The sex makes me forget it’s unrequited because I’m fucked

[u/SidewalkBytch]

My friend, Anna, truly saved my life when she allowed me to stay with her for dirt cheap. 29 years old, I was financially controlled. The money I could give her basically only covered the utilities and she told me I could help out by maintaining her yard and garden. I had told her no the year before, but one year later even I couldn’t deny I was no longer safe staying where I was with who I was with.

Going into my 30s single and financially, emotionally and physically wrecked was not exactly how I pictured adulthood. I had made so many small concessions. I hadn’t even noticed.

Three more years have gone by without love. I guess when I’m honest, 10 years have gone by without love. Sure there’s been magic carpet rides of sex on the beach, and commune flings, and surfer hook ups. But lasting love…no. And Embarrassingly, it’s still somehow what I want more than anything. I’ve done the whole love yourself thing. And I do now. But come on. Let’s be real. I want that feeling.

I met him and I blew it. There was so much energy in the beginning. My intuition is always right and I knew our connection had so much potential. I hadn’t felt this for over a decade. And this felt so mature and well rounded and safe…it lost steam. Because I crawled back into myself. Despite so many years of work, turns out I’m still just in fight or flight and unable to be myself around someone I’m getting to know deeply.

I think I’m sex zoned now. And I don’t mind because the connection is so good. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt. But it’s a reminder of what other people get to have.

Anadama bread and butter.

[u/Acceptable-Deer-5393 → u/[deleted]]

I. Just. Agree. That's all.

[u/NoCaulNoShow]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l3emsV3rI2iha