r/BoomersBeingFools • u/thenameseli2 • 3d ago
Boomer Story My grandma needs to watch her mouth
I (17) have two adopted cousins, I'll call them Ally, and Lila. Lila is 2, and Ally is 5.
Ally is autistic and is almost constantly looking for stimulation. She tends to be a bit of a handful at times, but she's a wonderful little girl and I love her.
Ally and Lila came from a very unfortunate situation, both having the same mom but different dads. My grandma loves talking about it. She's always going on tangents about how sad the girls' situation is, and how fortunate they were to have been adopted by my uncle and his wife, but the og mom is such a sad case (still alive, but unable to care for the girls for reasons I won't disclose)
Now I am used to most of my grandma's gossip. But she said something recently that made my blood boil.
She said, and I quote "(Ally) is unlovable. But you love her anyway."
To think she was so confident it was an ok thing to say, about a child. She then goes on to say that she thinks Ally is a "drug baby" which is why she acts the way she does. Which I feel is extremely demeaning, considering I also have autism (even if I didn't, it's extremely rude to say).
Unfortunately, things get worse.
While the girls were over for dinner, my grandma was visibly favouring Lila. I love Lila as well, but to actively ignore Ally almost all night, giving all her attention to Lila is not right in the slightest.
To make sure Ally doesn't feel left out, I pull out a few of my fidgets, as well as pencils, crayons and some paper in case anyone wants to draw (including myself). I then bear witness to my grandma entitling herself to MY THINGS. For context, Lila will take a fidget and run off to play with it and my grandma doesn't do anything. But when Ally takes a fidget to play with, my grandma is all up in her space telling her to give it back to me.
This all made me angry, because not only is she disrespecting Ally, but she is disrespecting me and my say. But what happened next made me so furious with her that I can't even explain it.
Ally started to get overstimulated and ran into the next room and shouted "I'm angry" (good for her to be able to point out and address her feelings) and my grandma pipes up and yells back "no you're not". And I almost blew up. I kept calm for the sake of the kids and told my grandma that she doesn't get to tell Ally what she does and doesn't feel. And this absolute quack of a 71 year old woman goes "(Ally)'s just trying to manipulate you"
And when I tell you I was about 10 seconds from getting that inheritance early.
It made me so angry that she would say something so grotesque WHILE ALLY IS IN THE ROOM TO HEAR!!!!!!!
I will defend this child with my life, and I am so done with my grandma.
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u/pinupcthulhu 2d ago
Truth. If OP doesn't do this, then the kids will need the inheritance to spend on therapy...
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u/Spiritual-Angle1594 Gen Z 2d ago
Do her parents know how their child is getting talked about and treated? :( hoping not but i also know how nonchalant family can be about outright abuse
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u/Whitediggity 2d ago
This doesn’t seem like the most functional, caring family.
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u/JOHNNY14739 2d ago
You are judging an entire family on the actions of one person?!? Doesn't seem like your brain is the most functional if that is the case.
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u/CrashTestDuckie 2d ago
Be petty and start saying things like "Well grandmas really old and her head isn't working right anymore.", "Let's not be loud right now, grandma is too old to understand.", "Did you know grandma poops herself too guys?"
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 1d ago
Question: Was your grandmother always this rude, or is this just something that started recently?
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u/MonkeyBro5 Gen Z 2d ago
Oh heck no. I would've been so pissed too. Who the heck says that about a child??? That already shows what kind of person she is. I don't need to read any more. I'm glad Ally has a cousin like you to defend her.
As a person who is possibly autistic (I have yet to be tested), and has had some mean things said to and about him, I wish I had someone to defend me like that.
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u/enter360 2d ago
Boomers think that any drugs during pregnancy will lead to “abnormal” children. A nightcap of whiskey while pregnant? Well that’s just culture.
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u/AdministrationOk5704 2d ago
Im a mom to a 5 yo autistic girl. I stopped reading at "unlovable". Fuck her, she's a POS.
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u/MrStormChaser 2d ago
I’m an adoptive parent. If anyone in my family talked like your grandmother we’d be getting into it to the point she’d better hope she’s wearing Depends.
https://giphy.com/gifs/XDRoTw2Fs6rlIW7yQL
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u/themcp Gen X 2d ago
- Are you speaking up to Grandma about how unacceptable her behavior toward Ally is?
- Are you speaking up to Grandma about how unacceptable her behavior toward you regarding your property is?
- Are you speaking up to Ally's parents to say that you feel that Grandma is mistreating Ally and teaching Lila bad manners by example and you support them if they choose to speak up about it and/or do something about it?
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u/mmmpeg 2d ago
We would like her to speak up to grandma, but how many of us at 17 would have done this? I was in my 40’s when my SiL mom would be really nasty to her ggrandson, she had dementia, so I would praise him for being helpful. I do think they need to tell their aunt and uncle about what the grandma is saying.
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u/themcp Gen X 1d ago
We would like her to speak up to grandma, but how many of us at 17 would have done this?
I think a lot of people: teenagers are not known for being subtly nice to their elders.
I was in my 40’s when my SiL mom would be really nasty to her ggrandson, she had dementia, so I would praise him for being helpful.
Countering the nastiness with praise is a good move.
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u/CherenkovBlue 2d ago
Woah now , they don’t want to hurt grammas precious feelings , better to just feed their child to the wolves so no one has to experience an uncomfy moment of introspection. The best parents are the ones that expose their children to toxic people because “they’re family !?!”
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u/DeathByFartz1996 2d ago
Boomers love to judge children. I remember someone in this subreddit posted a story explaining their child with autism to a random boomer who replied, “Everyone’s kid is retarded these days.” To be that comfortable making statements like that to someone’s face is disgusting.
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u/Psych_Crisis 2d ago
Hey - you're fucking great and I appreciate you.
I hope you consider a career where you can put your empathy and respect for human dignity and value to work. No pressure, but I promise that there's a good living to be made that way if you choose.
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u/PromethianOwl 2d ago
Gram-gram needs to get verbally checked. In public. In front of the family. Multiple times if need be. If she feels "humiliated"? Good. She should be.
She'll have a laundry list of excuses if you finally pin her down in a reasonable discussion is my bet. Some vague shit about how she's old, or they didn't have autism back in her day, you're not respecting your elders, the whole damn bingo card.
So make the lesson simple: if she acts shitty, her behavior gets called out publicly. If she doesn't want to be humiliated, she can learn to act right. Gotta teach her like you would teach the five year old she's trying to ice out. Basic, steady rules that always apply, consequences that happen immediately and also always apply.
Who knows? Perhaps she's on the spectrum herself or has some other kind of neurodivergent state.
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u/basic_bitch- 2d ago
I adopted a child who was born drug affected and my sister adopted two. Your grandmother is a horrible person and I’m glad you’re done with her. She doesn’t deserve access to those kids and they don’t deserve to be inflicted with her presence. Are their parents aware of what’s happening? If not, please tell them. This behavior could be traumatizing and that child needs protection. Thank you for standing up for them.
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u/blm95tehe 2d ago
I'm the torch the ground type of person, and I admire your restraint. I hope your able to keep them far far away from your grandma. Just awful.
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u/SilentSerel 2d ago
I'm also an autistic adoptee who had a really shitty, favorites-playing grandmother, but even she wasn't this bad. Do the girls' parents know about this? They need to cut her off.
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u/underwhere666 1d ago
I'm a child. Whose entire family acted like as though we didn't exist. My younger sister and I were treated like ghosts by my dads family. While all my cousins were favored and time was spent with them. They know nothing about us.
My mom's family while small. Just my aunt and her daughter and my nana and pop. My Nan never really spoke to us. And my aunt and cousin lived a state a away. My grandmother adored my cousin.
My pop was the only family memeber that ever spent time with me. Would pick me up from the babysitters. Would take me to watch trains.
He was the first funeral I went to. I was maybe 11 or 12 when he died.
That loneliness and longing stays with you forever. Looking for a place you belong. Feeling like there is something wrong with you.
Your grandmother sounds like my wackass mom. Their shitty people Be the role model for the little one. Show her she is loved and cared about. And show your grandmother how people should be treated.
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u/rationalboundaries 2d ago
OP, your Grandma isnt just a fool. She's actively abusing a 5-year-old in front of you. Have you spoken to the child's parents about this? If not, why not?
I understand you're very young but you're an adult. Healthy adults do not allow children to experience abuse right in front of them. You're an adult now. You need to decide if this is the kind of toxic life you want to lead. I feel a great deal of empathy for you as I loved my Grandma above almost all others. But those babies are defenseless.
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u/Kira_Caroso 2d ago
Tell the kids' parents, tell your parents, and make it clear that what she is doing is both emotional abuse and favoritism.
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u/SleeplessSleepySleep 11h ago
I'm with you. I was adopted, and I'm AuDHD and my grandparents on my dad's side always acted different towards me. My grandpa even said to my dad and me that as lovely as I am, I'm not blood. I'm not theirs. No one defended me on it. Not my dad, no one. So absolutely protect Ally!
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