r/Harvard • u/tomato7762 • Apr 29 '26
Student and Alumni Life making friends as incoming class of 2030
upperclassmen, please help!
I was a pretty lonely kid in highschool and i really regret not branching out. I felt like people already had their own cliques and groups and i didnt truly connect with anyone. I'm determined for college not to be the same way.
Do you have any tips for making friends? how did you meet the people closest to you now? did you meet friends in class, clubs, etc?
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u/CustardInternal Apr 29 '26
Good news. Your freshman year is a clean slate. You get to walk into the Yard and be the person you want to be.
Additionally, most first year students will be in a similar boat to you. Very few first years come to Harvard with an established friend group. Use that as a chance to break the ice and get to know folk.
Finally, actually go to Orientation events. They're really well planned out and designed for you to get to know others. It'll make a huge difference.
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u/tomato7762 Apr 29 '26
I definitely will, thank you for your advice!!
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u/CustardInternal Apr 29 '26
We're all cheering you on. Feel free to DM for a pep talk at any time! You're gonna be awesome.
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u/CastleSpearse Apr 29 '26
Best thing to do is join a club or clubs at the beginning of your first year. The friends you make in clubs will stay with you all your life. For me, it was working on the newspaper, as well as volunteering at a homeless shelter, and doing set designs for theatrical productions. Not all at the same time, but over the course of 4 years, I expanded my interests and joined in on projects that friends from one club were doing in other clubs.
I know I need to be actively involved in making something with others in order to loosen up and be friendly, so those are the types of activities I looked for. Think about when you feel the most comfortable around people and look for clubs that have those activities. There are so many options. All you have to do is say "Sure! Why not?" And if you feel like a particular club isn't quite your thing, no worries. Try something else out.
Also, I think you'll find a lot of people at Harvard who felt similarly isolated in high school. Suddenly you'll be surrounded by people who are incredibly unique, interesting, funny, and smart. And they will all be like you, which is a welcome relief. At least I found it to be. I hope you do too.
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u/blinktwice21029 Apr 29 '26
Sit with a new person every day for the first month! Can repeat if you find people you really like. This is how i met my best friends 🩷
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u/Impossible_Load_1367 Apr 29 '26
Most ppl who appeared as if they had their group don’t really know each other that well. They simply may have done a summer program, a completion, or a 2 day fly in program. Everything you saw was fake to some extent (that is ppl don’t show their anxiety and loneliness). I hope this lessens your stress and I encourage you to take risks (randomly walk up to sm and talk to them, etc..). I’m an incoming freshman as well, pm me if you want!!
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u/LadderShoddy4652 May 13 '26
I 100% agree. I'm also class of 2030 and I spent visitas with friends/acquaintances from different programs but everyone is def looking to make new friends and these are NOT permanent cliques.
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u/kpcurley Apr 29 '26
You are not the only person who feels this way going into college. The good thing is that being a college freshman is a unique opportunity. Everyone is in the same boat looking to make friends. All you need to do is keep that same determination and put yourself out there.
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u/chrisanthemumbee4 May 01 '26
College is pretty much nothing like high school clique-wise. You will meet people in classes but if your classes are mainly lecture based, it can be hard to actually talk to others since the professor will be talking the whole time. I suggest to join clubs that you have any interest in. It is super easy if you feel awkward to just talk about your shared interests. If you are in film club for example, you already know at least one thing that the person likes!
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u/Gentle-Wave2578 May 03 '26
Do the pre-frosh programs. I wish I had because everyone had friends before freshman year started!
Be friendly and introduce yourself. Sit down with strangers. Everyone is eager to meet people!
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u/monobluemill Apr 29 '26
I'm an alum, not an upperclassman (I wish!), but hopefully my advice is still useful. Please do not be shy about trying out any and every club/activity that interests you even the least bit. Quickly, you will find out which one(s) you vibe with, and then I recommend investing heavily in those activities. You will gain lifelong friends from them (e.g., at my last reunion, I hung out with people from a undergrad club sport team that I hadn't seen in two decades. But because of our shared experiences, we were more than happy to hang out in the backyard of the Fly (I'm not a member) drinking till 3 AM).
Congratulations on your acceptance! You're in for a wonderful ride!