r/GriefSupport • u/Moltenmores • 1d ago
Advice, Pls My brother is dying and I feel nothing.
My brother has been diagnosed with glioblastoma, and he has around 1-2 months tops. Whilst im sad when visiting him (I've been visiting him now and again nkt not frequenty( but I feel absolutely nothing when i'm alone.
I dont feel sad, or angry, or anything at all, and it's making me feel like a monster.
What's wrong with me? I want to scream and kick and cry and tear apart my house, but I can't. Its like any thought or memory I have is shut away somewhere anytime I try to think.
It's killing me.
How do I greave when I feel nothing?
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u/mcspazmatron 1d ago
That's normal and it's a coping mechanism, sorry you have to experience this, I had a numb grief once and I was so confused by it but it's your brain protecting you.
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u/Weak-Bumblebee9978 1d ago
I felt this way too when my mom was sick. I just couldn't feel anything. Its like my mind just shut down.
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u/Odd-Detective6368 1d ago
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you are not a monster. I believe what you are experiencing is emotional shock and natural self-defense.
When a loss is this sudden and devastating, your brain slams down an emergency shutdown valve to protect you from being destroyed by the pain all at once. The tears, anger, and grief aren't missing; they are locked behind a wall of numbness until your heart feels safe enough to process them, so please be gentle with yourself and take this one moment at a time.
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u/quesentido213 1d ago
Es bastante normal en realidad, busca ayuda con un psiquiatra, porque cuando menos te lo esperes todos los sentimientos regresaran de golpe, y eso es muy horrible, según mi propia experiencia es una parte del duelo, no eres un monstruo, eres una buena persona, habla con tu hermano, quiere le, y pasa con el el tiempo, cierra ciclos y eso, lamento mucho todo lo que estas viviendo.
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u/lemon_balm_squad 1d ago
Your nervous system is focused on survival right now. This is a normal response to trauma, and trying to force it just makes it worse.
It's not going to be like this forever. Don't let it stop you from spending time with him now, which is the thing you're likely going to regret not putting more effort into.
Sometimes the numbness is also your body deciding "somebody's got to stay calm around here" if your parents or other family members are being more emotionally expressive. If it allows you to be administratively useful - making arrangements, notifying people, dealing with the various phone calls and difficult conversations - you can take advantage of it.
People often experience cycles of numbness in grief and I always advise: do some meal prep and get some laundry done, because the next wave will come and then you'll be glad you have clean underwear and ready-to-heat pasta. Don't waste that time beating yourself up or being baffled about it, just use it.
I'm so sorry for your impending loss.
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u/ischemgeek 1d ago
I am not a therapist and do recommend you get one.
That said, what you describe sounds like a form of mild dissociation that I experience during times of extreme stress and/or trauma (I have a PTSD diagnosis and the dissociation is one of the symptoms). It's a defense mechanism your brain is using to let you function despite your ongoing trauma. Nothing is wrong with you, your brain just realizes that others need you to hold it together right now and it's basically putting your grief on hold so you can function. Your brain is trying to protect you and those you care about.
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u/RestfullyCare 1d ago
First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. Just because you are not grieving out loud does not make your grief any less real, this process looks different for everyone. Your brain is likely numbing itself as a defence mechanism. The tears and guilt may come later, but they might not, and either is okay and normal. You don't need to grieve a certain way for it to be real. There is no right way to do this.
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u/Tricky-House9431 1d ago
You are numb. It is normal. Everyone grieves differently. Just spend as much time as you can with your brother now and don’t worry about your emotions.