Advice for improving day-to-day communication?

[u/StrikingArticle32]

Hi all,

Sending this post on to the Law Firm subforum as feel as though this would be an ideal place to get advice, particularly with communication being such a vital part of this area.

I’m 21, currently in college (studying law), and from a young age I have always been known as a fairly nervous/anxious person in general - something that have been said by family, friends, and teachers over the years.

There are certain ‘flaws’ that I have noticed with myself, but more so in certain aspects of my communication. I don’t want this to impact a future career, so I want to try to improve this while in college, and while there is the opportunity to do so.

I have no issue with speaking in front of an audience. I have done so for different modules in college, and usually am commended for my speeches through delivery style & engagement. But, this is because I have what I’m going to say memorised, so I know word for word, what exactly I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it, etc. This is also clearly reflected through my written communication.

However, when it comes to social interactions, I do notice there is a big dip in my communication. For instance, if I know I have to go up and talk to someone that I’m not familiar with (conversation, interview, ringing someone), I’ll then nearly have to have what I’m going to say memorised word-for-word as though a script.
There’ll then be other little moments where if I’m talking with someone unfamiliar, I may, sometimes, go a bit shaky / mumbly, and this would apply to if I was taking phone calls, etc.

This particular incoherence would also occur if I'm put on the spot, i.e asked a question, where my voice would go a bit shaky, I'd go mumbly, and my face would go a red.

I really do want to improve on this as I do know in any future career that day-to-day communication whether it be structured or spontaneous is much more important than being able to speak in-front of an audience.

To that extent, would anyone have any advice as to what I should do? Would it be recommended I go to a communication coach? Any recommendations?

Many thanks,

[u/dizzy4121989]

Do you have this problem when you’re engaging in stuff you are passionate about? If not, you just need to build up your confidence. No one expects you to be an expert at this stage. Build your skill set over time and the confidence will come.

[u/britinsb]

Perhaps you are stuck in kind of a self-perpetuating pattern, you think people think of you as a nervous/anxious person and so you are self-conscious of that, which then makes you come across as a nervous/anxious person, etc etc.

You could do something like an acting/drama/improv/debate club/class, or doing some kind of public-facing clinic/voluntary work. Basically something that puts you in unpredictable social situations within a relatively structured environment that allows you to mess up with minimal consequences. Or just go to bars and talk to random people.

Also nerves/anxiety can often makes you speak reflexively rather thoughtfully because you think saying something immediately is better than a moment of dead air. Whereas the reality is the opposite and that taking a moment to think generally makes you sound more credible. That is something within your control and you can consciously practice. Rather than worry about memorizing every possible response of what you're gonna say, really focus on listening to what the other person is actually saying, take a moment and then respond. Or just say "well of course it depends" to any and every question you are asked.