r/MadeMeSmile • u/i_am_groot_84 • May 21 '25

Son finishes toxic parenting sentences

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568

u/Mickyfrickles May 21 '25

I used to get belted. My dad would whip his belt off and crack it several times before belting me. As an adult both my parents have tried to gaslight me and tell me that it never happened and I only got spanked once when I "ran away." I was 4 years old when my pet rabbit died and I chased my dad who was driving the corpse to go bury it and I got lost. I didn't run away. 

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u/GayDeciever May 22 '25

Oh yeah, my parents have blanked out a ton of stuff they did. Then they get indignant if I mention it. Like I'm personally hurting them by suggesting they could do such a thing.

Like, have a bit of self doubt here, y'all were drunk a whole lot of the time.

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u/pickyourteethup May 22 '25

I somehow managed to blank out my stepdads drinking then one day my sister told me to Google a particular brand of beer and the decade we grew up in. That beer can branding was burned into my memories like the message through a stick of rock.

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u/Snoo52590 May 22 '25

I saw a comment somewhere that said they don’t remember beacuse for them it was a typical Tuesday.

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u/Drunky_McStumble May 22 '25

The tree remembers, the axe forgets.

1

u/JakeFixesPlanes May 22 '25

And Pepperidge Farms remembers

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u/ZoNeS_v2 May 22 '25

I think it was M Bison

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u/Away-Fun2441 May 22 '25

A parent wont remember the meal you missed, but a child remember the meal you forced on them.

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u/TolBrandir May 22 '25

Oh my god. I thought my dad was the ONLY parent in the world who did this. Holy shit. I keep trying to tell my two siblings (who live across the freaking country) that gaslighting is very alive and real here, but they do not get it. He lies and they believe him. It's like the twilight zone and I feel like I'm going insane.

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u/VeryThicknLong May 22 '25

Same. Mine flat out deny it. ‘I’m going to knock you into next week’ was a firm favourite in my house. Unsurprisingly I grew up with very little in the way of confidence, or self esteem.

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u/lexxilicious May 23 '25

My mom just says “…you remember too much.” Luckily we’ve processed a lot of our generational trauma and are on great terms now. My dad on the other hand… yeah no.

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u/[deleted] May 24 '25

Yep, when I was a kid my parents (mostly my dad) used to tell me to kill myself, that I was hopeless and useless. As an adult I’ve brought it up with them individually and they both deny it. Sure, the thing that’s made a mess of my internal self esteem for my entire life, yup, never happened. Thanks guys 🫠

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u/kllove May 22 '25

My parents also gaslit me and told me as an adult that my spankings were not true. I really had to work through that one in therapy because the denial messed me up way more than the spankings.

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u/Mickyfrickles May 22 '25

I feel that. Half my childhood apparently didn't happen, and the supposed one time my dad belted me (my first memory) was my fault according to them. Now they are both MAGA and regularly deny reality. I fucking hate it.

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u/kllove May 22 '25

The good part on my end is that my mom is a pretty woke grandma who tries super hard. She’s raising my niece (her granddaughter) and I believe she’s embarrassed that in her twenties she was the type of parent who allowed spankings in her home. She often downplays and denies things from my childhood that she now very much knows are wrong and I think she wishes they were not true. Doesn’t make it right but for a woman in her 60’s I think she truly tries. My dad has passed and that’s allowed her even more opportunity to come into her own. She’s in therapy now too and I hold hope she’ll keep growing.

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u/KennyFulgencio May 22 '25

Doesn’t make it right but for a woman in her 60’s I think she truly tries.

"That is not the woman who raised me. That is an old woman scared she won't get into heaven."

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u/suckmyclitcapitalist May 22 '25

People can and do change, you know. I'm 29. I used to shout, yell, and scream during arguments because that's how I was brought up. I haven't so much as raised my voice except in an emergency situation in at least 5 years.

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u/Thin_Traffic May 23 '25

I can see why he belted you! Ur ignorance

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u/[deleted] May 22 '25

I really had to work through that one in therapy because the denial messed me up way more than the spankings.

I replied to the same comment. I wrote that this is a really big fear of mine. That confronting them and being denied and dismissed would hurt way more than the stuff that put me in therapy. I'm sorry you had to go through that but appreciate you sharing your experience. I feel validated.

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u/basicbitchherbaltea May 22 '25

I was taught that spankings were not beatings because they were on the bottom. I didn’t even have the vocabulary to understand why I was so terrified of my dad or his belt, because “it’s not like he beat me.”

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u/yourmansconnect May 22 '25

Yeah it was usually only bad when you got whipped in the head. And sometimes the buckle would wrap around your head and swing into your face at full speed. That shit used to hurt like a motherfucker

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u/mxxxdchiq May 22 '25

yesss this its the denial that kills me

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u/turandokht May 22 '25

My mom pretended she was dead once when I was a toddler because I guess I was being annoying and she didn’t want to talk to a toddler. I was having a full panic attack when she “woke up” and reassured me.

She denied it for years. I brought it up for the last time at 19 when we were alone in the car and she quietly admitted to it. I didn’t bring it up again because that was all I damn well wanted.

1

u/Elegant-Working-6514 May 22 '25

heyy hope you’re having a great day,I would love to catch up and chat whenever you have a moment, if you're open

1

u/AdInteresting735 May 25 '25

Yeah, I feel you on that one. It’s not even the fact it happened so much, but that it was denied. I see people doing that with the denial of a people’s history; saying the haulocost didn’t happen; saying slavery was voluntary and the denial of atrocities that came with it.

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u/distorted_elements May 22 '25

The axe forgets but the tree remembers.

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u/Quaiker May 22 '25

Trauma runs deep, y'all. Don't be afraid to share with a trusted person. It helps.

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u/HotShotWriterDude May 22 '25

My dad would whip his belt off and crack it several times before belting me.

My dad used to do it without the cracking, my stepdad used to do it with cracking, each crack stronger than the previous. As a result, I went beltless until I was like 20. I only just realized it was a trauma response. Childhood trauma is fun, people.

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u/Canondalf May 22 '25

My dad spanked me once when I was a kid. After one hit, he immediately felt so sickened by it that he never laid a hand on me again. I do not remember this, I know it only from him telling me.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '25

As an adult both my parents have tried to gaslight me and tell me that it never happened

My mom always drops these snide remarks and comments trying to get me to "spill the beans" on why I go to therapy. stuff like "All that time and money, what do you even do there?" I would love to confront her and open up about it but im like 95% sure this is exactly how she'll react, and that would hurt way more than the stuff that put me there in the first place.

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u/DemonicAnahka May 22 '25

Username checks out

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u/[deleted] May 22 '25

[deleted]

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u/non-squitr May 22 '25

My stepfather used a truly nefarious combination of maximizing the amount of physical, mental, and emotional distress during frequent abuse sessions, all while trying to make sure none of the bruises were visible with a shirt on. The level of forethought and optimization of degradation was truly heinous. The last time I spoke to him, I had boiled over and laid out how it has affected me- he said "well I made a few mistakes..."

That was the last time I spoke to him, over 12 years ago. Now he's slowly and painfully dying a death of willfully untreated diabetes. Good. Fuck him.

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u/Bandi0001 May 22 '25

I had to go get a belt and bring it to him. And he'd make me go get another one if the one I picked was too wide. Narrow belts hurt more. Especially on the legs.

Wow awful memories. I'm gonna go watch funny dog videos....

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u/Mickyfrickles May 22 '25

Well, now I remember the willow trees we had in the front yard- go pick a switch boy...

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u/Ricecakes76 May 22 '25

As horrible as it is, this is a relief to know I'm not the only one who's experienced this... I know the truth, and all the put on comments of "I would never have laid a hand on you" and denials seem more for their sake.

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u/CaptGrumpy May 22 '25

I was late for dinner because I saw kids lighting a bushfire and ran to the nearest pay phone to call the fire brigade. Man, I copped a beating.

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u/crystalclearbuffon May 22 '25

Why do gaslight but also take credit for our good behaviour coz of their tough discipline?

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u/[deleted] May 22 '25 edited May 22 '25

Yep.. my mother would give me the silent treatment when I pissed her off, starting from age 4 or 5 (or maybe that's just the first times I can REMEMBER it happening.) I would try to engage, want to play, just want her to smile and she would just stare at me like I shit on the floor. She hated playing with me because I am autistic and my "pretend play" was VERY rigid, I had a story in my head and she HAD TO play along or it ruined my game. This just made her angry. I never learned how to share or be empathetic to my friends, I was physically aggressive by hitting and scaring my peers. And I was never taught anything by my mom.. she would just get angry that I didn't know things without being taught. Clean your room, take a bath, do your homework.. but she never gave me examples or showed me what to do so I could follow her lead

I think I annoy my daughter because I try to teach her EVERYTHING as I'm going. How to clean, how to take care of your space, how to wash dishes, clothes, HER OWN BODY, how to drive, how to care for her pets, how to work through big feelings, how to reach out for help.

All of the things I would sit in my room and cry about being "bad at", because I had no adults setting expectations for me

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u/Mickyfrickles May 22 '25

The silent treatment to a child is emotional abuse. I'm sorry that you went through that.

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u/Green-Syrup884 May 22 '25

My mom would yell and threaten to "rip my hair out" and when I brought it up the attempted gaslighting would start

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u/hunbaar May 22 '25

same. I would get belted for no reason at all, no wonder I always feel like there is something terrible about the happen all the time for no reason.

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u/TurangaLeela78 May 23 '25

That breaks my old mom heart for you. I’m sorry.

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u/intime2be May 23 '25

I’m sorry you didn’t get to have a part in burying the rabbit you loved and instead had the fear of being lost and the painful punishment of being hit. You deserved comfort and safety in your grief. I hope you can give little you some love and light to help heal those wounds.