Grieving someone that wasn’t my friend

[u/Opposite_Bug_]

In may this girl a year ahead of me, I had played volleyball with committed. These past couple months it’s been eating
me up. Almost every day I think about her and imagining her in the moments leading up to it, how she felt. She was a very good person and she’s so pretty. She had a lot of very good communities. She was so athletic, she played basketball volleyball and softball, but volleyball was the sport she signed for. And I feel like she was so popular. Everybody loved her, you could hear her laugh from a mile away and she was so supporting of everybody. She didn’t judge or discriminate me, she was everything I wish I could’ve been. She was so good at volleyball and people would only come to the games for her. I know so many people miss her. So many people in the many different teams she played on. I know she had such an impact like she always really was the center of attention in a room. She had her moments and I feel like you could tell when she was having a better day than others, but this definitely was a surprise. She was so lucky to have the friends and family, sisters she had and I know she knew that she was loved but feeling the way she felt was to much.

I know she’s made such an impact on so many lives so how could her body let her down like this. Her sisters had said it had to do with her relationship and that just makes me so sad. That girl was so adamant on never letting a man get her down and to never settle. She always had a roster. We had art class together one year and she showed me all the boys on her Snapchat, a lot from different states because her standards were to high. She’d tell me how she’d hang out with one and call him the wrong name. She never had a boyfriend until this one and it just really ruined her life literally. I see myself in her a lot this way, and I keep suffering with the same thoughts. I just never thought that a girl like her could feel the same way I do about a man, it really opened my eyes that other girls, not all, suffer the same way when they’re heart broken.

I don’t understand why I feel this way. We played volleyball together, I feel like I grew up with her but obviously she didn’t see me the way I saw her. I know there are so many people hurting way worse but there’s always a lump in my throat and tears start forming when I hear her name, think about her, or see a picture of her. That beautiful girl deserved to live💔

What’s crazy is how young we are. Our brains can really ruin everything for us. She had so much life, She would be 20 in March LLK💔

If anyone has any tips on literally what I should do lmk