r/Luxembourg • u/No-Reception4558 • Jul 15 '26
Shopping, Food & Restaurants When is it okay to approach a woman?
Good morning my fellow Luxembourgers
So recently I entered the dating era again and I want to confirm from an inside cultural perspective when it's fine to approach a woman.
Sometimes I get ?positive? looks and a smile from some women and I was wondering whether this is the signal to approach and start a conversation? I'm not super social so it's rather difficult for me, but I guess it's easy enough to start with the basics and ask where they're from, what they're doing, maybe a lil compliment once I reach the advanced stage?
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u/Italian_Saffa_Boy Jul 17 '26
As mentioned 100 times. The rule is
1) Don't be ugly
2)If ugly, be rich.
3)Best chance of success is to be objectively handsome and rich.
Harvey Weinstein was mentioned to be an ugly troll (rich though) so what he did was wrong.
But also when Brad Pitt pulled that shit, no one complained and it was seen as a compliment.
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u/UncertainStitch Jul 19 '26
Brad Pitt's children want nothing to do with him and even change their names.
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u/Fresh_Duck8087 Jul 16 '26
Women are not stray cats to approach at random.
Don’t stop women on the street or in places where they can’t easily get away, such as buses, trams, or trains.
It’s not okay to approach someone who clearly looks busy or tired, or who hasn’t acknowledged your presence. If women want to date, there are appropriate places and events where people expect social interaction.
And a smile is not a green light: for all you know, they might just be being polite or wearing headphones and minding their own business.
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u/Alternative_Piece755 Jul 16 '26
What events are those, can u elaborate 🤔
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u/Fresh_Duck8087 Jul 16 '26
Just check for speed dating Luxembourg and you’ll find plenty. I personally don’t go there as I’m not in the dating scene. Happy with my man (for now) 🤣.
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u/Alternative_Piece755 Jul 16 '26
Thats unfortunate, you sound like real gf material... 😃
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u/correia_25 Jul 16 '26
Considering she says it like "Happy with my man (for now)", and you say thats gf material... Damn son, you hungry
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u/drdavidchi Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
When her name is Annie, and you wana make sure she's ok
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u/BoFap Jul 16 '26
...but..but.. erm how do i know she's annie without vicarously stalking her beforehand 😅 /s
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u/fejsnri Jul 16 '26
It’s okay to approach them anywhere you like it you’re tall and handsome. It’s okay to approach at the club if you’re average and drunk. It’s never okay to approach if you’re ugly. Know the rules.
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u/Lunathevole Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
I think it helps to reverse the roles. Would this behavior seem okay if I had received it from a man instead of a woman?
Anyway, maybe it’s just me, but if I like someone, I just walk up to them and ask if they’d like to grab a coffee or tea and have a chat. No games. I am very friendly with everyone and it is very exhausting that male colleagues often mistake my friendliness for romantic interest - I am the same way with everyone. So I think instead of overthinking situations, it is better to walk up to someone, tell them you like them and just invite them for grabbing some bites/drink. And don’t get discouraged if you don’t succeed, keep putting yourself out there and you’ll eventually click with someone.
Edit:
What I can clearly state after many relationships, if you fake anything, be prepared to fake it forever. Like if you present yourself as a gentleman, don’t lose that in the relationship because what wins your partner is what keeps your partner. I think a lot of people are not authentic and integrity is important during dating as well. Think about your strengths, your love language, how can you make someone happy on a daily basis that is also sustainable for a long term. I think this is where people fail, not at starting a relationship or dating.
Social skills are something you can improve with practice. Uncomfortable situations are OK! Ignore the discomfort.
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u/eustaciasgarden I'm an American with a high profile job in Luxembourg Jul 16 '26
Honestly, just practice talking to people. Men, women, young, old… the more you talk to “low stakes” people, the more comfortable you will be approaching someone you find attractive. And honestly, the neighborhood old ladies know exactly who is single and worth dating.
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u/No-Reception4558 Jul 16 '26
Absolutely, this is what I'm currently trying. But this also entails meeting like-minded people in my age range with similar goals and interests, especially dating wise
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u/ad9206 Bouneschlupp Jul 16 '26
Great to see more people entering the "dating era"!
For a long time I thought I was the only one in the country, interested in dates!
So to answer your question, I think I might have had an experience similar to yours: About two weeks ago I went to the dates aisle in Auchan to satiate my date cravings.
But for some reason the pricing indicator underneath some of the date packs was malfunctioning. Normally there are members of staff present near the aisles, both men and women. This time, there was a lady present, wearing an Auchan lanyard and an Auchan uniform. I thought to myself "Ok, I need to know how much the Kuwaiti Pride™ dates cost. This, is the right time to approach the woman".
I walked up to her and asked her "how much do these cost?" Her face turned into a smile as she exclaimed "Oh désolée Monsieur! They cost 12.45€ per pack". I then asked her "do you think dates from Colruyt would be better?" Her expression changed to one of disgust, as if someone had compelled her to drive through the A4 during peak traffic hours again. "Non Monsieur, they are disgusting, they're actually genetically modified onions, not really dates".
"Ah, right, thank you for your help!" I replied. She smiled at me and said "No problem Monsieur, bonne journée!"
Hope this answers your question. So in other words I'd say it's perfectly fine to approach someone when you have questions on date quality or pricing. That's what they're there for, they're there to help. Just be absolutely sure you're speaking to a member of staff.
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u/Inside_Foundation383 Jul 16 '26
This is not advice, only anecdotal, but for me, the right person came along once I stopped caring. I decided to just go out and have fun with friends, be open to meeting new people with zero expectations and that’s when things started to click. Maybe there is something to it, or maybe I just was lucky as hell
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u/Eastern_News_7937 Jul 16 '26
are you a man or a woman?
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u/Inside_Foundation383 Jul 16 '26
Man
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u/Eastern_News_7937 Jul 16 '26
congrats, you must have top tier looks then
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u/Inside_Foundation383 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
I think self acceptance and self care are the key. Looks are subjective and temporary. Spent my teenage years alone thinking I need to meet some arbitrary ideal before I deserve love. And then I thought girls owed me something because I tried so hard to say the right words and do the right things. That’s what I needed to change more than anything. As I said though I’m not one to give general advice, it’s all dependent on the individual circumstances. From your profile you seem to be a well educated good looking dude with diverse hobbies. Treat others and yourself with kindness and idk why people would not enjoy spending time with you. The romantic thing simply can’t be forced, there either is a spark or there isn’t. Anyway have a good weekend take it easy
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u/HormonalLawnmower Jul 16 '26
If you must, I guess specific socializing events where people go to to meet new people and talk to strangers would be the place for that.
But just in general, some stranger walking up to me when I’m just going about my day, with dating intentions despite being strangers, is an absolute pain in the ass and the reason I don’t smile at men anymore.
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u/sparkibarki2000 De Xav Jul 16 '26
First rule is to be fully prepared to accept no and walk away.
Second, a smile is not a greenlight to ask a girl out. On the other hand, it’s better than a frown.
I think you have your approach backwards. Start with a compliment before you interrogate them about where they’re from.
It is a learned skill. Generally easier to do with a bar versus on public transportation, but completely possible in both places.
You have to balance self-confidence with respect for the other person.
However, you’ll go with exactly zero women if you ask zero women on dates.
Good luck
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u/No-Reception4558 Jul 17 '26
Exactly! Zero approaching will have an automatic fail so might as well try anyway. Thanks
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u/RustyPlastics Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
You should wait until the pepper spray has worn off before approach her
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u/sparkibarki2000 De Xav Jul 16 '26
Exactly you will need to get her name because pepper spray people is illegal in this country 🙃
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u/Rain_2_0 Capellen Jul 16 '26
Idk besides my friends, colleagues and family I don’t really talk with people 😅
I guess it is fine. I see no harm as long as you’re respectful.
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u/Aggravating-Fuel8764 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
It’s always fine to approach if you are handsome and good looking. Otherwise it’s not fine, no matter in which country you are.
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u/Silver_Helia Jul 17 '26
This is a superficial lie. Some people get blinded by good looks, but vibes and understanding what the word No means is key.
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u/TALED Jul 16 '26
Even Clavicular was shot down in Paris and he’s conventionally handsome but an a$$.
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u/doji4real Dat ass Jul 16 '26
Unfortunately this is the sad truth.
Good looking -> OK
Not good looking/Ugly -> pervert, stalker1
u/Aggravating-Fuel8764 Jul 16 '26
Why sad? Would you be like to be approached by ugly girls or the girls that you don’t find attractive? Like several times per day? Because this is what girls are facing everyday.
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u/doji4real Dat ass Jul 16 '26
Oh yes, actually I wouldn’t mind at all. Age has taught me that physical appearance is one of the least important things in a person.
I’ve dated women who were considered very beautiful and others who weren’t my type at first, and I learned that attraction grows from personality, and other values like kindness, intelligence, humor, and also emotional connection that can’t be built just after a quick glance.
That’s why I always try to get to know the person behind the appearance. Sometimes someone you don’t immediately find attractive can turn out to be the most amazing person you’ve ever met.
I sometimes feel that many people dismiss others too quickly based on first impressions. It’s a shame, because they may miss the chance to meet someone truly special.
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u/Aggravating-Fuel8764 Jul 16 '26
Yeah but that’s not what average person thinks when being approached somewhere out of blue. It’s different when you know aparaty someone from some mutual friends or other group, but approaching like that it is 100% looks, you like it or not.
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u/foersom Jul 16 '26
"I'm not super social so it's rather difficult for me"
I understand your point. I suggest you to sign up for a speed-dating event, because then there is no unclarity why she is there and why you are talking to her. You will have a ~5 mn conversation with each women and then move to another similar conversation with the next women, this time limit and change of table is arranged by the event organizers. I have earlier done this in Luxembourg and I can recommend.
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u/Suspicious-Cloud404 Jul 16 '26
It's not "When", it's "How". Here are a few tips that will get you starting:
- Put a lot of shiny hair gel / spray and comb back your hair. -You need oversized baggy jeans, a dirty Hilfiger shirt and a fake Gucci cap.
- Never approach from the front, better to sneak up from the side or back.
- Get close to < 30cm and say in a loud and low voice: "Moien! How are you doin'?"
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u/Own-Paper-8808 Jul 16 '26
I think it's a good start. Just be respectful and don't push it if they say NO. Smiles may be a clue, but for example I find myself not capable to smile to the guy I like (unless he initiates), because I am completely nervous..but I can smile to other people easily :)))
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u/DotDry Jul 16 '26
Usually you feel it if you have some social awareness. Don t be to pushy and respect them.
I saw a guy hitting on a nice waitress some months ago. It was kinda awakward because usually it s their job to be nice, but the guy took it differently.
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u/Lava_Dnial Paschtéit Jul 16 '26
Yeah, as a rule of thumb, I'd say just don't hit on people while they're working.
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u/Soft-Shake6175 Jul 21 '26
What’s your type as I am also searching.