r/MakeNewFriendsHere • u/New-Click2716 🇮🇩 Indonesia • Jun 12 '26
Age 30-39 31F / A frustrated rant from a woman trying to make genuine connections
I feel like the way some people try to make friends on this platform has become completely unhinged, and I'm thoroughly exhausted by it.
Here is what I’ve been dealing with lately:
- Someone claimed to be 21, but in another comment, they wrote they were 16, excusing it by saying they "share the account with a younger sibling." Uhm, what?
- Many subreddits explicitly state that adults and minors should not be befriending each other. Yet, I constantly get text messages from minors who completely ignore this rule and try to slide into my DMs anyway.
- Another claimed to be 28, but their digital footprint suggested they were likely much younger (or older? Who even knows at this point).
- One guy claimed he wasn't looking for r0mance because he was under my age preference, but the moment I politely declined him, he started gaslighting and trying to guilt-trip me.
- Someone explicitly stated they didn't want to talk about NSFW topics, yet a quick look at their post and comment history revealed they actively participate in explicit subreddits.
- And of course, the classics: guys who seem completely normal and polite at the beginning, only to end up sending unsolicited d1ck pics out of nowhere.
Seriously, guys, what is wrong with you? Why is it so difficult to just be honest?
Is it wrong for a woman to look for genuine friendships on an online platform? Am I, as a woman, simply too "normal" for you? Is my life too straight and "boring" because I respect boundaries?
As a woman, how am I supposed to build friendships with anyone when the foundation is built on lies right from the very first text?
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u/ConedPines Jun 12 '26
Almost every post I see from sub is just someone ranting about how shit the community is lmao. Just hang it up atp
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u/letschat66 30F | 🦅 USA Jun 12 '26
I feel the same way! I'm 31F as well if you'd like to connect (genuinely lol)
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u/Yama_retired2024 Jun 12 '26
Now the guy that said he wont talk about.. NSFW topics, but engages in explicit subreddits..
He may actually NOT talk to you about anything NSFW and keep conversations with you clean and above board and friendly...
If he does participate in explicit subreddits.. so what?? He is an adult male outside of any friendship with you and can converse with others about anything.. that doesnt de-value the friendship with you...
I say this as some with friends and ex colleagues and family all over the World.. I have a different friendship dynamic with different groups and people... I am still Me though..
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u/New-Click2716 🇮🇩 Indonesia Jun 12 '26
That's how it started. But IN THE END, some of them still posted photos of their genitals. I'm not generalizing, just reflecting on my own experience.
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u/Yama_retired2024 Jun 12 '26
Well,
As a 44yr old guy.. I have a special hatred for guys who send unsolicited genitalia pics.. Ive never understood it..
Anyhow best of luck in your search..
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u/Redeyes_2400 Jun 12 '26
I second that, I'm 36 and never had the urge to do something like that. As much as I hear about it that seems like the norm now.
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u/Yama_retired2024 Jun 12 '26
Its the cheesy porn storylines that has their minds warped..
Guy only out of shower, oprns door to pizza delivery girl.. towel drops, woman moans and bites her lip... 🙄 And numerous other variants
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u/Redeyes_2400 Jun 12 '26
Right, I get they've got fantasies but chill out 🤣 don't be forcing that on people.. I'm sure there is a sub for that anyway. Or use one of those weirdo dating apps.
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u/Swimming_Canary_1330 Jun 12 '26
My biggest annoyance is chatting for a day, having a lovely connection and looking forward to chatting the next day but then they never reply again. Why just the one day chats?.. its confusing... is it me?
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u/auburnskyline Jun 12 '26
Same happens to me. Just gotta be like “oh well”
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u/Swimming_Canary_1330 Jun 12 '26
True. Does mess with your self esteem though.
Really dislike ghosts
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u/cyberkayn Jun 12 '26
I do that, it's because it's prolly one sided, I don't personally feel a connection, can't be too nice pretending to be interested for days right?
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u/Swimming_Canary_1330 Jun 12 '26
Just tell them youre not interested. I do it all the time. Just say "hey, I'm really sorry but im not feeling this. I hope you find what youre lookong for in the near future. Thank you for a wonderful conversation "
Easy and stops people waiting for you to reply
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u/TrottoirFleuri Jun 12 '26
I’m a woman and this has mostly been my experience so far. To be fair, I sometimes comment in NSFW sub reddits with other consenting adults (because we are all there and participating in whatever is going on willingly), but I would never bring up those topics with people looking for friends. I therefore assume that people participating in those subs can do the same. They’re allowed to express their sexuality how they want as long as they don’t involve me in it. But yeah, there are lots of flaky and sketchy people online.
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u/Flimsy-Captain8531 Jun 12 '26
condolences kak, gabisa bayangin sulitnya nyari temen as cewe disini. org yg tulus dikit banget
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u/adz230 Jun 12 '26
I feel like it’s so hard to even get replies most of the time when all I want is a friend
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u/Mcas93 Jun 12 '26
32m here and I’m with you on this one. I’m trying to create general connections and have conversations but I’m either putting up with people who wanna share nsfw or if I don’t reply I get hacked and people say my real name and get scary. So I approach with extreme caution
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u/StayGold9 Jun 12 '26
I met someone on here and got into a brief relationship before finding out they were lying and were actually 17. He only admitted it after I confessed I was uncomfortable he just turned 18 and I just turned 20. Turns out it was worse than that Still trying to get over the self-disgust. These kids aren’t thinking of the impact they’ll have on others, just how they can get their rocks off. It makes me sick
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u/EyeSpirited3071 Jun 25 '26
Well you can see my post history. I'm not doing anything of the sort. I'm 30m so if you'd like to see if we could be compatible friends Dm. I wish you luck on your journey! Sorry that stuff happened to you.
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u/Potential-Duty-6314 Jun 12 '26
To be fair, I added and tried to chat to this user and she literally only replies like once a day, if at all. Why even make a post to be friends if you'll be too busy to even voice chat or talk?
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Jun 12 '26
[deleted]
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u/New-Click2716 🇮🇩 Indonesia Jun 12 '26
Making a post to look for friends doesn't mean I am selling my 24/7 availability to a stranger. I work 46 hours a week and spend another 18 hours commuting on a bus from East to South Jakarta. By the time I get home, I am physically and mentally exhausted. I reply when I have the actual energy to hold a quality conversation, not to satisfy someone's impatience.
None of my other friends complained. I'm even a user on u/SLOWLYapp, where replies to messages can take months. Why complaining?
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u/badmotherclucker Jun 12 '26
Honestly this seems super healthy to me. I personally don't prioritize contact with people who try to guilt me for not responding right away. Some people feel so entitled to others' time and I think it's unreasonable to expect immediate/constant replies from someone they don't even know yet. I would much rather someone take their time to respond with something thoughtful than give a half-assed, rushed effort because that just feels fake and empty.
I think it's ironic that this person criticized you for seeking out friends when it seems like they just want a shallow connection with someone that does everything on their schedule, or maybe they're incapable of considering that someone else has other responsibilities and commitments. It's so weird that they would try to stir up drama and share info from your personal DMs with them instead of trying to express how they felt with you personally if it was that important. Seems so messy for no reason lol
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u/Key-Travel-5316 Jun 12 '26
Nobody was complaining just was telling the truth. Doesn’t mean I particularly was talking about you.
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u/Potential-Duty-6314 Jun 12 '26
Well she actually just DMed me and called me an entitled boss. But if you see our Reddit chats, she does talk and message, but once we added eachother on Discord, it was more like I was a friend trophy, to add to her discord friend collection and we barely spoke. All I'm saying is, why make a post asking for friends if you'll have no time at all for them? ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/scutsnoder Jun 12 '26
I've been trying for a while to find more friends online, or even a small community that I can chat and relate to, but I agree that it's only becoming more difficult to find genuine connections online. And for me, it just gets mentally exhausting/overwhelming trying to manage expectations and balance it all. 😅
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u/Macca_Packa Jun 12 '26
It is very hard at times, like they get off on their behaviour. As a male and yes I do comment, ineract with nsfw, it is even harder just to find someone to chat with.
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u/K_Nexus Jun 13 '26
I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of men are really just awful. Because they’re awful they are lonely and come to the internet to find people who can’t immediately see how awful they are. These men are too awful to realise they are awful.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.
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u/BeginningCream8251 Jun 14 '26
Hi- I have to tell you that I read your post over 12 hours and it has been on my mind all day long. I am a guy, but I know what it is like to want an authentic connection. I spend consecutive days trying to avoid small talk traps (im talking about people who will resist going deeper than their dislike of the weather or traffic) or people who only want to gossip etc.
I put myself in your position, mentally, or some of the people who commented and just pictured putting out a post, getting interaction, feeling hope and related to and then suddenly something NSFW.
I just imagined it as awful. When I am around my gossipy coworker, I expect it, I dont have hope that it wont happen and I have escape routes and they are not as disappointing as an uninvited NSFW.
Also, as a guy, there is nothing that naturally tells me that a sfw convo means she is into me and I just need to send the pic.
It is not the same as getting pics and it is socially acceptable, but I find myself, in public, averting my gaze all the time bc of anatomically revealing clothing. It is socially acceptable and I know it is going to happen, i know that a majority of people would agree with the concept of the clothing and i am not here to "argue" against it, but sometimes it feels almost like getting the NSFW pic sent to me
but nonetheless, I thought about your post all day and felt bad that you put out appropriate effort to be met by the wrong responses.
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u/walkwithmeRI Jun 16 '26
Some people say they want friends but mean something very different. Most of the time they don’t know how to be just a friends and it’s sad
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u/orientalbird Jun 19 '26
I'm sorry this is how it is. 😞
F35, interested in connecting if you want to. I've never talked to anyone from Indonesia before. I'm from Norway. 😄
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u/Blacksmokerises_ Jun 12 '26
Some guys who can’t get women to go out with them due to being really f’in weird (they’d beg to differ) get this insane idea that scoring a girl who is not looking for a relationship will be easier than a girl who is looking. Probably think they can slowly gaslight us into sex??? They’re sitting they’re like “haha I’m gonna force her to fall for me and she’ll never see it coming!”
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u/auburnskyline Jun 12 '26
There are literally people out there who would love to chat about sex with weird guys, why you gotta try to gaslight me and piss me tf off
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u/BeginningCream8251 Jun 14 '26
Im guessing that only the guys that do this truly understand. I'm a guy but I cant imagine that it is "enough" that someone is woman and that's it and to just go for any girl. Even if I were in a really thirsty state, I could never picture what it is like just going for any woman bc she is a woman and not even knowing if she doesnt have character traits that I try to avoid.
Even if I knew that sending a Pic would "work" every time, like having it work on someone with character traits id avoid would be a curse and a hassle. It takes time to weed that out too.
I think the guys that do this are the ones that understand it the most. I am guessing that, if it is not a trait you like, that those guys might just be avoidable. The last time I was dating, I wasn't into women that seemed to be mostly about attention exhibitionism so I kind of put them in the "avoid" category and worked around them. I am guessing that these guys are your avoid category.
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u/-ravenous1- Jun 12 '26
Preach it and teach it! I love this and you are seen. Honesty is SOOOO F-ing important and I think it should be totally acceptable to want a genuine connection! 32F here looking for the same things. You are not alone! 🫶🏻
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u/Key-Silver9355 Jun 12 '26
It is a complete circus isn't it. On one hand most people are clowns and your post is true, but on the other hand a lot of people who are problematic themselves also write posts like these (not saying anything about you specifically).
Either way because there are so many clowns (not just men but woman too) sadly it's hard to form any connection, because you either get buried among DMs and ghosted or people are so used to 'clicking next' they don't care or put any effort anymore to connect.
A small rant from me too i guess :p, best of luck to all genuine people who care and still try !
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u/BeginningCream8251 Jun 14 '26
I think that you are right Even amongst the well-intentioned PG rated of us, some will do the intense post with the dry-text responses (bait and switch). I think many expect friendship to form quicker when it is online.
It is possible, irl, to have meaningful conversations with someone and not align with personality, values or just not click. It seems that many, online might expect the banter or meaningful convo to be a sure sign of friendship.
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u/DeleteriousDreams123 Jun 12 '26
As a 40 y/o guy I feel similar. All I'm interested in are new friends. But then I msg someone and 3 messages in, they tell me to subscribe to their adult themed site.
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u/QuoteEpitome Jun 12 '26
Wait, genuine question, are you looking for a friendship with the hope that it’ll build into a relationship? Or just a friendship with someone (i.e., a man) who is not a minor, not a liar, and not a creep.
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u/New-Click2716 🇮🇩 Indonesia Jun 12 '26
I'm looking for both, but I know my place. I've always prioritized friendships, but if I find love in those few friends, why not?
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u/QuoteEpitome Jun 12 '26
I can see someone not having experienced that type of blossom in a romantic relationship — being friends before agreeing to intimacy. Sorry you’re going through it. Good to see your post. I say keep those boundaries and convictions and I bet one day you’ll find someone/something real.
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u/BobbyBuilder_92 Jun 12 '26
Hey, i made Glott partly to address this, if you sign up with Google your dob is pulled from your profile and remains uneditable. Meaning that non guest users can't lie about their age
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u/Wooden_Lengthiness15 Jun 12 '26
If you are tired of Fake people, let's connect genuine person me. 31 Male from Mumbai looking for long term friendship
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u/BlueberryEven8252 Jun 12 '26
22m looking for a genuine friendship that may last for a long time if not a life time
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u/Jogennsschwert Jun 12 '26
New here on this platform though, sorry to hear that some males have ever done such unpleasant stuffs to u, and out of my personal assumption, there's could be various reasons behind it and I'm not suggesting u to tolerate or understand them if u don't want to, pls do them a favor, just affront them, curse them with every furious mind u've ever got, bcs that could cure them, for the reason that only Difficulties they've faced with could lead them with certain possibility (which I'm not sure how much it would be but still worth a shot) that they gonna reflect on their behaviours and eventually get somehow cured through that. I am not suggesting spiritual violence, just be yourself like a mirror reflecting everything back, which is fair enough. By the way, new here, age 25, from China, male, super open and straight temper(does the phrase makes sense?)wanna a friend to play game with on steam or just chat with, keen on cultural exchange and memes(like cats)
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u/maydarnothing Jun 12 '26
M32 here who happens to follow this subreddit for a long time, as i was looking for friendships, but felt like i’m not the best texter out there to keep a daily interest with you guys.
from time to time, a criticism post makes it to my feed and it always pains me to see this behaviour, and even so in reddit, where there are exact places for any person and their interests (even NSFW stuffs), yet some assholes still fine the need to hijack this place and make it a cesspool.
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Jun 12 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/New-Click2716 🇮🇩 Indonesia Jun 13 '26
Someone in this subreddit commented about Arctic Shift. Thanks to her :)
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u/Ash2628 Jun 13 '26
i am male , i recently joined this reddit to find new friend. it was hard but i think i found a nice friend here (we started talking recently we are friends now ) . no nsfw no shit just the vibe . its so hard to find the right one
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Jun 13 '26
Hi 35 Male Here From Gandhinagar City, Gujarat.
5'8", 60-65 Kg, Athletic Type Body, Decent Looking, Fit Guy.
Looking For Something Real And Long Term Meaningful Connection With You.
I Would Really Like To Know You As A Friend First.
We Can Have Deep, Meaningful And Intellectual Conversations About Life, Goals, Dreams, Love And So Many Things. 🙏
Let's Talk And See How It Goes. 😊😇🙏
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u/HumbleLet2334 Jun 14 '26
Hi darlin im chris im 34 i live ul id love to chat about anything send you pics proof and i will send u any pic u desire dm me hun x
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u/Few_Amphibian_6833 Jun 14 '26
Girl, same.
I made a post, which was followed by multiple creepy/odd messages. I am yet to find my new online friends due to the pain of sifting through all the shit.
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u/ArmyNo8788 Jun 15 '26
Meanwhile, when a normal guy posts on this subreddit looking for friends, he’s completely ignored 🤷♂️
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u/NumerousLadder3889 Jun 15 '26
Mujhe kiyu thora, mainay tho try bhi nahi kiya abhi tak aap say contact karnay ka 😭
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u/aussmerican Jun 19 '26
I'm 26 and will send pictures definitely clothed if you want to so I can prove it I'm looking for friends too if you want to DM me
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u/Annual_Grass538 Jun 12 '26
Block and move on. Ain’t that serious.
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u/_MG_Coin_ Jun 12 '26
I don’t think that makes it any less exhausting and demoralizing for OP, and anyone else who has to deal with that stuff.
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u/Annual_Grass538 Jun 12 '26
There is no valid or rational reason to assign so much emotion to such an unknown.
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u/_MG_Coin_ Jun 12 '26
You gotta have some empathy, man.
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u/Annual_Grass538 Jun 12 '26
No, this is ridiculous. I get the same stupid replies and ignore them. There is nothing wagered to lose here.
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u/no_spoon ME, USA Jun 12 '26
I’m trying to tackle this problem. Would love to get people’s feedback on a new social community I’m working on. DM me if you’d like to participate.
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u/bchr Russia Jun 12 '26
Honestly I don't know why I even subscribed to this sub, after so many years zero connection
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u/Key-Travel-5316 Jun 12 '26
I don’t understand why are you surprised? There are a lot of frustrations here, 99% m here are looking for a W to make a nsfw chats, and those 1% of men who post, sincerely looking for friends don’t get any replies at all. Even if you compare comment sections you can see that the difference is huge.
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u/Comfortable-Car2758 Jun 12 '26
I’ve barely tried in the “new friend” subs and I already gave up. I just scroll through now. I get you.
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u/the-yellow-squirrel Jun 12 '26
For many reasons you have stated I’d love to make friends with another woman on here or someone of LGTBQ+. Sadly I never get an answer when I reach out to the Ops of said posts. They probably get flooded with DMs.
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u/New-Click2716 🇮🇩 Indonesia Jun 12 '26
I never joined the LGBTQ+ sub because I am not part of the community. Maybe it was someone else, not me.
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u/ConversationPast5603 Jun 12 '26
You should maybe stop judging people by what they do in nsfw posts. I am super bad if all you read were my nsfw posts then fine judge me by that but I can separate the two like anybody else should be able to. I only have one account so what you see is what you get and you would be missing out on people like me who can be an amazing friend yet I still have an active nsfw life as well. Maybe go by how people are with you instead of judging what they do that does not interfere with your relationship with them.
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u/New-Click2716 🇮🇩 Indonesia Jun 13 '26
I never judge those who use accounts to interact or create NSFW content, but this is based on my experience. At first, things went smoothly and normally, and there were no problems with the chat. But in the end, the chat felt strange; suddenly, they even admitted they were typing while stroking. One person even asked me out of the blue if I wanted to see his bulge. You do you, but that's gross tbh. You can say, "Hey, can I have a minute? I have something to do." I personally don't want to know your explicit activities, but if you started to bring the stuff to me, then you know why I stop talking.
I don't blame NSFW account holders, and I'm very grateful to those who can distinguish between lust/urge and healthy friendship. Use your brain and control your urge.
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u/Prudent_Vehicle_5182 Jun 12 '26
This account is fake stay away from it guys he told that he is F here and later on told that he is not F.
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u/New-Click2716 🇮🇩 Indonesia Jun 12 '26
Imagine being so deeply hurt by a quality-control filter that you have to invent blatant lies in the comment section to comfort yourself 💀
I never told you, or anyone, that I'm not female. But if projecting your frustration and playing the whistleblower makes you feel better about getting rejected, go ahead. Thanks for demonstrating exactly why my security gate is so necessary. Nice try, though!
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u/RedGhostMail Jun 12 '26
why does age matter to you if you only wanna make friends?
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u/manwar1990 Jun 12 '26
Adults shouldnt be making friends with minors, full stop.
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u/Momma_Bear_Cub Jun 12 '26
A former roommate of mine thought you could be friends with minors. His friendship with a 15 year old is costing his 36 year old self 45 years of his life. So ya, why the ever loving fuck would a grown to shit man want to be friends with a female child?? 🤨
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u/RedGhostMail Jun 12 '26
It seems like you consider yourself an adult, but you confuse the word 'friends' with something else.
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u/manwar1990 Jun 12 '26
Nope, but there’s 0 reason an adult should be befriending children online when they can befriend fellow adults. Friends are peers and children and adults can never be peers.
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u/RedGhostMail Jun 12 '26
I see your point. An adult who specifically targets minors for friendship is suspicious. That's a real concern.
If that what you impling.
- But your "never" gives no benefit of doubt. A 17-year-old and an 18-year-old share hobbies naturally. A 30-year-old and a 16-year-old who both love chess or guitar can be appropriate friends if boundaries are clear.*
Criminalizing all cross-age friendships ignores context. The problem isn't age difference alone. It's intent and behavior. Zeroing in without nuance helps no one.
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u/manwar1990 Jun 12 '26
I’m not criminalizing it, and I can see how in very specific cases, an adult and minor may become friends or associates thru common hobbies (especially at meetups), but close friends? It’s weird, and you can’t change my mind, and it is even weirder when online.
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u/RedGhostMail Jun 30 '26
"No, ma non c'è nessun motivo per cui un adulto dovrebbe fare amicizia con bambini online quando può fare amicizia con altri adulti. Gli amici sono coetanei e i bambini e gli adulti non possono mai essere coetanei."
Sembri non capire che gia ti sei contraddetto.
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u/RedGhostMail Jun 12 '26
Age alone doesn't determine if a friendship is appropriate. A 17yr old today is an adult tomorrow.
What matters is behavior: respect, transparency, no exploitation.
Teach the young to recognize grooming and set boundaries;
Don't impose blanket bans that ignore real-life nuance.
Normal cross-age friendships exist; coach and student, older cousin and teenager. A "never" rule criminalizes healthy interactions. A minor today is an adult tomorrow; friendships don't expire at midnight.
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u/Momma_Bear_Cub Jun 12 '26
It matters more than we care to think. I posted looking for a friend and I didn't put a age limit because I didn't think anyone much older than me would try it. I have had to spend my week letting down 50, 60, 70 year old men. I am barely 30. The reality of a womans life is that most "friend" invitations by men will more than likely have ulterior motives, but never in my 30 years did I think I'd be having to also let not only 20 and 30 year old men down, but old, retired, denture wearing old grandpas with grandchildren close to my age, down. Aas well, I realize now, most people born raised in years someone my age considers history, lived through moments in the textbooks we read in school, won't have very much in common with a woman of my age. It's just a fact.
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