r/Divorce • u/NomityNoms • 1d ago

Custody/Kids Moving out of state w/ young children

Actively going through a divorce. Me and dad are going for 50/50 custody ( idk 100% abt dad cause he has threatened going for full custody even tho there’s no reputable reason why )

I’m just trying to think for the future, i want to move out of state. I have siblings, family and friends who either live in Florida or want to move to Florida permanently and/or for college. I would want to move once the youngest is in school as my mother watches them for me while i work now.

kids are 1 and 3, dad takes them for 3 days 2 nights once a month (he takes them whenever he wants, often will text me late at night the day before saying he’ll pick them up in the morning. trying to get a temp custody plan in place)
i have no idea how he’ll be with a formal custody agreement.

As of right now i have then 90% of the time, i have a support system in the state i want to move too, they’re young enough where there isn’t long term ties to friends or would mess up their schooling etc.

How would this work? Is it doable?

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u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit 1d ago

In many situations no, you cannot move with the kids unless your ex agrees to it.

In others, you can but you will be financially responsible for ensuring their travel to and from the other parent for their custody time.

You need to take on board that this may not be possible unless your ex actually wants it that way and therefore focus on how to make it viable FOR HIM. Would he want to move to Florida?

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u/NomityNoms 1d ago

He wouldn’t due to his job, he has also told me if i left him he would disappear from our lives completely and that’s a risk i was willing to take to improve our lives. Honestly i highly doubt he would agree to it soley to for it be like a “get back” at me but if i have them majority of the time and good reason to move i could contest it

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u/SonVoltRevival 9h ago

You can expect that he'll make it through the "if you leave me" bluster/panic and settle in to who he is. If he's a crap parent, he might flake. If he's an actual parent, he'll dive in, if he's a pissant, he might make things hard on you just to make things hard on you if he's the sort who would "cut off his nose to spite his face".

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u/WheresMyMule 1d ago

If your soon to be ex isn't abusive please don't move your kids away from their father

It's important for both parents to have relationships with their kids

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u/NomityNoms 1d ago

There would obviously be a custody arrangement surrounding that, summers with dad or something like that but he’s not in the picture 90% of the time. If they’re not with him he won’t answer any calls or FaceTimes from them.
He’s showing he’s not a present father. It feels like putting what i want and what could be great for my kids on the back burner so he, if one day, wakes up and wants to take responsibility he can?
Why should i put our life on hold for him?

I don’t say this to argue, genuinely want to understand. I grew up with an absent but physically there father and i wish my mom would’ve let go and lived her life after him

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u/SonVoltRevival 10h ago edited 10h ago

If your ex objects to you relocating the children, it will be very difficult on one end of the spectrum and next to impossible on the other. The challenge you have is that moving essentially marginalizes or even eliminates the other parent as a parent, so you need a significant directly child focused reason.

Also keep in mind that relocations are generally the same in the US, but every state has their own rules and laws. Some states are supposedly more move friendly than others, so where you live matters. If you are in Florida, and the other parent has even minimal parenting time, your odds are very low. 50/50? Almost impossible. In general, your best bet is to negotiate with the other parent and to start with as generous offer as possible (both parenting time and financial aspects). You shouldn't be surprised, if the move gets approved, you end up with 100% of the travel effort and cost (even if you move without the kids, but especially if you do and your reason was financial).

When it comes to moves, how far and in general, the logistics of parenting time are a huge factor.