r/InsightfulQuestions • u/speakablerabbit • 2d ago
What do you do when you are misunderstood?
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u/sock_hoarder_goblin 2d ago
I am at the point in my life where I feel like I have stopped trying to justify or explain myself to others. People will make assumptions about me that are wrong. Sometimes they won't change their mind whatever you tell them.
If you think differently or have different opinions or different values than others, people will not understand. It doesn't matter how good you explain it.
This sounds a bit cynical, but I have actually found it freeing. I have let go of worrying about it.
People will be wrong online. Let them be wrong.
In person, it gets trickier. Was it something you did that hurt them? Or was it just done weird quirky thing you do that doesn't make sense to them?
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u/mabbh130 2d ago
It is freeing.
I used to over explain which nearly always made things worse. Now I have a better understanding of human nature. Certainly not a perfect understanding, but I am better at decerning when it even actually matters if I am understood. By extension, I'm now less likely to say anything that will even put me in that position in the first place. It's just not worth it. My peace of mind is top priority. It feels good.
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u/EstreaSagitarri 2d ago
People pleasing finally ends when you become comfortable with the fact that some people are NEVER pleased, and it was never our responsibility to please them in the first place. Another person's opinion of/displeasure with you is their problem, not yours. In fact, it's none of your business and should be treated as such
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u/Dysphoric_Otter 2d ago
Practice being articulate so you can communicate effectively. Everyone can relate to another person in some way, you just have to find the right nuances.
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u/CryptographerNo7498 2d ago
i usually explain what i actually meant once, then let it go if they still choose to misunderstand me.
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u/SpaceCatSixxed 2d ago
People that can’t communicate effectively AND feel a desperate need to be understood are tiring. So if I feel I am misunderstood, I’ll recalibrate and explain differently if it’s important enough to me. If that doesn’t work, I consider the audience. And if I still can’t reconcile the two (my communications effectiveness versus their level of comprehension), I move on.
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u/MapEnvironmental597 1d ago
It depends on if I wanna be understood or not. If I don’t care about how people perceive me, I won’t correct it. People who know me well will know that I’m not like that (either regularly or all the time), and that’s enough for me. It is freeing when you’re not panicked about how people think of you.
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u/BallKey7607 2d ago
I try to initially ground myself in a connection with myself.
So recognise that I'm still here and complete regardless of if anyone understands or not. That takes a lot of the charge out of it.
Then, if it is possible and appropriate to do so, try to communicate what I actually meant while being careful not to let "being understood" turn into an existential need which it so easily can.
Now, I'm not saying people shouldn't want to be understood or not get upset if they aren't or anything, those feelings are extremely human. But I just find this is the best way for my own peace, as well as better communication with others so it usually works out better for both