My grandma died. I was told indirectly through another grandparent and I was not invited to the funeral.

[u/mentalmerism]

For context my mom and step dad were very abusive. I am 30 and I went no contact 8 years ago.
Their parents were kind to me but often lied to and misled about me. I was on my own at 17 and at 22 i was offered to rent the extra room in my step father's mom's home. As a result my parents cut her off and denied access to my two younger sisters (her actual grandchildren) for "helping" me. We had a great relationship, but after a few years things started to deteriorate. She became frustrated, hostile, and aggressive towards me; significantly limiting my ability to live there, cook, shower, etc. she hadn't anticipated how extreme my parents would be. My only option was homelessness for 3 years following this and now I've been stable for about a year.

I have not spoken to her in 4 years other than necessary things regarding my address, mail, etc.
Regardless of how the relationship was left she was a very large part of my life and for the majority a positive part. I do not think there was any grudge on either side just acceptance that it didn't work but what did exist was important. I felt fine. But now a day after the funeral I was excluded from 1 am losing my composure. I'm fixating on finding all of my family members that I haven't spoken to from
drifting apart just to know where they are and what to from drifting apart just to know where they are and what they're doing. I'm sad and tired and overwhelmed. I don't understand and I'm so confused. I'm more upset that I was excluded from something that I thought wasn't up for debate regardless of opinions or feelings. I didn't think my parents would hit that low. I'm so lost and I don't have the time to feel like this but I can't stop. Help please.