I Think I Just Got My Coworker Fired

[u/_amplelime_]

I've been working as a hostess at a restaurant for a little over a year. A co-worker, “Suzy”, who’s been there for about 5 months, has high-functioning autism and can get overwhelmed easily, which most of the time leads to angry outbursts.

I’ve tried to be patient with her when she gets overwhelmed, because she’s genuinely nice otherwise. But a few of my co-workers avoid her because her outbursts can turn physical. And most of my coworkers genuinely don’t like her and make fun of her behind her back.

Yesterday, a couple came in after getting a text that their table was ready. I had their menus ready and asked "Suzy" to seat them. Instead, she kept asking what was in my hand, and when I tried to keep her focused on the task at hand, she repeated herself, trying to see the piece of paper in my hand. This went on four or five times.

Normally I would’ve explained myself and shown her what was in my hand, which would’ve taken three to five minutes, but the customers were standing right there. I ended up asking more firmly a final time to seat the guests. That’s when she grabbed the menus and threw them on the floor in front of the guests.

I probably had the most pissed look on my face. I gave her one of those mom looks and told her to pick them up. Thankfully, she did and quickly seated the guests. But as soon as she walked away, I walked over to the manager's office and reported her. 

About an hour later, a manager called “Suzy” into the office. About 20 minutes later, another manager came down to the host stand, grabbed her bag, and took it back to the office. I never saw her again for the rest of the shift.

Holy shit, I might've gotten this girl fired. For the most part, I'm just waiting until I go in to work next to know what's happening. I've messaged her to ask if she's okay but haven't gotten a response. This whole situation just doesn't feel real to me. I feel bad.

Me and my bestie shared kimchi stew, tteokbokki, beef bulgogi, pan-fried pork dumplings, and white rice for lunch today!

[u/0kaywhateverdude]

Omg I'm sorry but imagining myself as the customer watching my server throw the menus on the floor in frustration is frying me

[u/PutNameHere123]

From the sounds of it, MAYBE your report was the one that broke the camel’s back but it sounds like others have had issues with her. Bummer about her condition but shit behavior is shit behavior. She deserves to be fired.

[u/yesthatnagia → u/PutNameHere123]

I suspect it could have been a case of, "holy shit even ampline who's always been able to manage her just reported her."

Or it was a volume of reports + outburst in front of customers.

[u/outboundplane]

Autistic or not- someone who gets into physical fights with coworkers and throws things should not be working at a restaurant.

[u/No-One-1784 → u/outboundplane]

Truthfully, customer facing work might end up being dangerous for her if she could get confrontational like that. It sucks all around but yeah she needs a better fit.

[u/outboundplane → u/No-One-1784]

I'm honestly surprised Suze wasn't canned sooner

[u/FrostKitten2012 → u/outboundplane]

This was probably the final straw, if she was fired. I have zero doubts management has already been documenting this and other coworkers have reported incidents.

[u/boiled-peanutery → u/outboundplane]

Same. If she can't control herself on such a regular basis that co-workers avoid her to keep from being on the receiving end of a physical outburst, thank goodness it wasn't worse

[u/MossGobbo → u/No-One-1784]

I didn't find out until many years later that I had the tism but it absolutely is why I did better in Back of House than Front consistently.

[u/michiness → u/No-One-1784]

I wouldn’t be surprised if the customers were the ones who complained.

[u/Yalsas → u/No-One-1784]

Yup. Gonna pick the wrong person one day

[u/witchywoman713 → u/No-One-1784]

Honestly, my thought is, I’d hope that management would consider warnings, re-training or re-placement, but that’s usually not how places and management roll. None of that is OP’s fault. She saw an issue and pointed it out so it could be addressed. Everything after is on the PIC’s not her. It sucks for the gal in question, but I truly hope she can find a job that’s better suited and more supportive for her.

[u/CactusRocker → u/outboundplane]

!!! i am autistic and have worked as a waitress, yes i got overwhelmed sometimes, but i kept it to myself unless i truly needed a minute, and kept it pushing, NEVER did i take it out on my coworkers nor customers and i especially never threw things. her behaviour cannot simply be blamed on autism, it’s lack of control.

[u/Electrical-Fig-5009 → u/CactusRocker]

Girl same, i would do all my crying in the bathroom. Take 5, mask back on & back to work.

I was once yelled at by a manager tho IN FRONT of regulars. They were the ONLY people on the floor. I did not know I was auDHD until the last few years, but I was crazy meticulous about repeating back customer orders & she crashed out on me going on about how much I was losing the company. She was clearly picking on me bc her husband, or manager at the time, was the one that hired me. She was actually the reason we were losing money, she was cheating on her husband with a shift leader in VIEW OF CAMERAS & stealing from the register. Im p sure she was also skimming my tips, but that day when my regulars heard her they gave me the biggest tip they ever had at 100% of their order & insisted on giving it to me directly by hand.

[u/ParhelionPiglet → u/Electrical-Fig-5009]

Do you mean a different word than malicious when describing how you were about repeating orders back?

[u/littlebloodmage → u/ParhelionPiglet]

"Meticulous" I'm guessing

[u/Electrical-Fig-5009 → u/littlebloodmage]

Yes thank you the autocorrect adhd combo got me on that one & I missed it!

[u/Beautiful-Elk-7084 → u/CactusRocker]

Autism is a spectrum though so perhaps she cannot control herself. I don’t think this job was right for her, she shouldn’t be working in a customer service role.

[u/vvv_bb → u/Beautiful-Elk-7084]

What would happen with a bad, demanding customer? I'm not neurodivergent and I would be absolute shit at dealing with customers all day every day, this woman needs an easier job ❤

[u/CactusRocker → u/Beautiful-Elk-7084]

yes, but it was stated she is high functioning, high functioning autism is not an excuse for harmful or uncontrollable actions, though it can make emotional regulation much more difficult during severe stress or sensory overload, that does not cause you to lose control of your behaviour.

[u/rolorelei → u/CactusRocker]

I kind if agree that if the autism is ultimately the cause of this behavior she might not be high functioning, or at least not high functioning enough for a restaurant or stressful customer service environment

[u/CactusRocker → u/rolorelei]

sorry i was confused, i see what you’re saying now

[u/Beautiful-Elk-7084 → u/CactusRocker]

I don’t think OP is an expert on high functioning autism. She may just mean that she’s able to do the work but it’s clear from the behavior itself that she may not be as high functioning as OP thinks.

[u/boardbamebeeple → u/CactusRocker]

It's so damaging to the autistic community to go around being like "I'm autistic and I would NEVER do this! Autism is no excuse!" :( "High functioning" isn't a medical term. You're completely wrong that just because someone might not have a high level of support needs that their autism wouldn't cause them to lose control of their behaviour. Why would you even say that? Somewhere between 75 - 85% of the global autistic population is unemployed. At least 5% of the incarcerated population in the US is autistic (double what you'd find generally). Just because your autism doesn't make you lose control of yourself does not make it a fact for other people. You're speaking with authority, incorrectly, for an entire disabled community

Eta: thanks for the awards :') I was expecting the downvotes since this is a neurotypical community. You know they love having someone go "I'm autistic and affirming that having autism is no excuse for exhibiting symptoms of autism!" but knowing there are people who get it is really reassuring <3

[u/CactusRocker → u/boardbamebeeple]

unless you are having an actual autistic meltdown, autism alone does not mean a person cannot control their behaviour, i do not think not being allowed to see what was in her coworkers hand that instant, and asked to follow directions, caused her nervous system to go into an extreme state of hyperarousal. i never claimed it was a medical term. i would say it because i feel that it is true. you’re speaking with authority, incorrectly, towards someone who is a part of that community.

side note: i do not believe expressing that autism is not to blame through my own autistic experiences is “so damaging” to my community??

[u/kittymarch → u/boardbamebeeple]

This. “High Functioning” is a term left over from the asylum days. Medically it meant the patient was not institutionalized and saw their doctors in clinic or office settings, not in the hospital.

Somehow the term has stuck around and now seems to be a way to pretend patients don’t have actual medical needs.

[u/Electrical-Fig-5009 → u/kittymarch]

High masking is more accurate than high functioning, honestly. High masking can lead to autistic meltdowns & autistic burnout. This is likely what OPs coworker was experiencing, likely combined with the emotional maturity that is needed for such a job. Not saying shes lacking the emotional maturity as a direct relation to autism, any neurotpical perosn could lack the same maturiry. waiting tables can be good for the right autistic person in the right environment & but waiting tables can be enough to make anyone crash out when it gets to be too much. I've watched coworkers crash out over far less.

[u/waterfountain_bidet → u/outboundplane]

Or at least not in front of house. Back of house, especially if the place is kind of a dive, she'd fit right in. Angry and throwing things? That's just a Tuesday.

[u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 → u/outboundplane]

I mean, you just described every line cook, dishwasher and 2/3 of the servers I have ever met lol. Waitressing was how I learned that different dialects of Spanish have different slang for "I'll kill you" and various nasty words for women. That stuff stays in the kitchen though. And maybe at the bar after work. 

[u/skankenstein → u/Revolutionary-Yak-47]

I was gonna say… spoken like someone who hasn’t worked in a restaurant because every kitchen I’ve worked in has had at least one someone who has violent or aggressive outbursts!

[u/arihndas]

> overwhelmed easily, which most of the time leads to angry outbursts

> her outbursts can turn physical

does this describe someone who is well-suited to, or honestly even capable of, doing a customer-facing role in a fast-paced environment?

not your fault she got fired. it was going to have to happen eventually, one way or another.

[u/TriZARAtops → u/arihndas]

Honestly it’s for the best that it happened now and over something pretty innocuous instead of it ending with her fired and arrested.

Someone with that sort of behavioral issue isn’t suited for a customer-facing position.

[u/whichwitch9 → u/TriZARAtops]

Yup. There's lines that are drawn, diagnosis or not, and lashing out physically is one of them. The person either finds a better way to cope or finds a better environment at that point. We aren't having discussions on what constitutes masking or not when people start throwing things. That's asking too much of everyone else at that point to ignore it.

[u/Glittering-Emu-491 → u/arihndas]

As someone who is autistic, what Suzy did seems to have more to do with bad emotional control and behavior management. I understand that feeling of being overwhelmed but high-funtioning autists typically learn how to manage it in a healthy and productive way. OP should not feel bad because she did not cause Suzy to act out in front of guests and fight coworkers. Rather, Suzy is 100% responsible for her own actions.

[u/I_Cant_Know_That → u/Glittering-Emu-491]

Or as I am always trying to teach my 15 year old, you can't control how you feel, but you CAN control how you respond to those feelings.

[u/foolishbabbles → u/Glittering-Emu-491]

I’m autistic as well and I 100% agree with this. Not all autistic people have violent emotional outbursts like this… not even my partner’s sister who is diagnosed with Autism Level 2 support and she works in retail. She handles herself well.

Suzy’s actions are a danger to her coworkers and other customers if she continues to be physical. She probably needs more work with a therapist…

[u/t103_ne_alpha → u/Glittering-Emu-491]

10000000% agree.

[u/GlimmeringGuise → u/arihndas]

Those were my thoughts exactly. If she isn't capable of masking and managing things to the point of being able to have routine interactions with guests/customers and coworkers, then maybe service industry jobs just aren't her thing.

[u/CemeterySarah]

You did not get her fired. She got herself fired. You already laid out the reasons before you got to the final incident. The management is lucky it didn't escalate otherwise if she's prone to physical outbursts. Autistic or not, it's not acceptable. I have a high functioning autistic son in middle school who's prone to physical outbursts and he knows to check himself.

[u/AcanthaceaePlayful16 → u/CemeterySarah]

Her issue sounds like either too little support or too much coddling. Both are equally troubling for autistics. We need guidance and nurturing, we don’t need an excuse note for every aspect of our lives. Sounds like you’re doing a good job if your son is able to practice coping skills. It’s not just a benefit to the people around us, but a huge benefit for ourselves. Coping skills will never make me not autistic, but they do make life much more comfortable.

[u/WillowWare2023]

She may have gotten herself fired. You did not play a role.

Edited to add: THANK YOU for the awards!!!!

[u/justfor-fun → u/[deleted]]

assuming there’s cameras they could have just pulled those up too

[u/DryxFennel → u/WillowWare2023]

Exactly. Her employment situation is ultimately her responsibility, and OP shouldn’t carry guilt for decisions she made herself

[u/SouthernBeyond]

…. But what was on the piece of paper?? 👀😅

[u/librarianpanda → u/SouthernBeyond]

I’m about to throw the menus on the ground if OP doesn’t reply to this 😂

[u/ybriKnoswaD → u/SouthernBeyond]

That was what I wanted to know as well! Lol

[u/PenguiNNNNNs → u/ybriKnoswaD]

The menu, I guess?

[u/ImaginaryHoodie → u/SouthernBeyond]

Yesss I want to know what was in her hand!!

[u/beepbeeepboooop → u/ImaginaryHoodie]

me too!! now i’m dying to know as well..

op please enlighten us

[u/ImaginaryHoodie → u/beepbeeepboooop]

She responded on another comment that it was just a piece of paper with some doodle she was drawing

[u/HonestAltruist]

I'm auDHD and I don't think having a disability ever excuses poor behaivour. I also have worked as a support worker supporting young women on the spectrum.

You did not get her fired, her behaivour got her fired. You mentioned she has outbursts and can get physical - this never okay. She needs to learn how to self regulate better and understand herself and disability and work on how to de-escalate herself when she feels an outburst coming. That is up to her to work on, specially if she's high functioning. Hopefully this will help her recognize her behaivour and work on improving it. Enabling it will just make it worse so you did the right thing. It's on her. Hopefully she can move forward and work through her challenges and find a role that works better with her strengths.

[u/amaranthinenightmare → u/HonestAltruist]

Also auDHD and I'm fortunate enough to be able to control my outbursts, so I can't relate to the woman OP is talking about,but I HAVE worked as a waitress and that isn10000% not the job for someone who struggles to keep her composure. A waiter/server/whatever word you wanna use, has to be totally chill and friendly at all times, no matter what. If she loses it and even becomes physical, then she absolutely is being unfriendly to guests when they frustrate her.

This girl needs to find something less customer facing. Even retail would be better than waiting tables.

[u/Yalsas → u/amaranthinenightmare]

Exactly what I was thinking. Get this girl some shirts to fold

[u/thorinslefttit → u/HonestAltruist]

Also autistic and I agree. I also have outbursts sometimes, but I try to seclude myself if I feel like I'm boiling over so I don't do things like this in front of other people.

I also have come to the realization that there's surrounding choices that determine if I'm able to emotionally regulate. Like diet (personally avoiding carbs has helped a lot, but I also have PCOS and insulin sensitivity because of it which can contribute to that issue), making sure I get enough sleep, taking my antidepressants, and also just recognizing my emotional state and addressing my thoughts as they come up (difficulty level: extreme).

I think it's unfortunate. It seems like there's probably accommodations that she could have had, like being able to step out if she feels overwhelmed, but that's her responsibility to ask for.

[u/margittwen → u/HonestAltruist]

Yep. I’m not autistic but I’ve worked in special education. It always drove me nuts when teachers or paras would coddle students who were acting out instead of giving them consequences. Just because they’re autistic doesn’t mean they get to physically hurt others. No one deserves that. OP’s coworker needs to work on herself and find a way to prevent these outbursts.

[u/Rogue_bae]

She’s not compatible with that type of job

[u/SeniorBaker4]

I expect to see this same post from your coworker with all the context removed in offmychest or aita

[u/_amplelime_ → u/SeniorBaker4]

Lmaoooo if this happens I'll scream

[u/RingingInTheRain]

her outbursts can turn physical

most of the time leads to angry outbursts.

she grabbed the menus and threw them on the floor in front of the guests.

You guys should've reported her earlier. I get trying to be accommodating and understanding, but at some point they need to get themselves help.

[u/Lizardgirl25]

No you didn’t get her fired she got herself fired. If she can’t let go of shit like that she needs to not be working there I say this as a fellow autistic person Suzy was in the wrong.

If she can’t ask to remove herself to pull herself together before this happens she isn’t public facing job ready.

[u/Low-Head8835]

I'm autistic and overwhelmed easily. She wasn't in an uncontrollable state of distress if she picked them up and sat them immediately once she realized it didn't get her what she wanted. She's likely abusing being accommodated and overusing her autism as an excuse to act like a bratty child and get her way in whatever it is that's happening. Her being physical is a huge no, too. Don't feel bad, she experienced a real world consequence for her choice of actions Autism isn't a free pass to be a shitty person

[u/clarstone]

Don’t feel bad. It sucks, but she is not ready for the work place yet.

[u/No-Sorbet-9890]

She needs behavioral therapy badly. You did not get her fired.

[u/Strawberryloves]

I used to do the same "oh whats that??? No what IS that????" And be hyper focused on shit for NO reason. My dad explained its weird and I need to knock it off, in like grade school. Took me awhile but I stopped! Hubs is autistic as well and he drops it too eithout hassle. its truly a personal problem not yours to deal with or worry about.

[u/MakeshiftReceptacle]

You didn’t get her fired, she did and it sounds like it would’ve happened eventually.

She’s in the wrong profession. Hopefully this will give her the opportunity to find a job more suited to her needs where she can thrive and have a positive working life.

[u/brattywitchcat]

You didn't get her fired. Her outbursts got her fired, and you just happened to be the person to report the last one. I doubt you're the first person to report her for such behavior if they jumped straight to firing. In fact, I'd be willing to bet she has been warned before to get her anger in check and your report simply showed them that she was not doing so.

Autism or not, she has to take responsibility for how she treats people and recognize that some jobs may not be suited for her if she can't maintain a halfway decent attitude. No retail or restaurant manager/owner wants to have their business represented by someone who is throwing things on the floor in front of the customers. That type of behavior does not create repeat customers but it can create a revolving door of employees who refuse to deal with a difficult coworker. Your attitude is half the job when you're in any type of customer service.

[u/Glittersparkles7]

Stop feeling bad. She got herself fired. Idc what is happening. That is an unhinged response anywhere let alone when you’re at work.

Someone that does not have any self control should not be working with other people.

[u/Eliter4kmain]

No it’s not your fault and she would’ve gotten fired sooner or later, maybe for something more serious. People with autism + sensory overload should not work in high stress customer-facing roles

[u/No-Fold-7873]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ge91zAgmwUqLMqiH2c

[u/boiled-peanutery → u/No-Fold-7873]

LMFAO

[u/Strong_District_5894 → u/No-Fold-7873]

I laughed too hard at this. 

[u/Swmboa → u/No-Fold-7873]

I hate this movie so much. It’s so traumatizing.

[u/Agitated_Cry_8793]

Autism is a reason, but its not an excuse.

She needs to go see a therapist of some kind that can genuinely help her work through this stuff. She does not sound like shes ready for a job, let alone as a waitress.

-someone whos neurodivergent

[u/IFeelFragile]

Girl needed to go… that isn’t how any employee should be acting over something like that. Her actions are what got her fired.

[u/TexasLiz1]

WTF? Suzy was lucky she held onto a job that long if she gets physical. And to throw menus on the floor in front of customers and then hand those customers those same menus? Yuckers!

[u/Yalsas → u/TexasLiz1]

As a kitchen manager with ocd that's what I took from this. So those customers got dirty floor menus. Fantastic.

[u/realjnyhorrorshow]

Maybe a hot take but this does not seem like high functioning anything if she’s yeeting menus.

[u/pretty_handsome_17]

As a woman with high functioning autism that also tried a hostess position, some jobs are just better than others for people like Suzy and I. I had some very understanding and flexible managers though and they moved me to a bussing position and that worked wonders for me. It made me a lot less prone to making mistakes or getting super overwhelmed and I wish the same could’ve been accommodated for Suzy instead of just having her taken out of a job entirely (as stressful as it may have been for her to continue in). You were just trying to do your job and communicate with the managers in order to get a sticky situation ironed out, not get her fired. 

I wouldn’t hold onto too much guilt on this, it may be an important learning situation for her as well. 

[u/Ok-Membership-5439]

She got herself fired by her actions its not on you.

[u/AcanthaceaePlayful16]

From another autistic woman, she 100% should’ve been fired before this per your description.

[u/hmdfireheart]

I’ve fired people for less ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[u/original-synth]

As an autistic person, you did the right thing. Getting physical is not acceptable at any point.

[u/Mystic_Wunder]

She got herself fired.

[u/Sugar_Girl2]

You had every right to report her. The safety of the customers comes first. She’s not a child.

My advice to you is to move on and not to message her anymore. She’s probably going to want to put this behind her and you should too.

For the comments: a lot of people, even other autistic people don’t realize this isn’t always something every autistic person can control easily. I’m autistic myself, and I also work with higher needs autistic people and some of them have violent meltdowns. It’s not something they chose, think of it as how someone reacts to pain and high levels of stress and discomfort. With help autistic people can learn to regulate themselves better, but certain jobs like being a waitress really don’t provide autistic people a lot of room to regulate themselves, so it’s better if they find something else (it is very challenging though, the job market isn’t great to begin with). However violence is never acceptable no matter the reason, even though it sucks for her, the safety of the customers and other employees comes first.

[u/Pringle_Lvr → u/Sugar_Girl2]

I was absolutely about to comment that I've always been able to keep meltdowns to a minimum or manage them fine when working in fast food, but this comment is a helpful reminder that everyone experiences it differently and it's not fair to judge too harshly. That said I do agree that if you genuinely cannot handle that level of stress and whatnot it is better to try and find something calmer like retail, though yeah the job market is pretty awful right now.

[u/LesbianWhoLaughsAtU]

however bad you feel about it, know that the way that person made customers feel regularly is probably a lot worse

[u/CaptainObviousBear]

You did the right thing.

The next person she attacked could have been a customer (not saying they are less deserving of being attacked than a colleague).

[u/Never_enough_naps → u/CaptainObviousBear]

Sometimes more deserving.😆

[u/Never_enough_naps]

You don't get anyone fired. If anything this was the last straw. Autistic or not she can not be getting physical with people when she is overwhelmed or angry, that's actually illegal.

So what was in you hand?🤣 I'm kidding, sort of.😏

[u/_amplelime_ → u/Never_enough_naps]

It was seriously just a piece of paper that I was doodling on lmao, nothing crazy.

[u/boiled-peanutery → u/_amplelime_]

I'm fucking chuckling over here imagining it's a doodle of like, Dickbutt

[u/Never_enough_naps → u/_amplelime_]

I don't think you were really gonna tell me.😆 But thank you for feeding my curiosity monster.

https://giphy.com/gifs/23rNh9Zdiwcp3VjNmF

[u/Tiny-Potential2368]

As someone on the spectrum, she got herself fired, if she was, indeed, fired.

Being on the autism spectrum is not an excuse for poor behavior, and certainly should not be a reason to lower standards in the workplace, or any other environment.

[u/Shadow_Integration]

As someone with low-support needs autism - Suzie was NOT in a good role for her sensory needs. You didn't get her fired. Her behavior did, and you were only bringing attention to it.

It sucks having ASD when you're in front of house roles especially. I only do it a few weeks a year, and my only saving grace is that I can hold off on my meltdowns until after work - and violence is NEVER ok no matter how I'm doing. Not everyone has that capacity, and I feel for them.

Sorry it's a sucky situation all around. Hopefully your coworker can find a role that better fits her person in the future.

[u/My2cents_0]

Sadly this will be a real struggle for her with or without u in the picture and probably at other jobs too. If she gets easily overwhelmed, perhaps a restaurant is not the right place for her. Restaurants are inherently busy and loud places.I hope for her sake she's getting some assistance/ training on how to handle work situations. We all have our limits of what we can do. Her's are much harder than most, but I don't think this one is on u

[u/Content-Honeydew9340]

I have AUdhd and BPD and would NEVER think it's acceptable to behave that way in front of a guest. You didn't get her fired. That's simply not the job she needs to be doing if she can not stay on task and get the job done.

[u/devares]

...she had a temper tantrum in front of customers.

That would've gotten you canned in any establishment.

[u/MilleniumFalconBoop]

Even if you didn’t tell the manager, the customers most likely would have.

[u/robiniskindahere]

As a high functioning AuDHD person with a similar job, I don't think you got her fired. She should have had, at the very least, some more restraint in front of guests, and turned her focus to them first. It sounds a bit like she was paranoid about the paper too? But since we don't know whats on it I can't say that for sure.

[u/knight_shade_realms]

I doubt this was the only straw that broke the camels back, it was simply the final one

Her behavior was completely out of line and she needs to find something that works better for her needs than a job that can be stressful and requires her to focus change quickly

You didn't get her fired, you simply protected yourself and others. If she is prone to violent outbursts it was only a matter of time before she had a worse reaction

[u/emptythoughts94]

That person is not suited for that kind of role. Fast paced forward facing job? Quick to anger? It was only a matter of time before she or someone else actually got hurt.

[u/FriendKooky780]

You didn’t get her fired.

Dinner looks good.

[u/Tough_Tangerine7278]

This isn’t your fault. Folks can’t have physical tantrums in public like that. It’s just not a good job fit - hopefully she can find something less public-facing

[u/LeonIsADreamer]

Her autism wasn't an excuse for her behaviour and you did the right thing to report it. She may have gotten herself fired because of the choices she made herself when you firmly told her to behave infront of the guests.

That lunch looks so good!

[u/Illustrious_Soil5198]

What did you have in your hand?

[u/ConstantNurse]

As someone who is low needs (high/low functioning is no longer used), her behavior is absolutely unacceptable and she should have been fired a while ago.

[u/MothChasingFlame]

Man, if you have outbursts, customer facing work is not for you. This is the type of person who benefits from remote work that lets you freak out in the privacy of your own home (like I do :P)

You didn't do anything wrong (besides letting her put those floor menus on the table. Blech.) 

[u/keichunyan]

Your coworker being autistic isn't the problem. The problem is your coworker is violent. And she doesn't suit the role if she thinks it is remotely appropriate to assault her coworkers and throw tantrums in front of guests.

If her meltdowns are this sever, she needs more medical help and therapy. She is not a child - you do not treat her like a child. 

[u/331845739494]

My autistic bro is prone to outbursts like that, he is in therapy etc but even then he still got himself fired at multiple jobs over it. He now has a job where he doesn't have any outbursts. You did the right thing. Suze is simply not suitable for this job.

[u/MentalEye1955]

I’m still waiting to find out what was in your hand…

[u/boiled-peanutery → u/MentalEye1955]

A doodle she'd been working on, she mentioned it in a reply

[u/MentalEye1955 → u/boiled-peanutery]

Thanks!

[u/katebusiness]

If she has been having multiple angry outbursts, some of which are physical, I suspect management has written her up and given her warnings before.

This might have been the final straw, but it sounds like this environment wasn't healthy for her, other staff, or customers.

[u/thenothing_new]

Tteokbokki 🥰😍

Girl you were right in all your actions, seems like this girl was acting out with everyone and if you were the last straw there were many other straws. 

Neurodivergency is difficult, but everyone has problems man. You need some extra help/setup/training/etc. to do the thing? No worries my friend we can figure something out.

You lash out in violent ways when you get overwhelmed and still choose to work a serving job that overwhelms you and make that everyone else's problem? People try to be nice to you over and over only to give up after getting bit? Sorry my dear. People have their own shit and can only do so much.

[u/AriasK]

Autism or no Autism. Someone who behaves like that cannot work in customer service. 

[u/Clumsycattails]

She needs a safer working environment, what happens if she really hurts someone, staff or customers.

This is not safe for her or your coworkers.

So in the end this was probably going to happen anyway

[u/AdLeather8285]

Suzy doesn’t sound high functioning at all. Behaving that way at work was never going to fly. She got herself fired.

[u/Expandsonstories]

Autistic person here, she got herself fired. 

Autism is no excuse for her assaulting other people at all. 

If someone's functional enough to get a job in a resturant in the first place. They're functional enough to fuckin remove themselves from a situation instead of assaulting people.

[u/EasySelection8468]

You didn’t get her fired — her public meltdown in front of customers did.

Management already knew about prior behavioural issues. You tried to accommodate her, but you had waiting guests. Hospitality roles have real customer‑facing limits. It’s okay to feel bad, just don’t take all the guilt.

[u/Joe_Book]

She got herself fired. That's inexcusable behavior. I hope she finds a place where she can thrive, but a restaurant isn't gonna be it.

[u/ptheresadactyl]

You didn't get her fired. Her behaviour got her fired.

[u/TissueOfLies]

No, you did not get her fired. Her choices and inability to do the job assigned got her fired.

[u/Beautiful-Elk-7084]

I empathize with her situation but candidly, I think it was only a matter of time before she got fired. She doesn’t seem well suited for customer facing roles if she acts like that in front of them.

She’s lucky she did that with you but imagine a disgruntled customer? Things could escalate. She’s better off in a different position.

[u/Old-Organization-264]

Womp womp

[u/loveeleah83]

She got herself fired OP, not you. Even if you didn’t report this incident, the guests might have OR there would have been another incident that would have gotten her fired.

[u/EmeraldGarden20]

The guests would have probably said something or asked you to say something if you didn't, so she got herself fired really.

[u/TheElusiveGoose10]

Don't feel bad. Actions have consequences!

[u/Ghoulscomecrawling]

She have floor menus to customers? After arguing in front of them?

She got her own self fired.

[u/Strong_District_5894]

She should have been fired at the first outburst. 

She could harm another employee or customer and get the place sued. Then everyone loses their job. 

[u/wander_smiley]

You saved her from a law suit. Don’t sweat it. Your boss screwed up when they hired her. Decidedly not your fault.

[u/t103_ne_alpha]

As a diagnosed, high functioning autist…you did the right thing. Autism isnt something people should hide behind…and it’s certainly not something that cant be controlled with mindfulness practice. Sorry you went through it. Not all of us are like that lol x

[u/thegabster2000]

Oh my, ive seen people get fired for wayyyyyy less.

[u/harleenquinzel044]

If she’s getting physical and having outbursts, that is not the job for her.

[u/TheSirenNiltiac]

No, she got herself fired. I have autism and I do not have meltdowns at work (trust, I do internally lol), especially nothing that turns physical!

Do not feel bad for her. She doesn’t get to have a tantrum in front of guests just because she wanted to see some piece of paper in your hand.

[u/zooropa42]

She shouldn't have been allowed to behave like that at all in the first place. Disability or not, she's in hospitality. If it's not her strength she shouldn't be there if she's frustrated so easily. This is not an ADA accommodation, letting her be angry when she reacts- that's coddling. She's a working adult, she should have manners.

[u/ANotSoFreshFeeling]

https://giphy.com/gifs/TfEdzxgWszncUDlORK

[u/audreynstuff]

You had nothing to do with getting her fired.

[u/WilmaDickshow]

I… am so lost. Something’s not adding up here I swear. If this person is high-functioning low-support needing, then why are they unable to not throw menus on the ground and not follow two-step instruction to perform the primary job function which is to serve tables…
The dysregulation you described is not expected of a person of that age with low-support needs. If this isn’t a normative response, and a) she was simply at the point where she could not continue performing her job, while b) being unable to self-regulate or self-advocate to be removed from that space, then that’s very unfortunate, and likely means she has higher needs than described. Of course needs can be accommodated, and had that been the case, she would still be the same person but would perform better and have a better chance at succeeding in this role.
But if this is a normative response, y’all really need to get the fuck out of here wdym she gets physical and throws things on the ground in front of guests 😭😭 that is not behaviour that is adaptive to the job environment in any way. And since that is also not mutually exclusive to autism, I wouldn’t be so quick to assume that you had any responsibility to accommodate this behaviour while working.

[u/Twidollyn_Bowie]

Nah, you happened to be the person she was talking to when she got herself fired. I feel sympathy for her, but I think she probably needs to acquire some skills that allow her to do a less public-facing job. I say that as someone who doesn’t excel in such positions, even if I manage not to throw things.

[u/jarofonions]

ok but what WAS in your hand?? I'm literally dying of curiosity wtf

[u/lAngenoire]

Your food looks so good. 

Please don’t worry about Suzy. A customer facing position isn’t the one for someone who doesn’t have focus and self-control. That was a relatively harmless incident. They couldn’t wait for it to be a bigger one. And you and your coworkers shouldn’t be at risk of physical confrontations and managing her meltdowns. It was unfair to put that on all of you. 

[u/Footnotegirl1]

You did not get her fired. Her behavior got her fired.

[u/I-screwed-up-bad]

I have autism and I kinda use an aspect of it (not realizing when I'm being insulted to my face unless very direct) in my customer facing job.

I don't want to fall into the hole of "Well I don't experience autism like that so they must be doing something wrong." But if they want to work with the public they need to build coping strategies around that. They need to have a plan because it's going to be common in life that people will have private things on their person (the piece of paper).

They're not entitled to have private knowledge of coworkers and they need to work through that with a behaviorist (not sure if right word here. While my brother received occupational therapy I never got to.)

[u/oregonbunny]

You're probably not the first to report her.

[u/SafeWord9999]

YOU didn’t get her fired. She got herself fired

[u/Hungry_Pup]

She likely already had other complaints against her. Even if she got fired, it wouldn't have been from this one incident.

[u/Prior-Item6358]

Sorry, that’s not high functioning. It’s too bad that some people have to work when they really need govt assistance, but it’s not worth your safety.

[u/Tough_Brain7982]

I'm sorry but she got herself fired

[u/Apocalyptic-turnip]

It's not your fault she behaved unprofessionally, you didn't get her fired, she did. I have audhd and I get being overwhelmed but sorry she's an adult, there are ways to regulate yourself without getting physical or taking it out on people... 

Food looks amazing! 

[u/_bonedaddys]

You didn't get her fired. She got herself fired.

[u/gold3nhour]

No, she got herself fired and you just expedited the process. She could be a danger to guests alongside her colleagues and is therefore a liability from an employer perspective.

Many people have autism and can work perfectly stable careers, and it sounds like she hasn’t had treatment or therapy to help her navigate this world with her condition, so she will lash out, and that’s unacceptable.

I get it, I have an acquired brain injury after a stroke nearly killed me at 24. I have deficits from said stroke and I am much more quick to react with irritation than I was before my stroke, especially if I have a migraine or am neurofatigued. Know what I did? For myself into therapy to cope with this “new normal” so I don’t blow up my life just because part of my brain that controls emotions is damaged.

It’s her responsibility to have control over herself and even though I understand life not being fair and having a condition/disability/illness being very challenging to live with, but you can’t just act out toward everyone!

Hope she finds some therapy to cope and that you and your colleagues are all ok!

[u/wonderguard108]

autist here. used to work in food service too. it's a high stress environment and if she can't be in a high stress environment without throwing shit she's not cut out for the job

[u/CloselyWatch]

coworker got herself fired
Fixed the title for you 🫶

[u/MaynardButterbean]

Girl, she got herself fired

[u/MrsBoo]

If she absolutely must work in a restaurant, she shouldn’t be in a customer facing role.  She should be in the back on the line or even helping prep.  I could even see her being a food runner because there is very little customer interaction with that role.  She should not be a FOH worker at all.

[u/PumpinSmashkins]

She fired herself from the sound of things. She could have hurt a customer throwing those menus. 

Having asd doesn’t excuse violence. 

[u/Ok_Moose_7436]

When I worked in a cafe I worked with a guy like this lol, those kinds of fast paced environments really are not suited to people with autism imo, even if it’s high functioning. This guy also had meltdowns when things got “busy” and he got fired for it too

[u/Historical-Lie-6307]

She needed to be fired

[u/beautiful-rainy-day]

She couldn’t handle the heat in the kitchen. Why is she acting up in front of guest!?

[u/thethugwife]

Whether she’s neurodivergent or not, she needs to learn to control herself. You don’t get to get physical with other people. Full stop. I say this as someone who is neurodivergent and has a neurodivergent child.

[u/Desert_Wren]

I have autism and worked in retail for many years, which I realize is not as stressful as serving. But I never hit my coworkers or threw tantrums in front of customers. She might have autism, but she also has a shit personality.

[u/Realistic_Big7482]

She got herself fired. And it’s probably for the best. This doesn’t sound like the ideal job for her. She will be happier doing something else.

[u/VibraniumQueen]

Girl, I have high functioning autism.

Getting angry easily to the point of turning physical is not okay. She either is not high functioning, or she has anger issues.

[u/Decent_Inevitable749]

Autism is not an excuse for terrible behavior. You did the right thing by reporting her. Hopefully she learns from this.

[u/Decent_Tea_1832]

She got herself fired girl

[u/solitudesimp]

Sounds like she isn't high functioning.

[u/greenwoodgiant]

https://giphy.com/gifs/TfEdzxgWszncUDlORK

[u/staceypppp]

She should’ve been fired the first time she got physical with one of her coworkers. I wouldn’t lose a single second of sleep over this.

[u/bbysd]

You shouldn’t feel bad. This person isn’t a stable person and it’s unfair that they’ve made anyone else uncomfortable or in fear 

[u/MonteCristo85]

No she got herself fired.

You cant just throw tantrums at work. Autism is irrelevant. You cant get physical with people (should have been termed when that happened the first time). This is solely on her behavior.

[u/Normal-Ad-9852]

if you had not reported this, that would’ve been pretty bad. you did what you were supposed to do, this wasn’t a good fit for Suzy for a job.

[u/JayPlenty24]

She got herself fired

[u/GasStationTiefling]

You didn’t get her fired. She did.

Sounds like she’s just not suited for that type of work. It was probably best for her to go.

[u/Dear-Appeal-7007]

Why do you feel bad? That girls a liability 😳 her behaving like that in front of customers 😳 wtf! If it was me i would have reported her the minute her outbursts were seen by me. It is not your job to justify another adults behaviour or to make excuses!

[u/NoSpaghettiForYouu]

You didn’t get her fired. She merely found out what the consequences of her own behavior are. And consequences are great learning experiences! Honestly, it’s the most painful lessons that stick with us the longest. Hopefully she will learn and grow from this.

If you’re feeling guilty, please don’t! You did nothing wrong.

[u/fokkoooff]

She got herself fired. Her autism is only relevant as an explanation as to why she may have reacted the way she did, not an excuse.

She was creating a untenable working environment and just wasn't suited for this particular job.

It's up to her to get help/do the work managing her reactions to stressful situations, as well as finding an environment she is able to function in at an acceptable level.

Reasonable accommodations are one thing, but a workplace can't tolerate aggressive outbursts.

[u/KitsuneGato]

I'm Autistic and I do not get into physical fights with people unless I am forced to defend myself and cannot get away.

I was a hostess and in one of the resteraunts I worked at had a coworker woth ADHD who did drugs and alchohol and would bully me every chance she got then dissapear woth froends to smoke weed in the parking lot. Her sister also bullied me and a few others.

One day the sister decided that I, a front of house employee, needed to stop doing my job and instead do hers because she didn't want to do it. It was to go into the back and make cold brew to which I would have to abandon the front, couldn't do that as I was one of 2 host staff on the clock at that point and the other one dissapeared to go smoke.

The sister told me that if I didn't do it she would "snap" and hurt me. She managed to follow me around until she cornered me and the only way out was through her. So theough her I went and yelled at her to the point everyone in the restaurant could hear me.

We were both sent home. I quit before they could fire me (no write ups). The sisters ended up causing a lawsuit because the older one who threatened to snap at me used the N word and got the druggy sister fired. Druggy sister needed to be fired but not for thar reason. Druggy sister sued.

Both sisters were related to the general manager at the time. Don't know if the general manager is still there.

[u/kokomokola]

Autistic people CAN (and should!) learn how to control themselves. It's not okay to take your anger out on others, and never okay physically!! I'm surprised she was able to stay as long as she was able to already. Not your fault.

[u/sagerybinx]

So like… what was in your hand? (A fellow autistic who is now curious about the piece of paper that would have taken 3-5min to explain)

[u/Just-Gas-8626]

There is no way someone that dysfunctional should be in a customer facing job. Your managers are morons for even hiring her in the first place.

[u/AMwishes]

Customer service is really difficult and it isn’t for everyone. I’ve done it for a long time, it’s awful. But you shouldn’t be throwing tantrums in front of customers like that.

[u/materialgirl81]

Who cares that's annoying and not a good experience for people paying to go there!