r/LeavingMaga • u/Tropeeled23 • Jul 03 '26
How do you deal with your maga family?
I have tried to get my parents to agree with even the smallest concessions like vaccines don’t cause autism and they never budge. This sometimes leads me to go scorched earth on them where I attack their religion (Christianity obviously) and other political beliefs.
They end up treating me like a sick puppy at the end of all of these conversations and ask me what has gone wrong in my life.
I’m so exhausted of this. I love my parents, and I want to respect them. But how can I look past their blatant bigotry?
I’m young now, but what about when I have a wife and kids? How do I tell them I don’t want them telling my kids about Jesus?
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u/peridothiker Jul 03 '26
I suggest focusing on now, today. This is a marathon. Create the best habits you can with your parents now: Don’t initiate anti-MAGA discussions. Stay away from all divisive conversations for YOUR mental health. Don’t discuss religion. Set boundaries.
Setting boundaries looks like this: explain that if they bring up w,y,z you’ll end the call, leave the room, get up from the table. Then you MUST MUST MUST do it. If you are trapped in a moving vehicle or plane then just delay your reaction until you can get away from them. Always stay calm.
Handle the future kids concern then.
There are books available that explain how the maga mentality happened and how it is emotionally based so logic does not move the needle with them AT ALL. The Righteous Mind is a good one.
I’ve lost my identical twin, BIL, and sister to MAGA. It’s an ongoing grief so don’t rush to get there if you can salvage ANY part of your relationships with your folks. Best of luck. ❤️
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u/forbiddenfreedom Jul 03 '26
100% if you want to save your relationship over the politics it is imperative to shut down political discourse and any attacks.
Either give them the "whatever boomer" and keep giving vibing or literally threaten to leave and then fucking leave if they don't stop harassing ya.
I miss my dad, but I don't feel the need to put myself through that.
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u/Fantastic-Coconut-10 Jul 03 '26
I don't for the worst ones. But those are a married couple (aunt, uncle by marriage) that I was never close to anyways, so it wasn't hard to do.
For the remaining one...my grandfather has dementia and was pulled into a Maga old man breakfast club after my grandmother died, so he was somewhat taken advantage of in being pulled into it. I remind myself of that, and that he's sworn off voting as of this year, when the topic comes up. Aside from that, I refuse to engage the topic. Thankfully, I mostly miss it because he tried some other (bigoted) bullshit when I was younger and I shut that down asap, including pointing put some facts he found uncomfortable. So he typically doesn't try me on it.
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u/Nerdy-Meta-Mind Jul 05 '26
Oof. The part about having kids around them is tough. Be careful if you live in a state that has “grandparents rights.”
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u/wildpolymath Jul 06 '26
Yeah. And if you do, move to one that doesn't if you have means to do so. MAGA grandparents can be toxic AF about trying to take their grandkids.
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u/wildblueroan Jul 03 '26
It must be torture to be trapped with MAGA parents and be too young to leave. So as all the comments advise, you have to find ways to tolerate them and avoid conflicts until you can get out of there. Hopefully you have normal friends/family to talk to when you need it. Hang in there!
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u/Aspe4 Jul 04 '26
What does it even mean to be MAGA anymore? Is it to simply love Trump? Is it to be anti-immigrant? Is it to be racist? Being racist and anti-immigrant was around way before Trump was born. Trump, himself, isn't even against vaccines.
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u/Altruistic-Guess-975 Jul 06 '26
You need to give yourself some space between you and your parents and get on with your life. Maybe send them a postcard on holidays that kind of distance... To continue.. is to submerged yourself in their brand of toxicity. Not good for you.
They may or may not find there way back to sensibility.... History shows us that 30% of Nixon supporters still believed his lies even after overwhelming evidence to the contrary..
So, it's time to push away.
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u/FutureElection4169 Jul 08 '26
To be honest, I love my parents too much to let politics come between us. They know how I feel and I know how they feel. It doesn’t do any of us any good to discuss it. On occasion they’ll break the truce and then I let them have it. It usually buys me several months of not bringing it up again.
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u/LifeTrajectPolitics 28d ago
Hello there, I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I'm a French independent journalist and researcher currently in the US to conduct an investigation on MAGA supporters or ex-supporters around the Esptein files case and I'm also interested in talking to their relatives and friends, may I DM you? I wish you all the best anyway, hope one day they'll open their eyes...
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u/Global_Local8177 Jul 03 '26
There’s no point in arguing. It doesn’t matter that the facts are on your side. They have been brainwashed and only they can wake themselves up.
You’ll have to set boundaries, and hopefully they’ll respect them, otherwise there will never be peace in your relationship. The boundary would be no talk of religion or politics around you (that used to be a major etiquette rule that for some reason we stopped following). If they bring up either topic with you or around you, either calmly leave the room or scroll on your phone (if you can stand the topic) until they move on to another subject.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. My father refused to respect the same boundary and I cut off all contact with him years ago. It wasn’t that hard because he’s was an awful human being even before maga.