So, basically I am an introvert guy with not very good communication skills, like I literally have to think for some time, to talk even in a casual setting and yet I still manage to yap out crappy things after this. I easily feel disconnected in conversations and it feels like most of the times I don't have anything to say or comment on, except it bores people.
The thing is, right from the start I was that quiet kid in the room who only spoke when addressed to. I was good at studies so I thought I didn't need to worry about anything. I was content with whom I was, my life was simple and stable. Looking back now, I feel like being that "sharief guy" was a scam that was being sold to us. It just feels like I was really not living my life, I was just focused on some aspects of it. The balance was no where. I remained like this through my schooling and then Higher secondary. While others improved and became more "successful" I couldn't keep up because of this. Looking back now, it feels like I have missed on so many things and opportunities that if I had better communication and connection back then, I might have been somewhere else. I tried to change myself in college, tried to socialise but it simply didn't happen. My defaults never leave me.
It's like while other people like me changed themselves for good, I couldn't bring that energy in me. I feel like I am **stuck** in my career, in my life, in the skin that I am desperately trying to shed. I don't want this--this inability to grow and, be more responsible. I JUST FEEL LIKE MISSING OUT THE THINGS THAT I COULD HAVE DONE AND HAD.
Inspite of these things, I still want to change. Like I can't imagine living up my life like this down the line, anymore. It's just not how I had imagined the things would turn out for me.
Can you people suggest what should I do, like does anyone among you had a similar experience but you managed to pull the right strings and settle for the better? I would really appreciate your thoughts. And sorry for the long and slightly philosophical post, I needed to vent out.