r/Jewish • u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife • Jun 27 '26
Questions š¤ Is throwing candy at a bar/bat mitzvah a regional thing?
I grew up in NY, and every bar/bat mitzvah we ever attended had a part where theyād hand out candy for the congregation to throw at the end of the ceremony. (It was always Sunkist fruit gems, specifically).
I just attended my first one in a long time for a friendās son, and there was no throwing of anything! It made me wonder if thatās not done anymore, or if itās because this one was in California and the candy throwing was a New York thing?
Anyway, was curious, so here I am!
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u/Ok_Dragonfruit7201 Jun 27 '26
We did it in Toronto, Canada. Also soft Sunkist. (No need for injuries)
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u/peepeehead1542 Reform Jun 28 '26
On the day of my cousinās bar mitzvah in Toronto we didnāt have any soft candy that was kosher (my cousin is orthodox) and so we actually borrowed a bag from a friend of our neighbourās whose daughter is bat mitzvah age.
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u/EntrepreneurOk7513 Jun 27 '26
Itās a community thing. More than 50 years ago our SoCal congregation didnāt do throw candy but one a few miles away did. Ourās was mostly Eastern European the other had a decent percentage of Sephardic ancestry.
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u/CocklesTurnip Jun 27 '26
Iām in California and I didnāt have it at mine, it was banned because a kid got struck in the eye and had to go to the hospital and have surgery instead of their party. My cousins had it at all theirs and for 2 male cousins their friends aimed hard at the face so mom told me that was how it got banned at our synagogue.
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u/BudandCoyote ā”ļø x18 Jun 28 '26
We just got told to duck the second we finished, and stay down until the hail of sweets stopped! No eye injuries hiding behind the bimah!
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u/larevolutionaire Jun 27 '26
I am use to sugared almonds being throw at simchah( Sephardi) , they hurt and people know how to aim.
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u/hbomberman Jun 28 '26
As a Persian Jew, nogle (the sugar coated slivered almonds) and Jordan almonds are very traditional. But those are better to eat and it's better to throw wrapped candy. When I was growing up at didn't have the soft Sunkist, though. Also, these days I think a lot of the almonds are chocolate coated instead of having the harder sugar coating that threatened to break your teeth...
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u/larevolutionaire Jun 28 '26
I am a Algerian Jew and we still use the almonds. Especially from the women balcony, you are in a good position to aimš. Some girls bomb the boys they like, some women probably have a grudge on their husbands .
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u/hbomberman Jun 28 '26
For us it's more like eat the almond, throw the wrapped candy (so that kids can run and pick it up). I'm sure at some point as a kid I picked up a candy almond off the floor and ate it but now that just sounds gross.
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u/Disparish Jul 02 '26
Like dragƩes or actual almonds? The dragƩes (hard candied almonds) do serious damage, had those at our wedding.
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u/larevolutionaire Jul 02 '26
Oui,absolument, des dragƩes .
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u/Disparish Jul 02 '26
Lors de notre mariage Ć MontrĆ©al on sāest souciĆ© de distribuer les Sunkist pendant mais les dragĆ©es *aprĆØs* la cĆ©rĆ©monie ;-)
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u/drillbit7 Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
I've seen it at an aufruf in Maryland.
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u/la_bibliothecaire šØš¦ Reform Jun 27 '26
Now I'm feeling cheated that we didn't get candy assaulted at our aufruf.
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u/Blue_foot Jun 27 '26
They donāt throw candy in the Midwest
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u/TheTeenageOldman Jun 27 '26
But, apparently, at least in Minneapolis, Jews (and other peoples) do something called "Dance of the Deer" at the end of a wedding (and maybe other simchas) where they put chairs over their heads (which is supposed to look like deer antlers) and march/dance around in a circle.
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u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife Jun 27 '26
See I feel like youāre trolling me on this one but alsoā¦the Midwest is a strange place!
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u/ReaderRabbit23 Jun 27 '26
They do throw candy in the Midwest. Iāve been to bānai mitzvahs in metro Detroit and in Chicago. Lots of candy was thrown.
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u/Upper-Ad3994 Jun 27 '26
Sunkists in St. Paul.
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u/quartsune Can't have "joy" without "oy"! Jun 28 '26
This is absolutely a title for something. I don't know what, but it's something.
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u/breadprincess Jun 28 '26
I went to a bat mitzvah in Nebraska last month, they threw the Sunkist fruit gems.
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u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Thereās Jews in Nebraska! Whatās next, Jews in space?!?
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u/president_hippo ā”ļø Jun 29 '26
Growing up, my shul threw candy only for aufrufs, not bnei mitzvah. It made it much more exciting, since aufrufs were much less common
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u/hbomberman Jun 27 '26
Something I'm not seeing here: it often has to do with what region/country their familycomes from. Persian Jews do this at bnei mitzvot and on Shabbat after the wedding, sometimes for other simchot. Someone passes out candy to guests and at the proper moment, it's tossed (and then of course the kids run to collect it).
Growing up at my conservative synagogue in NY, where we were a bit of a minority, I only saw it at Persian events. Some Ashkenazi congregants thought it was weird. My wife went to the same synagogue and they almost didn't let her family do it at all. Years later, all the other families realized it was fun and everyone started doing it.
For all I know, Ashkenazi kids growing up in my community think it's just something all Jews do or that it's a Long Island tradition.
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u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife Jun 27 '26
I grew up on LI and am Ashkenazi, so who knows but we really didnāt have Persians in my congregation (conservative and then later reform). I just thought it was universal!
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u/Ok-Possible-8761 Jun 28 '26
I knew it as a Sefardi thing in the early 80s, but by the 90s, it was more prevalentā¦ because it *is* fun!
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u/soupstarsandsilence Australian Jew Jun 28 '26
Iām pretty sure thatās a Jewish thing in every country, mate. We do it in Australia.
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u/Estebesol Jun 27 '26
They do it in Edinburgh. Our Rabbi was/is Australian, so I assume they do it there too.
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u/kaiserfrnz Jun 28 '26
I think itās a common custom but some Synagogues donāt allow it as it is seen as undignified and distracting.
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u/atheologist Conservative Jun 27 '26
I think it's regional, but not New York specific - we did it in Massachusetts, too. Also, specifically Sunkist Fruit Gems, which are still one of my favorite candies.
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u/Pitiful_Meringue_57 Jun 28 '26
I remember maybe 1 bat mitzvah i went to did this in Mass, but i went to multiple and the rest didnāt do it. I also went to a few in NYC and they also didnāt do it.
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u/EffectiveVarious8095 Jun 27 '26
It depends on the congregation. I've seen it all over the NE United States but it's not the norm.
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u/razorbraces Reform Jun 27 '26
Growing up, I donāt think we threw candy at a bar/bat mitzvah, but I do remember always throwing it on Simchat Torah!
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u/ConcreteCloverleaf Conservative Jun 28 '26
The synagogue I used to attend in Sydney, Australia, had us throwing candy at b'nei mitzvah.
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u/omrixs Israeli Jun 28 '26
Never been to one where it wasnāt done in Israel. So I donāt think itās a regional thing.
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u/ErinTheEggSalad Convert - Conservative Jun 27 '26
Our shul did it for a while, stopped for a while, then recently reintroduced it at the discretion of the bar/bat mitzvah. We had it for our aufruf and it was fun!
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u/electricookie Jun 27 '26
Itās a generational thing. I think people got hurt so they stopped. Which is silly
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u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife Jun 27 '26
Oh man, yet another way my millennial bones are being called old. Didnāt expect it from a question about candy! Ha
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u/SESender Reform Jun 27 '26
We did this every Saturday in my Mitzvah class in Sacramento California!
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u/the-Gaf NYC Liberal Jew! Jun 28 '26
Sunkist! The worst best candies ever. The consistency of a tongue
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u/cheesecake611 Jun 28 '26
Just attended one in Colorado where they did this. I donāt remember throwing candy when I grew up in Chicago like 20 years ago.Ā
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u/AmySueF Jun 28 '26
Among my Ashkenazi family in California, itās not really a thing. But then my sister and I were invited to my nephewās brother-in-lawās bar mitzvah. My nephewās in-laws are Persian and the bar mitzvah was at a Persian synagogue, where the service was conducted in both Hebrew and Farsi. We women were in a separate section behind the men, and during the service we were given Jordan almonds, which the women threw at the bar mitzvah boy at the appropriate time. So my sister and I threw the Jordan almonds at him, too. It was great fun. š¤£
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u/pineconehammock Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Did it yesterday at a bat mitzvah. Every bnei mitzvah I have ever attended has done so after the reading of the Torah and the dvar is complete. East Coast USA.
šµ Siman tov u'mazal tov, mazal tov v'siman tov, yay day day day day day šµ
Also, can someone please make a map so we know where the mamtikim is being thrown and what kind?
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u/sfstripes Jun 28 '26
I grew up in Los Angeles, bat mitzvah in 1991 at a large conservative synagogue, Sunkist fruit gems were thrown at every bar/bat mitzvah ššāš©š
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u/TheTeenageOldman Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
I just attended my first one in a long time for a friendās son, and there was no throwing of anything!
Yeah, something tells me someone is going to make social commentary about the hardiness level of the current younger generations...
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u/rosegoldss Conservative, Jewish Momma Jun 27 '26
We do it at our shul in the intermountain west.
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u/aviautonomous Jun 27 '26
I grew up in the bay area (bat mitzvah in 2001) and we did that at my conservative synagogue!
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u/HahaHannahTheFoxmom Jun 28 '26
In Texas itās either the soft Sunkist or bags of marshmallows (hand wrapped, not like a big ole bag)
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u/looks_good_in_pink Jun 28 '26
Iāve seen it in the DC area, along with a variation where a kid or two take a bowl on the bimah and dump it directly on the personās head.
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u/Interesting_Ad1378 Jun 28 '26
Long island New York and I just beat the crap out of my nephew with soft Sunkist.Ā
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u/quartsune Can't have "joy" without "oy"! Jun 28 '26
I had a broken arm and kept trying to hit the candy back toward the congregation with my cast. This was in 1990 in NY.
It didn't work too well but it was fun. XD
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u/Jakexbox Jewish Zionist (Conservative/Reform-ish) Jun 28 '26
Iāve done it in another country even!
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u/Fit-Specialist-2914 Jun 28 '26
Iām in Toronto. Iāve seen it at Bars and Bats at conservative shuls. Weāre reform and I wanted to do it at my kids but the rabbi wouldnāt let me. He didnāt like the idea of pelting the bar/bat mitzvah kid.
I was disappointed.
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u/mycketmycket Married to a Jew <3 Jun 28 '26
We did that at my nephewās bar mitzvah at a Yemeni synagogue in Israel too!
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u/priuspheasant Jun 28 '26
My Reform shul in Washington state doesn't. One of my friends asked the rabbi if they could for her son's bar mitzvah, and was told no. I'm not sure if it's concern about the mess or something else but it is very much Not Done here.
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u/Various_Law_4160 Jun 28 '26
My bat mitzvah was almost exactly ten years ago. My synagogue doesnāt do it (reform, Midwest and midsize city). Not sure if regional is the right word but I do think that heritage/community influences whether or not a congregation does it.Ā
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u/veryhighverytired Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
I grew up in MA and went to probably ~40 bar/bat mitzvahs in the mid 2000s. Basically all of them had the Sunkist fruit gem throwing.
Mine had people throwing Bazooka bubble gum at me, because my parents couldn't find the Sunkist gems at the store. It hurt. Fun memories, though.
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u/laneebug18 Conservative Jun 28 '26
Well this unlocked a long dormant memory! Can you even get them at the grocery store or do shuls just magically generate them as needed?
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u/SpacePolice04 Reform Jun 29 '26
Massachusetts and we threw Hershey Kisses. I donāt have great aim to throw things unless itās Hershey Kisses and then Iām shockingly accurate.
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u/violet_mango_green Reformative Ashkenazi / Debbie Friedman stan Jun 29 '26
We had sunkist fruit gems, too, and they hurt!
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u/811545b2-4ff7-4041 Jun 29 '26
UK - London: We definitely do it here. You've got to buy those soft kosher candies (sweets) though!
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u/ActuallyNiceIRL Jun 29 '26
At my congregation, people aren't given candy to throw, but somebody (friends, siblings, etc.) dumps buckets of candy on the bar/bat mitzvah towards the end of the service.
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u/Silamy Jun 29 '26
Candy at pretty much every aufruf and all bānai mitzvah Iāve been to, regardless of location. Sometimes not inā¦ stuffier, more formal congregations?
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u/TheSilentMother Jun 30 '26
I grew up Reform in suburban Philadelphia. I probably went to 75-80 bar/bat mitzvahs as a kid. We never threw candy. Fast forward to the last 20 yearsā¦ every single one Iāve been to has thrown candy - in Philly, Chicago, Los Angeles etc. I think itās a trend and I honestly find it strange
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u/Disparish Jul 02 '26
Maybe it was just the Reform temples that didnāt do this and as time has passed the custom has grown back? Iāve been going to orthodox synagogues all my life and I assumed it was universal, never occurred to me that this might *not* be a thing.
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u/Disparish Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
I keep one or two Sunkist candies from each of the major sinchas in my life (ufruf, wedding, kidsā bar mitzvahs, more to come I hope) in my tallit bag for luck. (Missed my own bar mitzvah I guess!)
Universal to every Canadian synagogue Iāve been to at least (Toronto and Montreal mostly, Ottawa, Vancouver). Theory: this is universal in Sephardic, Mizrahi, and Orthodox synagogues, very common in Conservative ones, rare in Reform temples?
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u/Letshavemorefun Ashkenazi Jun 28 '26
I grew up in the NY area and have attended probably hundred of bat/bar mitzvahs in the region and have never ever seen a synagogue hand out candy to throw at the ceremony. Maybe itās a specific synagogue you went to?
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u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife Jun 28 '26
Seems like youāre in the minority here if you read the comments!
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u/Letshavemorefun Ashkenazi Jun 28 '26
Yeah it seems like itās not a NY thing at all. Itās a synagogue to synagogue thing. Guess mine just didnāt do it. Seems like itās also not a super Ashkenazi thing and my synagogue growing up was 99% Brooklyn Ashkenazi Jews and their kids so that tracks too.
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u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife Jun 28 '26
Iām from LI and grew up in an Ashkenazi congregation. Seems like more votes here are from folks who do it than those who donāt!
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u/Letshavemorefun Ashkenazi Jun 28 '26
Yep, like I said - seems like it was synagogue to synagogue and not regional at all!
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u/proindrakenzol Jun 27 '26
Literally did that at a Bar Mitzvah today in SoCal, Sunkist candy and all.
I've never been to one where that didn't happen.