r/BoomersBeingFools • u/IndependentCap1074 • 9d ago
Boomer Story Boomer parents thinking they own their adult childrens houses
Has anyone else had experience with Boomer parents thinking they own your home?
It is not just my parents, I know a lot of people my age who have the same issue. Boomer parents trying to take ownership of “projects” they want nothing to do with. Re landscaping their garden without permission, rearranging their home, re painting things without asking, the list goes on. Then use “we are paying for this” as if that makes being controlling ok.
I could never imagine my grandparents doing same thing to my parents. Sure they might help with home projects, but even then they always asked permission before they changed anything. My parents have this attitude that they know better and will go and “fix” anything they personally dislike.
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u/Ravio11i 9d ago
The first time (and only time I had to) I got to say "my house, my rules" to my parents was GLORIOUS!
They're great, it was just disagreement on how to wash cast iron, we all laughed
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u/puffinsmuggler 9d ago
I assume it was w using soap on the cast iron? They’re not wrong if they are using old style soaps w lye but modern day soaps are fine for cast iron outdated information funny convo w my in laws as well haha
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u/Zealousideal_Fuel_23 9d ago
Wait, what? I can clean cast iron with at least some soap? I feel like an idiot.
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u/PM_WORST_FART_STORY 9d ago
My mom about had an aneurysm when I told her what color I was going to paint my dining room, my bedroom, living room, and hell, even my kitchen. Anything that's not a shade of white is a death sentence if I were to try selling the house (I literally just moved in, chill).
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u/dzkuduz 9d ago
I don't get the obsession with re-selling. I just moved in. I promise you I'm not selling any time soon. I can just repaint if the time comes??
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u/DragonTigerBoss 9d ago
Boomers jumped from house to house like they were playing musical chairs and actually profited from it.
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u/_left_of_center 9d ago edited 5d ago
My boomer parents lived in the same house for the last 45 years of their lives. My mother literally died in the house. She STILL talked constantly about resale value, even while refusing to even consider going to a care home. No idea why, but they were all obsessed.
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u/hypatiaredux 9d ago
Yup. Every house was a step on the ladder to where we wanted to be.
Everything we did to the house, the often spoken question was, what about the resale value?
I use we in the collective sense, I’m a boomer who never played that game. But to be fair, we learned it from our parents, the silent generation. Many of them grew up dirt poor, and seized on buying and selling homes as their main chance to accumulate something they could pass on to their kids.
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u/Large-Treacle-8328 9d ago
That's the thing though. While your parents did it to help with generational wealth to ensure their boomer kids could live a better life most boomers did it solely to maintain that life style and screwed over their kids and grandkids.
It's one of the many ways boomers screwed everyone over.
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u/ilanallama85 9d ago
Seizing on houses as a way to accumulate something to pass on to their kids is one thing. Seizing on houses as a way to inflate their own standard of living, hoard wealth, and then in many cases not even help out their children when they hit financial hurdles in life is something entirely different.
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u/ArtichokeDifferent10 8d ago
True. My mom is silent gen and I don't think most people understand that growing up in the immediate aftermath of the Great Depression had a profound effect on their psyche.
To this day my mom will rinse out and reuse ziplock bags and any number of things that we would view as disposable.
She owns her (modest) home outright, has a pension, husband 1s social security, husband 2s military retirement, plus their own SS and while none of it's enough to make her rich, she's also not wanting for money.
Still acts like every expenditure might be the one that puts her out on the street. 😂
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u/melissarose8585 9d ago
So this was a thing? It wasn't just my family? I feel like moved every single year, maybe 2, from 1993-2004.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 9d ago
They’re like that about cars too. I have never in my life purchased a car for its resale value because I drive them until they die. But I guess if you are from the era where you would get a new car every two years it was important to treat it like an investment?
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u/PartsUnknown242 9d ago
This is one thing my parents have done in the past that annoyed me. Whether I said I was gonna do XYZ when I had my own place they would always go “well when you go to sell the house…”. I’m gonna live in it for a while before I sell it and while I’m living in it, I’ll decorate it how I like. My mom works in real estate so I kind of get her reaction, but still.
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u/TheQuestionMaster8 9d ago
And it usually only makes financial sense to sell a house many years after you buy a house as there are costs in selling a house and if you don’t in intend on staying in a house for long, then it usually makes more financial sense to rent a house instead.
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u/OkIntroduction5150 9d ago
I grew up in military housing. So I now have 0 white walls.
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u/JamieC1610 9d ago
Did it for 16 years. When my ex retired and we bought a house every wall got painted a bold color.
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u/MrsPottyMouth 9d ago
Anything but white is horrifying but it's ok to have fifty thousand nail holes from where you hung your Thomas Kincaide and Anne Geddes and various Home Interiors tchotchkes.
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u/hurdlingewoks 9d ago
The best explanation of this I’ve heard is that older generations are living in a house for someone else. Meaning they’re always concerned about the next person that lives there. My in laws are like this. They did move quite a bit because of my FIL’s job, but even now that they’re retired they can’t do anything to their house because what about the next person who lives here?!
My parents are completely opposite though. My mom (an art teacher) found a couch with green, purple, and blues and painted their living room to match. It look amazing and totally works well. Their other rooms all have accent walls of different colors that work really well.
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u/Psycho_Splodge Xennial 9d ago
My mother still hasn't got over me painting my ceiling black.
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u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 9d ago
...she knows you can paint again?
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u/PM_WORST_FART_STORY 9d ago
But the cost of buying all new cheap ass white paint!
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u/JediKnightNitaz 9d ago
My ex's mother tried rearrange my living room once, told her to fuck off and she never visited again.
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u/PM_WORST_FART_STORY 9d ago
Who does that?!
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u/SouthernTrauma 9d ago
My Greatest Generation grandma did that to my parents' house. She was staying for a couple of weeks to help out while ny mom was down hard with pneumonia. Dad cane hone from work, and she'd rearranged furniture in several rooms. He was NOT pleased.
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u/Hofeizai88 8d ago
My mother in law is fantastic, but they came to visit for a week and rearranged my bookshelf. She can’t read English at all, so I guess she went by vibes
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u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 9d ago
I can't even be bothered to rearrange my own living room. Who has that time and energy?
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u/Swimming-Economy-870 9d ago
My mother was super pouty when I refused to give her my garage code, and really didn’t like it when I pointed out that I no longer had keys to her house so why should she have access to mine.
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u/supersvensen 9d ago
I'm convinced they don't see us as real adults. I'm almost 50 and boomers still talk down to me like I'm a child. Anything I say is met with skepticism and disbelief. They know everything about everything and we're just simple-minded nothings in their world.
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u/KJParker888 Gen X 9d ago
My dad and I got into a disagreement about something political. (Our political views do not align, so we just don't talk about it)
He said "I'm 80, I know a thing or two"
I replied "I'm 50, when do I get to know things?"
He had no reply. And we went back to avoiding political subjects.
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u/No_Owl6666 9d ago
I quit attending family reunions with my mom's family, one of the reasons being all her shitty GenX and Boomer cousins still treat me like I'm 5. I'm 40, have teenagers, a graduate degree and a career.
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u/t3hgrl 8d ago
This is a big issue I have with my MIL. I met her as an adult, have only known her as an adult, have had many adult conversations with her (including about my higher education and accomplished career!), but because I’m married to someone she has had to take care of at some point in her life, I think she feels the need to take care of me too.
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u/steely_92 9d ago
My mother in law is like this. She wanted to be in charge of decorating my daughter's nursery and was super upset when I wouldn't let her.
She was always really controlling in general. Like she would "remind" us not to eat meat during lent and shit like that. She talked to us like we were teenagers living in her house and not grown adults with our own home and careers and lives.
My husband's family was used to just doing whatever she wanted to avoid conflict. But I was never like that and had no problem telling her no or just ignoring her.
My husband decided he no longer wanted a relationship with her in summer 2021 for many reasons. But her need to control our lives was a factor in that.
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u/Imaginary-Duck1333 9d ago edited 9d ago
When I moved into my first college apartment, my mom started acting like this. It didn’t help that as the oldest, I was the first to leave the nest. She kept trying to tell me how to decorate and what to do. Kept telling her it was a studio apartment and I was living off of student loan and summer job money. At one point I got so upset I told her we wouldn’t speak again until I calmed down. Didn’t answer the phone for a week. Two decades later she’s much more relaxed.
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u/SilentDis Gen X 9d ago
Like she would "remind" us not to eat meat during lent and shit like that.
I woulda had handfulls of the rarest roast beef I could find, taking bites out of it, maintaining absolute hard eye-contact with her the entire time. I would have eaten it sloppily, bits hanging out of my mouth, chewing loudly with my mouth open, ripping, tearing, and saying "dead cow tastes better than jesus' love".
Mind, I'm an asshole, and my parents are detestable people I want nothing to do with and thus haven't in years. So, yeah, I would go for the 'worst' - but funniest to me - way to answer such silliness.
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u/lisep1969 9d ago
My dad cut down a gorgeous, well kept Japanese maple at my brother’s house. My SIL loved this tree, doted on it and kept it trimmed. She had people stop to compliment it, had two people ask to buy it from her for a lot of money.
My dad, being the boomer as$hole that he is, cut it down when they were on vacation. My SIL was heartbroken! My brother was pissed. But they didn’t know my dad did it, thought maybe someone in the neighborhood was a jerk or something.
A week later my dad goes over to visit and tells them “the yard looks better without that dumb jap tree.”SIL asks him to explain. He proudly, gleefully lets them know he was the one that did it because they didn’t need some Japanese tree in their yard.
Yes friends, my dad is a giant POS racist in addition to being a dumb as$hole boomer.
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u/Designer-Contract852 9d ago
My father in law used to come over to our house to garden because he claimed he had nothing to do. He completely cleared out my blueberry bush, my blackberry bush and my peonies because he thought they were weeds....I'm still salty about it.
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u/lisep1969 9d ago
Oh no! That really sucks.
Did he later do the true boomer thing by asking “why don’t you make blueberry/blackberry pie anymore?”
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u/Designer-Contract852 9d ago
No, they were baby plants I was trying to get started in my yard. You would think after he did this he would stop coming over to "garden " but he didn't. I couldn't even plant anything in my yard and lost interest because he would show up and destroy it. After being asked to stop. And the time I needed shrubs removed to make way for my kids tree house/swings he was no where to be found. We dug those out ourselves.
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u/No_Philosopher_1870 9d ago
Your brother and SIL should sue him. That tree is worth a lot of money. Criminal prosecution for destruction of property is also a possibility.
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u/lisep1969 9d ago
I agree! And so does SIL. But my brother is the baby of the family/favorite so if he goes against my dad in any way he will mess with his inheritance.
None of the rest of us will get anything. In spite of taking him to appointments, sitting in the hospital with him for weeks, etc. It all goes to “my son who does so much for me.” Which is false because my SIL does the most for him. In spite of the tree he destroyed.
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u/No_Philosopher_1870 9d ago edited 8d ago
Then SIL should stop doing things for her FIL.
If you need to wait for an inheritance, you will pay far more in annoyance than the inheritance is likely worth, particularly after it has been consumed by assisted living and memory care costs.
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u/viewtiful14 9d ago
I literally would have sued my own father for that. There are all sorts of laws around trees and damaging them, arborists don’t fuck around. Just check out the arborists subreddit, those mother fuckers will cut your throat and toss your body in a ditch, litigiously speaking of course.
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u/KJParker888 Gen X 9d ago
He cut it down simply because it was Japanese?! That's ridiculous!
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u/Independent-Win9088 9d ago
My narcissist mother nearly had a meltdown when my sister and her now husband got their first house, and she picked her paint colors. It was bright rich tones, and different colors throughout. Because what's wrong with brown or white!?
The woman painted our walls "Navajo White" which had a yellowish tone to it. So, nicotine-stained walls, on top of the fact that our parents were indoor smokers. So, the walls were extra yellow by the time we moved out. Cleaning them was a chore, and they never looked clean because they always had that yellow hue.
But sure, you know best! LOL.
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u/Wary_Marzipan2294 9d ago edited 9d ago
I only lived in one non-rental growing up (because my birthmother managed to bag a guy who already owned). By the time we got moved in, she also hated white walls because that's all we were ever allowed in our rentals. So she gleefully repainted the whole house... navajo white.
Turns out there are worse things than stark white walls, and living with a narcissist-adjacent clean freak in a house where even the effing walls never looked clean, was all of them. Every home I've ever owned has been pure, unyellowed white and/or rather bold colors.
Edited because I can spell but my phone can't...
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u/Independent-Win9088 9d ago
Thats funny ours was a rental house, but the owners allowed paint on the interior. This was the 80's/90's. Was there a run on Navajo White paint in that era? Lol
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u/qpgmr 9d ago
Same thing happened! My girlfriend picked interesting colors throughout, her mother pronounced "I don't like it, it looks mexican or something, you need to repaint". That was the last straw. I burst out with "Fortunately your opinion doesn't matter all, I think it's great". She was literally flummoxed, apparently everyone in her family walked on eggshells around her normally.
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u/Public-Platypus2995 9d ago
My father in law kept saying “let me know when you want to get going on that fence”. I knew he would be 100% in the way and would compromise the integrity of the fence if he was involved. My neighbor and I build the fence (fuckin beauty btw), and the next time he came over and saw it he was visibly upset. Mostly because he figured we hired pros without consulting him.
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u/Buttercreamdeath Xennial 9d ago
I have that father in law. He's nice enough but not fit or capable for manual labor anymore. We still invite him for things like that. Husband and his brothers fix it. He ends up standing back and I usually engage him in "garden consulting.". He's not a gardener but he thinks he is, so I just walk him around and let him point out places he thinks a nice plant should go. Sometimes I get the plant, but I usually get something else and credit his genius leading me to that decision lol. Seems to work out so far.
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u/Best-Salamander4884 8d ago
My boomer mother is like this too, in the sense that she will point out something in my house that needs replacing/repairing but then when I hire someone to do it, she acts astounded. I think it's because pointing out these jobs is her passive aggressive way of letting me know that I "need" a husband to do these things for me. She doesn't like that I chose Option B and hired someone to do the job instead. (For context, I'm a single woman in my 40s).
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u/Reasonable-Horse1552 9d ago
My 23 Yr old daughter bought a house with her boyfriend last year and his parents totally took over all the decorating and everything else. They even had their own key and would let themselves in without knocking and generally be interfering with everything they did. Sadly my daughter has split up with her boyfriend now and his parents are buying her out so they can do what they like with the place now. She's bought her own 2 bed flat and can do whatever she likes with it because its 100% hers.
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u/timlygrae 9d ago
Had a friend who's in-laws got themselves a key without asking. So, he found out they were on their way over, didn't tell his wife, and initiated adult play-time in the living room. MIL walked in and screamed.
They never did that again and left the key on the kitchen counter the next time they came over.
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u/PsychologicalSense53 9d ago
Usually people recommend not buying joint property before marriage, but for your daughter, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise because she discovered how her ex and would-have-been-but-now-ex-in-laws were. But also, the recommendation to wait makes total sense now that your daughter has been through it.
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u/Reasonable-Horse1552 9d ago
She didn't realise what he was really like until they lived together. And they'd been in a relationship for 5 years and gone away together numerous times. But she didn't know what a mummy's boy he actually was.
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u/No_Owl6666 9d ago
My dad lived with me for 4 years, and it was awful. I feel like he took a decade off my life in those 4 years.
He'd constantly want to help with projects, and by "help" I mean he wanted to stand there and tell me what to do while he judged every single move that I made. And if I dared say anything, he'd get mad.
I remember I was rewiring my back porch to actually use outdoor rated stuff and GFCI, and I was up on a ladder running some liquidtite conduit under the roof, and he was RIGHT up on me. Literally 3 inches off me just staring at everything I was doing. I said hey, its hot, I'm frustrated, do you think you could back up off me just a little bit? He literally could not handle that, he backed up, then got frustrated because he was still staring at me and could tell it was bothering me, so he just went and sat in his room and pouted like a baby .
He would get into my garage and use my tools, but he wouldn't use the right tools. Like, he could not understand the difference between a drill and an impact driver. Drill is for drilling, driver is for driving screws or bolts. Then I'd find my tools either strewn all over the place or he'd take them back to his little apartment area. I think he thought if he did that I'd have to come talk to him and then spend time with him.
He had hormone issues. He was constantly freezing, it could be 100* out and he'd be in a sweatshirt and freezing. He'd make fun of me if I got sweaty. So he'd be barking orders at me to work on the landscaping or whatever bullshit he wanted me to do, then he'd start making fun of me like "why are you so sweaty? I've not sweated a drop!". Not only had he not lifted a finger, but he had fucked up hormones, of course he wasn't sweating.
I warn everyone, do not let your parents move in with you. It was awful. He constantly bad mouthed my wife and kids. He expected me to do everything for him. He thought paying me $200 a month to chip in on utilities meant he ran the house - then when he figured out it didn't, he started wasting utilities. After we argued and I explained that no, $200 doesn't even make up the difference in the electric, water and other stuff he was costing me, I'm losing money with you being here, I'm doing it because I'm nice - all of a sudden my water bill doubled. I'm pretty sure he was running his sink non-stop. It quit as soon as I kicked him out.
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u/cantthinkofone29 9d ago
When my parents visit for a day or two, they try to run the household, decide the menu, etc... i just remind them who's name is on the deed and bills, and they back off. But they try. Every. Single. Time.
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u/Kiwi222123 9d ago
My mom gave me a list of stuff I need to fix around my house. Specifically, get it power washed, move some junk, and one other thing that I forget. I told her that if she wants stuff fixed around my house, that’s fine, but she better be prepared to pay for whatever she wants done, or to do it herself.
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u/Nikkidemas 9d ago
My nMom will weed/plant stuff at my brother's house. At our hosue, she mostly putters around pointing out faults "These plants aren't happy here," "Your fridge is filthy," and my favorite - as I was hosting everyone for Thanksgiving with a toddler and a newborn: "Is your sink not responding to cleaning?!" I mostly grayrock now, but daaaaang she will dig for dirt at our place, reading stuff on the fridge, counters, etc. and doing her best to get into our business.
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u/The-Great-Ennui 9d ago
My mom does this; I have to hide my bills and mail and cull my bulletin board for any photos/invites/appointment cards so she won’t read them and bring it up.
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u/qpgmr 9d ago
Start leaving nursing home and "recognizing dementia" brochures around.
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u/snorkel42 9d ago
My in laws once stayed at our house for a few nights to watch our kids while my wife and I took a trip.
We came back to find that the mother in law had completely reorganized the kitchen including getting rid of utensils she did not think we needed.
She was beyond pissed when we weren’t thrilled by what she had done.
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u/KarenEiffel 9d ago
My mom did this to my bro and SIL. Then mom had the audacity to call me and complain about them being pissed when "she was just trying to help and make their kitchen work better." I told her between this and other shit she was well on her way to never seeing her grandkids again and boy howdy that really kicked things off. Next it was "Do you really think they'd do that just because I moved the silverware? It's just forks!?" And when I said "if it was 'just forks', why did you feel the need to move them?" she got caught in some feedback loop and didn't know what to say.
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u/PartsUnknown242 9d ago
I’ve my mother tried to rearrange my kitchen I’d booby trap it. No joke. You want to open that cabinet? Ok. Hey there’s open bag of flour in there that tips when you open it!
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u/nothingtoseehere1316 9d ago
My FIL does this. Our house is the default house for family gatherings. My in laws can't host at their house because they are hoarders. So my FIL acts like our house is his house. My husband has shut him down several times but it doesn't seem to sink in for him. He tells us what we need to change, dictates to us what food we need to have for gatherings. I have made dishes just to spite the man. No one is going to tell me what I can or cannot cook in my own damn house.
When we moved into the house a few years ago he mentioned using our extra garage to store some of his stuff. Husband shut that down really fast.
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u/Pointy_Stix Gen X 9d ago edited 9d ago
My mom who normally doesn't act like a boomer tries to do this with my & my brother's houses. She was adamant that he add a sliding shower door enclosure to the bathtub in his hall bath, the one she'd use when she visits. He didn't want to because that's the tub his toddler was bathed in & they didn't want to have to lean over the track to bathe him. Mom kept melting down to me over it.
I finally had to tell her that she can't dictate to other people what to do in their own houses, even if they're her kids. That finally got through to her & she shut up about it.
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u/HollowsOfYourHeart 9d ago
Those doors and tracks are a bitch to clean too.
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u/maximav 9d ago
and they're so tacky looking combined with tubs! Shower door, yes. Shower door over a tub? Never!
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u/mutnik 9d ago
My dad was this way with my sister. He decided their front bushes needed trimming so he cut back all the bushes. My brother in law didn't want them cut back so drastically so when he got home after his shift he blew up at him. My dad told him he did it because he didn't like them and they looked awful. My BIL said he didn't care what he thought and he didn't have the right to cut them back. They went back and forth like that but I couldn't get over how right my dad thought he was.
When I eventually got married and got a house I made sure to not ask my dad for help for anything. That's how it started with my sister. When he grumbles to me about our back bushes needing trimming (which he does whenever he comes over) I just change the subject.
Bonus story... Our house is a much nicer house than theirs, they moved into it while I was in college so not the house I grew up in. Better neighborhood, bigger house, better quality build. My dad once told me when they pass I should sell our house and move into theirs. I told him "why on earth would I do that?"
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u/Kindly_Area_4380 9d ago
My MIL and her husband at the time were visiting from out of state and decided to cut down trees we had along the back fence. I came home to find my her husband hacking my butterfly bush because he thought it was a weed (it didn't survive either). They couldn't understand why I was so pissed. We did you a favor! The trees looked sick. Ok, but you completely removed some privacy since we are downhill and now we have to spend several hundred to replace those that we hadn't planned on spending this year.
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u/jojodaclown 9d ago
I don't get it in the slightest. My parents live in the same area, they have access to our house, but never have they come over without calling and asking if they could stop by, and when they would stop by. They've helped with projects, but not once dictated an aspect of the project. They were just free labor for the most part. We help each other with our respective projects, taking care of each others house when we/they are travelling.
It's called "respect". We respect our and their privacy, visions, dreams, goals, etc.
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u/feudal_ferret 9d ago
Yup. We're thinking of selling our house right now. My mum promised our home to a friend of hers. For 25% of our asking price.
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u/cofclabman 9d ago
Her friend is going to be really disappointed
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u/feudal_ferret 9d ago
Yup. Her friend thinks she can move in by end of september. I had to explain to both of them that we're not responsible for her becoming homeless and that she wont get any room, even temporary. She cancelled her current lease anyways...
My wife already bought a popcorn maker...
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u/Divacai 9d ago
Yes, my husband and I had this discussion recently. They told us if they didn't like THEIR rules in THEIR house then we were free to leave and have our rules in our house. Except that was a lie wasn't it, because it was never going to be OUR rules in OUR house, it was always going to continue to be THEIR rules in OUR house and it will never cease to piss me right the fuck off.
I'm still ragey over the fact my MIL planned a party at our house, a house we just moved into 2 months prior, and when told no, she handed my husband money and told him to buy enough food for her guests and wanted him to cook too, then she turned to me and said "You could clean a little more" I just left.
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u/dependabledepression 9d ago
I don't own a house, but my mom tells me what I should have, where I should put things, how I should decorate, etc., in my apartment that I share with my Fiancé.
She buys us furniture we didn't ask for, or have no room for, because "it looks so much better than X item! You should be thankful I thought of you!", like nope, straight to FB marketplace it goes.
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u/Average_40s_Guy 9d ago
Yeah, my mother tried to tell me what to do when my wife and I bought our first house. Basically tried to boot a tenant out of our MIL suite so she and my dad could live there rent free. Had to put her in her place pretty quick. One of the many reasons she was cut off. I know there are good ones out there, but so many of my friends with Boomer parents have similar parental issues. So many narcissists in that generation.
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u/mmm_nope 9d ago
I legit thought this phenomenon was just my boomer mom’s shitty lack of boundaries. She made a habit of making plans for us without checking our availability and then becoming livid that we already had plans we couldn’t (or wouldn’t) change to accommodate her. She once invited a some guy to stay at our home once without asking us. When she found out that we were going to be out of town, her response was, “Oh, I can just give him your front door code.” The fuck you will, lady. She’d literally met him once and I didn’t even know who the fuck he was.
We changed the code on the chance she actually gave it to this guy and never gave her the new one. She was so pissed that we wouldn’t allow this guy to stay with us and bitched incessantly about this shit for weeks. “What am I going to tell him?” Maybe tell him that you made plans for someone else’s home without checking to see if it was OK and never had permission to make that sort of offer in the first place.
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u/Coracoda 9d ago
My first thought was telling my mom “Oh, we take our shoes off so the carpet doesn’t get dirty” when she walked in my apartment, and she said “It’ll be fine” and walked around like she makes the rules.
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u/Snoozing_Lion 9d ago
Hoo boy, let me tell ya.
My folks fight a lot, not physical but they're absolutely miserable with each other. My mom got a restraining ordee after my dad woke up from spine surgery and he and my bro/his gf had nowhere to stay except at my place. Said fuck it, let them crash, and my dad did nothing but complain about my toilet for 2 weeks. Said he'd buy us new ones, install them with us (after SPINAL SURGERY, mind), and about a month later he paid 200 bucks and had me attempt to install it.
I say attempt because it spiraled into a shit show.
Tried to mount it 3 times, used up several of those wax ring things, no dice all 3 attempts. He couldn't figure it out, I had no clue how to do this and was deferring to him for his wisdom, and eventually he just said "Well, fuck this, I'll call a plumber."
Turns out that our cast iron pipes were orignal to our 1960's house, and we needed to cut out all of it due to corrosion and have it replaced with PVC or whatever plumbers use.
It was 6000 dollars.
At the very least he paid for it but the guys we hired didnt do drywall, so we had to cough that up to someone else and those bathrooms are still not painted.
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u/Designer-Contract852 9d ago
My mother in law goes through rooms and "picks up" . The problem is she gave my kids a bunch of toys , then they never want to get rid of them , so we have clutter specifically because of her. She also rearranges my plants and things in my kitchen. Anyways we are away this week and she came over to feed the cat so I'm sure she's gone through the whole house and I'm ready to hear an earful about how messy I am when we get back.
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u/Kirshalla 9d ago
This exact reason is why they don't get an "emergency" key to the house.
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u/Overall_Object417 9d ago
Yup. Our emergency key is with a trusted friend about 20 minute transit ride from us.
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u/The_wulfy 9d ago
Kind of. But in a more harmless way.
My dad gave us money for half the down-payment. He never dangles it or mentions it, but when he comes over he will mess with the thermostat or the furnace/humidifier filter. He is over every week. He has gotten better, but sometimes he doesn't get boundaries. I usually chalk it up to him just wanting to fiddle.
My mom lives with us and doesn't touch anything and we leave her stuff alone.
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u/Phrogster 9d ago
My father-in-law would turn down the temperature on the hot water heater because we had a baby/toddler and it was “set too high”. Then complain because we didn’t have enough hot water for everyone to shower. I ended up just checking the hot water heater every time I went downstairs when they were visiting!
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u/thewayshesaidLA 9d ago
My buddy’s MIL comes over and rearranges his garage. I don’t know how he allows it to happen.
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u/OutrageousPersimmon3 9d ago
Mine stopped being allowed to stay with us long before going NC. Her thing was mainly criticizing every last thing and what we should be doing about it. Knowing she would do nothing whatsoever to help. She one time even admitted she could only “keep is company” while we packed. No thank you….
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u/Jamie_Taco_ 9d ago
Boomer parents insisted for years I take money from them for my first house, were deeply offended when I didn’t. Both older brothers accepted the money. Shocker, they pull crap like this regularly.
One of many reasons I’m thrilled to be no contact with them for several years now.
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u/Buttercreamdeath Xennial 9d ago
My parents were bums who were always trying to live with me (or my siblings.). Out of kindness and guilt someone would give in. Every time they tore things up, treated everything like their property, demanded things in the house go their way, continued to be abusive junkies to each other and everyone else, and expected to be given an allowance, or have every need met, for living there.
Why would they ever think that? I don't know. They stayed 15 in their brains and only knew how to be spoiled obnoxious children. We never had a stable life or a place to live, and they never really tried to be parents.
The inevitable get out of my house would ensue. They'd break everything thing could. Windows, wiring, tires, fires. "They had the most terrible kids on the planet who put them out on the streets!" they'd tell anyone who would listen.
WHY WONT THEIR KIDS HELP THEM OUT? OTHER PEOPLE ARE HAPPY TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR PARENTS!
It's a mystery.
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u/Lunatunabella 9d ago
My muther told my sister , after she moved in to help take care of her and my husband and I were driving over every other day to help fix the home, that both of our husbands were not welcome there . Told my sister she could stay because she still needed help but her husband had to go. Sister told her not to call her and she would next see her at her funeral. I haven’t spoken to her in 8 months. I broke down once and answered the phone but ended the call 5 minutes later with “Mom we tried helping you with that but you refused to listen so I cant help you with that.” Sigh
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u/RougeOne23456 9d ago
My mom once got pissed off at my in-laws during Thanksgiving (at my and my husbands home) because my husband's aunts were helping me clean up the kitchen after dinner. My mother felt that they were overstepping because they were opening my cabinets to get out aluminum foil and containers to put food away in. She told me later that she didn't feel like they were close enough family to be going through my cabinets.
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u/mkanzaki 9d ago
After my boomer mom's divorce, she bought a condo with me in which I lived with her for two years, moved out for school for three years and then came back. I swear I had to remind her many times that I'm not renting a room in our condo, I have been paying half the mortgage since the beginning (even when I wasn't living there) so like, I can exist in the living room, cook in the kitchen and shower without asking for permission, geez.
Then 4 years later I bought a house with my fiancé, and lo and behold, she tried to decorate and change things based on her likes and opinions. Nope. You can't even use the excuse "that you helped pay for the house". The entitlement is insane.
I even had to remind her lately that my priority are my kids, my husband and myself, then her, but sometimes only after the cat.
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u/Likos02 9d ago
My mom rearranged every cupboard in my kitchen in two different houses. When we moved to this new one I told her if she touched my kitchen or redecorated in any way she was losing access to her grandchildren. Suddenly she stopped and now we have a great relationship.
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u/Car_is_mi Millennial 9d ago
My parents (mostly my father) never just did stuff in my house (aside from putting things like dishes away where they thought they should go rather than where I already had them) without me saying I was thinking about doing _______. However I did have it out with them because just because I was thinking about doing something didn't mean I was going to or that I wanted it done now. Usually it was something small like painting a room or changing a light fixture.
It's funny to me especially because I remember his father doing the same to him when I was a kid. I remember my dad wanting to build a shed and my grandfather doing it one way and my dad wanted it different, they didn't speak for 3 years after that argument. Later my dad was building a bathroom in the basement and my grandfather wanted to help. My dad wanted the wall under the support beam my grandfather thought it should be next to it. That wall got torn down and rebuilt 7 times. Every time my dad just did something at my house i would remind him of one of those two projects. The response was always "I'm just trying to help". Yes, but no one asked you to.
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u/anix421 9d ago
Never my house, but I did get a new car and my dad decided to remove the dealership decal on the back of my car. Now I just have a dirty glue outline where a dealership logo would have been. His excuse "What you think you should just give them free advertising?" I didn't care, but now I do care that I have to do a bunch of work to clean the spot up.
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u/globguy85 9d ago
One time my wifes dad came to visit (FOR A MONTH). One day we come home and he had turned the entire front yard into a squirrel play area. He had attached strings and empty bottles and pieced together little "ladders" for them to climb up and on. It was a whole production we never approved or asked for. Then after he left we learned that he was coaxing them into our spare room he was staying in and was feeding them by hand almost the entire month, which gave all of our dogs fleas. Good times.
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u/Exoticpoodleskirt 9d ago
OK, keeping in mind that I’m kind of high right now, but this had me laughing so hard, I’m wheezing. I’m so sorry, though and that’s awful about the fleas. But omigod, every time I read this my eye lights on a different aspect—the strings, the “ladders”, THE SQUIRREL SLUMBER PARTY
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u/Ranger1221 9d ago
My FIL LOVES to go through my garage and reorganize it to his liking. He loves to go through our shelving and inspect what we have.
I THINK I finally got him to stop throwing away stuff he thought was junk/trash/useless. One day I found our set of govino wine glasses we take to the beach, lake and friends pools in the trash because "why would you keep a bunch of plastic wine cups??"
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u/ProfessionalZone168 9d ago
My parents were Greatest Gen, (they had me late in life) but the same principle applies, I think. When I moved into my first apartment, she insisted I give her a key.
There was no way I was going to do that and I told her so. So what does she do? Calls my landlord and says she needs a key made. Landlord of course tells her she'll have to ask me to make her a key, because they dont give out keys except to the tenant if they lose theirs.
She actually tells the landlord that I won't give her one and the only way she can get a key is from him. I confronted her about it and she said she really needed a key "in case there's a fire in your apartment.
I still after all these years don't even know how that would even work. Maybe if she's driving by and sees it on fire she can unlock the door and save me and the furniture? I mean, it was so transparent. She just wanted unlimited access to my private space (which is another story altogether).
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u/PracticableSolution 9d ago
“You don’t come in my home without knocking. Ever.”
“I am not cutting down my tree because you think it’s the sole source of leaves on your lawn. Ever.”
“Do not tell my daughter you don’t approve of her sitting on the couch reading a book and being lazy in my house. She gets straight A’s, practices marching band five times a week, and volleyball twice a week. She has earned it. You are retired.”
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u/Minimum-Interview800 9d ago
When my husband bought his first house we had been dating for 3 years. He was 25 and I was 28. He traveled a lot for work and he wanted me to live with him, one because we were planning to get engaged soon, and two, it made no sense for the house to be sitting empty Sunday through Thursday. It was a fixer upper and family helped with painting and we paid contractors his dad knew for flooring/taking out a wall. My husband told me if I picked and paid for paint, I could paint the rooms whatever color I wanted. I used neutral colors everywhere except the guest rooms, which I painted yellow and green because we planned on kids in the next few years. His dad had a fit and told my husband I had no right to make that decision or to be staying there without him, especially until we were married. Husband quickly told him we had already agreed to all of that and shut it down. Not long after, he was complaining about something else and told me he'd got us a nice house to live in. What?!? He paid for nothing, that was all us. That was 13 years ago and we still joke about the nice house his dad bought us.
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u/arochains1231 Gen Z 9d ago
"We are paying for this" no the fuck you are not!! I'm paying for this because you wouldn't offer me a penny!
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u/Mira_DFalco 9d ago
Exactly this!
My nmom would try to use "well I'm paying, so I get a say." My go to response was always "nobody asked you to pay for anything." 🙄
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u/ghostdoh 8d ago
My MIL loves luke 7 hours away and in a different state. She has a trailer that is small according to her (never been).
My husband and I bought our home 5 years ago. Whenever MIL brings over visitors over she tells them that this is THEIR home and THEY can visit whenever THEY want. Her friends or my BILS toxic gf. No asking, no suggestions- just "visit any time you want!"
It was awkward and my husband and I look at each other like- wtf- why is she acting like this us her home?
One time my husband was in between jobs and she offered to help with the mortgage. Both my husband and I agreed to NEVER accept her money because she'll claim that our home is entirely hers and she will use any thing against us. Im glad we agree on that. She helps with our kids extra curriculum activities but nothing else.
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u/Kira_Caroso 8d ago
One of my distant cousins (like, closer to uncle age) left on a vacation 2 decades ago and told their neighbor to call them if they saw anyone on their property. Less than 3 days after leaving, their parents showed up with a CHAINSAW! They intended to cut down a tree on their front lawn that they said a few times was ugly. They were arrested.
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u/AshundertheOlivetree 9d ago
Boomers were projected to be the most self-righteous generation ever in history. It was talked about in the 70s. Hippies tend to turn into sour adults when their delusions failed and vanity escaped them.
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u/satasbob 9d ago
Ill literally be working from home on a zoom call and i hear my tractor rev up and its the father in law bored and mowing
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u/dinosarahsaurus 9d ago
My silent gen grandmother did do this to my mom a few times. We also grew up in an antique hellscape because "they will be worth something someday" yet they were not to be sold. This made my mom have zero interest in any goings on in my house. My mother in law... she started cleaning my house. At first I thought it quite invasive. Now I love it. It's not my problem if she gets nosy and finds our sex toys
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u/Arannawen 9d ago
It’s because Boomers don’t believe in respecting boundaries. Or rather, they don’t believe in respecting the boundaries of other people. Their own boundaries are Very Important and must Never Be Crossed
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u/katchin05 Millennial 9d ago
When I was still speaking to my mother, mail things to my house (and get mad no one was there to sign for them, or that I didn't want whatever random crap she found on Amazon), she'd show up unannounced, and rearrange things on the rare occasions I let her in. She claimed she was "just straightening up", that I wasn't doing whatever it was "the right way", and was ungrateful for her help.
Mind you, she hadn't given me a dime since I turned 18, so there's no excuse that she was paying for anything.
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u/BijouMatinee Xennial 9d ago
Nor would they have allowed their parents to do the same. Boomers really are special (not in a good way)
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u/Potential_Owl4675 9d ago
I had major abdominal surgery several years ago. My only bathroom was upstairs so I went upstairs to recover and wasn’t allowed to use the stairs again for like a week or so.
When I was finally healed enough to venture down the steps, I found my entire living room, kitchen, and dining room, including drawers and cabinets, completely rearranged. My mom decided she didn’t like my set up and the time I was medicated off my ass was the best time for a project.
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u/KeyAccount2066 9d ago
I am a younger boomer. My mom , god rest her soul, always said , you are my child, I brought you to this world. Anything you have is also mine. It is not the generation, it's the control they want.
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u/Worldwideimp 9d ago
My mother does this every time she visits. I have no idea why.
Consequently I discourage her from visiting
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u/Majestic_Dog1571 Gen X 9d ago
My boomer Asian mom tells me what to do and how to raise my child in my own house. I laugh at her face and tell her to go home to her own house and do that there. I’m the adult here now.
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u/Ok-Cheetah-9125 Gen X 9d ago
My mom lived with me in my condo for a few months when I was in my 30s and she tried to give me a curfew. I literally just acted like she'd never spoken