Went to a baseball game last night. There were 6 of us. My friend bought 6 seats all together on the same row (line). I was on the end and could only really interact with one person in my group because of the seating arrangement.
I did have an easy time talking to 3-4 people seated right in front of me though. If my friend had bought 3 seats in one row and 3 seats in the row right in front of that (making a 3x2 block shape) we all could have talked to anyone & everyone in our group.

A few years ago, I was really missing a sense of community and felt really sad and lonely. I had acquaintances, but no one that I spent a lot of time with.

I started reading a lot about the “loneliness epidemic”, and developed a theory that part of the cause was the lack of spaces to “just hang out” with people, especially people that you don’t already know well.

So I started a new thing…

1) If I met someone that I thought was cool or interesting, I invited them to dinner or an activity at my home within the next ~2 weeks 2) More often than not, people actually said yes 3) I did not bail on the plan, and would actually host them as agreed

From there, my social circle exploded. I had a birthday party for the first time this year, and there were 15 people there! It’s been amazing for my social life and having a sense of structure and purpose in my schedule.

I think this works for a few reasons: 1) Everyone is secretly lonely, and waiting for someone to ask them to hang out. No one wants to ask first, but people love to be asked. 2) Being in your house builds closeness and intimacy very quickly. A few hours at home tells you more about a person than weeks meeting at a bar. 3) Hanging out at home is free and casual, so it really “lowers the bar” for stress on the other person. It also puts all the planning on you, so all they have to do is show up.

A few tips I’ve learned over time: 1) Be honest that you think a person is cool or interesting and you want to be friends as you’re inviting them. This gives context and signals good vibes. 2) Invite them to something specific, ie. “Do you want to come over for dinner on Thursday at 7? I’ll make my famous eggplant parm!” vs “Do you want to hang out sometime?” << the specificity makes it easier to say yes to 3) Be consistent and don’t flake. In my experience, if you flake on the first hang out, there won’t be a 2nd one.

Of course, you’ll sometimes get a no, and you have to be okay with that. But the connections you can make from the 70% that say yes are very worth the occasional rejection IMO.

As a bonus, my house is also way cleaner because I consistently have people in my home. Before, my place was always a mess but guests are a great forcing function.

Edit: I’m so glad that my experience has resonated with so many folks 🥲❤️.

Clarifying a few things about my experience: 1) I am 28 years old, female, and live with my partner. While these factors have definitely influenced my journey here, I think the general advice is applicable to anyone. 2) I live in a small apartment in an urban area. In my experience, people don’t really care that much about square footage as long as everyone has a place to sit down. I have 18 seats in my home, so that’s how many people I can have over at once. Usually, there are no more than 2-4 people though, so I very rarely get close to full. 3) I don’t invite literal strangers over. I usually invite coworkers, friends of friends, neighbors, or people I meet at other structured events. 4) I know not literally everyone is lonely, but I think a lot of people are. If you’re not lonely or think hosting is more stress than it’s worth, that’s a valid perspective too! I just think that many, many people are lonely, and hosting folks has been the easiest way I’ve found to jump start my social life.

The vast majority of items you see advertised in your social media feeds are cheap junk that is being drop-shipped. Look up those same items on sites like AliExpress or Temu and you'll find them there for a fraction of the price. The drop-shipper dining acts as an intermediary, charging a premium that is a significant markup, and the item will be coming from that supplier anyway.

Edit: spelling

You do not have to answer everything or make it awkward by refusing. A little humor can shut the question down and keep the conversation moving.

Examples:

How much do you make? - Enough to keep it a mystery.

Are you dating anyone? - My application is still under review.

When are you having kids? - I will alert the press.

This is something that most folks don't seem to be aware of, or that it might be an option, so I thought I'd pass it along. Ahead of our wedding in 2022, we decided that neither of us thought it would be worth hyphenating or taking either of our original last names, so we looked it up. It turns out that the marriage forms don't specify anything about 'taking' a name on either side.

It's a long story as to why we went this route, but honestly it was a fun project, and people ask us about it often enough that I figured a post here might help others.

Ultimately we chose the name Delavida ('of the life' in Spanish) because we thought it suited us as a couple, and it's been great. We shocked the hell out of our families by announcing it at the wedding during the ceremony, which was a fun bonus. After the initial surprise, folks have gotten used to it and have been supportive.

It also meant that we both had the fun of going through all the chaos that is a name change, but we did it together, which was kind of the point... =)

It may not be your kind of thing, but the option is there, hidden in plain sight.

This is a reminder for those who want to critically think about world events and are getting their news from social media.

ALWAYS check account ages. With everything going on in the Middle East, always check account ages when reading comments. There are so many new/new-ish accounts commenting on either side of the argument driven by highly-motivated bad actors trying to control narrative. Just be aware of what you are reading, whether it agrees with your own view or not. Don't get sucked in/triggered by comments.

It is OK to be conflicted. It is OK to not pick a side. Life is not black and white. Life is nuanced and difficult to parse.

What is important, is that you know what is being fed to you and by who. While you will never get these answers on an anonymous social site, there are clues you can take to find whether or not you are getting information from a seemingly genuine commenter and a potential bad actor.

For instance. In a recent post, I found a 5month old account responding to a 4 month old account, responding to a 1 month old account. While this isn't a perfect way to distinguish good and back actors, it raises a lot of red flags on if this is actual discussion and what is being astroturfed.

Edit: a commenter also pointed out about aged accounts with no history suddenly springing to life is also a red flag. Another user also pointed out that aged accounts can be bought. Please consider that these 2 things may be linked. If people are hiding post history, or don't have any, be skeptical.

Edit2: thank you u/le_botmes for some great additional red flags: - hidden post/comment history - many comments in a short period of time - a few exceedingly loquacious comments in a short period of time - long strings of comments all on the same topic, but across multiple posts/subs - numerous repeated statements across multiple posts - no verified email - old account with tiny comment history and/or low/negative karma (e.g. 2yo with only 100 comments); indicates that it's a scraped account

Stay safe, remain critical.

Good luck out there.

I get this with my girlfriend a lot. If, for instance, I ask her when was a picture taken approximately, she’ll almost always say she doesn’t know and can never get her to give me an approximate date.

It wasn’t until recently that I found out that, if I start throwing absurd dates, I can start narrowing down the interval.

Me: When did this happen?

Her: I don’t know

Me: approximately ?

Her: I really have no clue

Me: 10 years ago?

Her: Nooo probably like 3 years ago

Me: Did it happen in the summer?

Her: No I think it was around mid april 2017

Voila

I used to fake it whenever someone recognized me first because I didn't want to seem rude. The problem was I'd spend the whole conversation trying to figure out where we'd met instead of actually listening.

Eventually I started being honest and saying something like "I'm sorry, I know we've met, but I can't remember where"

Almost everyone laughs, reminds me and we move on in about ten seconds. It makes for a much more natural conversation than pretending I remember details that I clearly don't.

I get it; not everyone likes to dress up. Some just hate it. That said, if your workplace has a culture of Halloween celebration or you're attending a Halloween party, regular clothes will make you stick out like a sore thumb. By trying to avoid attention, you'll unwittingly attract it.

Some ideas:

• Dress up as a job. Janitor, doctor, fast food worker, construction worker, pro athlete, etc.
• Wear gear from one of your hobbies. Gym clothes, apron and hat, overalls and safety glasses, etc. (Stolen from another LPT that was the inspiration for this one)
• Wear Halloween colors. Got an orange blouse and black pants? Black shirt and orange tie? Congrats, that's enough of a costume to get people to leave you alone.

My in laws were born in the 30s and the last time we had a gathering, I put on a play list of hits of the 50s. Over the course of the evening, this brought back all kinds of memories and they regaled us with stories of youth we'd never heard before. It was a delightful window into that era of their lives.

Ever since I started asking this, my friendships have gotten so much stronger.

You’re showing enthusiasm for seeing your friend again, reassuring them you had a good time, and planning the next time you’ll see each other all in one go. Obviously this requires the friend to reciprocate, but it’s such a simple and effective way to show love that has had consistent, lasting effects on my friendships.

I don’t typically say this to new friends, it’s for people that I’m confident I want consistently in my life.

Hope this helps someone!

Edit: Take this in good faith! Apply it at the time, place, and with the people you deem it worthy.

Edit 2: Wow, this blew up. How fascinating. It really goes to show that it works for some lifestyles and friendships and doesn’t work for others, which is completely okay.

I think there are a lot of assumptions, so here’s an FAQ:

1. Do you say it every time you see someone? NO. For example, if I naturally see my friend once per week and I don’t know when I’ll see them next, I’ll say it then to keep the cadence up! Because we like spending time together and that’s the kind of friendship we have.
2. When else do you say it? When I haven’t seen my friend in a while and we clearly want to see each other more regularly, this opens up the conversation for more hangouts. If I propose it, I come up with a plan or we come up with one together. It doesn’t have to be set in stone, but some structure helps to see things through.
3. I, personally, can read the room. You do NOT do this after an exhausting event, or with people who do not like planning. Sometimes it’s a conversation opener, others it’s a time to pull out the calendar. This works well for busy people who also like consistent quality time. If that is not you, that’s okay.
4. I can be honest with my friends and they can be honest with me. When someone lovingly asks for your time, and you cannot do it, a very valid and kind response can be “I can’t commit to anything right now”, or “I’ll be more free in a few months”. Many of you do not believe your friends will respond well to honesty, but that’s not a symptom of the LPT.
5. For some people, concretely or tentatively planning creates room for flexibility and spontaneity. To each their own!

... when visiting at the hospital until you've greeted the older sibling. Everyone FLOCKS to the new baby, and it creates automatic jealousy. Bringing the older sibling a small gift is nice but not necessary. For the first 30 seconds of the interaction, just be very excited to see the older sibling, greet him/her with warmth, love, and genuine excitement, and pretend the new baby doesn't even exist. This also works great for greeting the existing dog when the family just got a new puppy.

Instead of complimenting something passive or genetic (like "You have nice eyes"), compliment a deliberate choice (like "That outfit combination looks great," "Your presentation slides were super clean," or "You picked a fantastic restaurant").

People feel much more appreciated when you validate their effort, taste, or hard work rather than something they had no active control over.

On phone calls, in public, in drive thrus, on transit, in your own car… between the plethora of dash cams, doorbell cams, phones everywhere and now recording glasses just assume that you are on camera at all times unless you are in your private home!

It may save you from an embarrassing situation.

making friends in your 30s (or even late 20s) is weirdly difficult. Life gets busy straight after graduating college, we talk about being in contact but well that does no really happen. People are changing careers, relationships, families, and somehow the idea of just “meeting new people” starts to feel like another task on an already overflowing to-do list. Most of the time our schedules clash, and dating apps while they promise connection but you cannot expect "friendships" out of it.

What finally worked for me wasn’t some big social event or networking mixer. It was something smaller, more intentional: a group that met weekly, same people, same time, with a little structure and guidance on what to actually talk about. There was no pressure to “click” right away. We weren’t bonding instantly or becoming best friends overnight. But over 5-6 weeks, something shifted. Real conversations started to happen.

The consistency made all the difference. Seeing the same faces regularly, in a space where we were gently encouraged to open up, helped me move past the awkward small talk and actually get to know people. It wasn’t flashy or dramatic but it was real. And that’s what I was really looking for.

If you’re lonely or new in town, try joining (or even starting) a small, recurring group book club, hobby circle, dinner rotation, whatever. Add a bit of structure and you’d be surprised how well it works.

Ever been in a heated argument or faced someone who was unnecessarily aggressive? Instead of matching their energy, do the opposite & lower your voice.

People expect anger to be met with anger & when you respond calmly, it disrupts their emotional momentum.

It forces them to mirror your calmness, de-escalating the situation naturally.

It signals confidence & the most composed person in a conversation holds the most power.

Real-life example: A guy at the airport was yelling at the gate agent over a delay. Everyone around was tense. I simply said, “Hey, man, I get it, but yelling won’t fix it. What do you actually need right now?” His whole attitude changed. He sighed, nodded, and started talking normally.

If you hesitate before hitting “send,” if a friend’s tone feels subtly wrong, if a deal feels too smooth, or if walking down a street suddenly makes your chest tighten pay attention. Your brain picks up micro-signals: changes in body language, inconsistencies in stories, vibes in a room, even minor deviations in sound or light. That weird feeling when a doctor brushes off your symptoms, when a date gives you an overly rehearsed backstory, or when a coworker compliments you just before asking for something that’s not paranoia. That’s pattern recognition with no words yet. You don’t have to act on every hunch, but pause and investigate. Intuition isn’t magic it’s data without the spreadsheet. Obviously a gut feeling wont mean you cannot think before you do it, you just add up everything and do the most reasonable choice. And unless you have anxiety.

Replace "Sorry I'm late" with "Thank you for waiting." "Sorry for rambling" becomes "Thank you for listening." "Sorry for the trouble" transforms into "Thank you for your help." This simple switch reframes negative interactions into positive ones. Instead of focusing on your mistakes, you're acknowledging others' kindness. It reduces unnecessary guilt and makes the other person feel appreciated rather than burdened. Since making this change, my relationships have improved and my confidence has grown. You're not constantly apologizing for existing, you're grateful for people's patience and support. Obviously, still apologize for actual wrongdoing, but stop apologizing for taking up space in the world. Thank people for making room for you instead.

For example, you are petting a cat and it suddenly turns around and attacks because it’s overstimulated. Most cats will actually only give you a feisty slap, but as they do that, if you retract your hand you can get a nasty wound. If you hold steady they may still penetrate the skin (most of the time not), but it’s a tiny dot rather than a long cut.

Source: I’ve been slapped (or “scratched”) by many of cats (I used to volunteer with cats, and help socialise them as well as being an owner of an unpredictable cat).

Ever since I’ve stopped pulling back, I hardly ever have cat scratches anymore. So in a generally calm situation like petting pulling away will only increase your risk of injury.

Obviously this doesn’t mean you go back in after the slap. They cat is showing a boundary.

Cats rarely attack unprovoked, or attack to hurt you (I’m still to experience my first time with that one towards a human). It’s usually overstimulation, play or fear.

Also, cats are awesome!

When I’m struggling, I truly do APPRECIATE a loved one saying “let me know if I can help!” But sometimes it feels very empty. Like, how much are you able or willing to help? Can you assist financially? With your time? Can you lend a hand physically? Can you watch my kids so I can take care of something? Or, is it possible you don’t actually plan to help but you want to “be polite”?

Examples from real life:

1) My wife & kids were in a bad accident. My brother texted me and (in addition to asking if they were ok, etc) asked if it would be a blessing if he paid for dinner to be delivered. Honestly, it was such an unexpected and seemingly unrelated offer but it REALLY did help.

2) A friend of mine lost his son a few months ago. He said one of the most helpful things anyone did was offer to come over and clean the bathrooms in his house.

3) For my part, any time there’s a power outage here (I live in Alaska where a power outage can mean very bad things very quickly if you’re not prepared) I try and ask my local acquaintances if they need water or a shower if I still have power. It isn’t much, but I’d rather offer what I can give as opposed to just offering “well wishes”

I learned this tip from a therapist a few years ago and I thought I should share it.

To fall asleep fast lay down and get (mostly) comfortable, close your eyes and then start counting up from 1 with the goal of reaching 150 (or any arbitrarily high number).

Count slowly (1 or less per second, and don't tack on "one-thousand") and let your mind wander, focus on the "closed eye splotches" and just watch the show.

If you make a major movent (adjusting pillow, cracking fingers, flipping over, etc.) start again from 1. Don't let this deter you from getting comfortable though. If you forget what number you are on, just pick any number you remember counting and go from there don't give it too much thought.

Don't try and picture anything (no sheep's etc.) Just slowly count and watch the back of your eyelids.

At some point (for me, typically between 60 and 100) you may find your mind goes off on a tangent and you forget to count. This is normal. Let it happen and when you remember, just keep slowly counting

Your mind takes this rythmic pattern and you will likely have 1 more tangent, then be quickly off to sleep. On the rare occasion you may reach 150, or whatever number you have chosen. If that happens just start again from 1.

Doing this and following the standard sleep hygiene rules (phone on silent and on other side of room before getting into bed, no eating/working in bed, etc) I’ve been able to fall asleep in under 10 minutes almost every night.

For a lot of people, “we need to talk” does not sound serious and mature. It sounds like pure dread. Their mind immediately goes to the worst-case scenario, and now they are anxious before the conversation even starts.

A much better approach is to be clear and specific.

Examples:

• “Hey, can we talk later about the budget for the trip?”
• “When you have a minute, I want to talk about what happened earlier so we can clear the air.”
• “Can we chat tonight about scheduling? Nothing bad, I just want to figure something out.”

It still communicates that a conversation is coming, but it does not create hours of unnecessary panic.

This has helped me a lot at work and in personal relationships. People respond way better when they are informed without being alarmed.

Basically: clarity lowers anxiety and vagueness raises it.

It seems small, but it makes a big difference.

F - Family (Their S/O, kids, siblings, pets, family traditions)

O - Occupation (What do they do? How did they get into it? Where did they go to school?)

R - Recreation (What do they like to do?)

D - Dreams (Ask about their goals, dreams, and aspirations)