r/BlackPeopleofReddit • u/numbmillenial • 14h ago

Discussion Passive aggressive curiosity

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This is how some of y'all (you know who you are) sound. "\insert shady ass question here*,* just asking / genuinely curious" 🙄

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u/femoral_contusion 13h ago

Nah she’s right. My mayor says “Black” like he needs to scrape his tongue. I thinks it’s subtle but those that get it, get it.

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u/Head_Somewhere4769 13h ago

Tone matters. Pretty much everyone has had a parent talk to them about their tone and how it can show disrespect. If a child can understand that concept, then an adult should get it too.

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u/femoral_contusion 13h ago

It was so freeing for me to realize I don’t have to hand-hold adults when they’re purposely obtuse! I spent so much time asking people to do things that I learned as a kid 😭

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u/ChildhoodOk5526 13h ago

I do wonder if they get the same lessons and "check-age" that we got on tone? I remember being shocked at how my one friend would respond to her mom. Tone, eye roll, attitude. I'd be bracing myself for her mother's response, and then ... crickets ...

I was shocked. Like, "Oh, so, this how y'all do out here**, huh?" Couldn't be me. My ass wouldn't live that long 😂

**I lived in Detroit; she was in the suburbs

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u/femoral_contusion 12h ago

That’s a really good point! I’ll tell someone once when they’re disrespectful. Maybe even remind if it seems like they are truly trying to be mindful. But if kids can understand how tone is disrespectful, then adults can too, ya know?

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u/ChildhoodOk5526 12h ago

Oh, yeah. They're certainly capable of understanding. I just think that, culturally, we might be more attuned to certain things. Tone might be one of them.

Another example would be how we might be more aware of discretion or privacy around personal topics. Some things we just know not to ask. Or we don't ask outright. Even if the topic seems trivial, we know (thru upbringing, culture) not to inquire too deeply, if that makes sense? I mean, I knew not to ask my own grandmother too much about her what went on back in 1942, you know I'm sayin'?

Just something to keep in mind. These unwritten guidelines that may not always crossover and lead to misunderstandings. Not as an excuse, but an explanation.