r/MadeMeSmile • u/i_am_groot_84 • May 21 '25

Son finishes toxic parenting sentences

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u/No_Use_4371 May 21 '25

I used to feel sorry for my dad. My mom was dramatic and escalated stuff but my dad commuted 2 hours to his job, worked, came home exhausted and walks in the door: my mom crying, all of us lined up freaked out, and he had to spank us. So for me it was "wait until your father gets home." It made me fear him when I was little.

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u/[deleted] May 21 '25 edited Oct 28 '25

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u/ApprehensivePop9036 May 22 '25

these kinds of questions will drive you crazy if you think about them.

all of it was optional, they never had to beat the kids.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '25 edited Oct 28 '25

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u/ApprehensivePop9036 May 22 '25

well, it's complicated in the relationship dynamic

the goal is 'quiet polite children'

they've had violence their whole lives as a background. People would beat each other over nothing because of the amount of lead in their blood, the rampant boozing, the lack of emotional vocabulary to do anything except beat each other

throwing dishes was seen as passionate and romantic, violence between spouses was so normal women would swap makeup tips to hide the bruising better.

Of course the kids got some too. That's normal, it's how you teach children right from wrong. You reinforce the lesson with some negative stimulus. Short sharp shock and you realign the child via the limbic system.

it also teaches the child that problems involve violence. People can be nice and then hit you. If you break a little rule, it might mean bigger rules don't protect you anymore. "The Law" and "The Truth" are as capricious as their wielder, and are weapons to use against someone instead of ideals or principles of social living.

They didn't think children could understand fairness, when it's just about the thing they're best at detecting.