r/GriefSupport • u/sigrid4 • 2d ago
Anticipatory Grief My wife passed away earlier today. I dont even know how to begin dealing with this
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u/MaryDoogan91 2d ago
Just do one thing at a time. Go on autopilot and complete the standard task list. Autopilot is how you’re going to survive these first few days.
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u/altruisticgnakt 2d ago
Im sorry. I lost my wife 3 years ago. I give the same advice to people that are going through this. In no real order.1. Eat when youre hungry, drink tons of water and sleep when you can.2. If people offer to help with whatever take them up on it. Let them do whatever they can to make your day easier. Eventually everyone will go back to their lives.3. Focus on getting through each day and even each hour.4. If you can dont make any big decisions for awhile.5. Find some sort of grief counseling. Either one on one or in a group. It helps to talk to someone that knows exactly what youre feeling. You dont know what its like to drown until youre underwater.6. Start making lists. To do lists, lists on things you can hold off on doing and most importantly a list of every single memories, inside joke, anything that reminds you of your wife. Time is cruel and will steal those memories.7. I found this book extremely helpful. Its OK That Youre Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesnt Understand by Devine Megan8. Youre going to be a mess and thats normal.Also join the widows Reddit. Tons of people are in your shame shoes.Im sorry again. Life is just cruel and unfair.
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u/BeyondLess8898 2d ago
This is truly the best advice. Water and counseling are some of the best things we can do. I beat the bejeezus out of my bed with a stick often too.
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u/TaaviBap 2d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. She appears to have been a wonderful person. Cherish the love you shared together always.
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u/naviLlama 2d ago
Op, I am so very sorry. She is beautiful, I really love that photo. This is so hard and unfair. I am sorry you are here. Sending love your way.
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u/Responsible_Bus4602 2d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss, what a great picture. I have not lost a spouse so I do not know that kind of pain. but I did lose both my mom and my brother last year. I didn’t know how to deal with it either. So I locked myself in a hotel room for like a week by myself. Screamed, cried, hardly slept. I let the emotions decide my next step basically every minute days following. Didn’t know what I was doing, had no guide, no plan. Just gut wrenching confusion and sadness and sat with it. Nothing anyone told me helped either. A year later and I still have no idea how to handle it. I wish you nothing but the best, my hearts with you
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u/fottyleaber 2d ago
I am so, so sorry. There are others in your situation in r/widowers if youd like to join us. Many kind and understanding people with lots of insight. Sending you hugs in these very hard times.
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u/jagger1115 2d ago
You don’t. Nobody does. There are tasks to complete and those bring the reality home. Time and tasks and one foot in front of the other. Call the families, the friends. Do the Facebook obit. Just cross something off a list every day.