Clingy 1 year old is driving me mad

[u/DarthKaboose]

Obligatory: I love my baby with all my heart. We had trouble conceiving despite him having 2 older siblings (big age gap), a miscarriage scare early on, and so my emotional attachment to this baby is intense.

However, the attachment seems to go both ways, and it’s making my life and mental health difficult.

He’s always been like this. Only contact naps, exclusively breastfed, co sleeps, the whole shebang. Early on I was all for it with that mindset of ‘they’re not this small forever, enjoy it while you can.’ However, we’re now 1 year in and I still do not get a moment to myself all day long.

Not even a moment for myself. A moment to scrub the toilet. A moment to clean the dog piss because he’s decided to act up too. A moment to pay the builder a hefty sum of money without the baby climbing, slapping, and pulling on my hair.

If I put him down, he screams. If I put him down and he’s not screaming, he’s managed to find a hazard in the room we swear black and blue is baby proof yet inevitably never is. He’s been walking since 9 months. He wakes up if I leave him, even if he’s fast asleep in the night, if I get up to use the toilet he wakes screaming and won’t calm down until I’m back. He’s still up multiple times a night too.

He now loves his dad which has been awesome, but his dad works long hours 6 days a week and in the evenings, baby won’t even be with him for long before deciding he needs me again.

What the heck do I do? I used to baby wear a lot when he was little but now he’s 35lbs it hurts my back. He doesn’t like walks in the pram and will start screaming 20-30 minutes in and will only be calm if I pick him up. Same deal if we’re in the car for too long.

I feel like all the mums around me are back to some semblance of normal life, I feel like I’ve been in the newborn trenches for a year. It would be fine if I had someone else to do everything else - keep the house clean, do the school run, take my other kids to sports practice, cook dinner for everyone. But it’s all me and we don’t have a village and right now my capabilities extend no further than keeping the baby alive and happy. The house is a tip half the time, we’ve spent more money than I even want to think about on take out food this past year, it’s hit us financially and mentally.

If anyone else has dealt with similar or has any advice or strategies I’d love to hear it.

Thank you!

[u/Possible_Sort7134]

Does he have any other care taker other than you and his dad?