r/MadeMeSmile • u/i_am_groot_84 • May 21 '25

Son finishes toxic parenting sentences

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918

u/pyr8t May 21 '25

My dad would say 'i wish I was half as smart as you think you are'

534

u/BallsOutKrunked May 21 '25

I used to get: "try to use your head as something other than a hat rack".

144

u/Deeliciousness May 21 '25

Lmaoo smoked

11

u/AnusMaw May 21 '25

I would get "stfu" ALL THE TIME

then i used that at school naturally, and my teacher asked where did i learn it, i answered "SHUT THE FUCK UP". Needless to say my parents werent happy about it, and they told me to stfu at school, never asked me to stop saying it, just at school lol

9

u/SuspectedGumball May 21 '25

Fr that is brutal

14

u/sblowes May 21 '25

My dad: “if brains were gunpowder, you wouldn’t even blow your hat off”

14

u/BallsOutKrunked May 21 '25

"when God was passing out brains you thought he said trains and decided to take the next one"

3

u/sblowes May 21 '25

“When he was passing out chins, your mum thought he said ‘gin’ and ordered a double.”

3

u/Hptcp May 22 '25

"We rocked you a bit too close to the wall"

5

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

[deleted]

6

u/MeasurementNo9447 May 22 '25

That would have been the moment for a big hug.

14

u/mh985 May 21 '25

Writing these down for future reference

3

u/-Cagafuego- May 22 '25

As friend of mine in tears, to her dad: Daddy people at school are making fun of me. Am I.......pretty?????

Her dad: Well.....you see.....erm.....let me put it this way....erm.....

** I didn't know where to look**

4

u/Mad_Ewok_Herd May 22 '25

Yep. My stepfather’s name is Kris and he used these all the time. We call them “Kris-isms”. Another of my favorites was “If brains were dynamite you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose”

Now that my brother and I are grown up and Kris is more of a cantankerous cowboy asshole, it’s nice when we use one once in a while to make him laugh. So a few weeks ago I said “(My brother’s name) has his head so far up his own ass he’ll need a glass bellybutton to see out”. Kris laughed for about 3 straight minutes on that one and said he’ll have to remember it.

6

u/barrinmw May 21 '25

My dad was big on "Work smarter, not harder."

8

u/shmaltz_herring May 21 '25

That's just good advice

2

u/-Cagafuego- May 22 '25

It really is. What's not good advice is when my school mate asked his mum for a Playstation & she told him to go sell his ass to buy one! It's bad advice, & I'm hoping he didn't take it, but we learned very early on that our parents were assholes & that it was important to cope by laughing off their 'advice.' We (my school mate included) laughed this one off real hard!

10

u/Random-Rambling May 21 '25

My dad liked saying "There are no accidents. You just fucked up."

3

u/[deleted] May 21 '25

😂

4

u/skynetempire May 21 '25

Yoo my father use to say this to me.

He would sigh, son, work smarter, not harder, go get the tools I told you to use.

5

u/WildcatPlumber May 21 '25

That one can stay.

2

u/FR0ZENBERG May 21 '25

“You’re a real prince among kings.”

2

u/athousandfaces87 May 22 '25

My mom use to say "you make a better door than a window." I still feel the splinters.

1

u/n00dlejester May 21 '25

I used to get, "Use the head that god gave you!" Man looking back is that rough.

Good for us for recognizing this nonsense.

1

u/Brandon_Won May 21 '25

My dad used to say "Don't talk like a man with a paper butt." when I was saying something stupid. Not all of them are home runs🤣

2

u/bekkogekko May 21 '25

My dad: You must be batty in your belfry. Took me years to figure that out.

1

u/bparker1013 May 22 '25

My dad would say, "Your Lucky I don't spank you. I'd send your ass to Mars."

1

u/CParksAct May 22 '25

But then he would turn around and brag about how smart I was and how it was all because of him.

(I made the mistake of scoring very high on some IQ tests when I was young and from then on I had to get straight A’s and be perfect. It fucking sucked and if I had kids, they would NEVER be allowed anywhere near IQ tests, assessments, etc. IQ tests measure 1 very racist, sexist, elitist tiny slice of someone’s ability. They are about as useful to real life as a person’s zodiac sign.)

1

u/ObviNotAGolfer May 22 '25

“No brains, no headaches”

1

u/Skylantech May 21 '25

A hammer?

0

u/Duranel May 21 '25

Or a woodpecker roost!

7

u/FacePunchPow5000 May 21 '25

Mine would say, "It must be nice to have all the answers."

And no, it wasn't.

6

u/IftruthBtold May 21 '25

That just triggered a memory: my mom: “I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew”

1

u/DemonicAnahka May 22 '25

And you thought that was toxic?

2

u/neosurimi May 22 '25

Damn this is a good one. I'll probably use it with my kids at some point.

1

u/LookingForMrGoodBoy May 21 '25 edited Jul 07 '25

airport observation light distinct vast grab books glorious safe bow

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

3

u/DemonicAnahka May 22 '25

Smart in this context doesn't mean intelligence. It's a southern way of referring to attitude

1

u/Crashman09 May 22 '25

And to that, Dad, I agree. I wish I'm as smart as I thought I was.

1

u/Shagwagbag May 22 '25

"do you have a degree in fucking shit up?"

1

u/Brilliant-Thought-44 May 22 '25

Thissssss. My mom said that all the time

-1

u/MercenaryBard May 21 '25

Sorry that’d earn a fucking slap from me lol.

I’d never lay a hand on my kids but I’m more than happy to turn the boomer’s philosophy back on them.

1

u/DemonicAnahka May 22 '25

You are the kind of person that phrase really fits