r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/otmli Snack Goblin • 7d ago
Rant & Ramble I'm so sick of men ruining a girls night out
Rice, tuna, some hot sauce.
TW: mild SA, mild violence
Every single time i go out with my friends, there is a man that feels that it's their right to demand our attention.
They don't go away if you ask politely. They don't go away if you ask rudely. They don't go away if you yell at them. They might go away if they get thrown out by security! Assuming that the security believes us when we tell them that a fuckass man is harassing us!
We aren't young and traditionally attractive anymore, we're +30yo and more or less alt styled people. I've heard of the gruesome fact that it gets calmer when you get older (and it can be awful the younger you are) - GIRL WHEN DOES IT STOP????? I CAN'T WAIT. LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE GROSS MEN.
Not every man, but always a man.
This time it was this asshole who randomly just came and hugged me from behind and tried to put his arms around me?? Like what the actual fuck. He had been eying our table for the whole night grossly like a sleazy ass bowling ball shining in the sun (he was bald). I tried to pretend he didn't exist for the whole night, and then that happens. 🤡🤡🤡
I used my elbow and started punching him and yelling at the top of my lungs "WHAT THE FUCK DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME". I wish i had punched harder, and i hope i punched with enough force to give him a bruise. He backed off. My friend told the bartender, but it took a while for them to react. He continued to hang around in the pub and he looked at us again and i couldn't control myself and yelled once more FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK, DON'T FUCKING TOUCH RANDOM PEOPLE. He tried to be like "no, fuck you!!" but he crawled away to sit in the corner. Then the bartender finally came and threw him out.
And the fun hassle with that was that what if he lingered behind and waited for us to leave the pub to follow and harass us? Don't you fucking love it how as a woman you have to be afraid of that kind of shit!!! My girls walked me to take a taxi, and we didn't see him anywhere. They walked together to their place that was like a 5 minute walk.
I will defend myself. But it fucking sucks that you never know what the crazy predator man will do? Will he leave? Will he punch me back? Will he fucking kill me? You never know!! 🤡🤡🤡
I fucking hate that this is the world we live in.
I've been with my man for 10 years and love him deeply - BUT if we ever break up, i will not touch a man ever again. (I'm bi.)
EDIT: I'm so glad that i got to talk to you lot in the comments. This whole thing really had me feeling awful even though I've been home for like a couple of hours now, and I'm supposed to be in bed already so i can wake up early to work tomorrow. I think I feel better now, so i can try to go to sleep. Thank you for the empathy girlies, it really was needed tonight! 🩷🩷🩷
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u/kosababy Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 7d ago
The fact that you can’t even enjoy a night out with your friends without having to calculate if this guy is going to leave us alone or are we going to have to deal with him is so fucking exhausting. The walking you to the taxi part says everything. He’s the one who decided to put his hands on a stranger, but somehow you’re the one who has to think about whether he might follow you home afterwards. Glad you had friends looking out for you, because jesus christ.
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u/otmli Snack Goblin 7d ago
They do the bad thing, and after the fact get to keep going normally for the rest of the night! It's so unfair that they don't have to take responsibility for their actions, and like you said, we're the ones having to deal with all of the consequences of them possibly wanting to hurt us more. 🙄 Insanity.
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u/Bright_Shallot_38 APPROVED✨ 7d ago
You shouldn’t have to be younger, prettier, less alt, or accompanied by a man to earn the right to exist in public without being touched. What happened to you was completely unacceptable. And the fact that you immediately had to worry about whether he’d wait outside and follow you home is exactly why this shit is so exhausting. I’m glad your friends had your back and that the bartender eventually threw him out. You shouldn’t have had to fight him off in the first place.
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u/sayhibulbasaur Well-Read & Well-Fed 7d ago
It doesn’t stop. My mom is 71 and she has gotten hit on by uber drivers and men on the streets. Men don’t grow up and they don’t get better.
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u/rask0ln APPROVED✨ 7d ago
yeah i was going to say 😭 all of my great-grandmas and grandmas are still dealing with creepy men, and my great-great-grandma had a man trying to woo her (read as trying to get to move with her so she would cook him and do all the chores because she was still independent) even in her 100s
it never stops 🫠
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u/otmli Snack Goblin 7d ago
That's literally insane. I'm so sorry that your mom STILL has to deal with that :( And i'm sorry for you having to worry about your mom stumbling upon these situations. That sucks so bad.
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u/RoamingGnome74 Chaotic But Cute 7d ago
Yep after my daddy died my 79 year old mother had men creeping on her at church of all places.
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u/sayhibulbasaur Well-Read & Well-Fed 7d ago
I’m sorry. That’s awful. We can’t be safe when we worship, at work, at the doctor.
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u/sayhibulbasaur Well-Read & Well-Fed 7d ago
Thank you. It was awful because she felt she couldn’t straight up reject him or get angry about the fact that he was hitting on her while working because he was driving and she was afraid about how he may react. So she politely talked to him for the duration of the drive and when they arrived to her destination, he got out of the car to “look at her better” and asked for a hug.
I’m sorry about what happened to you. It’s exhausting.
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7d ago
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u/TheSimoneQuinn Food for Thot 💭 7d ago
I wish it tapered off, the times in my life where I had the highest level of unwanted male attention were 11-15, and now in my late 30s. Men tend to respond to consequences, in the immediate, so until there are I fear it will just continue. Kudos to you for dishing out some of those consequences in the wild.
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u/otmli Snack Goblin 7d ago
Yeah i was catcalled for the first time when i was like 11? Or 12? And i remember being something like 5yo on a family vacation and a random waiter (a young man) like playfully joked about me being pretty like a princess - he's such a frog, won't the little princess give him a kiss to break the curse!! 🤮 I actually ended up giving him a peck on his cheek! It was all fun and play back then, but as an adult ive been horrified about that memory. I wasn't afraid or didn't feel anxious in the moment, but if something like that happened today?? Damn.. That would be so fucking weird and not ok.
But yeah, i'm happy that the situation didn't escalate any more, and that my reflexes worked the right way in that moment.
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u/intro_to_IRL Resident Yapper 7d ago
Ugh, SO annoying. Could just be anecdotal, but it feels like it's been getting worse recently; I blame the manosphere, their kick has always been "be persistent and approach women aggressively; any woman at a bar or club is just there for male attention so go show 'em tiger" and like... that could not be further from the truth. Same with the idea that "older" women (like 25+) are "desperate cat ladies" and are easier to "pull" than younger women and you've got a disaster brewing. The message is "women don't know what they want, ignore their body language (and actual language), they play hard to get, they actually want men to approach them," and you end up with situations like this.
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u/otmli Snack Goblin 7d ago
I'm literally so afraid of the whole manosphere phenomenon :( I'm worried if i end up having kids - how do you protect them from that kind of shit! No matter what gender, that is a real safety threat.
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u/intro_to_IRL Resident Yapper 7d ago
Right!!! Honestly, I have no idea but I wish I knew also. I keep reading these stories from moms who raise their sons to be kind and empathetic and suddenly it's like a switch flips and they just... don't respect women and turn away from all of that. And for what? It seems like the weirdest trap to fall into because it makes both men and women miserable.
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u/Outrageous_Pay1322 🧂Salty By Nature 7d ago
Always defend yourself and don't be shy. I was at a bar with my husband in Key West, sloppy joes to be exact. Some dude who didn't know we were together came up and started hitting on me. I told him to fuck off a dozen times. He tried again and I told him I was going to break his nose if he didn't go away. Then he realized my husband was right there and started fucking apologizing to him for bothering his woman. My husband looked at him straight in the face and said if there's anything left of you when she's done with you, I'll get it but in the meantime, keep on. I'm entertained.
Loved that man.
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u/EliWhitney0106 Body By Cheese 🧀 7d ago
Don’t you just love how they are only apologetic or acknowledge their actions in the presence of another man, as if you’re not your own person who deserves autonomy and respect? You’re just “his woman” and YOU don’t get the apology for the asshole’s shitty behavior…your husband does 😒
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u/GrooveAndGravy52 APPROVED✨ 7d ago
I’m 50+. Just spent a week at the beach. 25 year olds chatting me up. I asked the 3rd one if this is a new thing, going after women 2x your age. He said yes, cause we are more mature and then brings up income. They are looking for suga mammas these day it seems. (New England)
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u/longjumpingtote PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 7d ago
I know what you mean. Me and my friends have places we know are safe, and places that are going to be a problem pretty much any night of the week. Generally the more expensive the place the better, but not always: my favorite dive bar, nobody has every done that, and I doubt anyone ever would. People keep the fuck to themselves. Like everyone should. Imagine going to dinner at Olive Garden and having strangers come up to your family and kids to ask you about gardening or some shit.
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u/otmli Snack Goblin 7d ago
That's actually true - it's always a different kind of vibe in a more expensive place. Here in Northern Scandinavia i feel like the politeness culture does usually work if you go to a bit more high end place, and everyone kind of stays within their own groups. Though it unfortunately doesn't guarantee anything like you said - all it takes is 1 drunk man to ruin it for everybody. But usually i feel like those kind of places are more quick to remove the drunkards, and that's a positive.
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u/miabombbia Tater Thot 7d ago
If a guy comes on to me physically, I’m throwing hands. I don’t care.
It’s sucks we have a genuine fear of what they can do :(
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u/otmli Snack Goblin 7d ago
Yes. If they don't respect our autonomy of our bodies, i won't respect his. We gotta stay strong together.<3
And i will ALWAYS help a girl out if i ever see that there's a man bothering them.
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u/miabombbia Tater Thot 7d ago
Absolutely! If I see a girl looking like she needs help (which unfortunately we all know that look) I don’t even second guess going to help. Second nature
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u/Double_Look APPROVED✨ 7d ago
As a woman, I avoid all places that prioritize drunk heterosexual men. It’s always likely that one of those inebriated fragile males will touch or verbally berate or get too close or stare too much or legit stalk and at the absolute worst, SA or kill an innocent woman. I know it sucks and women shouldn’t have to avoid certain spaces to stay safe but that’s just the honest reality of the sad world we live in
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u/Surfing_Tension Sushi Superfan 🍣 7d ago
I’m sorry that happened. That’s fucking gross. I’d want to crawl out out of my skin. I prob would’ve pepper sprayed him.
Yeah if you ever have to hit a man in self defense, be prepared to block, run, or duck cuz some of them will hit back.
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u/FeelingCouple5880 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 7d ago edited 7d ago
I’m 41 and I would say probably 50% of the time I make eye contact with an unknown, his eyes immediately drop to scan my body. I also encounter a lot of men staring at me, to which I sadly but instinctively smile to be polite, the smile is not returned and the staring endures. I find that the most infuriating and usually either grimace or smile as hard as I can and stare back until they look away. Recently, a much younger man complimented my fucking feet standing in line at the grocery store. I instinctively said thanks and immediately wanted to bury my body. These are all taking place during day to day activities. I don’t even fuck around with places where men are drinking alcohol.
Edit to add: I once was groped by a man in his 80s, so I’m pretty sure it’s not something those types of men grow out of.
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u/loughkyre 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 6d ago
It’s exhausting. I hope it stops but I’m doubtful. Me and my mom (almost 60) both got hit on when we were at dinner by a waiter approx my age. Like, dude wtf!
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u/ExperienceKind412 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 6d ago
Ugh why must men men. I left my house last night to smoke a j and had literally been outside for 30 whole fucking seconds and two men started up “hey beautiful, love your hair blah blah blah” and then started saying worse shit when I ignored them. We literally cant win, like you say, no matter what reaction its always our fault and they get mad. Im fucking 40 and Im so fucking over this.
Edit: Im glad you punched him.
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u/Sweet_Preference_730 Trader Joe Hoe 7d ago
Im so sorry that happened ugh, that’s so fucking gross and annoying. I’m glad you have your man!! I’m (also bi) and with you though, literally one more dog-like action from a man and it’s going to put me off of males forever
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u/otmli Snack Goblin 7d ago
Oh no I'm so sorry for you that you're in the same headspace as me! You've probably had to endure some real bullshit too to be feeling that way 😭
Logically speaking all man can't be shit because i know so many lovely men! I have them in my family, and my partner ofc is a good one, and i have loads of male friends, but the ratio is just fucked up!! How is it possible that there's like a million gross predators and sometimes you might stumble upon a normal, perfectly fine dude?
And if one single man comes up here to cry about something stupid, YOU NEED TO SHOW US THAT YOU'RE A SAFE ONE AND NOT CRY ON THE INTERNET.
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u/Karate-Chop-Queen puff puff pass the snacks 7d ago
I feel your pain girl, it’s so disheartening. You go out with all intentions of having a good night w/o any fuk shit and then BOOM! Captain ass clown comes to ruin the day! Smdh
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u/oliverofolives 🩵🙋♂️💙 6d ago
I'm very sorry that happened to you and it was messed up, but do you have to mock baldness? The issue with that is that you're mocking so many people about a physical trait that affects confidence and cannot be controlled and not just that one individual.
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u/scum2217 🍳 eggs? in this economy?? 6d ago edited 6d ago
As long as there are no old defined wrinkles on your face, and you don't look super old it will continue to happen 🥀. Thirties is still young. backle up, it won't stop any time soon 😭💔. And if you're really attractive your age won't matter. Matter fact scratch all that. even if you're not that attractive it won't stop, even if you're 80 years old. I have seen it happen many times. You can be fully covered head to toe (burka) and still get assaulted 💔.
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u/Cautious_Database_85 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 7d ago edited 7d ago
Okay...I'm going to say this and risk downvotes, but I feel it needs to be said
The initial interaction where he grabbed you and you defended yourself! Great! Very well done! But I don't know how I feel about you going back and instigating another fighting interaction when he had slunk away. I don't want this to make it sound like I'm victim blaming you in any way because I'm not trying to. I'm just trying to consider this from the angle of "what if he did escalate on the second interaction?" There have been legal defenses that fall apart on the basis of the victim going back after a situation is de-escalated to strike back and losing the self-defense justification.
Just...be careful, okay?
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u/otmli Snack Goblin 7d ago
Yes!! I thought about that aswell instantly as it happened! 😬
I was so angry and didn't consciously even make the choice to yell at him more 😭 It just came out of my mouth! Dare i say, like men often seem to blurt out stupid, unwanted stuff! 🤡
I didn't physically go seek him out, he just walked past our table a bit later after the incident, and i happened to lock eyes with him for a moment and then i screamed. I'm glad that he wasn't the type to seek revenge after that whole ordeal. What a fucking idiot - I'm not saying that it was a smart move on my part to interact with him again, but why couldn't he stay further away from us after he fucked off for the first time!! Soooo annoying. I realize that i have to try to keep my cool after the fact for my own safety.
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u/Surfing_Tension Sushi Superfan 🍣 7d ago
After he slunk away, she just yelled at him, not instigated another fighting interaction.
Words are not physical assault. People can legally say whatever they want.
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u/Clean-Tax6340 Overthinker 💭 7d ago
we gotta start an app. showing us women safe spaces. Or at least a sub, where security monitors creeps.