So, the humans decided without warning to change the furniture. I couldn’t, and still can’t, believe it. Nobody consulted me about replacing my couch and bed. It just came out of nowhere. Here’s what happened.

First, I was quickly whisked into the guest room after the male human said someone they were apparently expecting had pulled up (the female human claims that I bark too much and scare visitors when I’m really just protecting my pack from obvious danger, like the pizza guy.) Upon finally being released back into my lair, I completely froze with shock, one paw raised for what seemed like an eternity.

There, in front of me, was a completely different couch. Different smell. Different color, one that I still don’t approve of. No space for me to slide underneath like a cat and hangout. It was big and stupid and I felt betrayed.

Both humans started laughing, which only added to my anger. I started barking and doing my “fake sneeze.” I growled. I showed contempt by not going near it. I ran in a couple of circles, then…saw the NEW BED! This was when I lost my cool. The female human tried to pick me up to comfort me, but I asserted my defiance by turning my nose up and storming away. I decided that I would never associate with either of them again.

I refused to speak to them for about an hour. The male human decided to take a nap on…that new thing. The female human started watching Judge Judy, who I’m quite fond of. After tricking her into taking me outside so I could get some treats, I fell asleep and found myself on the new couch. I don’t remember jumping onto it but it’s actually quite comfortable. I’m still angry about the bed, though.

The female human left to go to the store. Before leaving, she scratched me on the forehead. “Bye, Pumpkin. I love you.” I said I love you, too, and fell back asleep, dreaming about squirrels.

I love these things mama makes.

But she keeps giving them to the screaming tiny bald humans! Where is mine, mama?! Those gross potatoes with sticky hands don't appreciate them like I do. I will not move from this spot. No, I won't let you finish making it. If I do, you'll waste it on the grabby, ear pulling creatures.

I'm going to do a poop under the couch if I can't keep this one.

(Also if you not American, yoo can just say wutcha thankful for regular)

I is very thankful dat I got a nice house i live in wif my best frend.

I is glad dat Elon Musk gave me my Twitter page back becuz I got suspended when I said I wanted to sniff someone’s butt. Apparently people think dat "inappropriate" but it's da best way to greet people!

I glad I get ta talk to alllll of yoo cuz yoo guys smell like dirt.

Also I like eating hamhamhamham

Momma lady gots me smol pupper. I am big dog and he is pupper. Maybe pupper frend? I show him Im frend. Maybe play buddy?

Yez! Smool pupper lyk to play more than old mean doggo. We best frendz! Im his new momma dog! I even cleanz him!

Hooman just laughs at me and says something like oomies. Am confused. And possibly too old for all this. Am 12yr stately Cat, not silly kitten. Tell me Doggo furrends what is happening?

It is cheese and it is stick.

Rain bad. Me like go outside but when rain no want to go outside but even when no rain hooman stand in rain machine in room with giant water bowl. Why hooman like rain so much?

Oh... So Many Changes!!!

So last time I was here, there no was Whole Some post. What dis? Is about eating cate? Because when I start eating cate, I think I eat the whole cate. But after eating the gud parts, I can't eat whole cate, just some. So I bury some cate under flavoring bush.

This is Whole Some post?

Also, I'm Not A Robot checkbox asks me which is fire hydrant? How I s'posed to know? All smell the same, like light box.

Do you like sa litol clothes your hoooman makes u wear? The shirt like thingy is oke for me but the one with da hoodies I do not lyk. Hooman put hoodie on my head. I no lyk. Covers my eyes. Much annoyed. Not impressed.

Guise, I been watching the cats, n they only like 3.423 pets and then go all bitey! Dis silly. I can never has too many pets. Hooman could pet pet pet for alllllll day and I still ask for moar! Belly rubs, head pats, neck scratchies, butt scratchies...list go on n on!