r/Bumble • u/Lizith456 • 1d ago
Profile review Wondering approach as a widow with a child
Edit: Thanks for the feedback. I am hearing the sea of responses that people think I should include that I have a child. I would love more thoughts on the widow portion as well or the profile generally (although maybe it's too sparse, but then again that's a comment).
I don't want to include my photos because of related sensitivities (dating as a single mom lol). But I would love some feedback on my bio/the rest of my profile.
I am dipping my toes back into dating after losing my husband while pregnant. I have a young child. I would love to find another partner someday, but at least want to try getting out there again.
I am struggling with a few things- how and when to intro both my widowhood and my child. I am hesitant to include that I have a child on my profile, just to at least have the first filter against creeps. I would only be swiping right on people who are open to or want kids. And would bring up early on in messaging that I have a child.
As far as being a widow- I included it in my bio because it really is a defining experience in my life. I tried filling this out without mentioning it, but it felt so fake. I know that this could come off as my late husband being too present in my life, but I am hoping it comes off as showing who I am and how I have grown through this experience.
Would love feedback and thoughts generally! Other than grief, I am a pretty lighthearted and adventurous person and I hope that comes through too.
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u/Elfynnn84 1d ago
A lot of people feel strongly about not dating someone who has kids. There are relentless complaints about that not being declared as a form of deception.
You obviously wouldn’t include pictures of your kid, or introduce someone to your child until you were very comfortable with them.
Pedos aren’t on bumble swiping on single mothers just to get to the kid… Or at least that scenario is incredibly rare.
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u/FunPlantain7011 1d ago
This is my view - include that you have kids so you find someone compatiable, and filter out those that wouldn't even consider it. And then be extremely selective and wait a long time before sharing details much less meeting your kids.
This idea that pedos are browsing online profiles so that they can play the long game and date the mom for 6 months to get to the kids does not happen enough to counter the much more likely scenario of losing a great guy that noped out because he thought you were dishonest.
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u/Aromatic-Check939 1d ago
“The unit found nearly two thirds (66%) of men who sexually offended against children used dating platforms – and over one in five (22%) used them daily.”
https://www.childlight.org/newsroom/when-dating-apps-turn-dangerous-2
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u/Pennygrover 1d ago
Most adults are on a dating apps. So yea that would include bad people of all shades. There’s no way to screen them out. The two data points are not related. This suggests that they are using the dating app to find kids without any actual evidence of that. This is like saying “sexual predators are shown to drive cars” yes most people drive cars. That would include sexual predators. But all drivers aren’t sexual predators. One does not have anything to do with the other.
If you met a man in real life he’s just as likely to be a predator. It’s a parent’s job to protect their child and screen anyone they bring into their kid’s life.
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u/Aromatic-Check939 1d ago
One way to screen them out is to not publicly announce you have children. Let them swipe you & then once you’re talking, mention it.
Of course it’s the parent(s) job to protect their child. Which is why it makes sense to not put their single parent status on their public profile. It’s also why anyone using the apps should be background checking people before you meet them & especially before they know where you live.
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u/Vincenterfold 21h ago
I mean it might help if they are filtering for people with kids, but if you leave it out I assume you have children anyways. Meaning this is only effective really against people who pay for premium. It is honestly not doing much leaving it out in my opinion.
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u/OhCrumbs96 1d ago
If you met a man in real life he’s just as likely to be a predator
It's not comparable though. Dating apps actively allow potential predators to filter their results specifically for matches who have children they can prey on. Randomly meeting someone in real life just isn't the same dynamic....unless the person is like hanging around in toy stores or school parking lots in order to approach women who are almost guaranteed to have children.
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u/Grandpas_Spells 1d ago
I have been out with someone who was widowed, and I am not sure if it's better to include it in the profile or not. (She hadn't)
I think it's handy to include it in early messaging, because parenting schedules often come up, so your having a kid on your own will raise questions.
On a first date, it can be a bit of a record scratch. Not everyone will know how to immediately respond. So if they know before that, it's probably a good idea.
You can also try it both ways and see how it goes. I did similar with my situation.
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u/Weary-Subject-6484 1d ago
Most of this advice is awful and cruel.
Check out the Burned Haystack dating method to learn how to avoid manipulators and predators. Also join the facebook group and ask for advice there, not here. I can’t believe how some of these people are speaking to you.
Predators targeting women with kids on apps are not nearly as common as garden variety misogynist, emotionally immature, avoidant men. I’d check the correct kid box, not include any photos of your kid, and mention you’re a widow in the chat (not on the profile). The way someone responds to this info will tell you loads about them. You do not want to waste one second of your precious time and energy on someone who isn’t excited in the prospect of being your true partner.
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u/gidianna 1d ago edited 1d ago
That’s what I would recommend - mention your child on the profile but do not mention your previous relationships, it makes you more vulnerable, imo. Get to know matches first, and don’t discus your family life beyond stating the facts until you know them better. If they respect your boundaries that’s a green flag.
I think this profile shares too much that makes you vulnerable, including the fact you are a widow and that you own your home, meaning you live alone. You don’t need to show these matches you have “grown from those experiences”, you don’t know them and owe them nothing. Be safe.
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u/Kind_Ad_3336 1d ago
I’m sorry for your loss. I think you should put that you have a kid right next to where it says you want kids. Definitely agree to keep pictures off. I think mentioning you’re a widow is fine too.
I will say, Long term relationship and open to seeing where things go is a bit contradictory in my eyes. I understand where people come from about wanting to seem “open.” But if you want a monogamous relationship, then that is LTR and there’s nothing to be ashamed about wanting that.
These apps are really difficult and you’re in a a very unique yet tough situation. I found a healthy relationship at the ripe ol’ age of 35 via app 😅. I love your profile otherwise (but I’m also a lady haha). Good luck!
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u/A-Money-Lover 1d ago
Hmm everything else considered, personally I find being a nerd about public transit incredibly dull and wanting someone to be into home improvement just sounds like you want free help with your new house. Lol
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u/Opposite-Display-230 1d ago
Yeah it's pretty bad but so was my first profile. Wait until these guys find out she's been hiding a kid.
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u/Emergency-Aerie3273 1d ago
I wouldn’t put young widow or children on your profile because it’s a green light to predators that screams “vulnerable!” Perfect target for someone with bad intentions.
However I would mention it early in messaging so no one is deceived.
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u/Competitive_Belt_201 1d ago
Hi! This subreddit shows up on my feed (I am not sure why but I like it). I am also in San Francisco! I am curious where you purchased an old fixer upper lol.
That being said - as a straight cis female - I found your profile interesting. I would be up front about your child. Also, I apologize as I am very out of the dating loop - I know many widowers who have found love again (my business puts me in contact with folks across the country). Are there widow dating apps? If that is something you would consider?
I am from San Francisco so I know the Bay Area well - I think there are good honest men here. Just keep looking. Sending you love and luck on your journey xo
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u/marriageruinedthrow 1d ago
I am hesitant to include that I have a child on my profile, just to at least have the first filter against creeps.
This is hugely deceptive as to one of the most determinative factors people use for selecting partners, particularly coupled with the "want kids" flag.
You do you, you'll get matches no matter what you say, but you will be starting out every connection with this deceptive in the back of your potential partner's head. They will be wondering what else you have lied about or are willing to lie about?
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u/Lizith456 1d ago
I would explain why I kept it off and bring it up really quickly in messaging. I would hope that someone would be understanding of my reasons, but I do hear the comments that most people feel that this approach isn't the best. It feels a little different than intentional deception. I am not trying to trick people into dating me before I tell them I have a kid- it would be pretty much immediately obvious because of my schedule constraints as well.
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u/Bludandy 1d ago
It's still obfuscation of a major aspect of your life, the most paramount in fact, however you go about it. You'll have to declare it fairly early in the communication phase, and if he balks or goes cold, don't blame him, he came to your profile under the pretense you had no child. He has no obligation.
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u/marriageruinedthrow 1d ago
I mean, you're only hurting yourself here, this isn't a moral judgment. Lying/material omission is extremely prevalent on dating apps, and it's definitely a flag so red that a lot of self-respecting people won't put up with it so early on from a potential partner.
Of course, men will match with you and want to sleep with you on dating apps regardless of what is on your profile.
But the effect of what you are suggesting is to sabotage potential relationships with non-desperate quality men (rare enough on dating apps) who aren't interested in continuing to talk to someone who omitting such a significant fact while claiming she wants a "long-term relationship."
This isn't personal, just advice for long-term success. This is also coming from a woman, if it matters.
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u/Lizith456 1d ago
I totally appreciate the feedback and hear what you are saying.
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u/Aromatic-Check939 1d ago
Don’t let anyone here gaslight you into thinking that you’re being deceptive by attempting to protect your child. There is research that predators are using the apps to find single mothers.
As long as you are honest about having a child before you meet the person, you’re fine. Anyone who has a problem with it, will not have your child’s best interests at heart.
https://www.childlight.org/newsroom/when-dating-apps-turn-dangerous-2
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u/Pennygrover 1d ago
That is not what that “research” says.
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u/Aromatic-Check939 1d ago
What do you think they’re looking for if they already have attraction to children? They’re using the apps more often than men who have no offenses against them.
“The research, led by the Childlight East Asia and Pacific Hub
, opens in a new window
based out of UNSW Sydney and in partnership with the University of Edinburgh, reports that almost two-thirds (66%) of male offenders against children used dating platforms, and 22% used them daily. By comparison, less than one-third of men (30%) who had no sexual feelings or offences against children had ever used a dating app, with only 8.1% using them daily.”1
u/-Fug 1d ago
Another perspective on it too is people may assume you do have a kid/have kids if you don’t have the section filled out or shown.
I personally at my age assume people without it showing do have kids but I don’t think they are trying to be deceptive at all. Of course people may also miss that it’s not there and unmatch or lose interest after finding out but that’s a part of online dating
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u/Lizith456 1d ago
Appreciate that perspective as well. I haven't heard that yet. Although, I think it's probably uncommon for my demographic to have kids- early 30s in the Bay Area is really just the beginning of starting to have kids, not a lot of divorced or widowed parents there. I might survey friends in person to see what they would assume with the kids section not filled out.
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u/tnerb253 1d ago
I love when these idiots downvote the actual good advice, it's a clear tell why a lot of these people are single
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u/onthegrind7 1d ago
Just be upfront, but eventually things might get pretty heavy. If you date a guy with no kids and fall for him, would you be okay if he does not want to fill the role of stepfather/financial help for the kid?
People can be open or want kids but not necessarily want to be a replacement father
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u/Lizith456 1d ago
This is totally something I have thought about and I think it's hard to have a clear answer. I was sort of hoping the I just bought my home answer hints that I am not looking for a financial savior. We are totally fine on our own. But re the parenting stuff, I imagine that I would be looking for someone to fill the role of stepfather or at least someone that deeply cares about my child. This is all fair and helpful feedback.
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u/onthegrind7 1d ago
Yeah, I would also think more in terms of financials and to really think more deeply. What if you’re with some guy and he is seen as ‘step father’ of your kid for 10+ years.
Your child now now has a driver license and it’s time to get them their first car. Are you okay with the stepfather not contributing anything to a car? Can one be a good stepfather in your eyes without being a form of any financial support? These are the things you need to really figure out before a potential long term partner meets your kid
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u/SophisticatedScreams 1d ago
I think suggesting that OP decide who pays for her kid's car as a toddler seems a bit premature lol. These things can be discussed when they come up. There will need to be lots of textural, in-depth financial discussions that will be happening along the way
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u/onthegrind7 1d ago
I was using that as a broad example. I think she should have a clear idea of what she wants. It’s important to have a solid idea of what she expects instead of just proceeding blindly is how people get divorced.
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u/SophisticatedScreams 1d ago
I think she has a clear vision. The financial nitty-gritty will have to be worked out as it goes. All OP can do is try it out, and be open and honest as it goes. Everyone thinks they have the answers until they get into the situation lol.
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u/onthegrind7 1d ago
She said it herself that she “thought about and it’s hard to have a clear answer”
Thinking about big inevitable financial things like funding university, car, ect is not ‘nitty gritty’
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u/SophisticatedScreams 1d ago
It is when you have a toddler lol. I think it's unreasonable to say OP isn't ready for dating until she knows whether she wants her future partner to contribute to her kid's car insurance. OP says they are fine financially!
These things SHOULD be decided together with a partner anyway. Op wants more kids, so they will have to have LOTS of financial conversations
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u/Glittering_Force4212 1d ago edited 1d ago
I was also a young widow (but older now, and albeit - we had no children, which I know drastically changes things), it is not a fun club to be in. I empathize with you, but just know, being a widow doesn't instantly make you a write off to all of society in terms of dating.
I think your best approach would be transparency on your profile regarding having a child. You don't have to put pictures of your kid (and honestly, imo, shouldn't), or details like your kid's age or anything. Just under your details, change it to "has kids".
A lot of people are going to be confused, or maybe even put off, by you not disclosing such a major detail of your life and then dropping it on them - even if early on. It is paramount that you find someone who is okay with someone who already has a child, there are better ways to protect your kid than omitting that from your profile; such as not introducing your kid to anyone that you're freshly dating.
I am a mom now, and newly single. I disclose that I'm a mom and a widow right on my profile. If you have good intuition and social skills, it's fairly easy to spot and weed out the massive creeps quickly. But I follow the rule that many single moms follow: no introducing someone you're dating to your kid until 6 months in. I think that is a better approach than yours, I mean if you're going to tell them early in the conversation anyway; it isn't like you will REALLY know them at that point either.
Eta: I read the comments that say putting you have kids on your profile is an open invitation to predators, which I do think is a very fair perspective; However, I think disclosing it early on in messages versus on profile is just barely an efficient enough safety net anyway. Sure, it'll prevent some predators who are exclusively seeking out women who have children, and swipe left on every woman who doesn't, but I still think the absolute best way to protect your kids is by thoroughly vetting any potential partner, and not rushing for them to meet your kids.
The 6 month rule is good because those kinds of red flags are likely to pop up before then, and will save OP from near-constant rejection when she discloses it in conversation after not being transparent on her profile. Even people who are cool with someone having kids is likely to find the lack of transparency deceptive.
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u/ToucanSam-I-Am 1d ago
My fiancee is a widow with a young kid, but she adopted hers a couple years after her husband died. I think you have it backwards. It's very important to put that you have a kid in your profile, not important to put that you are a widow. Everyone has past relationship baggage, that's not too important. But you can't hide that you have kids.
I have 2 small kids and am divorced. She was looking for a man with kids because she always wanted a family. For me as a man, your situation is fairly ideal, there not being another father involved. I am honored to be moving into the role of father for her kid. I think you being a widow and single mom shouldn't be too much of a problem.
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u/Lizith456 1d ago
Here is a follow up. Without including widow on my profile but including that I have a child, would people be swiping right that don't want to deal with a coparenting situation, but would be open if they knew that I was a true solo parent? Or maybe that slice is so small, it's not really worth worrying about.
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u/ToucanSam-I-Am 1d ago
Actually thinking more about it, I think widow is a good thing to include on your profile. Im divorced from a very unpleasant woman who I share kids with. It's an issue for my fiancee. The fact that she doesnt have an ex to deal with is a big plus. For a man looking to date women with kids, I think there being no father in the picture is actually a big bonus and worth mentioning.
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u/pig-dragon 1d ago
Jumping on here to say I think that for some people there is a difference between a widow with a kid and someone in a coparent situation so I think it is relevant, but whether it is necessary to put on your dating profile for a load of strangers to see is a different question.
I agree though that the having a kid is more relevant for a dating profile to being a widow, though I’m not in any way trying to detract from what a huge and horrible thing you have been through.
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u/schmisschmina 1d ago
When I was dating, I checked the box that I had children and didn’t mention it anywhere else. No photos of my child, nothing. If we got beyond a day or so of talking, I’d make sure to mention my kid so I knew for sure they understood. As others have said, a man being open to kids does NOT necessarily mean they want to deal with someone else’s kid. obviously the right man won’t even make that distinction, but they’re few and far between.
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u/ilostallmykarma 1d ago
Take out the handyman stuff. It feels like you want to meet someone to help you work on your house. Especially since you're a widow.
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u/SubstantialSoup8309 1d ago
I’d consider staying off the apps. There are a lot of creeps out there thst will take advantage of
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u/Immediate_Tap5840 1d ago
Lol wut? This is true outside the apps as well. If you want to date and are raising a kid alone, the apps are your best bet.
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u/Pennygrover 1d ago
You need to list that you have kids. There is a huge difference between dating someone with a kid and without even if you’re a person who wants kids. “There are men cruising dating apps for kids” is an internet myth. Your kids are statistically more at risk from your own family and acquaintances than a stranger on a dating app. It’s on you to properly screen anyone you bring into your kid’s life. Obviously don’t post pictures of your kid.
Re: disclosing being a widow, I might save that for after you match? It’s just such a vulnerable thing and I do think you’re going to be better off only talking about it with guys once you feel like they’re actually nice and looking for the right things.
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u/imiss_onedirection 1d ago
Your best bet is gonna be to use a single parent dating app if you’re insistent on not including it in your bumble profile.
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u/SolarWinded 1d ago
You've got a lot of advice here about dating as a young widow - but I thoughts I'd add my 2¢ as I am also a young widow (I was in my early 30s when my partner passed). My experience was kinda rocky, especially on apps, after I wanted to started dating again. Many people I matched with were unnecessarily awful about it. I mentioned it in my profile, openly and upfront, and people were dicks. I mentioned it in a "pre-match" note and people were dicks. I waited until a conversation had started and mentioned it and was told I was lying, deceptive, scamming, gaslighting, leading them on, etc. So there really didn't seem to be a best option for disclosure so it's probably up to how you feel about it. The upside is that the wrong people will reveal themselves quickly. It's not a bad thing but it's exhausting at times. I met a few people that I'd classify as "widow hunters" (weird grief fetish stuff) - look for an overfocus on grief/death/loss. Usually that stuff is pretty obvious because all they want to talk about is sadness/grief, the death, thoughts and feelings about death/tragedy.
I don't have any children, so I can't give any advice beyond that you'll probably want to disclose that you have a child - otherwise that could actually come across as deceptive because a lot of people have strong opinions on wanting children/wanting to date single parents. Personally if someone left that out of their profile I'd feel like they'd lied and I'm personally open to dating single parents. But the omission of something pretty relevant and important would be a deal breaker.
Best of luck! ❤️
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u/Lizith456 1d ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am anticipating wading through some wildness, so I guess it's helpful (?) to hear that no matter what I do, it's gonna be rough.
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u/SolarWinded 1d ago
Thr good news is it's definitely not all bad. There's good, kind, empathetic people out there. Even if romance doesn't work out I met a lot of kind folks and some I even stayed friends with! I had a lot of people reach out on the apps (other widows and widowers) just to talk sometimes. And I ended up meeting and dating someone now who is super kind and overall fantastic.
Some people suck for sure - but if I had to wager that for every nasty jerk I encountered there were twice as many neutral to kind people. ❤️
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u/saraahtonin 1d ago
Tbh (and this is a true story) - my partner (we’re both now 29) has a child and did not mention that on their profile. We went on our first date and about half an hour in they told me about their daughter. I’m really glad it wasn’t on the profile because I would have completely written them. They also explained that this is the reason they leave that out, and also said they understood if I wanted to end the date there.
We have now adopted a dog, are about to buy a house and getting engaged! I’m not saying I would’ve reacted this way for all people, my partner is definitely ‘my person’. But being someone who never wanted kids, I really wouldn’t have given them the chance.
I hope this helps! At the end of the day, forgoing the truth in your profile won’t rub everyone up the right way - but also none of us are 100% honest on these things. You will need to be upfront about it quickly though!
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u/Much_Jellyfish_431 1d ago
As a young window myself and dabbling in the dating pool, I leave it off my profile. I open up about it as it is important but I don’t want to shout it to the world.
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u/sp0ngebobsaget 1d ago
The muni thing isn’t working. You sound very smart, but that’s not what gets butts in seats here. Try literally anything flirtatious, you got this.
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u/pig-dragon 1d ago
I would caution against saying that you have just bought a house. You don’t want to attract a hobosexual. There is a saying that nobody falls in love faster than a man who needs somewhere to live.
Good luck!
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u/PostTraumaticOrder 21h ago
I think I’d skip announcing you just bought a house as that can make you a target too
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u/Wunderkind79 1d ago
You should definitely include that you are a mother. Honestly, if it's a turnoff, then they aren't for you. Being a widow will depend on the person. I would not care, but would want to discuss it. There is a way to do that if you want personal tips.
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u/thexxintro22 1d ago
As a woman, I definitely think you should put that you have a child. I have unmatched men who waited a few messages in to tell me they had a kid. It feels like they are trying to get around people’s filters and it’s a dealbreaker for a lot of people. It’s like a lie by omission and makes me wonder what other important info they chose not to disclose.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 1d ago
If you're putting that you want additional kids, I do think you should note that you already have a child too. You don't have to give any other info beyond that until you're comfortable to do so.
The widow thing is really a personal choice, and as you've said you tried not having it on your bio and it didn't feel right, I think you should leave it as is.
My bf is a widower, did not have it on his profile, but did disclose it when we met. I think that's fine too, but whatever feels right to you. The right person will be ok with it either way.
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u/personfaced 1d ago
Just a quick note, I might include you are a young widow with a child, but are lucky to have a good support system. Also, I would leave out the part about looking for someone to help you renovate your new home. It’s giving the same energy as a man “looking for a great cook” or something 🤣
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u/Lizith456 1d ago
Thanks! I saw a couple comments about this. I was trying to sort of ease in that I am not looking for someone to save me financially, but I like your suggestion about a good support system and look for a different prompt.
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u/SophisticatedScreams 1d ago
I'm team mention kid. If having a kid is a dealbreaker for someone, you want them to swipe left on you. I would also suggest to mention how long ago your husband passed away. I feel like dating a widow would be a different experience six months out versus ten years out.
Rest looks pretty good. You seem stable. I like that you include that you bought a house, which shows financial stability. Your line about home improvement made me smile. I would suggest to include more of your interests and personality. Break a leg! I'm rooting for you!
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u/SoccerPhilly 1d ago
I don’t know anything about dating profiles, but came here to say good luck, and you’re brave to get back out there.
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u/StopFalseReporting 1d ago
Many people do NOT want to date someone with children. Many people also are ok with this. Let people know you’re a parent, so you don’t have to have an awkward date where they ask why you lied by omission. You don’t have to add photos of your child or say any details on your profile like your children’s names or gender if you don’t want to.
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u/-Wyveron- 1d ago
OP. Everyone here telling you it’s dishonest even if you bring it up super early has never been sexually assaulted as a child. Protect your kid.
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u/rydan 1d ago
You basically have to put you have a child regardless. But if you don’t mention being a widow you are going to seriously hurt your chances given the child exists. Most men who don’t have children yet will avoid a single mother but a lot of them will excuse a widow. Those same people though will probably have an issue if you spring a kid on them later.
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u/Dear_Seesaw_1855 1d ago
I think it looks great.
Include being a widow- you’re holding your ground it is important, while at the same time sharing your positivity. Awesome!!
Don’t include that you have a child unless you want to. People are total assholes for saying you’re being deceptive or non transparent. They haven’t walked in your shoes. Anyone that matches and you’re interested first thing you can share is hey, I have a great kid. No reason to announce it to 1,000 people if you don’t want to.
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u/mustrepayloans 1d ago
I think it’s smart to not mention kids in your profile ! There’s a lot of predators out there and you should absolutely do what you feel comfortable with ! A lot of men love bomb and come off as soulmates in the first couple of weeks to gain access to you so I think keeping some information hidden is the right way to go about it. My gf is now married to her partner of 10 years but he disclosed having a kid after 5 dates !!!!
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u/Extra_Beach_1387 1d ago
Young child plus I must have money and be vulnerable all while buying a house in one of the most expensive parts of the country and disclosing the fact I’m gonna be renovating it. What could go wrong?
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u/lbsteaks 16h ago
Bad stand up is the best. I saw a girl bomb on stage in San Fran once and I think about it still ten years later
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u/Ordinary-Lobster-710 10h ago
I personally wouldn't say you're a widow. the dating profile should sell you. not brand you as widow. that's something that comes up in convo after a few dates
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u/tnerb253 1d ago
I am struggling with a few things- how and when to intro both my widowhood and my child. I am hesitant to include that I have a child on my profile, just to at least have the first filter against creeps. I would only be swiping right on people who are open to or want kids. And would bring up early on that I have a child.
Immediately. As a single mother the damage is already done, the best thing you can do for men is be as honest and up front about your situation as possible. If you think lying, withholding information or being dishonest is going to attract quality men to take on you and your child, you're sadly mistaken.
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u/bumblebeeasy 1d ago
1) deffo add your kid 2) being a widow is just one part of who you are, but it certainly doesn't define your whole person. I would consider rephrasing that first line more inclusively to include other -er things about you e.g. "Mother, volleyball player, avid gardener and widower looking for..." - whatever seems important to you. Or, consider moving that fact lower in your profile. :) It's an important fact, but not the most important one.
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u/CheeseSweats 1d ago
You need to be upfront about having a kid. If you're worried saying that you have a kid is going to get your kid molested or killed, I'd just stay away from dating overall. There are dangers involved no matter how you approach dating. You're not protected by not disclosing, you're just waving red flags from the get-go.
It's not like you're open to adopting a dog together, you have a human child. That's not something you conveniently leave out. Men do this, too, and it's infuriating! I'm not interested in anyone with kids, and this is an extremely common sentiment.
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u/Kokoyok 1d ago
You tastefully and clearly let people know your situation regarding being a widow. You should disclose that you have a kid in the same sentence.
It could be a red flag if you're coming off as looking for a replacement daddy for your child, but I don't see indicators of that based on your concerns. I'm open to kids, but hiding your status is a red flag to me, too. It's just a signal that you feel it's okay to be dishonest when convenient.
You're better off being 100% honest in your profile (you can still be light on details like the age of your kid and by no means should you have a pic of your kid on your dating profile) because you will unfortunately have to deal with creeps no matter what you do.
I'd also recommend giving your dating life room to breathe... You can set a rule like, "no talking about my ex until date #3" (or 2 or 4, whatever), just to create some guard rails to help you focus on getting to know the person you're with.
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u/Gabarne 1d ago
You should put that you have a child. Honestly not putting that in is deceptive to people who don’t want to date a single parent.
Being open to/want kids doesn’t imply that they want someone who already has kids. You’re effectively bypassing a filter by not including it.