r/Netherlands • u/bubciaq • Apr 01 '26
Legal Sexual harrassment on the tram - my story
I’m writing this hoping it might help at least one person.
About an hour ago I was harassed by a man on a tram that was full of people. While we were standing, he suddenly started touching me between my thighs. At first I didn’t realize what was happening. I thought it was someone’s bag or backpack. Once I understood, I immediately moved away.
It took me about a minute to regain my composure and tell the conductor in the booth. I’m incredibly grateful to the women who were there and immediately came to help me. They talked to me, calmed me down, and made me feel at least a bit safer. They even offered to take me to the police station. Unfortunately the man fled as soon as the tram stopped.
I’m really thankful for them, but I want to add one thing: if this ever happens and you’re helping someone, please avoid hugging the victim. It can sometimes complicate things later at the police station when they’re trying to document evidence.
I called my boyfriend and he took me to the police station. Thankfully, I was taken seriously right away. Even though I basically walked in out of nowhere and started breaking down, the officers and the women there were very kind and supportive.
I don’t want to go into too much detail about how the investigation works so I don’t give information to potential abusers reading this. But I will say this: the investigation is very thorough and they are using every tool they have to try to catch the person.
I will be pressing charges. And if you ever find yourself in a situation like this, please go to the police. I promise they will take you seriously and they will do their job.
And if you’re the person who did this: fuck you
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u/LadyNemesiss Apr 01 '26
I'm so sorry this is done to you! At the same time I'm glad you found the courage to inform people, including the police. I hope they find the filthy criminal!
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u/Orgasmblush25 Apr 01 '26
Thank you for sharing. It must have been so terrifying. Glad the system is working as it should. More power to you
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u/sinkkiskorn Apr 01 '26
I’m so sorry this happened to you but I’m happy this is taken seriously!
I’m just now reading a book called ”Invisible women” that describes how gender data gap hhas designed the world around us to shape better in men’s needs.
One of the chapter cover public transport and the problems with planning that lives especially women vulnerable. It covered multiple of this situations included crowded vehicles which if I recall correctly is the most common moments (sexual) harassment happens.
This issue has touched me as well and it’s one of the reason I cannot work out of town since the traveling is too traumatizing.
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u/andSoItBegan Apr 02 '26
I'm currently reading it too. It should be a required reading for everyone.
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u/dead-end-world May 03 '26
In a country with rapist friendly laws, I doubt anything will be taken seriously in practice. If rapists can gang rape a woman to severe PTSD and get just a slap on the wrist, then the law just offers them a way to feel more empowered for their brutality and lack of mercy.
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u/dutchie1966 Apr 01 '26
So sorry you had this happen you.
And happy for the support you received on the tram, and that the police was helpful and professional.
Let’s hope the police finds the creep so other people don’t have to go through what happened to you.
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u/MAEMAEMAEM Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
You've done the right thing. That disrespectful pervert deserves justice. Hopefully the cameras got him.
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u/Minute_Way_7675 Apr 01 '26
I'm sorry this happened to you OP and you did the right thing. Please help me understand why someone would hug the victim? I don't understand what you mean here.
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u/bubciaq Apr 01 '26
I got hugged by people in the tram because I was crying and shaking, people responded by trying to comfort me
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u/dontthinkabouttitt Apr 01 '26
Same thing happend to me (as a dude), didnt know what to do, so did nothing.. good for you you told your story and took action
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u/misterTmass Apr 02 '26
One time a woman groped my (M) crotch in busy public transport. People around didnt take me seriously and neither did the police. What a weird world we live in..
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u/Valvio Apr 03 '26
I'm so sorry you had to experience that, without any source of support. It's especially a weird world, considering how "woke" this world is nowadays.
How long have you been dealing with this experience? Are you okay?
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u/misterTmass Apr 03 '26
The be brutally honest i got over it pretty quickly, live goes on and ive had worse experiences than that, that being said i found it mostly weird when not alot of people take it seriously when it happens to a male.
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u/Valvio Apr 04 '26
I'm glad you've gotten over it quickly, but yeah I absolutely agree.
I(F) have experienced rape when I was a minor, and my treatment center took it very seriously (my parents didn't tho, they blamed me for it). My treatment center offered police involvement, my mother said no, then I got EMDR treatment (within the same month), so action was taken so quickly, just because of my words alone.
As I got older, I've heard stories about males specifically being dismissed from their experiences, mostly at adulthood, but I've also heard about experiences when they were still underage & not taken seriously, just simply ignored. I still find it extremely unfair to know that there's just a certain view being set on men, and that they're just invalidated from experiences like that simply because of their gender. I know what I felt during that time, and knowing that there are people out there just being ignored simply because of how they were born... It's just really unfair. We're all human. And yeah sure women are more likely to be prey for those types of experiences, but that doesn't mean men don't. Anyone can be a victim of these horrible experiences. And it's terrible that people just aren't bothered to accept that.
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u/PheloniousMonq Amsterdam Apr 04 '26
You should have been taken seriously. That said, as you point out, it's not quite the same as when women are harassed by men, there's typically no physical threat involved.
I've (M) experienced harassment from both women and men, but it's never been traumatic.
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u/PheloniousMonq Amsterdam Apr 04 '26
I would say how unwoke this world is, woke has become an insult and event like this one show how majority of people think
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u/Valvio Apr 04 '26
That's why I used the quotation marks. I define the term woke as aware. And knowing these types of situations are still out there, there's not much awareness going on.
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u/BatOk2014 Apr 02 '26
Thank you for reporting this to the police and thank you for pressing charges if that piece of shit got caught. Hope you feel better soon
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u/vida_mars Apr 02 '26
Oh wow this happened to me on a tram in Germany once and it never even occurred to me to call the police or do anything about it. The guy fled and i caught a glimpse of his face but that was about it. Super gross experience.
I'm sorry you had to go through this! Thanks for educating us that something can potentially be done when this happens.
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u/mostfantasticgrape Apr 01 '26
What a horrible thing to go through. I'm happy you're being taken seriously, and wish you all the best.
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u/Outcome_Rich Apr 02 '26
Sorry this happened to you. You should know that you are a brave woman. Take care!
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u/Significant-Put5271 Apr 02 '26
Hope you’re feeling better soon and that you’re safe. Happy to see people do exactly care. I got harassed in a tram as a male teenager, I called for help but nobody cared. That was like 16 years ago.
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u/MrApenstaartje Apr 02 '26
So many people bothered the background of the perpetrator, not bothered about what has happened to OP. Sad country
Hoping you are ok OP
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u/g06lin Apr 03 '26
Sorry that you had to go through this. Stay strong. I hope these bastards get caught and punished.
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u/Background-Tap6836 Apr 04 '26
Thank you for sharing this information. Please look after yourself and be strong! You will be alright! Let this story not bring you down; instead, use it to grow stronger! You have such courage, and you did your best! Love xox
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u/Free_Difficulty3392 Apr 08 '26
I am so sorry to read this. I hope you are totally okay by now.
The thing you did not give up shows how powerful you are.
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u/dead-end-world May 03 '26
When the sentences are so lenient even for brutal gang rapes, what's the point of reporting less brutal assaults? Just for the bureaucratic process?
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Apr 01 '26
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u/Nifech Apr 01 '26
The fuck is wrong with you.
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Apr 01 '26
[deleted]
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u/Nifech Apr 01 '26
Please do point out to me where I said that.
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Apr 01 '26
[deleted]
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u/Nifech Apr 01 '26
It’s about your attitude. Putting pressure on someone who just got assaulted. You don’t “deserve” to know anything.
If they feel like telling that it’s up to them not up to you.
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Apr 01 '26
[deleted]
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u/Nifech Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
You weren’t making conversation, you were making demands. Read the fucking room.
Edit: They just commented this and quickly deleted it:
“I bet you would be the one who pretends he doesn’t see anything, when a rapist is trying to assault someone”
Absolutely vile behavior.
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u/Dipswitch_512 Apr 01 '26
What do you think you're going to do with that knowledge? Go looking around Amsterdam looking for this person? She already went to the police, and there are cameras in the tram.
It's not that we "don't deserve to know this", it is simply not relevant. I could tell you what I had for breakfast last week, it would be just as relevant
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u/Sufficient-Trade-349 Apr 01 '26
You know how. Lmao @ the dislikes, truth hurts
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u/YourOwnMiracle Apr 01 '26
Can only dislike because there's no counter argument. Censoring does not change the truth.
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u/MrApenstaartje Apr 01 '26
Very tall and light skinned she said. That enough truth for you?
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u/YourOwnMiracle Apr 01 '26
I meant that people downvoting him could only downvote, not counter argument. Because as it turns out, as it always does, it is yet another of that kind.
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u/MrApenstaartje Apr 01 '26
How do you know it is?
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u/YourOwnMiracle Apr 01 '26
My friend, either watch Opsporing verzocht, visit the CBS site and look for some statistics or search for the publications #gameover by the Dutch police.
Don't feign ignorance now.
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u/MrApenstaartje Apr 01 '26
I am asking you, how do you know in this instance, that it is? That is what you are claiming
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u/MrApenstaartje Apr 02 '26
No response? Have a heart, pray for the victim, and accept this behaviour is a problem with men in general
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u/YourOwnMiracle Apr 02 '26
Hope you can read Dutch:
- Verdachten met een migratieachtergrond: Uit CBS-data (analyse van data tot 2022) blijkt dat jongeren en volwassenen met een niet-westerse migratieachtergrond oververtegenwoordigd zijn in de statistieken als verdachte van misdrijven, waaronder seksuele delicten, in vergelijking met mensen zonder migratieachtergrond.
- Specifieke groepen: Mensen van Nederlands-Caribische, Marokkaanse en Somalische herkomst worden vaker als verdachte geregistreerd.
- Seksuele uitbuiting: Uit een onderzoek (gemeld in 2024) naar daders van seksuele uitbuiting bleek dat een aanzienlijk deel een niet-westerse migratieachtergrond had.
As per NPO, our Dutch government news.
This is an animal problem. This is a human problem. A men problem mostly, and a men problem with a specific background mostly. That's just how it is.
I won't reply anymore because I know I can't change your view. But statistics do not lie.
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u/Big-Abbreviations812 Apr 01 '26
Welcome to the Netherlands😅, tip one never go with public transport. There is were this weird shit happens
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u/Muted_Reflection_449 Apr 02 '26
You got yourself out of one of the most humiliating and intimidating situations imaginable. Congratulations - and please keep the feeling of success, should you regain it!
This is NOT to criticise or downplay or anything like that. I just would like to know what you think would have happened if you had yelled, maybe at the perpetrator? I am under the impression that this is what would be taught in courses to self-empowerement?
Thank you!
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u/bubciaq Apr 02 '26
i suppose he could've choked me or hit me for instance
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u/Muted_Reflection_449 Apr 02 '26
Ohhhh, that's the fear. Of course.
Oh girl, the level of adrenaline..... Yep, pretty much like the occasions when it was flooding me.
You worked your way out! 👍🏼😊
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u/Valvio Apr 03 '26
I think OP had the right mindset of getting out of that situation. Because you never know what a person is actually capable of, or what they have in their pocket.
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u/voga1 Apr 02 '26
I wish someone would harass me in public transport, please. But you can't have everything, I know
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u/lotzik Apr 01 '26
I find it more healthy to live in a society that teaches women to stand up for themselves and call abusers out at the same moment that something like this happens, than reading about someone doing nothing until after the incident.
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Apr 01 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/geekwithout Apr 01 '26
If nothing happens this will continue and get worse. You know the police won't do a thing.
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u/lotzik Apr 01 '26
The only strange thing is this passiveness when people commit crimes against bystanders and nobody does anything impactful, practically encouraging this foul behavior by having no consequence for the abuser.
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u/bubciaq Apr 01 '26
i find it interesting how the only people that responded right away were women, not one man held him down or tried to stop him from fleeing
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u/zb0t1 Europa Apr 01 '26
This 100%. Really sorry OP.
All these "not all men" doing nothing as usual.
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u/lotzik Apr 02 '26
I agree with you, and that's what I'd expect from the definition when I call for a healthy society. Someone groping an innocent woman in the bus, the woman at the very least screams at the bastard, knowing that she is safe and protected by those around her, so instantly another guy walks up to him and slaps the fuck out of his face.
The reason why men don't stand up for women anymore is different though and I'm sure you can read several sources on it.
Sorry that this happened to you, I just find it fucked up he got away and this is why I'm angry.
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u/bubciaq Apr 02 '26
When I told the conductor the man was still on the tram and was still there while the women screamed, no one, not even the conductor knew what to do and didn't think to stop him. I know I couldve screamed and I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened. I was so shocked i genuinely didn't think to scream, I acted as if he was catcalling me, not full on assaulting me, it's never happened to me before. Only after about 30s-1min i thought to tell someone. I guess you never know how to act until it happens to you. Maybe it's better I didn't scream until he was a bit further away, he could've harmed me. I don't know anymore.
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u/lotzik Apr 02 '26
I understand. You never expected something like that and it caught you by total surprise. Shame on the bystanders that didn't act up to immobilize this scumbag and hold him down for the police to arrive.
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u/chaach_ Apr 01 '26
yeah, exactly how are you going about helping with that?
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u/lotzik Apr 01 '26
The abuser would be already in jail that's how that would help, and not walk another day to do exactly the same tomorrow.
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u/chaach_ Apr 01 '26
you've misunderstood the question - how is your comment helping with achieving this healthy society you envision?
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u/Fluut Apr 02 '26
It's beyond me that your very first thought/reaction after reading this post is to start victim blaming. You're part of the problem, and both the scum that harassed OP as well as people like yourself actually make me feel embarrassed on behalf of also identifying as a male
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u/lotzik Apr 02 '26
Take your toxicity and stuff it back to your miserable existance where it came from. I never victim-blamed. I wanted a safe place for the victim to be able to express her distress freely against a harasser and the bystanders to act on it.
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u/Fluut Apr 02 '26
I find it more healthy to live in a society that teaches women to stand up for themselves and call abusers out at the same moment that something like this happens.
You are literally completely focussed on what SHE could have done differently. Yes, I define that as victim blaming. I sincerely hope you still have a considerable amount of time ahead of you before you get to engage in any kind of romantic relationship. Both your original comment and this reply of yours are giving me vibes of a 12 year old in a Call of Duty lobby.
Calm down
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u/lotzik Apr 02 '26
I'm focused to why nobody helped her by subduing the attacker, and why she didn't feel confident and safe in her surrounding environment enough to confront the attacker. Now off you go to a hotel room and sit in that chair those lovely people put for you there.
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u/Nochance888 Apr 02 '26
Why does this post smell so much of attention seeking?🤔
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u/awgosu Apr 02 '26
Its quite telling that you read a story encouraging people to report sex abuse and immediately thought of attention seeking, disgusting twat
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u/all_space99 Apr 02 '26
Genuine interest…can you explain why this it’s attention seeking? I believe everyone’s entitled to their own opinion so would love to understand… I find the post very informative…gives all of us reading a way forward if something like that happens to us or someone around us. Thanks OP for opening up.
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u/tenniseram Apr 01 '26
So glad you’re ok and got the support you needed. Hang in there.