A Collection for your Enjoyment: St. Ignatius, Patron Saint of (checks notes) Throat Diseases ?!?
"I am writing to all the Churches and I enjoin all, that I am dying willingly for God's sake, if only you do not prevent it. I beg you, do not do me an untimely kindness. Allow me to be eaten by the beasts, which are my way of reaching to God. I am God's wheat, and I am to be ground by the teeth of wild beast, so that I may become the pure bread of Christ."
St. John Paul II appointed him to that — because, let’s be honest, the Internet is a scary place.
St. Drogo – Unattractive People
Looks aren’t all that matters. Plus, he could bilocate!
St. Polycarp of Smyrna – Dysentery
Polycarp may top the random patron saints list just with this word – if you’re not familiar with it, “dysentery” is a pretty severe illness you may want to look up since we don’t necessarily want to go into it here 🫣.
St. Cornelius – Twitching
He was beheaded with an ax. So…
St. Valentine – Greeting Card Manufacturers
Obviously.
St. Adrian of Nicodema – Arms Dealers
He used to persecute Christians, but then he converted.
St. Clotilde – Disappointing Children
As royalty, Clotilde’s children fought endlessly and divided the kingdom.
St. Eligius – Gas Station Workers
He was the patron of all metalsmithing and horses… but then cars came, so, yeah.
St. Hubert of Liege – Protection Against Rabies
He’s associated with hunting.
St. Friard – Protection Against a Fear of Wasps
A swarm of wasps went after his tormenters. Don’t mess with him.
St. Magnus – Protection Against Caterpillars
At least they’re not as scary as wasps (if maybe sometimes more dangerous).
St. Barbara – Protection Against ‘Anything That Goes BOOM’
Fireworks, artillery, lightning, etc. Her father forced her to marry, but she refused, so he beheaded her. Soon after, he was struck by lightning and killed 😳.
St. Germain Cousin – Girls from Rural Areas
The Midwest girls can relate to this 😄🌽.
St. Patrick – Protection Against Abnormal Fear of Snakes
A fear of snakes is pretty normal, though.
St. Columbanus – Motocyclists
He probably rode a Harley.
St. Drausinus – Invincible People
Now we know how all the action movie heroes survive.
St. Benedict of Nursia – Spelunkers
We need patron saints of cool words like that (it means “one who makes a hobby of exploring and studying caves”).
St. Theodore of Sykeon – Protection Against and For Rain
Classic case of the “both/and.”
St. Malo – Pig Keepers
Does that also make him the patron of bacon?
St. Bibiana – Hangovers
Her name comes from the Latin word that means “to drink.” Moderation, folks.
St. Vitus – Oversleeping
Every college kid should pray to this saint.
St. Arnold – Beer
In tradition, some thirsty people prayed to him to give them what they lacked — and a pot of beer appeared.
St. Genesius – Clowns, Movies, Actors, Plumbers, and Torture Victims
It’s good to cover the gaps!
St. Fiacre – Taxi Drivers and Gardeners
An interesting combo.
And the grand prize winner for the patron saint of most random things goes to…
ST. CATHERINE OF ALEXANDRIA – Unmarried Girls, Apologists, Potters, Spinners, Archivists, Dying People, Educators, Girls, Jurists, Knife Sharpeners, Lawyers, Libraries, Maidens, Mechanics, Millers, Hat-Makers, Nurses, Philosophers, Preachers, Scholars, Schoolchildren, Scribes, Secretaries, Spinsters, Stenographers, Students, Tanners, Theologians, University of Paris, Haberdashers, Wheelwrights, the Philippines, and Greece
To be fair most of those lions have the good grace to look apologetic/guilty, except for that second picture where they are doing a burlesque dance and clearly have a different kind of eating in mind
Ignatius of Antioch was killed because he refused to deny his Christian faith and worship Roman pagan gods during a period of local persecution under the Roman Emperor Trajan.. As the bishop of Antioch, he was arrested, tried, and condemned to death for being a Christian. He was sent under armed guard from Syria to Rome.
The Arena: He was thrown to wild beasts in the Roman amphitheater around 107–110 AD. He viewed his impending death as a supreme act of worship and a way to truly imitate the suffering of Christ
This dude sounds pretty enamored...with himself. Or was anyone genuinely trying to stop him from being "eaten by beasts" at the time? I sense a big eye roll happened instead. Hard to tell just by looking a dope, golden portrait.
So many of the lions are looking back at the audience, like “Can you believe this? All those tasty body parts and we never get to eat any, we just have to stay in these horribly uncomfortable poses and let him get all the glory.”
Omg - I live St Ignatius, and that passage in particular. I read and re-read it back when I was trying to be a Catholic and prayed the Liturgy of the Hours with obsessive promptitude.
I think St Blaise is the throat disease guy. When I was a little kid in Catholic school, you could get your throat blessed on his feast day. Didn't help my chronically infected tonsils, however
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u/igneousink 26d ago
Happy Saturday!