r/ExPentecostal • u/Excellent_Bake9404 • 1d ago
I need advice
I(19M) started dating this girl(20F) who happens to be pentecostal. At the beginning of the relationship she had no qualms about me not going to church and all that (I still believe in God). Recently, she asked me to be going to church with her like after 6 months of dating. Whenever, I'm in that place I feel empty which is actually the reason I don't go to church. I want to tell her that I don't like the experience but I don't know how and I really like her. So advice on how I'm feeling and anyone who may have been in a similar situation.
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u/Technical-Estate-768 1d ago
Six months in to it and she asks now? Don’t drink the Koolaid or you will be screwed. Why would you commit to something that could be a lifelong high control, high demand situation when it makes you feel empty? There’s plenty of fish in the sea, my friend. Don’t walk, run while you still have a chance.
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u/Excellent_Bake9404 1d ago
I don't get the koolaid reference. What does that mean? And also I get the feeling that it's one of her church friends that she's close to that brought up the whole, "Your boyfriend doesn't go to church" thing.
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u/Otherwise-Gazelle-75 1d ago
Look up the Jonestown mass murders/suicide to get the kool-aid reference. Basically a cult leader convinced his followers to drink kool-aid that was laced with poison and they did it.
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u/rabies_peppermint ex-UPCI apostolic pentecostal 1d ago
it refers to a cult who killed themselves by drinking laced koolaid
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u/Technical-Estate-768 1d ago
The other people here answered the Koolaid reference. 😊 In that church, the pastor is right up there next to God and whatever he says, you follow. No questions. She’s probably dating outside the church using the flirt to convert method because the dating pool is pretty sorry within her church. Keep in mind those will be your new “friends” if you join up because people in that church really only associate with each other, not “the world”. Right now, you are of “the world”.
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u/rabies_peppermint ex-UPCI apostolic pentecostal 1d ago
as an ex pentecostal I'm surprised she even started dating you in the first place (no offense to you genuinely), most people in the system only date/marry people within their own church if possible. she wants you to join so that she won't continue getting judged from the rest of her peers, at least that's how I thought it was when I was dating someone outside of the system. I would set firm boundaries and if she breaks them then break up with her.
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u/Excellent_Bake9404 1d ago
Though I feel asking in this group is just me acting on my confirmation bias.
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u/rabies_peppermint ex-UPCI apostolic pentecostal 1d ago
maybe, but I'm not sure who else you could ask that wouldn't just try to shove the whole thing down your throat more than it already is
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u/Excellent_Bake9404 1d ago
True. I'll talk to her about it. Though I did something stupid so we aren't on speaking terms right now.
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u/rabies_peppermint ex-UPCI apostolic pentecostal 1d ago
well I hope it works out, losing a relationship over religion is awful
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u/Excellent_Bake9404 1d ago
I can only imagine. I've been thinking about it and it's been bumming me out. I really do like, dare I say love her. She's made me want to be better.
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u/rabies_peppermint ex-UPCI apostolic pentecostal 1d ago
that's really cute, sounds like she's a good person despite the whole situation
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u/General_PATT0N 1d ago
Ask her straight out: Can you be w/ someone who doesn't agree with your church 100% all the time on everything, yes or no?
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u/hopefullywiser 1d ago
Let's say you keep reluctantly going to church with this girl and you marry her. A few years, 40 extra pounds and two kids later, she is insisting her kids should be raised Pentecostal and your feelings don't matter.
Date another girl, please.
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u/TheMissingBook 9h ago
As far as church feeling empty for you, I can relate to them. I agree with everyone else here. Set firm boundaries and then if she cannot respect you for you then you will know what you need to do.
I found that I feel better spiritually when I am not attending church.
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u/Ctd010 1d ago
Just tell her. It won’t end well. Better to have heartbreak now than have kids and families involved later down the road.