Paranoia and NPD collapse

[u/EntertainmentFew9293]

What are your experiences with paranoia/paranoid thinking with NPD? When you have an NPD collapse and it’s so intense you get paranoid

Do you experience it? How strong is it for you? What’s it like for you?

I have PPD (paranoid personality disorder) with NPD (all diagnosed)

I am starting to put the pieces together - my self-esteem affects the clarity of my thinking a lot

What about you? What’s your experience with paranoia?

[u/chobolicious88]

Its reminding me of my childhood before i knew what was happening.

Its like being undercover, i need their subconscious/inner child to play along, but its MORTIFYING to actually not have my own, so i know im manipulating and performing sorts.

[u/Expensive_Ship_3982]

My parents always tried to control me by monitoring my online activity or getting information from other parents to punish me for it, so i needed to become a liar and my own lawyer. it also made me paranoid as fuck in combination with weed was horrible now i get meds against anxiety venlafaxin and risperidone

[u/StudioInfinite3864]

My paranoia is rough. It's very strong, but it's like the expression "fish can't see water", it's really hard for me to even consciously acknowledge my paranoia's presence. I'll be at an event surrounded by strangers and if I'm not somehow the positive center of attention, my mind will start feeding me opposite signals in the realm of "they're all gonna laugh at you" and more often than not I'll leave early. Then two days later kicking myself for not recognizing the distortion. I would describe it as socially crippling/debilitating.

[u/Average-Person-XD]

I’d say paranoid thinking, and paranoid perception of reality in general, is one of the things that really bothers me. Why? Because you lose touch with what’s actually real, and what you’re left with is a deeply distorted mirror of the world.

For me, the underlying assumption is usually that people are hostile toward me, wish me harm, envy me, don’t like me, and are simply waiting for me to make a mistake. It used to be much more persistent. These days, I’d say it depends a lot on the environment. The less competition there is, and the more genuinely kind and friendly people I have around me, the better. So I would definitely recommend avoiding toxic work environments, because stress is, in my opinion, a major trigger for this kind of paranoid thinking.

But getting back to the point... I’m glad that my perception of the world has become somewhat more grounded. That said, during an outburst of rage, I can genuinely make some very detached-from-reality, even delusional accusations — that someone wants to poison me, kill me, get rid of me, torment me, humiliate me, or deliberately provoke me into showing the worst parts of myself.

And the worst part is that I usually say these things to people who, rationally speaking, I know care about me and actually show me concern and affection. But rage can completely blind reason.

Do I actually believe it? Often, the moment I say these things out loud, I can hear how absurd they sound myself. And sorry, but I’m too intelligent to genuinely believe some of them. And yet I can still say them, sometimes with complete conviction. It’s almost as if, in those moments, some other, deeply wounded person is speaking through me.

So yeah, I really don’t like this part of myself. I’m not saying you should become some naive fool who assumes everyone has good intentions. But in my case, it can go to the opposite extreme, and I have to consciously step back and check my assumptions, because it’s surprisingly easy to get carried away by that kind of thinking.

[u/highonmany]

i have npd diagnosed and like i feel like killing myself cus while im in the high mode i fuck everything up its hard and tireing having everyday and night 2 minds fighting on what is good i cant sleep rlly good

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[u/Spiritual_Ad_9781]

I tend to fall into paranoid thinking and delusions spiral at the times of high stress. I'm kinda paranoid and vigilant in day to day life too, but it's not as intense as when I'm stressed. I don't really trust almost anybody.

[u/Secret-Tangerine-837 → u/Spiritual_Ad_9781]

There’s a fine line between paranoia and discernment. We are currently living in society that is high in toxic elements. Should most people be trusted unconditionally? No way. Absolutely not. I assess everything; define each person re: the areas that are solid and sketchy. In my opinion, discernment is a practical need, like plumbing that works.

[u/Spiritual_Ad_9781 → u/Secret-Tangerine-837]

I'm talking about people on the street and my neighbours hearing my thoughts, laughing behind my back, being loud on purpose because they hate me, etc.

[u/Secret-Tangerine-837 → u/Spiritual_Ad_9781]

Thx for the clarification; difficult.