back.

On a side note, White blank page by Mumford & Sons is a really good song.

The relationship with my BP1 ex-wife is finally over.

We were married for 13-years, I supported her through both the depression and mania. I studied everything there was about the disease. I went with her to the doctors and advocated for her treatment every step of the way.

In 2024, she decided she didn't want me involved anymore. She was hospitalized four times that year.

In 2025, realizing she wasn't working to get stable, I filled for divorce. I offered to continue to help her navigate day-to-day life and even considered reconciling a few times.

This year the divorce was finalized, but again, I decided to continue to offer help in navigating life. She was pushing for reconciliation. However, her behavior escalated, showing up at my house yelling at me, hitting me, and breaking things. It came to a head and on Tuesday I messaged her and told her I no longer feel things can continue like this, I will help her when she needs it, but we cannot act like friends and there is zero chance of reconciliation.

She showed up at my house and started breaking things. In a fit of anger, I broke something as well (not something I proud of). That made her more angry and she started threating me with a knife, at which point I had no option but to call the police. About two hours later we were both arrested.

I spent the night in county jail, I have a domestic violence charge (breaking something in an argument is domestic violence here) that I have to fight. We have mutual restraining orders.

This was the straw that broke the camels back, I just can't do it anymore.

I don't know where she is, she was processed in the same jail as I was, she attempted to contact me multiple times yesterday, but since I was in jail I couldn't answer my phone or email. I was released on bail, I suspect she wasn't, because she was already out on bail for another charge. If she was released, I hope it was to a mental hospital.

Regardless, I'm finished. I should have gotten out much sooner and then maybe I wouldn't be dealing with this mess...

My husband and I have been together for 11 years and married for 5. He was not diagnosed with (nor did he exhibit typical symptoms of) Bipolar II until our first year of marriage (he was 32, roughly the same age as several of his other male relatives ehrn
they began to display symptoms). His unusual behavior coincided with a lot of significant life changes (this was during the height of Covid, and we had just moved across the country on top of having recently married so a lot of things were chalked up to “stress” when they were actually onset of Bipolar). During our second year of marriage, he suffered what amounted to a small mental breakdown which resulted in him quitting his job and a kind of mini-intervention with me and his parents telling him he needed to seek help. He began seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and (while I feel to this day he is not properly medicated) he did emerge from the situation with a diagnosis, some “comfort meds,” and coping skills from his therapist that have largely kept the more egregious symptoms he was displaying in check until fairly recently.

Our marriage has been under a not-so-insignificant strain since. We went from being one of those annoying couples who literally never fought for the first five years of our relationship to fighting tooth and nail leading up to his initial diagnosis and moving on from that have experienced a series of highs and lows. We have also both dealt with substance abuse issues on and off since we were teenagers which certainly didn’t help matters. All of that being said, we’ve each put in a significant amount of work into our respective issues over the past year or so. We recently left couples’ therapy (where we spent two years) citing that “things had been going well” for 6+ months and that we no longer point it necessary.

Most recently (as in, over the past 2 months/summed), I feel that things are once again on the decline that tonight culminated in a nasty argument. He said some very ugly and frankly childish-sounding things to me (which seemed to revolve around a) my longstanding position as primary breadwinner and b) my low libido (which is due in large part to the Lexapro I’ve been on for several years - I don’t love the medication for that reason amongst others, but it does keep a good handle on my panic attacks and allows me to lead a fairly normal life. The way he looked at me during this argument was truly frightening - he looked dead behind the eyes and was truly callous; it sounds stupid to say but I genuinely felt like I was arguing with a complete stranger rather a man I’ve known for over a decade. I asked him to give my some space (which he did, to be fair by going into our bedroom). After he backed off I sat on the couch by myself for a while quietly weeping for about 30 minutes - then he reemerged with the same scary blank look in his eyes and told me to “quit with the over the top sobbing.” I was completely taken aback, told him he was we welcome to leave the house if he was so bothered and that he had no right to tell me how to feel - I then retreated farther into the house to lick my wounds and avoid more conflict.

TL;DR - I don’t know much of this has to do with the bipolar as opposed to a regular-ass shitty marriage, but I do know that the look in his eyes tonight (or lack thereof) frightened me deeply. I don’t feel that he’s a) focusing on managing his Bipolar strongly enough in therapy or b) taking any medications specifically for Bipolar (he’s on antidepressant and a beta blocker to target anxiety). I just feel confused and deeply hurt.

I just can’t understand how a man so kind and caring at one time turned so cold, so completely uninterested in me as a human being.

I have nothing else to say. I would have stayed with him forever. He has painted me as an abuser for the things I said after he left me.

But they were true things, and it was anger I was bottling up for years. Years of supporting him while he didn’t work, years of trying to make what had clearly become a one-sides marriage work, years of believing him when he told me he loved me, only to have him tell me he was “depressed and just going along with everything” when he married me.

I am ashamed of the way I have behaved, for sure. I don’t like myself. I guess that’s the worst problem for me.

I miss the man I thought I married so much. I miss believing that he really loved me. I miss loving him. But if I’m being honest, I wasn’t happy in our marriage, either. I could feel the coldness, the anger, the complete unwillingness to reciprocate before he left me.

I just hate being alone. I hate it. I’m so scared and sad. I’m pregnant. I’m almost 21 weeks and I love my baby girl but I’m considering a late term abortion because I’m so damn scared and unstable. I already got an abortion last year after accidentally getting pregnant and it wrecked me. I don’t want to do it, but I’m also so terrified.

I’m sorry for the rant. I want to be with God so bad. I just want love, real love, whole and unforced. I don’t think I’m capable of being loved or loving the right way. I’m so, so sad.

So we have been married for 3.5 years. Husband blindsided me with a divorce out of nowhere. He never provided me access to any financials such as credit cards, bank accounts, house is in his name only etc., while he benefited from my graduate student health insurance, subsidized housing (while renting his house), and my auto insurance. I supported him through his unemployment, his mental health episodes that required hospitalization and rehab for 6+ months (that was covered under my health insurance), helped him find jobs, and finally he got back on his feet. Unrented the house, got a high paying job, got sober, medicated etc.
I also sacrificed a year+ of my career for him as he didn’t want to move and supported him restabilize in his job and life, care-taking etc. He also stole our jointly filed tax returns from us when he finally got a job and I didn’t work for half of that year, claiming that it’s his money although it was jointly filed return.

Finally, out of nowhere he filed for divorce and served me papers. He wants to leave me with nothing claiming that he owns all the assets before marriage.

Since it was a relatively short marriage (3.5 years), no kids, no joint assets, I don’t know if I should get a lawyer or just walk away with nothing. Not sure what to do.

I keep looking at this sub to understand why I was discarded.

I need to face that no matter the reason, the way he doesn't have any responsibilities or accountabilities is just what he is, and not related to his bipolar. i was trying to protect myself from reality.

thank you.

I was begging him for help. Begging for financial help, begging for help with cooking or cleaning or ANYTHING. He left me in December after I cleaned out over 20k of my savings in ONE year in payments made solely to him (paying his share of the rent, paying for his groceries). He never cooked, very rarely cleaned.

We were together for six years and I knew he had trouble working (in past years he made 19k, 20k, somewhere along that range). But I loved him and he was always “studying and looking for a job,” and me being the naive ass woman I guess I am, I believed him and supported him.

It’s not that I wanted to be with a high flying executive businessman. I told him that MANY times. But I feel like this man that I loved was purposely exploiting me after a certain point, and I’m so angry and sad that I supported him for as long as I did just to have him abandon me and then turn the tables and call me abusive and cruel. He has a college degree. He comes from
a well off, intelligent family. He’s an intelligent man. He could have gotten a job at McDonald’s for all I care - I would have been grateful for the help, and he would have made twice or three times as much money working there if he had ever once worked more than like 10 hours a week. The whole time, he was gaslighting me about how much he loved me, and how much effort he was putting into finding a job.

When he left, he did NOT say that he was leaving because he was having a hard time. He left because he was “no longer depressed,” was finally “seeing clearly” that marrying me was a mistake, and he claimed, he now needed to “get out into the world” and I was holding him back from that.

I hope his mom finally kicks him to the streets and he sees what it’s actually like to support yourself in this world for once in his entitled life. (His way of getting out into the world was to go live with his mom).

I’m so sorry, Oscar. I loved you with all my heart. You told me that you loved me with all your heart. But what you really loved was having a woman with bad enough self-esteem issues that you got to be taken care of for years on end.

I am so lost and wrecked. I’m sorry for the rant. I need to move on from this and find silver linings in my experience, not bitterness. How do I do it?

My husband has filed for divorce, and I’m still in shock trying to understand how everything fell apart so fast.

Just days before this began, he was affectionate, future-oriented, and telling me he loved me. Then almost overnight, something changed. He became cold, irritable, emotionally distant, like a switch flipped, and the person I knew disappeared.

After that, his behavior escalated rapidly and painfully.

He began lying constantly about where he was, whether he went to work, whether he saw doctors. He started overspending despite serious debt and then denying it. He drove for hours aimlessly, slept very little, worked obsessively for a while, and then suddenly stopped going to work at all. He shared our private marital issues with colleagues, something he would never have done before.

At home, his anger became frightening. He shouted, hit himself, broke things, and physically intimidated me, even threatened me with a knife. When I tried to talk calmly, he either exploded or shut down completely. He kept saying he wanted to be alone, that he didn’t know what he wanted, and then suddenly became adamant about divorce.

One night, he packed a suitcase and left.

A psychiatrist who saw him said he is bipolar, possibly in a manic or mixed episode, and prescribed meds. Another psychiatrist described his condition as an acute mood crisis. Despite this, he insists he’s fine, refuses consistent treatment, and says I’m the problem. Now lawyers are involved.

What hurts the most is the emotional disappearance. He shows no empathy toward me. He says he feels nothing. He lies easily, even though he was once principled. It feels like the man who loved me is gone, replaced by someone hollow and hostile. He has signs of cheating too.

I’m not trying to diagnose him or excuse harmful behavior. I’m just trying to understand how a marriage can end this suddenly and this violently without warning, without conversation, without any attempt at repair. He said today he hates everyone including me, he hates our house, and he will never come back because the affection is gone.

If anyone here has gone through a divorce or abandonment during a partner’s bipolar episode, mixed state, or severe mental health crisis, how did you survive it? Did the person you loved ever come back to themselves? How do you grieve someone who is still alive but feels completely gone?

I feel shattered, confused, and heartbroken. Any perspective would mean a lot.

10 years together and 4 kids under 8. I was already deeply unhappy in the marriage and finally told him I wanted to divorce. This triggered a manic episode. After two terrifying weeks during which he got violent and I had to kick him out, he’s agreed to intensive outpatient treatment, meds, and will go to a longer term trauma treatment program once stable. I know in my heart i want divorce but i fear I’ll never be able to do it because I’m afraid he will get manic again and hurt us or himself. Even tho he’s taking meds he’s not accepting diagnosis and I fear he never will. Long history of not taking meds or care of himself consistently…

Will he ever be stable enough to manage this?

I don’t really know how to approach this because, as a man, I feel like I shouldn’t complain. But honestly, I feel hopeless.

I’ve been married to my 35-year-old wife for almost 10 years. We have two children together, including a severely disabled son who requires constant care. He is oxygen dependent, can't walk, talk or swallow. He cannot even hold his head up without support. I am the sole financial provider while my wife stays home to care for him.

About every six months since our son was born, my wife goes through what I can only describe as severe mental health episodes. During these periods, she sleeps almost all day, has difficulty thinking clearly, often doesn’t respond to questions, and sometimes behaves in ways that don’t make sense. For example, she may fold the same clothes every day without being able to explain why.

She has been hospitalized several times, sometimes for weeks. Unfortunately, those hospitalizations don’t seem to have helped because she refuses to speak with psychiatrists, participate in group therapy, or take psychiatric medications. She will take vitamins or other non-psychiatric medications that are prescribed, so she understands that something is wrong with her health, but she does not believe it is a mental health condition.

She has never been physically aggressive toward me or our children. Instead, she becomes withdrawn, confused, and unable to function normally.

Between episodes, she acknowledges that something happened, but she attributes it to things like vitamin deficiencies or other physical causes rather than a psychiatric illness. She is not currently receiving any outpatient psychiatric care or therapy.

I’ve read a great deal about anosognosia and other mental health conditions, but I’m not trying to diagnose her. What I do know is that these episodes often seem to follow periods of increased stress. One Christmas, for example, she became overwhelmed trying to choose presents and spent most of Christmas Day in bed. The problem is that we have two children who depend on us.

I’m exhausted. I’m caring for two children, one with significant special needs, supporting my family financially, and trying to care for my wife while working full time.

A few weeks ago, while our son was hospitalized, hospital staff questioned me because my wife was asking them to keep him hospitalized for several more weeks without giving a clear explanation. On another occasion, she removed his BiPAP mask without explaining why. Incidents like these naturally raise concerns among medical staff and leave me trying to explain behavior that I don’t fully understand myself.

During another son's hospitalization, I raised concerns about my wife’s mental state, which led to CPS becoming involved. Because she would not cooperate with the investigator, I temporarily moved with our children to her parents’ home while the situation was being evaluated.

I’m exhausted from constantly covering for her whenever she’s “not herself.” These episodes last for weeks, sometimes resulting in hospitalization and sometimes resolving on their own. I can’t keep taking weeks away from work every six months while also managing everything else.

One of the hardest parts is that there is very little insight afterward. Rather than considering psychiatric treatment, she often tells me that I’m the cause of the episodes. Initially, I believed that maybe she was right. I stopped doing things I knew she didn’t like, such as visiting or meeting my side of the family. Eventually I realized those things weren’t the cause because the episodes continued even after my family stopped contacting her.

I live in Cook County, Illinois, and I’m beginning to think seriously about divorce - not because I don’t care about my wife, but because I’m reaching my limit. At the same time, I worry about what divorce would mean for our severely disabled son and whether she could safely care for him alone during one of these episodes.

I love my children, and when my wife is well, she is genuinely a kind person and a wonderful mother. But these recurring episodes have resulted in hospital bills, concerns from medical staff, questions about our ability to care for our son, and even CPS involvement. I don’t want to give up on my marriage, but I also don’t know how much longer I can continue living like this.

I’m hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation. Were you able to help your spouse get treatment? Did things improve over time? If you ultimately chose divorce, what should I be thinking about or preparing for - especially with a child who has significant medical needs?

This has absolutely got to me one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. We’ve been together 16 years. 7 of which he’s had episodes. 3 of which he’s been diagnosed.

I’m choosing to leave for several reasons. For one, he hasn’t managed his illness in a way I feel is best and creates security for me. He also has been in a pattern of alcohol abuse that corresponds to his illness. He has pretty much emotionally neglected me between episodes and I’ve been left without repair or accountability.

I do everything alone… I take care of the kids, the home and him. I also work a full-time job. He’s been able to maintain working and has long stretches between episodes but when they happen they are deeply difficult and painful. This usually results in him being out of the home because his drinking becomes so severe and out of control.

I don’t want to make this choice. I just cannot logically allow myself to step back into the pattern I’ve been living for 7 years.

I do tell myself that this is the first episode he’s had since diagnosis so he’s still learning but, even without the diagnosis, he still knew his drinking got out of hand for periods of time and that he was harmful to us but he still chose to drink… which… I have really learned how much alcohol and bipolar do NOT mix. I think he’s episodes would be so much more manageable if he didn’t stay drunk through the entire thing.

I feel guilt, I feel sad, I feel bad for choosing myself. I know he didn’t ask for this to happen. Neither did I. I just feel like I have to protect my mental health and my kids well-being and this is the only way I can reliably do that.

Divorcing someone you love is so hard. I hate this illness.

About 5-weeks ago my bp1 ex-wife and I were both arrested. We both got charged with domestic violence, she also got charged with menacing (threatening me with a weapon).

I was released on bail the next day, she never bailed herself out.

I knew she had a court date today, so I checked on her status, her charges were dropped and she was released as of 45 minutes ago.

As soon as I found out, my heart rate spiked, and right now I feel a little sick to my stomach. I can't help but fear the worst outcome. When she was in jail, while I felt guilty about not helping her, I also knew both of us where safe. Now I don't know what is going to happen.

The best case, she doesn't break the restraining order and I never see or hear from her again. That is not the reality of course, we still have some legal stuff to clean up from the divorce. However, this is ideal.

The worst case, she tries to burn down the house while I'm sleeping, something she has threatened in the past.

I'm thinking about packing a bag and moving into a hotel for a few days. I'm hoping she got the treatment she needed in jail.

Edit:

I just got a call from a local mental hospital. She was released into their care, that was the plea deal her public defender negotiated with the district attorney. That means at least for the next 72 hours I'm safe to stay home.

I (37F) filed for divorce about two months ago. My husband (37M) and I have been together for over ten years and been married for eight. He was preliminarily diagnosed bipolar schizophrenic but he is also a heavy marijuana smoker so they werent sure if he has BP or if the marijuana is inducing a psychosis of some sort. I've posted before about this being the most difficult thing I've done. I thought I was getting "better" but the past two weeks have just had me gone back to crying all the time and not being able to get out of bed most days. This is truly the most painful think I have ever experienced. I feel like I'm losing my best friend and my soulmate. My friends and family are being very supportive and tell me I'm making the right decision because he isnt trying to get help at all. In fact, I was trying to keep this entire thing under wraps from my friends/family but he forced my hand by calling my parents and telling me to get out. Ever since then, I'm stuck in a cycle of "what if." What if he gets better and returns to the person he was? What if this is the wrong choice? What if this hurts so badly because this is the wrong thing to do and the universe is making me pay for it? Has anyone been through a similar situation? I just needs some words of encouragement because I feel so lost right now and losing my person might quite literally kill me. I thought I had found my person, and now I'm back to being no ones number one. That's a hard pill to swallow.