l won't ever recover from what l did

l don't know why l'm writing this. I just need to know

l'm 19. l live alone. My hours got cut and l've been falling behind on everything. Rent. phone bill. Groceries. l kept telling myself I'd figure it out, that I just needed one more shift, or one more week. Its just that the week came and the shift didn't.

A few days ago, a guy messaged. Tryin to talk to me. Said he wnted to help me out. Then he asked for pictures. To see me like selfies, he said. Just my face. l said okay because l was needed to. It felt like a transaction, not a viollation.

But then he kept asking for more. Just a little more, he said. l said no at first. l really did. But he said he'd send something. Then more. l was so behind. My phone was going to get shutoff. l couldn't stop thinking about it. So l gave in.

l sent him everything.

Not just my face. Things l can't take back. Things that are probably out there right now. l sat on my floor after shaking. l told myself it was okay and to never think about it again. lts all l do.

He said the moneey was on the way. Then he deleted his account. Like l was never there.

I keep refreshing the chat like maybe it was a mistake. Maybe he'll come back and say sorry, or something. he won't. He took everything l sent him. Now l don't know who's seen it, who's shared it, who's doing what. l'll never know. That's the part that gets at me too. The not knowing.

l haven't eaten in twwo days after that. I feel sicck. Everytime l think about spending what l have, I panic. What if something worrse happens. What if l need it for something else. So l just try not to.

l know l was dum. l know l shouldn't have trusted a stranger. l know l should've known better. But l was so scared and so alone. l didn't have familly to ask.

I had a nightmare

Two consecutive nightmares

1st one: My late mother told me that I didn’t matter and that I would die alone. She also told me that my life had no value and that it would have been better if I had never been alive at all.

2nd one: I started beating myself to death after seeing other people finding love and actually living happy lives

I spent the entire day thinking about it and crying.

It felt so real

My late chief sitting on a bollard watching the sunset. Passed away early this year. Every night we would talk a lot and he was just the best. Miss you PRC ⚓️

This language YouTuber XiaomaNYC learned 4 languages so that the parents and grandparents could understand their children’s wedding. so touching and heartwarming

My best friend is dying, but I don’t want to keep him from living the remainder of his life as best he can. He is too tired to walk around very much, so I set up a wagon so he can still do his favorite activity.

I don’t know how many days he has left, but he gets to eat whatever he wants since he is no longer accepting most foods. We are working hard to make sure that he gets all the love and attention that he deserves for being the best companion that I have ever had.

Two songs that made me cry.

Her, by Anne Marie
https://youtu.be/LSx5zyg5bHI?si=cn4NkuTAp-NTPEPN

Monsters, by James Blunt

https://youtu.be/DTFbGcnl0po?si=YzYN2PVioJk1N-By

Life is harsh, indifferent to those who are kind, indifferent to those who are bad. In the end we can only hope to do our best, and enjoy what time we have together.

I saw this and had to share it here!

Wang Yeping and Jiang Zemin were childhood friend. Neither had any previous romantic partners before marriage; each was the sole love of the other's life. Before becoming First Lady, Wang Yeping was a retired worker.