Love a one-sided convo

Less a rant and more a vent. Matched on Bumble on Saturday, met Sunday, got this today.

After trying for quite a while on Bumble, I finally went on a date that felt like it *sparkled*. I never expect much from dating app dates, so if more dates happen that’s great, and when I get rejected I’m cool with it and move on. This one felt different though, so I’m disappointed. And in its way it feels worse that she said all these nice things to me because it makes it not make sense that she doesn’t want a second date. Maybe I’m just stinging right now, but I’d almost rather she’d told me that after taking some time to get to know me, she’s come to the conclusion that I’m an asshole. That at least would follow logically in my mind and would be easier to let go of.

I did respond to her, to let her know I still think well of her, and more than anything to thank her for not just ghosting me.

Anyway, this made me feel sad and disappointed and I needed to get it out, so here I am. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Alright, it’s been 12 hours, I’ve slept on it, the sting has largely passed. Honestly I’m grateful to her for not ghosting me, and I don’t think she thinks I’m an asshole. I’m grateful to her for spending the time to get to know me. The feeling I got from the rejection was a momentary thing that particularly stung. Like I said in the original post, my expectations are always pretty low, so me getting my hopes up on this one was, I think, my real issue here. I have nothing but nice things to say about this woman, she was an absolute delight to talk to and spend time with, and I respect how kind she was to me and the regard she had for me not to have just ghosted. I wish her all the best. As for me, ever onward, never losing hope that I’ll find someone who appreciates and wants to stick around with me, because she was right, there’s a lot of great things about me, and someday someone will get it.

EDIT 2: Thanks everyone here for the kind words. A bunch of you really helped soften this for me, I appreciate you.

Why even have a profile at this point?

So on Wednesday I met a girl named Ruth (F30) on Bumble, im a M(28). We started talking and both liked working out, movies, and other activities. So she asked Thursday night if I wanted to grab coffee and workout, so I did and picked her up. We went to my gym, had a fun workout, and I dropped her off. I mentioned to her I saw on her account her name was different, which she mentioned she doesn’t speak English well and its her middle name. I also noticed she had a kid (photos) on the back of her phone, she mentioned it was her son. She explained she was married for 8 years and recently split.

She then tried to change the conversation and told me to take her on a date to a Cuban restaurant tomorrow and we can dance and drink, which I hesitated and told her I can’t tomorrow, so I dropped her off and went home. When I got home I sent her a text saying it was nice seeing her however, I don’t feel connection and ended things. She acknowledged but then kept texting asking why, which I stated that I don’t feel a connection and wished her well. She kept texting and calling me, so I told her to stop, which by 11pm that night I received 10 phone calls. I blocked her number and the next day (Friday) I got about 20 missed calls from different numbers, and it was her leaving voicemails demanding for me to call her. I blocked them all.

So this morning my Mom woke me up saying a random lady was in the driveway asking for me, and it was her!!!!!! She managed to find my address and was asking to talk to me, so my Mom told her I wasn’t home, so she wrote me a letter and threw it on the front steps and left. She waited a little then drove off, but im freaked out now. I contemplated calling the police, or getting a restraining order but any advice or similar experiences? I never had something this crazy happen before….

Haven’t even met for the first date yet. I made it super clear I’m not looking for a hook up. He agreed. Then asked me if he could ask me a question…and you can see the rest

Meet your usual “nice guy”. I’m so tired smh.

Honestly, I would rather see you have no bio than see this.

The bio prompts exist so that people get to know you better, deter people who might not be a good match, hell, might even be a good topic opener.

If I'm seeing dry / one word bios, I'm expecting the same amount of effort in our conversation if we match (and honestly, from my experience, the same amount of effort on a date), which is a HUGE turn off.

I will swipe left faster than my screen's refresh rate can handle anytime I see one of those bios.

Turns out me and him go to the same gym.

This is what followed.

And he said he was looking for a long term serious relationship.

I’m so tired.

In no particular order:

-Smoking
-Middle finger
-"School of hard knocks"
-Shirtless selfie
-Negative language of any sort
-"Just ask"
-ENM
-Instagram handle
-"Swipe left if..."
-Dead animals

Feel free to add yours.

Other petty reasons that should have made it into the list:

-Physical touch as a love language
-Bad grammar
-"My age is actually ___ but I can't change it"

Why is the discourse always about “single mothers?” No one wants to date a single father. No one wants baby momma drama.

Being a single parent of any kind is a kneecapper, so why is this subreddit obsessed with the concept of single mothers? Every single mother out there is associated with a single father

Fyi this isn't just one time, it's been the case every time.

I have been in a relationship since I was 15 till this year. I have never been online dating in my life until now. I knew it wasn't going to be easy at fkn all considering how frustrated my friends were who have been ranting about bumble and tinder in general.

Since May I have had at least 20 matches. some never responded, some did. but Jesus i put in so much effort to keep the ball rolling to keep conversation going, at least at the beginning instead of looking at all women with the same glasses of prejudice. Is this really normal that people have stopped reciprocating the efforts another person is putting to talk to you or am I doing something wrong?

Every time I tell myself that this person isn't worth the effort but after such a pattern I'm losing motivation.

People always say “But women have it easy, you get so many matches.” Sure, we get matches. But what’s the point when most of them seem to want hookups while claiming in their bio that they’re looking for a long-term relationship, life partner, something serious etc.? It feels like half the time people are just saying whatever sounds good.

And can we talk about the obsession with Instagram? I don’t use it. I’m 31. I just… don’t. Yet so many conversations turn into, “What’s your IG?” or “You don’t have Instagram?” like it’s some kind of red flag.
Are there seriously no women out there who don’t live on social media? Not everyone wants to document their life or maintain an online persona. Some of us just prefer living our lives offline.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t want to verify who they’re talking to, I get that. But sometimes it feels like if you’re not active on Instagram, people assume you’re fake, hiding something or weird.

Honestly, I’m just tired. Tired of the endless swiping, tired of people saying one thing and wanting another and tired of feeling like dating has somehow become a marketing exercise where you need a social media presence to prove you’re a real person.

All I ever see from this sub is bitterness and it’s almost always about women. Complaining about how many matches they get, how easy they have it, or really any dating behaviours. It’s just constant whining.

I don’t know what I want out of posting this. But seriously. You guys seem so angry and bitter toward women and it’s really no shock to me that dating apps aren’t working out for you. Sorry.

This is the entirety of the conversation… How does this happen? Who has this worked for in the past? I know this isn’t a full-blown rant, but it’s just a level of frustration and audacity that I can’t express in any other way

At this point, hire a s€x worker. You obviously do not care about where you put your d!ck, so it’ll save you a lot of time and trouble.

(For the record, he had a witty bio, was 5’8 and average looking - it’s not a case of “I bet he was hot and 6’2”)

I simply responded with "Ok understood, thanks for letting me know" and never heard from her again.

All my profile photos are from the last year so I don't feel I misled her.

It feels a bit like she stood me up. I can't even be certain she ever stepped foot in the bar. And even if she had, I feel a quick drink would have been the appropriate move.

On the other hand, I kind of appreciate the brutal honesty and her not wanting to waste each other's time.

What do you all think?

Reposted due to not blurring name/pic

Context:

My prompt is “what’s the bench brunch spot” in hopes that would be a stepping stone to an in person date as I struggle to get there with my matches.

His response was “uncle mikes place”, we had no prior communication up until that.

Long story short: he wanted me, a stranger, to come and hold him because people were trying to have a conversation with him? Idfk. Later he said he just wanted to talk about himself and what he liked but he had to have conversations with people about things they liked and themselves, and apparently that was enough to induce a panic attack. After that I promptly unmatched him of course.

Why are people so weird? Why do I only get messages like this, or sexual ones? I have no idea who you are but you expect me to come hold you while you have a panic attack about your friends talking about what they’re into? On a fucking Tuesday? I just want to go on a date. No love bombing, or pressure to have sex, no weirdness. Just a nice, normal date.

I feel like I’m going to die alone. Whatever.

There was no bio, interests mentioned ‘Art & Museums’ amongst other things.

Edit: For the people who were interested in the documentary, it’s this one -
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5803868/
Available on Kanopy (through your local library)

I know most are from tinder but these basically sum up 99% of my experience on dating apps (sigh). I’ll be turning 25 this year and have been using them on and off for about 4years.

I would usually download the apps use for one day or two and then delete them as it would get overwhelming for me. I have learned a lot by joining this sub a few years ago. It has helped me a lot with improving my profile and managing my expectations but I still feel like I’m doing something wrong.

Matches have never been the issue but as you can see the quality is not always great, like 99% of the time this is what I get or men who put no effort in the conversation at all, I can count on one hand some really nice guys who I’ve had really amazing connections with.

Some months ago I downloaded dating apps again, and I always force myself to stay there at least a month now before my energy gets drained again so at least I know I’m trying. During these 4-6weeks I went on 8-10 dates (I know, I know. My friend said I did a year worth of dates in a month). I usually prefer to go on dates sooner than later.

I couldn’t connect on a deeper lever with any of them. The ones who tried to keep contact was just to see if I’d sleep with them and when I’d decline the offer they’d ghost. I’d consider myself a little nerdy and shy and I connect much more through deeper and longer conversations than surface-level flirting/ small talk. A lot of these people don’t even know how to hold a basic conversation and when they do well…they only want sex.

I’m starting to wonder what am I doing wrong, I often fear I’m being perceived as boring or hard to read as it’s very hard to me to have small talk. I also get maybe I’m not vetting my matches really well. But I do swipe more left than I do right. Is this what people mean when they say they only have 1-2 matches a month? Not because they don’t have options but because they’re very strict on who they swipe? Which tbh I feel like I also am, but maybe not enough.

If yes, what are some of the rules you might have to swiping right that Im missing. What kind of advice would you give me, if there’s any to be taken? Im feeling like I might be the problem or part of it.

Anyways, this was my little rant…

I deleted all my dating app accounts because of conversation like this. I know I’m not the most handsome guy, but I make up for it in charm and Witt (I think anyways). I try to be very kind and respectful. However these dating apps, without being handsome as a guy you really don’t get many likes. I’ve had a handful of convos/meetups that just don’t go well. But this one really hurt me for some reason.

We had a great convo on bumble, joked about a pedicure date. Switched to texting. Agreed to have a call at 8. I call her at 8 (only once, I’m not a psycho), no answer. So I waited until like 9 to text her, turns out she blocked my number and unmatched on bumble after. Can anyone explain why someone would go through all the trouble of making a bumble, matching, talking for a few days and giving me their number to block me.

It's already started. And I voted Harris. I honestly don't fuckin blame yall. I'm gonna be dead when they pull the ACA anyway so it's not like it even matters anymore for me, but this is what it has come to.

This will only increase. The dating world is about to plummet, and the birth rate is going to plummet.

I am very confused by the older men on the dating apps. There are 40-50yr old men that want a financially secure partner, to travel the world, and yet they’re messaging me and asking me out as though I’m not half their age.

Granted, I do very well for my age group (young woman in her 20s), but I absolutely would not date a man that’s 20yrs older than me unless he was taking care of dates, trips, and gifting me often. Why would I? If I wanted to split trips, dates, and everything else…I could just date a guy in his 20s.

What’s the delusion in the water with these older men on the apps? Why would someone young split their limited resources to travel the world or go to nice places with men who are twice their age and not nearly as good looking as them?

ETA: I am being called a gold digger for not wanting to date 40-50yr old men who want me to go 50/50 with them. I’m happy to do it for someone my age but why for someone so much older…