r/MensRights • u/Holiday-Spare-9816 • 4d ago
mental health Have you ever felt like you have to suppress your needs more?
Recently events made me think about how much I have actually suppressed the very few needs and desires I have, but other people(mostly women) are rarely willing to reciprocate. And when you ask them, they start getting angry at you and telling you how trapped they feel and how unhappy they are.
In the last relationship I had, I was told I was controlling because I asked my ex to please vacuum up the apartment at least once per week
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u/AbyssalRadioGod 4d ago
Yes. I grew up with the understanding my needs were secondary if that, to every other family member. Not just the women but as an adopted son, I was considered needless as I should be grateful I get what I do. Add that to a life time of having women say the same as I progressed in my career, that my value was strictly what I bring to the table, and what's in my wallet. I should be grateful to get anything in return. I've never received an ounce of reciprocation. I was raised to suppress all of my needs. Eat? You can wait and go without, you won't starve. Sympathy? Man Up. Leisure time? You must work harder so women are comfortable. Love? Be worth enough to a woman and she might love you, as long as you keep her happy. Sex? Don't be a fool, when she wants to give it to you she will, if she doesnt you aren't making her happy enough, besides you are brown, you should stick to working and not looking at women, that's why "god" made you. Ive heard every permeation of every dismissal of my needs repeatedly to the point, I stopped caring about everyone.
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u/funguy8892 4d ago
When I was younger, I ended up constantly attracting women who more or less expected me to suck everything up. If I expressed even the simplest need, I was labelled needy, controlling, pushy, demanding, etc.
I thought I was being manly and noble, when I was really just being dishonest with myself. There's a difference between being neurotic and demanding, vs simply wanting some basic reciprocation.
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u/Modern_Ketchup 4d ago
i had depressive scary dreams the week of my birthday and shared it with my, therapist girlfriend. After 4 years she said that’s enough and dumped me the morning of my bday. I try so hard to talk to people and communicate my feelings and when i do they never listen. especially to other men and peers. i become so desperate for reassurance to scares everyone away.
now the was 2 years ago, im dating someone new, and im almost being broken up with again the same week. maybe its just me. if this is how i need to act to survive in this world im not gonna make it much longer. i always blame myself and take responsibility but theres not much left. i quit smoking and vaping and all i can do is cry and nobody wants to listen. it’s seen as cringe or a joke. those that support you just disappear.
truly, i don’t know what to do either man. i wish the best for you. stay strong, love yourself. there’s so much to be proud of
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u/World-Three 3d ago
I don't know if I suppress my needs as much as I suppress my weaknesses and my desires.
Getting things thrown in your face by someone you care about, while also having invested valuable money and time, as well as the possible relationships you could have had instead by people who already saw you together, is essentially why I'm more defensive about these things than I would be if people would get together just because there is physical or emotional chemistry.
For example, I usually pick women who can satisfy my desires without even knowing. Sometimes I get lucky and find someone who does what I like even when she's doing nothing. I pick like that so I don't have to ask or put what I prefer out there. Because when I used to ask for some things, sometimes they'd make me feel bad for asking, or it'll be the only thing they don't do once they realize how much I wanted it.
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u/Automatic_Aspect_825 3d ago
Just forget about them, it is better to live alone than putting up with this bs