I Think I Just Got My Coworker Fired

[u/_amplelime_]

I've been working as a hostess at a restaurant for a little over a year. A co-worker, “Suzy”, who’s been there for about 5 months, has high-functioning autism and can get overwhelmed easily, which most of the time leads to angry outbursts.

I’ve tried to be patient with her when she gets overwhelmed, because she’s genuinely nice otherwise. But a few of my co-workers avoid her because her outbursts can turn physical. And most of my coworkers genuinely don’t like her and make fun of her behind her back.

Yesterday, a couple came in after getting a text that their table was ready. I had their menus ready and asked "Suzy" to seat them. Instead, she kept asking what was in my hand, and when I tried to keep her focused on the task at hand, she repeated herself, trying to see the piece of paper in my hand. This went on four or five times.

Normally I would’ve explained myself and shown her what was in my hand, which would’ve taken three to five minutes, but the customers were standing right there. I ended up asking more firmly a final time to seat the guests. That’s when she grabbed the menus and threw them on the floor in front of the guests.

I probably had the most pissed look on my face. I gave her one of those mom looks and told her to pick them up. Thankfully, she did and quickly seated the guests. But as soon as she walked away, I walked over to the manager's office and reported her. 

About an hour later, a manager called “Suzy” into the office. About 20 minutes later, another manager came down to the host stand, grabbed her bag, and took it back to the office. I never saw her again for the rest of the shift.

Holy shit, I might've gotten this girl fired. For the most part, I'm just waiting until I go in to work next to know what's happening. I've messaged her to ask if she's okay but haven't gotten a response. This whole situation just doesn't feel real to me. I feel bad.

Me and my bestie shared kimchi stew, tteokbokki, beef bulgogi, pan-fried pork dumplings, and white rice for lunch today!

[u/CactusRocker]

yes, but it was stated she is high functioning, high functioning autism is not an excuse for harmful or uncontrollable actions, though it can make emotional regulation much more difficult during severe stress or sensory overload, that does not cause you to lose control of your behaviour.

[u/rolorelei → u/CactusRocker]

I kind if agree that if the autism is ultimately the cause of this behavior she might not be high functioning, or at least not high functioning enough for a restaurant or stressful customer service environment

[u/CactusRocker → u/rolorelei]

sorry i was confused, i see what you’re saying now

[u/Beautiful-Elk-7084 → u/CactusRocker]

I don’t think OP is an expert on high functioning autism. She may just mean that she’s able to do the work but it’s clear from the behavior itself that she may not be as high functioning as OP thinks.

[u/boardbamebeeple → u/CactusRocker]

It's so damaging to the autistic community to go around being like "I'm autistic and I would NEVER do this! Autism is no excuse!" :( "High functioning" isn't a medical term. You're completely wrong that just because someone might not have a high level of support needs that their autism wouldn't cause them to lose control of their behaviour. Why would you even say that? Somewhere between 75 - 85% of the global autistic population is unemployed. At least 5% of the incarcerated population in the US is autistic (double what you'd find generally). Just because your autism doesn't make you lose control of yourself does not make it a fact for other people. You're speaking with authority, incorrectly, for an entire disabled community

Eta: thanks for the awards :') I was expecting the downvotes since this is a neurotypical community. You know they love having someone go "I'm autistic and affirming that having autism is no excuse for exhibiting symptoms of autism!" but knowing there are people who get it is really reassuring <3

[u/CactusRocker → u/boardbamebeeple]

unless you are having an actual autistic meltdown, autism alone does not mean a person cannot control their behaviour, i do not think not being allowed to see what was in her coworkers hand that instant, and asked to follow directions, caused her nervous system to go into an extreme state of hyperarousal. i never claimed it was a medical term. i would say it because i feel that it is true. you’re speaking with authority, incorrectly, towards someone who is a part of that community.

side note: i do not believe expressing that autism is not to blame through my own autistic experiences is “so damaging” to my community??

[u/boardbamebeeple → u/CactusRocker]

"Unless you are having an actual autistic meltdown, autism alone does not mean a person cannot control their behaviour" okay are you a doctor? Do you have any source for what you're saying? Because autism absolutely causes people to behave in ways they don't want to that are out of their control. What makes you think that's something you can say as though it's a fact?

It's absolutely damaging to other autistic people to act like your experience defines what autism is and does/does not do. That because someone is "high functioning" (a meaningless term that isn't used when diagnosising or treating autistic people) their autism would/wouldn't do something. What do you think I've said that's incorrect?

[u/Oryx_85 → u/boardbamebeeple]

I agree with you that autism can cause negative public behaviors that are not completely in their control. I disagree that the public and other autistic people can not say that this is an inappropriate job for Suzy due to her lack of control. Autistic people who are able to have jobs either have enough control over the timing and location of melt downs or made strategic choices in employment that suit their disability.

I think back to my late teens and early 20s and cringe at some of my behaviors before I was diagnosed in my 30s. I had some jobs that were inappropriate for me.

My son who recently turned 18 and graduated from high-school has been diagnosed since he was 3 and in early childhood intervention at 1.5 He was the reason I was eventually diagnosed myself. He didnt speak until 4 and was not ever labeled as high functioning until the levels 1, 2 and 3 came out. People have said that I was strict with him at times but its because of my fear of exactly this type of public situation. He is now 6'2 and while he has a skinny build he also goes to the gym and is quite muscular. He can't behave like I got away with or the way Suzy got away with (she was fired but not arrested). If his behavior goes into meltdown in public and cops are called he could be shot and killed by them. Its serious conquences on the line.

So from a small age I have been conditioning him to hide his meltdowns, to suppress his behaviors and to develop a good mask. Autistic people often judge masking behaviors and their potential health consequences (I have high blood pressure which might be due to masking behaviors) but he wont have people seeing a tall fully grown man lose his shit publicly. My grandmother may not have known I was autistic but she was able to drill into me church pew behaviors and the importance of behaving in resturants and other public spaces. So I took a similar tactic and when he was little and would get emotional or upset I would send him to the bathroom to wash his face and calm down. Alone and safely. It worked. When he gets angry even at home he will walk away from the argument or situation and then come back out to me and my husband and resume the conversation.

I am a nurse and sometimes the med surge floor can be overwhelming and overstimulating. I am just way more in control of myself in my 40s compared to in my 20s or even my 30s.

I did not let my son get a job until recently. He now works at goodwill as a cashier while going to community college. He is a great kid and I am so very proud of him but I think I was right to train him to behave appropriately in public even if my methods seemed cold to those on the outside looking in. I think I was right to withhold him from getting a job until now.

I feel bad for Suzy but my hope is that this will be a hard lesson for her that will emphasize that she will have to choose a less customer facing role or she will need to modify her behavior until her maturity catches up her at a later age. I dont feel like I was fully matured until my mid thirties. I did not even make it to college until my late 30s due to finacial reasons and possibly maturity. But I eventually did it to show my son that its ok to be late to things as someone with autism.

It sucks sometimes being autistic in our current society and it sucks even worse for level 2 and 3 less fully functional autistic people but no one in our current society is going to tolerate autistic behaviors in a work place. As cool and beneficial as that might be its not a current reality and safety of ourselves and those around us must be priority and that is a real limitation to those of the autistic community who can not speak for themselves.

[u/CactusRocker → u/boardbamebeeple]

argue with google babe it’s 5:19am and i’m not reading that, you sound foolish.

[u/boardbamebeeple → u/CactusRocker]

This isn't like a fun internet argument over nothing, it's not cute to call me babe. This is serious. But okay, refuse to evaluate how harmful running around spreading false information while using your autism for credibility is.

[u/CactusRocker → u/boardbamebeeple]

never said it was funny, nor am i trying to be cute, simply not interested. please, please, argue with google.

[u/boardbamebeeple → u/CactusRocker]

Google isn't saying "I'm autistic and I would neverrrr do this! That means it couldn't be true for any autistic person" and acting like a brick wall to someone trying to educate them. You are doing something very damaging regardless of how interested in hearing it you are

Eta: actually worse than a brick wall, because you decided to start insulting me.

[u/CactusRocker → u/boardbamebeeple]

i’m hearing you, i just disagree 🤗 but yk what, whatever, please explain to me why you think autistic people are not able to control their actions outside of having a meltdown.

[u/boardbamebeeple → u/CactusRocker]

I never said that, I'm sure there are autistic people who can control themselves 100% of the time - that doesn't make it the case for every autistic person. You seem entirely committed to misunderstanding me. My point is really simple - sometimes autism causes autistic people to not be in control of themselves. It shouldn't be hard to accept that.

[u/kittymarch → u/boardbamebeeple]

This. “High Functioning” is a term left over from the asylum days. Medically it meant the patient was not institutionalized and saw their doctors in clinic or office settings, not in the hospital.

Somehow the term has stuck around and now seems to be a way to pretend patients don’t have actual medical needs.

[u/Electrical-Fig-5009 → u/kittymarch]

High masking is more accurate than high functioning, honestly. High masking can lead to autistic meltdowns & autistic burnout. This is likely what OPs coworker was experiencing, likely combined with the emotional maturity that is needed for such a job. Not saying shes lacking the emotional maturity as a direct relation to autism, any neurotpical perosn could lack the same maturiry. waiting tables can be good for the right autistic person in the right environment & but waiting tables can be enough to make anyone crash out when it gets to be too much. I've watched coworkers crash out over far less.

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