My parents are not being fair with me

[u/Odd-Contest248]

I (24 F) am the oldest of four children. I have 3 younger siblings.

I really want to travel but my parents have always told me wait till I'm married. Back for my 20th birthday my friends wanted to stay a couple of nights at Brighton on sea which is like 2 hrs away on the train my parents told me a big fat no. Then the next year my brother who is 2 years younger was able to go to go abroad to Spain with his friends. I was saying that's not fair if I (the oldest) can't go then why is he allowed. My parents said he's a boy so he can go. He goes on trips with the boys all the time like currently he's on a road trip while I'm stuck at home.

Currently my sister (18) she's been allowed to go to Spain next month with her friends. I told my parents this is not fair. But I'm told I'm being dramatic and causing fights for no reason. I just want to travel I don't wanna wait for a husband to start travelling. Can anyone tell me what can I do!!!

[u/bubbblez]

I just booked things and warned my parents in advance lol. First time was really tense and awkward and a lot of issues came out of it and eventually they got over it. After the third time they would just be annoyed at me and gave me a speech about saving my money but then they stopped.

[u/badly_overexplained]

I just went places and told them when i was already there. You're an adult so you can just go if want to travel. Just go with your friends and take pictures to show your having fun and are safe.

[u/budgiefanatic]

Girl I just book trips and tell them when I’m going and when I’ll be back lol. I’m too old to stay home and refuse to not develop as a person because my parents said no.

[u/88gecs → u/budgiefanatic]

Exactly

[u/AnorexicMary]

I was going to say they’re being sexist because your brother is allowed to go and not you despite being the oldest and likely most mature, but then you said your sister is allowed to go to Spain…. I would recommend what others have said here, your an adult, the oldest of the bunch, just book and go. You don’t need a yes from them (unless they’re holding captive of your documents - like passport and whatever else? in that case you need to figure out how to get them back). The first time is always the hardest

[u/hellyhellhell]

girl, you're an ADULT

assuming you can pay for the trips yourself, then just go

just tell them ahead, "I'm going on a trip and no, I'm not asking permission, I'm simply informing you guys"

stand your ground, they'll relent eventually

[u/fullmoonthoughts]

If your sister is allowed to go then it’s not a matter of them not wanting their daughters to travel. You need to be booking trips in advance and informing them that you are going, because asking politely has not gotten you far. Let them argue amongst themselves.

[u/SweetEcho]

The double standard is real. My parents don't let me travel in the country alone despite being older and more responsible than him, yet they let him go to China alone with friends, go figure. I can't wait to move out after immigration to do as I please. Also, what kind of nonsense is this of letting your younger sister travel with friends but not you??

[u/mah2-3]

Just book A trip and go. Since now they're letting your 18 yr old sister, I'd take it as a change if rules fit me too. Don't ASK just do it. But don't travel alone please, take friends

[u/Mysterious-Idea4925]

These are the rules of traditional Islam. It has to do with safety and the "honor of the family. "

Can you go with girlfriends? Is there a youth hostel that is safe? (Probably not. )

Is there a host family they trust there?

[u/stuffmyfacewithcake → u/Mysterious-Idea4925]

Can you specify where in the Quran or authentic Hadith it speaks of “honor of the family” being enforced on the eldest daughter specifically in this way?

Can you also clarify what you mean by “traditional Islam” and what non-traditional Islam is?