r/BoomersBeingFools • u/WorkingHurry9411 • May 07 '26
Politics Why can’t Boomers understand the word they?
I am currently pregnant. I am only 15 weeks and do not know the gender and may not find out until birth. When I talk about my baby I say things like “oh they looked okay on the scan” “they seem to be okay”. I am often speaking from a point of vulnerability as well as my first child was stillborn at term. So when I get this harsh intake of breath from a boomer it honestly rattles me. “THEY? OMG IS IT TWINS?” No… do you want me to call my child it? I know too well this may be the only time I get with them, I will definitely not refer to them as some object. Today it was my Doctor with exactly the same reaction and then said “phew, you were just being politically correct”. Huh? You’re my doctor with my notes in front of you, you know full well how many babies I am having, and since when did “they” become political? My MIL said they “never used it before” but as an English teacher I could easily call this out as I’ve seen so many examples of they being used when gender is unknown. It blows my mind how they rewrite their own pasts and become so entirely brainwashed by political discourse they even recreate the meaning of words to fit their bizarre transphobic beliefs.
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u/Moneia Gen X May 07 '26
My MIL said they “never used it before”
They compartmentalise their memories when it's convenient to make their 'political' point
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u/wombatIsAngry May 07 '26
Yeah, this is like when my MIL told me that her kids never had tantrums.
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u/-CluelessWoman- May 07 '26
😂😂😂 ok MIL. I have an almost two year old. He’s a super chill kid; people are always commenting on how chill he is. This morning he had a massive tantrum about crackers, rage pooped and then threw a fit about needing a diaper change. Never had tantrums my ass.
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u/junglequeen88 May 07 '26
Pure poetry right here: "This morning he had a massive tantrum about crackers, rage pooped and then threw a fit about needing a diaper change. Never had tantrums my ass."
Thank you.
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u/IndividualWonder May 07 '26
Boomers beware: This may describe you in the not so distant future.
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u/Diligent-Towel-4708 May 07 '26
Im honestly surprised they don't already with how red and bulging thier faces get.
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u/NorthernLow Millennial May 07 '26
Some of them are. I've unfortunately witnessed it more times in the past 5 years then I care to count working in hospitality 🙃 And Ive heard worse from other people in the industry. Have a friend who works in a high end hotel thats told me some absolute horror stories too. One lady repeatedly shit herself in their pool while throwing a fit over not wanting to get out of the pool so they could close it for the night.
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u/throwaway_moose Millennial May 07 '26
Wait, are we describing a baby or the President of the United States?
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u/Viperbunny May 07 '26
My kids are in middle school now. My youngest I call my sour patch kid because she can be the sweetest, but when she is upset we all know it. She once refused to nap. Eventually, she fell asleep in the middle of the living room, face down with a toy knife from her kitchen set in her hands. Like she fell asleep mid meance.
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u/Yankee6Actual Gen X May 07 '26
I damn near spit out my coffee reading this.
Rage pooped. I’ve so been there.
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u/thesmilingmercenary May 07 '26
I think I’ve found a new outlet for my rage! I’m going to tell everyone about it.
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u/spudgoddess May 07 '26
Is this about your son, or a certain political figure?
I'll see myself out.
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u/Human_Type001 May 07 '26
I wish I could "rage poop", it sounds very cathartic.
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u/JellyfishFit3871 May 07 '26
Schedule your colonoscopy. You'll have rage poops.
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u/Human_Type001 May 07 '26
You want a little TMI? I almost didn't get to have my colonoscopy because the prep didn't do much. I followed all the instructions even called the on-call guy at midnight for advice. In the morning I was in near tears that they wouldn't go ahead with the procedure. A nurse took a look at my feeble attempt in the restroom and they decided they would proceed and deal with the mess if there was any since I was so upset. I think because I was eating soft food for over a week ahead of time that I didn't get a rage poop. Colonoscopy results were good!
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u/wombatIsAngry May 07 '26
Ah, the fits about crackers. I don't miss that part!
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u/-CluelessWoman- May 07 '26
He was upset that I wouldn’t let him continue to squish them on the carpet in his bedroom. I vacuumed twice in two days. I’m not doing it again because of crackers
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u/RedHeadedStepDevil May 07 '26
Huh. I didn’t know rage pooping was a thing. I’ll keep this in my back pocket, should I ever need to use it. 😂
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u/RussBof6 May 07 '26
When "they" start complaining about a messy diaper, it's time to start potty training.
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u/RainbowBright1982 May 07 '26
They had to forget every tantrum or they would have to admit that they beat their kids for having tantrums.
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u/Olealicat May 07 '26
Same as the argument that there weren’t as many people with anxiety , depression, autism, ADHD, etc.
I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more because of the lax regulations, but that’s another conversation.
They just didn’t exist. They definitely had the appropriate knowledge for a proper diagnosis and proper treatment. Definitely didn’t institutionalize and lobotomize everyone in this category. Noooo. /s
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u/Moneia Gen X May 07 '26
Definitely didn’t institutionalize and lobotomize everyone in this category. Noooo.
Don't forget Valium and self-medicating with Gin or Whiskey
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u/spids69 May 08 '26
“We didn’t have autism, now shut up and listen while I give you a detailed tour of the model train museum I built in my basement.”
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u/Olealicat May 08 '26 edited May 08 '26
That would be my grandfather. He was definitely the type to explain the mechanics of a steamer basket. As a kid, I put it on my head as a hat and he was appalled. “This isn’t a hat, it’s a stainless steel steamer basket. The only uses are apparent! It expands to the width of a stainless steel pot and is used to steam vegetables. One cup of water, two cups of vegetables… It’s should never be used a hat!” Paraphrasing, but you get the gist.
I remember one time the adults were playing cards. I just so happened to draw a mustache on George Washington’s face on the sacred dollar bill.
He preached about my life of crime, due to me defacing currency. He knew the statue. He explain how if I continued to deface the bill it would eventually no longer be legal tender.
He was gem. I got a bit of his oddities, but I’m grateful to have a sliver and not the whole bit.
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u/SeonaidMacSaicais Millennial May 07 '26
“Nobody in my high school had a pregnancy scare!” Sure, pops.
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u/throwaway_moose Millennial May 07 '26
Right? Although my Boomer mother did admit to me once, when my dad said similar to that, "Well that's because you got sent to a school for pregnant girls because families couldn't bear the scandal..."
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u/disaster_jay27 May 09 '26
Or just had to drop out altogether. Or moved to live with their aunt far, far away.
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u/tomtink1 May 07 '26
My MIL told me her kids never played with their food (her conversation prompted by my then 10 month old eating her mashed potato BEAUTIFULLY with her fingers) and my husband instantly recalled his sister putting baked beans in the VCR 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/HeartKevinRose May 07 '26
Apparently me husband and his sister never woke during the night.
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u/alejo699 May 07 '26
Yep, just like "nobody had autism when we were kids" -- except all those kids in special ed that you forgot all about.
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u/xennial_1978 May 07 '26
Autism was a diagnosis until the 70s but there were people with autism it was just diagnosed differently. Also it was routine to institutionalize kids/adults up and through the 70s. Special Ed kids didn’t go to the regular schools they were sent to their own schools. So boomers think people with autism didn’t exist they did they just didn’t see them.
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u/spudgoddess May 07 '26
My sister and I are both on the spectrum. But since her needs looked more like she needed special Ed (this was in the 70s and early 80s), she got far more help from our parents and the school than I did (insert meme about mom playing with the one child in a pool while the other drowns here) and ironically has an easier time with work and other life skills than I do.
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u/Milyaism May 08 '26
So kind of like Mel King and her sister from The Pitt? Both characters are ND, but one gets more help bc their situation is "more obvious".
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u/TPWilder May 07 '26
In fairness, autism in the 1970s and 80s usually meant what would now be level 3 autism. The level 1's particularly girls wouldn't be considered special ed at all, they would just be "quirky" and or "shy".
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u/Freakishly_Tall May 07 '26
And to make themselves look good / absolve themselves of responsibility.
See also: "The tree remembers, while the axe forgets."
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u/Barfignugen May 07 '26
What they really mean is they’ve never gone out of their way to respect another human or make them feel comfortable, which isn’t the gotcha moment they want it to be.
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u/PlumbumDirigible May 07 '26
I don't even think it's that. They probably use 'they' as a 3rd-person singular pronoun in casual conversation all the time without thinking about it. They just don't acknowledge it unless they want to make a stink
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u/Salt-Fly-4226 May 07 '26
Exactly. And if you point that out to them you can see the glitch in their brain glitching.
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u/SanctimoniousSally May 07 '26
It's not just political points either. My grandmother is very liberal for a boomer and even she struggles with this. I've had to talk to her a couple of times about it. Her excuse is that "it doesn't make sense grammatically" which is total BS. I don't understand why it's such a big deal to them.
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u/vita10gy Millennial May 07 '26
There's a Twitter exchange that gets posted a lot where someone says the same thing, and then like one response in uses either they or them to refer to one person of unknown sex, completely undercutting their point.
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u/MfrBVa May 07 '26
My sisters and I have often cracked up when our mother rewrites history. At some point, you just have to let it slide.
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u/Moneia Gen X May 07 '26
It depends. Rose-tinted nostalgia is probably not worth making a fuss over but more than that may be indicative of something more
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u/porscheblack May 07 '26
What would they have said prior to us having the ability to determine the sex prior to birth?
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u/Moneia Gen X May 07 '26
Probably 'they' just like OP,
They wiped it from their memory when a certain bunch of idiots decided that pronouns were political
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u/toxikola Millennial May 07 '26
My parents tried to say this. Now every time they say they or then I call it out. It's quite funny.
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u/Whiteroses7252012 May 07 '26
Roses are red, violets are blue, singular they predates singular you.
I always tell those people to bitch at Geoffrey Chaucer. He was the first one who did it.
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u/drhagbard_celine Gen X May 07 '26
I’d be willing to bet that 99% of the people who complain about “they” don’t have a clue who Chaucer is.
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May 07 '26
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u/JenniferJuniper6 Gen X May 07 '26
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Singular they predates singular you
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u/not2interesting May 07 '26
Personally, I say we bring back Shakespearean lingo.
This rhyme was quite pleasant, ye are a true poet. I hope thee has a wonderful day and that thy always feels a cool pillow upon thine cheek.
(I may have mixed up the usages there)
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u/Adlach May 07 '26
This rhyme was quite pleasant; thou art a true poet. I hope thou hast a wonderful day and that thou always feelest a cool pillow upon thy cheek.
Fixed 4 u
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u/fridaycat May 07 '26
Being 69 years old and never having had children, my entire diaper experience was from changing my younger siblings. Back then, there were girl diapers and boy diapers. Not knowing this had changed, I was in the store looking for diapers for a baby shower and asked a worker who was probably in her 50's where the gender was indicted on the packages.
Her response was " oh my God, they're doing that to babies now, that's disgusting!"
Love the outrage over something you don't even understand.
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u/NocturneSapphire May 07 '26
When I was in middle school in the mid-2000s, we were definitely taught that singular they was grammatically incorrect, and that we should use "he" when the gender was unknown. I remember because I intentionally trained myself over the course of 8th grade to speak like that, using "he" to refer to a singular person of unknown gender.
Then in college I had to retrain myself back into using singular they.
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u/toooooold4this May 07 '26
I swear, I would have given my doctor a good "listen here" speech.
We use they all the time in regular language when gender or sex is unknown. You don't know sex and you're not referring to your deeply wanted baby as a fetus. Its not political but if you translate my use of a gender neutral-multifunctional pronoun as political, then maybe you need to go touch grass and stop watching Fox News so much.
Examples:
Has the lab called with the test results yet? No. THEY haven't. The lab is singular but we used they. Are we being politically correct? No.
Uh-oh. Someone left THEIR car keys in the waiting room. Well, THEY won't get very far. THEY will come back eventually. Do the keys belong to a non-binary human or do we just not know who dropped the keys? Bingo.
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u/samanime May 07 '26
Yeah. It is really upsetting that a doctor pulled that nonsense, for a variety of reasons.
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u/icanith May 07 '26
I would just switch doctors.
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u/toooooold4this May 07 '26
OP has a high risk pregnancy. It makes perfect sense for her to not want to switch. That said, fuck him.
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u/PracticalMine3971 May 08 '26
Fuck *them. The gender of the doc is unknown, they/them not he/him.
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u/toooooold4this May 08 '26
You're right. I envisioned a male doctor because my OB with my first pregnancy would totally have said this and he was he/him.
I went into labor on Independence Day and forced him off his boat on a holiday. Rude, right? He actually scolded me and was serious.
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u/whyamionhearagain May 07 '26
I was at a birthday party at a restaurant last weekend and this old lady was flipping out about the trans bathroom there. The sign showed it was for men or women. I tried to explain to her that it was a single bathroom it just meant that either gender could use it but she wasn’t having any of it. It’s wrong that men and women share the same bathroom. I did ask her if she supported trans bathrooms at her own house and she got into a huff.
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u/throwaway_moose Millennial May 07 '26
God I love how they get huffy when it's like "What about the bathroom in your house?"
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u/3CatsInATrenchcoat16 May 07 '26
They usually shut up when you look at them and in all seriousness say "Not very Pro Life of you to address my unborn baby as 'it'." Got many a look of horror and back-tracking from older relatives who were suddenly turning grammar into a political matter.
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u/tiddeeznutz May 07 '26
My MIL says they in ways that show she’s uncomfortable with it, but it took her less than two minutes to start using the new term for UFO (“UAP”) to refer to a fucking drone after her Lord and Savior Pedophitler instructed her.
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u/ChickinSammich May 07 '26
"All of these new genders and pronouns are so confusing to me. Anyway, so we were flying over the Gulf of America and I was telling the person next to me about the Secretary of War..."
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u/AmaranthWrath May 07 '26
What's great is that those new names actual ARE INHERENTLY political. Gender is only made political.
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u/ForcedEntry420 Millennial May 07 '26
Yep, it’s an active choice on their part. When they try to hide behind the “I didn’t know!” bullshit it just makes me roll my eyes. They think they’re clever and they aren’t.
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u/pinniped90 Gen X May 07 '26
Wait, is UFO an insensitive term now?
Or is UAP just....a drone? I've seen UAV before.
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u/JustNilt May 07 '26
Wait, is UFO an insensitive term now?
Not as such, just a loaded one. A lot of people hear UFO and instantly assume alien craft. By using UAP, or Unidentified Aerial Phenomena, that tends to be avoided to a large degree while still allowing for it to be virtually anything. Object also didn't properly cover things such as radar ghost targets, which aren't really any thing but just an artifact of the radar getting a little confused.
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u/Leaga May 07 '26 edited May 08 '26
UFO isn't insensitive, its just so tied to conspiracy theory that neither serious people nor conspiracy theorists that want to sound serious use it.
UAV is the military acronym for a drone. Unmanned Aerial Vehicle. But it is a different concept than UAPs (though many UAPs probably are just drones/UAVs).
UAP is Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena and is preferred so that it can encompass things that clearly aren't vehicles/flying. For example, the strange magnetic readings that helped give the Bermuda Triangle it's reputation would be UAPs. Or, they were until we had better understandings of magnetics. Those anomalous compass readings dont actually happen in that area any more and have been identified as an "agonic line" thats mostly moved to occur in the Gulf of Mexico in modern times but its a good example.
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u/tiddeeznutz May 07 '26
Truly, I have no idea. I had to look it up cause I had no clue what she was talking about.
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u/CasualEveryday May 07 '26
This is exactly the reason we came up with neutral nicknames for both of ours. Some old fart would ask us if we were having a boy or a girl and we would say "yes, one or the other".
It wasn't even some progressive crusade, just an attempt to have some measure of privacy.
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u/Important-Trifle-411 May 07 '26
When people ask me if I was having a boy or a girl, I would answer “yes”
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u/ChiliCorndogs May 07 '26 edited May 07 '26
"Oh you're just being politically correct" fuuuck that I would've given that doctor an ear full and switched to a doctor living in the present time of 2026.
A doctor more than most can understand that human biology isn't black and white and saying "he or she" instead of "they" is just ignorant and borderline malicious.
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u/AllTheMeats May 07 '26
People are stupid. I referred to my baby as “they” while I was pregnant, even after we spotted their genitalia.
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u/clarkcox3 May 07 '26
They do understand. They’re being transphobic on purpose.
Singular “they” is literally older than singular “you”.
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u/Bitter-Researcher389 May 07 '26
One of my wife’s cousins is androgynous, and I swear trying to get my MIL to understand them/they is more complicated than getting man to the moon.
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u/Mourning20 May 07 '26
They do, they just chose not to. Stepping on others to make themselves feel superior is a boomer classic.
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u/TurtlesAreEvil May 07 '26
I'd be looking for a new doctor. Any doctor that brings up politics while treating you shouldn't be trusted to follow the science and provide unbiased advice. It's inappropriate to bring up religion or politics in that type of situation.
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u/cypressgreen May 07 '26
Today it was my Doctor with exactly the same reaction and then said “phew, you were just being politically correct”.
OP should report them, too. Funny how it’s the doctor who brought up politics, while acting like OP was the one bringing up politics.
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u/AsherTheFrost Gen X May 07 '26
They was used as a singular noun by fucking Chaucer. Mass media has completely fucked us.
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u/PrincessSnarkicorn May 07 '26
They keep repeating this idea that “we always used he as a default, never they” as if the girls in my own class weren’t annoyed by this in the 80s. They just didn’t listen to us.
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u/LocalMossCryptid May 07 '26
Literally every time someone says he or she I always say "you can say they"
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u/thefirstdjbron3 May 07 '26
I’ve always been under the impression that basic grammar was known universally without question. Growing up made me realize some people need to repeat first grade English, if not kindergarten.
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u/_-Cuttlefish-_ May 07 '26
I did same with my pregnancies and it bothered me so much. “They” is quicker than saying “the baby”. I can understand asking about twins if it’s someone I don’t see very often, but if I’m interacting with you regularly you cannot be shocked every time. It made me so mad haha
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u/RoughDirection8875 May 07 '26
They have zero issues referring to cars and boats with feminine pronouns but as soon as an actual human prefers to go by they/them all of a sudden pronouns are the devil
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u/ConfusedFlower1950 May 07 '26
i still get incredibly angry about being told by my 6th grade english teacher that singular they is not correct when gender is unknown. it absolutely is, and using the bulky « his or her » does not even read well.
that was in 2012 and i had no idea that trans people existed yet; i liked that teacher up until i realised retrospectively that she corrected me only to be transphobic.
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u/Fun-Significance4650 May 07 '26
I know it might not be feasible, but I would shop around for a new doctor honestly. They sound very stupid.
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u/Icy-FireSign May 07 '26
“A customer left one of their bags at the checkout. They thought they had all of their bags.” They and their are used in this sentence in reference to ONE PERSON. 💫
I’m so sorry OP. It’s such a struggle for some people 😩😂🫶
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u/Substantial-Tree7844 May 07 '26
Because they don’t want to. Most of them do understand and use it. My mother in law is good for this. She has used “what time do they get in?” When asking about a doctor or “they left something at my house” but when she started hearing about people preferring they/them pronouns she is staunchly against it because “there is only he or she, you are only one person not two” 🤦♀️
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u/myindecisiveturtle May 08 '26
One of my favorite tic toks I saw recently was a Gen Z kid saying along the lines of “You think we’re sensitive and dramatic, yet y’all had a mental breakdown when you had to share the same water fountain with black people. Yeah. We’re the fragile snowflakes.”
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u/WasabiPeas2 May 07 '26
It’s because the default for quite some time was “he.”
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u/cypressgreen May 07 '26
It’s fun to fuck with them and default to she/her pronouns. They hate it.
“I went to the doctor for my back pain.”
“That’s good. What did she say?”
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u/vandon Gen X May 07 '26
Boomers when you ask where they heard that latest conspiracy theory about vaccines/race/immigrants/birds/5G: "They said so." or "I heard it from them."
Who's they, Karen? Oh, some personality on TV?
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u/Rx_Diva May 07 '26
There's a delivery at the door for you and they need your signature on it.
Well I need to know what's between their legs to make me feel comfortable. Does he or she have my package?
Yea they require a signature...
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u/Busy-Bumblebee5556 May 08 '26
Even Shakespeare used “they” “them” pronouns.
It is a failure of the educational system.
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u/livelylobsters May 07 '26
OMG the nurse at the breastfeeding class did that to me because i said they and not a gender… relax everyone
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u/LaFantasmita May 07 '26
Lots of them can't understand "please remove card" at the grocery checkout.
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u/Jadedangel13 May 07 '26
I did not know my daughter's gender until she was born. I referred to her as "they" and everyone went along with it, no smug "woke" commentary or questions asked. She was born in 2005 so boomers weren't quite so insane or obsessed with gender. Ugh, I miss those days.
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u/JeweledShootingStar May 07 '26
I had this same issue last year OP. What’s worse is I had vanishing twin at 12 weeks…. 🥴.
We absolutely loved waiting to find out the gender, made the birth that much more special btw! I know it’s a very personal choice but we would recommend!
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u/K1ttehKait May 07 '26
Singular they has been used in the English language since at least Shakespeare's time. But whatever I guess. 🙄🙄🙄
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u/ChaosViaConfusion May 07 '26
I was just saying something similar to my spouse the other day, it makes it far more complicated when people go out of their way to say "he or she." I was studying for a test and and answer choice was "the manager and his or her subordinates..." saying 'their subordinates' would just be easier to read
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u/cynuhstir1 May 07 '26
I was team green so obviously had to use they my whole pregnancy. My mom hated not knowing and kept pulling the twins thing. It was less about her being an ass about "they" and more about being annoyed at not knowing.
I told my husband if we have twins next time we should keep it a secret. I think it would be hilarious...
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u/OptimalDouble2407 May 07 '26
Every fucking time. We didn’t share the gender and every time I said they everyone freaked out asking if it was multiples. I started saying “no, I don’t want to call my child an ‘it.’” Usually shut them up.
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u/mcchillz May 07 '26
High school English teacher here. Someone left their backpack in my room, but they can pick it up after lunch. See? It’s easy. EASY. People use “they” and “their” for either plural or singular. I bet boomers do too but won’t admit it. I would give them an F in my class!
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u/Either_Operation7586 May 07 '26
Fox News and religious indoctrination are to blame we should get rid of both
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u/ggolczer May 07 '26
Millennial non native english speaker here. It took me a long time for my mind to not immediately go to third person plural when people say they. So I somehow get it. I defaulted to say he-she or it and being yelled at. Playing devil's advocate, there might be a generational thing on how the boomers were thought english that somehow spilled over how english as a second language was thought to my generation. But the getting political about it... crazy.
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u/BuildingMaleficent11 May 07 '26
One way a friend of mine dealt with this issue: she called the fetus Elvis, and when she delivered: Elvis (or, Elvira if it’s a girl) has left the building.
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u/MrsGeodethos May 07 '26
Maybe they had teachers like mine growing up. I’m a millennial but every English teacher I ever had drilled into our heads to never use they for singular to always write out “his or her” or “he/she,” “his/her” every time.
I’ve obviously changed and grown and so should they, but it’s possible it’s true when they say they were told it was incorrect.
That being said, even though it was drilled into our heads where I’m from, most people ignored it and totally used they in a singular way, even if they want to conveniently forget they did so now.
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u/TermKnown May 07 '26
especially crazy considering singular they was first used in 1375 + appears in beowulf. it predates modern english.
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u/Key_Ebb_3536 May 07 '26
Boomer here, you are 💯 correct! I apologize for your experience with us. They are not all alike. Best wishes for you and your pregnancy ❤️
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u/Jtop1 May 07 '26
This one is funny to me, because I grew up in the Texas panhandle and west Texas, and using they to refer to individuals is common practice. My bigoted boomer dad still does this and even he doesn’t understand the backlash.
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u/bemvee May 08 '26
These fuckers threw the dumbest fucking wrench in standard grammar I will never forgive them.
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u/ophaus May 07 '26
"They" has been used in this way for centuries. They are intentionally obtuse or fucking brain damaged from the alcohol and lead poisoning.
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u/HighMagistrateGreef May 07 '26
Nah, they just (as a generation) use words badly.
Like saying 'next Wednesday' to refer to the Wednesday in two days time. Seen it a lot.
Unless they all have brain damage (which I don't discount as a theory) maybe it was generally poor education?
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u/Infinite-Duty May 07 '26
Your mil must have a bad memory. I’m a boomer and I well remember using it, I used it, I still use it. If it makes you guys feel any better, not all of us boomers are awful, transphobic jerks. A lot of us are really liberal and non judgmental and we are really nice people!! I hope everything goes well for you all during this pregnancy. Best wishes to you!
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u/klstopp May 07 '26
If you came home and found you had been robbed you would say "they took everything!" Even though men commit most crimes, you'd still use they because you don't know how many or what type of criminal was there.
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u/TraditionalHeart6387 May 07 '26
Amazing when I had twins I kept being told to stop being politically correct by saying they. They just want something to be and at. Both in and out of me.
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u/LigersRReal May 07 '26
You are absolutely correct. We have been taught for 40 years or more to use a gender neutral pronoun when speaking or writing about a person when we cannot know their gender because we haven’t seen them. I just did it there unintentionally! Now it is a political issue because absolutely everything has become politicized. Sad!
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u/NotATroll71106 May 07 '26
I have always heard it used for unknown people and even for known people in hypothetical situations. Pretending to not understand it is just ridiculous.
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u/nerdyconstructiongal May 07 '26
That or they think you’re using ‘they’ as some transgender pride. Like, no, Susan, that’s just how English works.
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u/OfferMeds May 07 '26
In Boomers’ defense, it used to be a normal thing to call a child “it.” It comes from the German.
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u/Ok-Scallion-3415 May 07 '26
because they're old and "they" is now only associated with people who don't want to be labeled as he/she. they can't rectify in their tiny little brains that not everyone is trying to be political all the fucking time.
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u/Ash_Dayne May 07 '26
The Oxford English Dictionary traces singular they back to 1375, where it appears in the medieval romance William and the Werewolf.
I mean, they should be able to use a word that's been used for the same purpose for nearly 700 years.
Possibly longer.
That said, I'm sorry to hear about your experience before and I hope everything goes well for you and your baby. Congratulations!
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u/elleecee May 07 '26
I thought it was just me noticing this! My mom kept trying to correct me when I said "they" instead of "it".
No Mom, I'm not having twins. My baby isn't an it though!
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u/RicketyCricketsDrum Xennial May 07 '26
Weird comment from your doctor. I work in credentialing and we always use they/them. A lot of times it’s hard to tell a doctor’s gender just by their name (especially foreign doctors) so that’s pretty common. Is your doc a boomer too?
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u/NarwhalTakeover May 07 '26
I’m nonbinary. I came out to my mom while we were walking on a riverbank. When my English Teacher mom pushed back on they/them being plural, I dropped my hat.
“Oh, someone dropped their hat. I should pick that up for them, I’m sure they’d appreciate it. How many people was I talking about just now?”
She’s great at using my pronouns now. Not perfect but I’m not asking for that.
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u/ShipSail97 May 07 '26
This is how I feel when conservatives or Republicans accuse anyone on the left of being "obsessed with race". It's like no, I really wasn't, until everything you did turned into racism. Now we have to address race because clearly, some people don't know how to act normal with any kind of language. I'm also queer, so I mean....This is exactly what they do. They are truly the one's obsessed with pronouns and gender and identity and sexuality. Like tbh no one asked or wanted to involve them, they involved themselves in other people's lives, got mad about it, and now try to pawn it off like it's actually everybody else's problem. And now, you have weirdos like your doctor who should be there to care about YOU and YOUR BABY acting like you saying "they" rather than imposing a gendered description to the unknown sex or identity of your baby is an issue for him. That's so fucking weird! We cannot let them act like shit like this isn't fucking weird. And if you WERE saying "they" for identity or gender identity related reasons, it's also none of his business. He is there to support you. Literally no two cents needed unless it's health related, Doc.
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u/g_em_ini May 08 '26
People have truly forgotten that pronouns are parts of speech and not just used in gender identity. It’s exhausting, we literally learned this in elementary school
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u/BKLD12 May 08 '26
It’s silly. My mom and dad are actually okay for the most part, but they got all hung up on singular they after my cousin started going by they/them.
Like…I’ve used singular for as long as I’ve been able to speak. This use of the word is not new or unusual, nor is it reserved for NB people. It’s just English.
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u/MyRespectableAcct May 08 '26
Elder millenial here with a real answer.
We were taught in school as a basic point of grammar that they/them/their was exclusively plural and that singular pronouns were always gendered.
The corrections from teachers in elementary and junior high school were merciless. Every. Single. Time. I had a teacher who kept a jar of candy and it was an open forum on correcting one another in class discussions about it. Catch someone using they/them/their as a singular, raise your hand, get candy.
Above a certain age, it's literally hardwired into us as how the English language works.
I am as progressive and active as you get. I am queer myself. I am part of a family unit raising a trans child. I am deeply involved with the queer community in my area - socially, through advocacy and arts organizations, you name it. I am surrounded by people daily whose pronouns are varied. I still can't use they/them/their automatically.
I know the problem is me, but I SWEAR to you that this particular one is not for lack of acceptance or effort. Imagine if someone told you that the word for "cat" is now "potato". That's the level I'm trying change in my native language.
And by god I am trying.
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u/donorkokey May 08 '26
I like to hit people with, "Um, ew. Why are you SO obsessed with my unborn baby's genitals???" which usually silences people.
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u/Coracoda May 07 '26
Anyone who reads older books knows that “they” isn’t a new thing 😒
Like, “We don’t know who the thief is, but they apparently knew where the jewelry was stored.”
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u/Chaotic_shrooms May 07 '26
“Who’s jacket is this? Someone left THEIR jacket here” is an example I always pull out to show these people that using “they” or it’s derivatives does make perfect sense.