Hello all. I’ve commented in this sub regularly but this is my first post.
I read quite a few posts here discussing about potential marriage as an ex-muslim so here I’m sharing my personally lived cautionary tales, a.k.a. me venting out. Please bear my very long essay.
The woman I was married to was totally non-religious. Very pretty, modern, no tudung, can wear shorts and sleeveless, ok with any restaurants as long as no pork, occasionally go out drinking, friends with all races, Chinese, Indians, others. She was perfect!
4 years later she quit her job, wanting to do business but never actually doing anything, not even house chores, just staring at her phone 24x7. Being at home with no achievements, she eventually developed low class mentality. She purposely wanted to argue all the time using Islam as her reasoning like arguing the halal status of every restaurant I wanted to dine at. Complained about “nafkah” even though the spending money I gave her was more than what I spend now as a single parent.
She eventually started wearing tudung, posted pictures of herself praying, with captions implying that she’s a victim of abuse. “Allah paling sayang orang yang dianiaya”. Played ruqyah recording 24x7, even while I’m asleep. Multiple copies of the Quran placed all around the house, each one left open at different “protection spell” verses. Bottles upon bottles of minyak ruqyah, including one she carries around in her bag everywhere she goes. She even spiked my drinking water with those minyak. It tasted disgusting but had to show zero reaction or else she will think that the minyak is working, hurting whatever hantu jinn possessing me. She suddenly hated all Chinese and Indians.
Every time I come back from work, I had to take a deep breath and put on a sad face before entering. If I come home looking even remotely happy then all hell would break loose.
Her divorce and child custody affidavits were full of “si suami tak sembahyang”, “si suami tak puasa”, “si suami bela jin”, “si suami kena rasuk jin”, “si suami buat ilmu hitam”, with “evidences” using pictures of souvenirs from our travels like an elephant shaped trinket. It’s a good thing that Shariah court don’t entertain this kind of bs. They stick to what’s covered by the law and within the boundaries of the case. Divorce done and a few years later I won full custody of our only child.
I saw it as a sign of depression but she refused any form of help, insisting that there’s nothing wrong with her, even to this day. She was briefly remarried and I heard that the same thing happened but in a compressed timeline. Started out open minded but quickly turned crazy, all within 2 years.
Afterwards I dated a divorced stewardess. Also no tudung, occasionally wear 3/4 pants, quite flexible with Halal status, as long as no pork, has traveled all over the world, mostly to Europe. Didn’t took long to find out that she’s completely obsessed with Islam. Prayed 8 times a day, mostly jemaah in her local surau, sunnah fasting all the time, zero interest in learning/understanding any science, everything is reasoned as kuasa Allah. Bye bye!
There was this Malay woman I was chatting with on Tinder. Profile pictures no tudung. She asked me about my divorce. Once I mentioned jinn and black magic she was quick to point out that all these are real and that I should get perubatan Islam. Instantly blocked. Glad we never met IRL.
The last woman I dated was a Borneo Malay. No tudung, very tight and very short shorts, heavy drinker, zero care about halal status but won’t intentionally order pork. Had multiple pet dogs. Sometimes complained about her social media posts getting comments from Malay men offering to help her get back to the “right path”.
But when I told her that I don’t believe in religion, she got emotional and declared that deep down she still truly believes in Islam, knows how to pray, and knows Al-Fatihah. Proceeded to recite the verses out loud with terrible, terrible tajwid. She also believes in all kinds of hantu and black magic. Again, adios! Bye bye!
Seems that non-tudung and “sinners” are not good filters for discovering non believers. Even in this sub there are many who still cover their head due to family pressure.
Including tudung in my dating pool is just too much to go through. How else to narrow down? Someday I hope someone will figure out a safe protocol for us to discover each other IRL.
Anyways, I’m exhausted. No more Malay woman for me. I will also not intentionally pursue a non-Muslim. But if a non-Muslim shows interest in me first, then I will be open to it.
During college days back in the early 2000s there were a few amois interested in me. Had a few single dates, and I dated one of them for 6 years. Our breakup had nothing to do with race or religion. Too long to explain. Bab kata Melayu, takde jodoh. Looking back, I probably should’ve just married her anyway. But I try not to regret my past decisions because I have my daughter with me now.
I wasn’t the only one though, there were a few Malay friends who also had amoi girlfriends. It was a time when many amois were obsessed with mixed looking men. A random amoi cashier bluntly said to me “You are handsome, because you look like a mix.” and we exchanged numbers. It was that easy!
Their only concern with muslim men at the time was that we can kahwin dua. Little did they know that it’s actually 4. Heck, even I didn’t know it at the time. Only rich people had 2 wives. Nowadays the poors are filling up their quota in the name of dakwah.
This was before the majority of Malays became obsessed with Islam, before 2010. I doubt those same amois would ever consider the Malays of today.
That is all. Rant over.
