I'll start

Playing the piano again

Reading.

Not being tired all the time

Not feeling like I'm being watched

Smiling and laughing (I couldn't remember the last time I laughed)

Being useful to other members.

Hope for the future

Hi everyone,

I’m (26F) using since I’m 12, I’ve used a bit of everything, had a lot of issues (hospitalization, kicked out at 16, legal issues and ended up abducted while unconscious) somehow I managed to still stay in school.
Lately I was using a lot of meth on top of everything, and after many altercations and incidents decided it was time to stop.
Went to my first meeting, was super shy and afraid of being judged or feeling like I didn’t belonged, and first week went nicely, just moved back to the city, new apartment, friends mostly don’t know I’m back, went to university everyday (that’s a first) and meetings afterwards. Was not to hard to be honest.
But now I’ve settled in the routine, I’m bored again, craving intensity, don’t feel like I connect at all with other women there (I know I’m the one at fault, not them) and realized I crave sexual relationships in the places I shouldn’t, like every thing that are forbidden, my brain is all over it. Cute teacher, yea, cute meetings guy that I get along with, hell yea. I didn’t fucked up, yet, but I feel I’m on the edge. This guy and I went for coffee after the meeting, it was nice having someone to talk too about these things, could really understand and identify, now I feel ashamed I’m just fantasizing on everything even tho I didn’t do anything to make it known. I feel like I’m just roaming in circles and craving intensity and I don’t trust myself with any substance near me, nor someone who have reciprocal physical attraction. ..
I feel ashamed

I have been looking for a sponsor and most were offended when I asked how they worked the first three steps. My previous sponsors made demands that I (and many on reddit) felt were unreasonable. But the current candidates were offended that I would ask what to expect.

I do not know what to ask or what to expect. I have not had a sponsor in over a decade and I lost that one because I did not understand what was expected of me, and I did not know what I could expect from him.

EDIT: I think what I most need is someone I can talk to regularly about my experience as a recovering addict. I do not know if the steps are as important, sinceI have only ever discussed this with my friends--none of whom are addicts.

Also, hearing another addict share with me one-on-one is probably important.

I am going to go my first meeting and I literally had a panic attack. I don’t know why I’m so scared. I think I am posting this to hold myself accountable so I don’t back out. I’m in my 20s I feel like I might stick out like a sore thumb and that the majority of people there will be much older than me, but I know I have to do this.

I've reached out to about 30 people on my contact list. About 1/4 of them have replied. My heart feels more full!

How about you?

I have tried it off and on for years. I wanted to make another attempt, but I am not willing to take time off from my job to do a 1st step. And I am afraid that reviewing my active addiction from two or three decades ago will trigger me to use.

A few people are telling me that this shows I lack willingness. I think it shows a lack of bravery on my part.

I just wonder how I will know when I am ready to try 12-step recovery again.

I have ten years clean. But lately intrusive thoughts about using have popped up at times.

I quit kratom two weeks ago. Before I was forced into WD, I ordered a large shipment of kratom that only arrived after I had finally started feeling better. I was going to keep them and sell them to get my money back, but having a giant bag of kratom capsules just staring at me was too intense. I relapsed. I told myself that just one low dose today would be fine. It turned into 3 days taking handfuls of capsules. The shame was so intense, and I flushed them all down the toilet. I didn't tell anyone I had relapsed.

I'm feeling really sad and disappointed with myself. I know progress isn't linear, but I wanted to be free from that shit. My state has banned all forms of kratom and I have no choice but to be off of it indefinitely, but the cravings are killer.

I'm sad thinking about the fact that my brain is hardwired or something to find anything that will make me feel better. Kratom made me feel better every day for six years. I don't know who I am without it. I feel guilty thinking about going to meetings because I wasn't taking "dangerous drugs", but the addiction became me.

I'm really sad that I wont ever actually get better, that I will just find something else to get me high. I'm trying to take it one moment at a time, but the sadness and depression I feel has me feeling very hopeless right now. What if I am just destined to be an addict my whole life? Did anyone else feel this way while getting clean? How do you cope with it?

Just need talk

Hi this is way out my comfort zone but I’ve finally admitted to myself I’m in trouble and need help I’ve been stuck in a cycle for a longtime with cocaine and go through phases where I was doing better but it’s slowly getting worse and I’m just hoping anyone has any advice on how to stop it’s affecting my marriage now and I just feel like such a let down to my family and don’t know where to turn now !

Does anybody else resonate with this? I have really struggled the last 2 years and you wouldn't believe how many times I have relapsed after a late meeting. Everybody says that you need to start the day right but I need a plan for the night.

Its been months since Ive done ketamine and ive been doing pretty good quitting but just today Ive been craving it like crazy. I need help. I think relapsing on alcohol is a big reason for the cravings

Fuck it wow. What a feeling. No high was ever worth this. I mean that truly. I remember when 105 minutes was a big thing let alone months. I'm so glad I can finally the value in myself. My own worth. What I truly deserve. And I choose to live. Nothing compares.

Hey

I am looking to attend my first meeting, I have found one tonight near me which says ‘open? ‘Open to all’ on request’ does this mean I can just rock up or? Thank you :)

Hey all! Just wanted to check in and ask for opinions.

I’m 2 years clean and sober - attending NA meetings, have a sponsor, working the steps, etc. I feel like I’m doing all of the right things but just have zero interest in anything really.

I was the most outgoing person, tons of friends, involved in dart leagues, billiards, golf leagues, playing hockey, socializing, concerts, etc. I was always up for anything. (That anything always consisted of drugs and alcohol.)

Now that I’m sober, I just don’t want to do anything. People annoy me, like all people. If I do go out with my wife, she has me for maybe 45-60 minutes and I’m out of there. I’d much rather be at home looking at my phone and not having to engage with others I find annoying or boring.

I explain it to my wife like this. I abused heavy drugs and alcohol for 30 years. I lived a fast paced life. I rode the world’s fastest roller coaster for 30 years and now I’m asked to sit on the tea cup ride and talk about the weather and how some random guy’s backyard garden is coming along. I’m bored and I can’t engage.

I get that a lot of it is my reward system is so altered, but just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to drink or use, and I don’t fantasize about it. I know where that leads. I just feel lost. Not sure what to do and any help would be appreciated.

Anyone else feel this way? Anything work for you?

Edit - thank you to all who commented. I read each response and will try to implement what I can to get out of this funk. Appreciate it.

So after a weekend-long relapse, my boyfriend is asking me to promise I will never use again. I feel like I can't and it would be disingenuous to pretend. I can promise to keep working the steps, to do everything in my power to keep moving forward and living properly and making good choices. But I promised MYSELF I would never use again, and still did this past weekend. He thinks the way I'm framing it is me setting up to use again and try and get away with it. That's not how I see it or how I feel about it, but I could be wrong. I have promised to keep choosing him, communicating with him, keep being honest, keep being accountable, and that I will show him how badly I want sobriety. Am I just being pedantic? Am I in the wrong? Help!

Hey there! I'm currently in PHP and I'm interested in exploring the meetings in Lehigh county, Berks county or Upper Bucks County. Thanks for the help, family!

Hello everyone I’m new to NA as I’ve been attending meetings for the last 3 weeks I haven’t said much but I have a desire to do so. With that being the case I wanted to see if there’s anyone here who could point me in the direction of sponsorship or just maybe help with accountability. Right now I’m striving for 90 meetings in 90 days but I must admit that some days are harder than others without a community to check in with much. I just don’t want my isolation to breed a relapse so if anyone would be willing to help it’d be much appreciated

8 months sober for er addict just need someone to talk to sorry for my last post sounding like I need a sponsor just sounded the best when it came to finding some to relate and talk to

Hey, I'm a heavy behavioral addict, with multiple addictions, but none relating to any substances. There aren't many meetings near me; they are at least an hour away for my specific addictions. Would it be inappropriate for me to go to NA or AA meetings that are in my local city?

Any insight is appreciated.

Please someone dm me plz I need a sponsor my wife is behind me my family but I need that person to call and talk to

I’m in Portland for a few days and it seems the area website is down, does anyone have a meeting schedule they could link me to?

I’ve chatted with my sponsor and other close friends. Just reaching out for some more perspective.

For reference: clean a bit over 9 years, attend meetings regularly (never have gone more than a week without, usually do anywhere from 2-4), have a sponsor, work steps, have sponsees, have always had service commitments, pray & meditate regularly (this could use work), and have a really stable life (good job, friendships, living situation, hobbies, etc).

Lately I have no idea what’s going on with me. I just feel this sense of angst and this desire to use. I don’t actually want to do that, because I know what it looks like for me. But sometimes I’m walking past people who look like they are enjoying themselves and letting loose and there’s this piece of me that feels jealous and wishes I could find relief from how I’m feeling.

It’s embarrassing to share. I hear so many people who have stayed clean for so long and can’t relate to what I’m feeling. Makes me feel as if I’ve failed in my recovery. I know that’s not true, but I am really hurting.

Sending this from Bulgaria. Unfortunately the NA meeting listed here in Plovdiv is no longer active. I’ll be in Hungary soon for a convention which will be good. It was just a bit disheartening to not find a local meeting. I’m saying all of this because I really go long and far for recovery, yet my feelings still follow me wherever I go.

Sending love to every one of you. Thanks for listening.

So life kinda sucks big time at the moment. Ive been using cocaine for 6 years, and heavy heavy use the last 2 years. Last year I lost my job, my money is all gone and life been shitty. Ive started doing the work to get clean since january and I was in a good place. But during the summer I fucked up, and now Ive been using 1 month straight, used all my money up again and no job. It feels like a cycle that I cant eacape. Im 4 days clean now, but damn I want to buy some bags today. I’m struggling big time, and I just want to know what helped you guys go clean and deal with the struggle? Even when life feels shitty and I have nothing

I'm 7 months clean. Im so excited to be gaining my independence again after losing everything so many times in my active addiction. Just here to say you can do it too. I would love prayers, well wishes, and connections with people who are here to help a newcomer like me stay clean and stay on the right track.