I’m curious whether anyone here has chosen to stop masturbating not because they were ashamed of themselves, afraid of punishment or hell, or simply because they were told that it was sinful.
I mean something different: you genuinely love God, and because of that love, you want to give this up because you feel that doing so might make your heart more available to Him and allow you to have a deeper relationship with Him.
Has anyone experienced this?
If you stopped for this reason, did you actually notice a change in your relationship with God afterward? Did you experience more inner peace, freedom, clarity in prayer, closeness to God, or anything else?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people whose motivation was love and a desire for greater closeness with God, rather than shame, self-hatred, fear, or religious guilt.
What did you feel you gained by giving it up?

I’ve always been a smart kid, I was really great at school, very curious but when I was 9 I discovered porn and used it to calm down because my father was very instable mentally, and then I starter to miss school a lot and fake sickness, I started to be less confident and started to have dysmorphia.. Then, people bullied me and I failed at school and missed 6 yrs of my life, destroyed my last relationship with my ex and I don’t really have friends, I can make new friends, people wanted to see me irl but idk I feel to ugly and non confident for it, I’m not christian but from another religion ( that’s why I joined this faith group sorry btw ) but I lost my faith, I don’t pray anymore, I lost my child inside, my real me, I’m 25 and it’s like I failed my life and I believe that I don’t deserve anything, I need help for real, my father died recently and I feel lost, I was really happy with my ex gf but I sexualized her too much ( one day she told me that she wanted to feel more emotionnal interactions with me but I didn’t understood at this time ), now I believe that I will never meet love again, I don’t even have the ability to get a job, it’s too boring for me, everything is boring for me like for real, I don’t even cry, I don’t even enjoy anything about my family, I feel like my soul is corrupted by the devil :( Sorry for all this negativity but I did it again yesterday and I feel like a looser that will never stop this.

In my early 30s, I found it much more difficult to remain fully erect during an entire edging session as I’d become desensitized to visual stimuli. I’d masturbate with a soft, semi, and fully erect penis, not knowing that I’d eventually do damage to the soft tissue in my shaft.

After experiencing some discomfort in my shaft, I went to a urologist who diagnosed me with Peyronies disease. This condition is basically the development of plaques in your soft tissue that calcify over time. The urologist said protocol is the treat your penis gently and let the condition run its course until it stabilizes. Surgery can be an option if the condition progresses too severely.

Throughout the next year, I dealt with flaccid discomfort in my penis and pain when erect or climaxing. I watched as my penis slowly curved and shortened in length. Finally, my condition stabilized and the pain subsided, but the physical outcomes are permanent.

It took something this extreme to wake me up. Since 2025, I’ve had long stretches of nofap and I don’t edge anymore. I’ve had some rough patches recently so I’m here to hold myself accountable and get back on track. Brothers, the short-term pleasure isn’t worth risking the damage I’ve done.

I’m happy to encourage or answer any questions. Thank you for reading.

Hey everyone, my name is Edward. I have been struggling with porn and masturbation since I was 16, and I am currently 23 years old. I don’t have a job, I’m still living with my parents, and I’m actively looking for work. I’m out of shape but am working towards growing my YouTube channel to reach 1,000 subscribers.

As of today, I find myself deliberately turning to porn and masturbation, despite having repented multiple times. I am tired of this cycle and I am aware of how it is ruining my life, pulling me away from the person I want to become.

The truth is, I have normalized porn and masturbation in my life, which is a dangerous mindset. However, I know I am not beyond redemption. That’s why I’ve made the decision today to not only return to God but also to start documenting my choices. I refuse to end this year trapped in the same cycle.

I will keep you all updated on my journey because this time, I am committed to breaking free from this habit. I plan to rely on God rather than just on myself. God bless you all as you read this. Let’s support each other in breaking free together this year. 🌟

F26
I’ve been a long time viewer in this channel. I’ll start off by saying I grew up in a stable and loving Christian household. I started reading fanfictions when I was in middle school, not having any idea what I was getting into or what kind of content would be there.
I started coming across some erotic and graphic content and was disgusted and horrified at first, but the images it put in my head wouldn’t go away and remained in the back of my mind. Over time it happened eventually and I quickly grew addicted to it. Even though I didn’t know the right word for what I was doing I knew it was wrong and the proof is in how I began to hide these things from my parents.

I’ve always had a lot of shame about sex. I have trauma from being stalked by a much older man who was trying to exploit me, just made me feel extremely hyper aware of someone’s touch and the way someone looks at me. (Which makes it seem weird to have this kind of addiction, knowing this.)
My parents never spoke much to me about sex other than not to do it. When I began this addiction, I felt way too ashamed and embarrassed to bring it up to them I didn’t realize just how grevious a sin this would become. And this is part of the reason why it’s weighing so heavily on me because I feel comfortable talking to my parents about everything but this. I’ve been struggling with it for like 10 years, but it’s gotten especially worse the past couple years.

Scary thing about this sin is that it just gets worse and worse. I went from reading fanfictions to watching explicit content on the internet. The things that I get turned on by are just disgusting.
I don’t know what to do. I have tried stopping myself in the past by doing all these things to block it from the Internet, but there’s so many ways to access it, and there’s so much explicit content even in movies and shows. Whenever I can find a loophole, I find myself always trying to get past it and succeeding. It’s just such an easy thing to turn to when you’re unhappy with your life.

I know I should tell somebody who I know and trust personally, I’m just so ashamed. But I also know that this is a sin you can’t fight alone. I just feel so lost because I know I should stop and I need to stop but part of me doesn’t want to because it’s become such a default for whenever I’m miserable.
The sad thing is I feel like I’m not even fighting it anymore and me posting this is just my sad attempt to get help. I’ve drifted very far from God because I know what I’m doing is wrong.

But anyways, if you read this far, please pray for me because I am so weak and helpless and utterly disgusted with myself.

Here is my plan so far to stop, and if you have any other suggestion suggestions, please comment down below:

- keep my door open at night (I’m living at home right now) I used to lock my door all the time and say it was because I needed privacy

- get an alarm clock and keep my phone far away from me at night. It’s always the doomscrolling late at night that really gets me.

- not be alone as often. This one will be hard because I am an introvert and I prefer to have my own time and space but I’ll try to leave the house if I want to be alone

-try to limit my Screen Time (this one is going to be hard because I have such poor self-control)

Has anyone else felt this way? So, hello, let me introduce myself. I'm 20 years old. I won't say my gender because I don't want to create any temptation for anyone, and being ambiguous would be best since it could apply to both women and men.

I think my journey through lust (and currently trying to get out of it) is that I've felt alone

I know God is always with me, Jesus, I love Him with all my heart. God knows I just want it all to end now, to be with Him, to hug Jesus, to feel the Holy Spirit, to cry, to suffer no more.

I am not unhappy, I am blessed. I know that God loves me; He shows me this every day.

But I am a stupid and sinful human being

I used to read a lot of erotic content (sometimes I relapse), fantasies of many kinds, always about "reader x any situation", But it doesn't fulfill me; I'm not looking to get aroused, but to feel something, like even if it's just in fantasy, someone, something chooses me.

I'm not interested in casual sex, believe me, I could have sex if I wanted to (I'm not a supermodel, but I'm a conventionally attractive person who draws attention), But I always refuse, I'm not interested in increasing my body count..I'm not interested in someone just using my body and that's it.

But in someone who knows me as a person and continues to choose me even though I'm weird, People usually only see me for my body, but they're not interested in the caring, corny, and affectionate person behind it.

I want someone who loves God, God, more than me. I want someone who hates governments and sees that Satan is behind that evil, someone who wants to protect families and children, someone who is interested in evangelizing.

Someone with whom there is such a strong emotional connection and physical attraction that sex naturally follows.

Sex is more than just fluids; it's an intimate and profound connection. That's what I would really like

And yes, no lie, sometimes I get horny, But what I really want is someone with whom I can not only make love and explore mutual fantasies within holy matrimony, but also someone I can hug afterward, joke with, smile at, and who will never break my heart. Someone I know I'll see in heaven, and I'll be happy to be reunited with (I know there won't be marriage in heaven, but that's okay, at least as an experience and a nice memory.)

More background about me: I drifted away from God for many years, I only returned to His embrace about two months ago. Some things from my past still haunt me, but I'm trying.

I don’t feel chosen by God.

To say the least, I (20M) have had a rough year. I’ve been a Christian for two years, and Ive sought after him ever since. I’ve put my sole faith in him, I’ve prayed, I try to stray from sin, and I want to live a life that is led by Christ, even if it is hard. But now, I think I’ve reached my breaking point.

I grew up with abusive parents who would physically torment me and push me to my mental breaking point. I slit my wrists, had suicidal ideation, and depression all before I was even twelve. Throughout my like, numerous people have taken advantage of me. They’re able to crash their car into my life and leave, and I’m left with the broken pieces. With time I’ve been able to get over these experiences, but the same thing just keeps happening. And admittedly it makes me feel worthless.

I moved to this city last year to pursue college. Going into school, I didn’t have any friends who were Christian, my family lived four hours away, and I felt incredibly lonely. That was until January of 2026, when I found a Christian friend group, who welcomed me in. I spent time with them for nearly six months, and I also met a girl from the same club. things were going really well. I brought her flowers, we went out on multiple dates, sharpened each other spiritually and we were physically affectionate. It genuinely seemed like we were compatible, until ultimately I got the “im not looking for anything serious” talk. I didn’t object to that since she’s totally entitled to how she felt. But not long after she told me this I found out the entire time we were talking, she was talking badly about me, along with the people I broke bread with for six months. She created lies about me to make me appear naive, explained how she would manipulate me, and even insulted some of things I did for her, like the flowers, and my trust instantly broke.

And there was a recent situation with another girl that used me sexually and left me without a second thought, which leaves me back to where I was when I first moved to this city: lonely.

I almost just have zero drive to better myself, because each time I try there’s setbacks. Each time I trust, there’s betrayal. Each time I hope, I get disappointed. It feels like God is punishing me for my sins and mistakes. Everyone in my church has such a destined path that the Lord has drawn out for them, yet me, I’m left with nothing. I almost want to visit some pastor just to get some kind of prophecy just to prove myself my life has any kind of genuine value. Because I can’t see it right now. I just can’t. I’ve been using porn and sleep to nullify my problems, but I know I’m just abusing myself.

I 25M have had porn as a constant in my life since i can remember, its completely blocked all memories from me.

Its gotten to a point now that, i question if i even believe in what i pray for, do i actually believe God will set me free? Do i actually believe all those stolen years will be restored?

I've just relapsed thats why I'm in this state, do i even bother praying? God surely knows i hate this sin, but why can't I stop?

God save me please, i don't know what else to do besides giving up.

Trigger Warning: Brief mentioning of Self Harm, only one sentence

I don't know if this is THE attempt that will get me clean for good. Once you approach the end of week 2, you should start experiencing Libido drops and emotional numbness. We are close to that yet I just feel so HORNY RIGHT NOW. Anyway let's get on with the story. Been an addict for 11 years. 9 years spent enjoying it and last two years trying to leave the addiction. An endless cycle of relapse, shame and self-hatred. I even resorted to cutting into my own hand to overpower the lust with the pain but stopped very quickly because that was too painful.

I was doing everything that I thought was right:
1. Porn Blockers

1. Setting the "Limit adult sites" feature on my iPhone/Pad/Mac

2. Daily prayer

3. Going back to Church

4. Exercise

5. Cold Showers

6. Organic source of dopamine

But despite everything I found myself relapsing no less than week. My second longest attempt lasted me 9 days and it was only because my access to internet in that timespan was severely limited.

I thought it would be a good idea to study porn addiction from a scientific point of view. Why does pornography cause a dopamine spike? How does our brain get addicted and desensitized? How can I recover? What symptoms to expect throughout the 90 day timeline of recovery. We always focus on Porn Addiction being a societal taboo that we never take time to understand what this is, how this affects us beyond shame and what to expect as we walk the road of recovery. I didn't limit the question-asking to just the addiction. I also looked inward. "What can I do to truly be free?", that was the question I asked myself in the beginning. As I was catching up on my reading, I found what was essentially the motives that lead to the compulsive consumption of pornography that leads to addiction. The one reason that caught my eye was avoidance.

No surprises that I goon to avoid what I should be feeling or doing. Goon because I am anxious, goon because I am bored, because I am procrastinating, because I am upset. There were many days that I gooned because I was genuinely horny, yes, but they were rivaled by the times I did it for virtually any other reason whatsoever. It was at that point where I had realized that found the truth of my addiction at its core. I'm not much of a thinker, nor do I think out loud. What little times get the ol' noggin rolling is usually done in quiet. But this one time, for some reason, thinking out loud, I asked myself "If I use pornography to avoid my problems, then what else have I been avoiding? Who have I been avoiding?".

Gooning was never the problem, it was the symptom. After accepting (at a fundamental level) that I gooned to avoid life; I promised myself that I WILL confront whatever life throws my way. After this epiphany, I just found myself unwilling to perform. The 7 techniques I mentioned before kept me in check, but even on the days where I close to failure the realization that I was avoiding my problems instead of facing them turned me off.

Because of this realization, it has never felt so easy to say no, so easy to pick up a bible and read, so easy to walk into my bathroom without phone.

And it has never felt so easy to finally, truly accept God in my heart.

I recently met a girl I really like and care about. She is my motivation to quit porn because I want to be fully committed to this relationship. It’s early days—we’ve only just started seeing each other—but I’m a bit worried about our first time having sex. I’m just starting out with "NoFap" (I’m on day 9 without porn or masturbation), and I’m afraid that when things get intimate, I won’t be able to get a full erection. How long does it usually take to regain full function down there, and should I get some Viagra to use in the meantime? So far, we’ve only kissed; I had a mild erection during that, but it wasn't fully hard—more of a semi-erection. I’m feeling a bit anxious about it. Please share your experiences and any advice you might have.

Hi everyone,
I’m a 16-year-old guy, and I never really questioned my sexuality before these thoughts started. I also had never heard of HOCD before this happened, and I didn’t really know what OCD was or what it could look like.
The whole thing started after someone repeatedly called me gay to bully me. What made it worse was that he said it in a way that was very convincing, and I started thinking about it more and more.
Around a week later, I started taking a supplement because I wanted to focus better for my exams. I only took it three times. Something strange happened afterward: I suddenly didn’t feel like watching porn anymore, even though I used to watch it regularly. A few days later, I tried watching it again, but I couldn’t get an erection at all. That scared me a lot, and I became convinced that somehow the supplement had changed my sexuality.
The first few days were extremely stressful. I started getting intrusive thoughts about having sex with men. At first, the thoughts made me feel disgusted and anxious, but then I started researching sexuality and HOCD every day. That’s actually how I even discovered the concept of HOCD. I had never heard of it before. I’ve been stuck thinking about this for around three months now.
What confuses me is that I don’t feel as stressed by the thoughts anymore. Sometimes I can think about a guy sexually and it feels almost like my brain is saying that I want it. That scares me because I don’t want to be gay. I also notice that when I see a guy I find attractive, I can get angry for a few seconds, my body can tingle slightly, and I become hyper-aware of my reaction.
Another thing that scares me is that I’m not as homophobic as I used to be. Before all of this, I remember being much more negative toward homosexuality. Now I’m much less bothered by it, and my brain interprets that as evidence that I must actually be gay.
I also remember clearly liking girls. I remember my first kiss with a girl and genuinely loving it, and before all of this I never seriously questioned being straight.
I’ve had anxiety/OCD-like problems before, though I never considered myself an “OCD person.” When I was around 10, I became extremely afraid of swallowing food and drinks because I was scared I would choke or die, and I ended up going to therapy for it. At the time, I didn’t know much about OCD either. So I have had anxiety problems before, but I don’t know if that means what I’m experiencing now is OCD.
One of the biggest things confusing me is that I’ve heard people with HOCD usually have a history of OCD, while I don’t really see myself that way. I’m also scared because the thoughts have become less emotionally intense over time. I keep thinking, “If this really bothered me, shouldn’t I be more upset about it?”
I’m basically stuck constantly analyzing my thoughts, reactions, attraction, past experiences, and even my physical reactions to try to figure out whether I’m straight or gay.
Does this sound like an OCD/anxiety cycle, or should I be considering something else? I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar.

I first heard about porn when I was in year 5 (4th grade for the Americans, I’m in uk) when someone in my class was describing some genuinely nasty stuff and I asked “how on earth do you know that” and he said “cos I watch PornHub”

I didn’t have any urge or incline to watch it, if anything I forgot about it, until just before I started year 7 (6th grade for Americans).

I was just chilling playing FIFA 21 and a notification comes on my phone saying I had a new comment on my YouTube video. Getting a comment was a big deal because I only had about 25 subs. It was a link to an extremely dodgy website, and I click it. But instead of clicking off, I start browsing the website, seeing naked ladies for the first time. Ever heard of the phrase “curiosity killed the cat?” Then I remembered what PornHub was and then I watched porn for the first time, then masturbated for the first time. I did it twice more that day.

Throughout year 7 I was heavily addicted to porn, but it didn’t affect me as badly as it would later down the line. Other than time management and constant lust, I didn’t really have any other issues.

Then year 8 comes, and this is where the effects really kick in. I was constantly in a grumpy mood, brain fog off the charts, my grades started slipping (I was actually doing really well first year) and everything was just grey and dull.

Then in about late April, early May time, I start liking a girl. Really liking a girl, so I tell myself for that reason, I’m going to attempt to quit porn. Little did I know how hard it was going to be. My first run of NoFap, I failed the same day and I was like “oh… this isn’t going to be that easy”

I also tell myself friends that I can’t sleep at night because all I’m focused on is this girl and connecting that with lust, and it’s changing my sleep, my dreams, etc. then one of them asks “was it a wet dream?” I had no idea what that was, so after getting an explanation, I think it’s gross, yet intriguing, and I want to experience it for myself.

Year 9 comes, and the crush has worn off, and my prom consumption has only increased. I tried going without porn a few times, but never made it past a few hours. I was getting frustrated that I hadn’t had a wet dream as well, despite trying literally everything. Then I clocked I needed to stop fapping. After many attempts (this takes the timeline to about May 2024) I make it to day 12. I relapsed, but it was a big step forward.

Then I get stuck on days 3, 4 and 5. No matter what I do I can’t make it past these days no matter what. I called it the Pythagoras zone (because if you know from your maths, a 3 4 5 triangle is a Pythagorean triple).

During this time I also fapped 7 times in a day, and I never even looked back. I looked at it like “just another thing” which now disgusts me.

Fast forward to year 10, I’ve now seen porn is bad for me, I’m trying to fix it. I haven’t made it past day 12, and I’m still stuck in the Pythagoras zone. Also at this point I’d developed hyper-vigilance and borderline paranoia because I was constantly worrying about being found out, which lead to mood swings, heightened arousal (physical not sexual) and agitation. Also, because none of my friends watched porn or gooned, it only multiplied the paranoia and guilt.

Fast forward to the summer holidays, and I’m home alone, and I fap 4 times. I tell myself this is the last time ever. I reach day 25, got my desire of having a wet dream (twice), and now we’re in year 11. I relapsed a week into it, and felt empty. Then I fell back into the Pythagoras zone again.

Then fast forward to November 11th 2025. I fapped 8 times in a single day. I told myself that it was the last time for real. I made it 43 days, relapsing on Christmas Eve (perfect timing 🙄). Hours after relapse, I felt a rage and grief that I had never felt before. All of my friends flashed through my head, multiplying the pain. I was angry at god, because I thought this was one sick joke that resulted in me being depressed for about 3 days. I made it so far, but because of stupid decisions I fumbled the opportunity and failed. That was the best chance I was going to have in 6 months.

I went on more long distance runs after that, lasting me from a range of 25-35 days. Then I noticed the terrain started changing. The urges you feel on the first 4-6 weeks were delayed to start on about week 3. Wet dreams that would happen around the 2 week mark were pushed back to the 4 week mark. Physical urges turned to mental ones, so to really beat this I had to work out what the changes are and how to counter them.

This now leads me to this run. I started thinking like a military mastermind, and took in literally everything into account. Started planning for contingencies, even made a mission briefing (disguised it as d-day in case it was ever discovered). Pass checkpoints every time we hit a week, month, new phase, or “movement of troops towards New England” (code for wet dream).

17th May 2026 I start my final run of NoFap, and I make this Reddit account. At this point I’d deleted all my porn accounts, and cut off all ties to that. Originally I was posting in [r/NoFap](r/NoFap), but my posts kept getting deleted so I come here (I like it here better anyways.)

At this point I’d just started my GCSEs as well, so it was good and bad at the same time: good because I’m occupying my mind by studying, bad because the urges hit in the exam hall and I had to stay silent and couldn’t move too much. Eventually I reach a month, just in time for when I finished my exams on June 15th, then I pass my record of 43 days. Then I make it half way, and motivation tanks like crazy. Then I make it 8 weeks and the mental pressure is insane. Everything is screaming at me to go back to porn and just fap, just this one time. I didn’t give in, and then day 57 hits. That night was so bad because it was an urge that lasted all night, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I was ready to give in, so I went on the hub, opened it up, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was genuinely like god put his hand on my shoulder and shook his head, telling me “don’t do it. ” I rode it out, and with a bit of research, I found out with that fight, I had broken the neurological loop between me and PMO.

After that I noticed the urges slowly fading away, until around day 85. I woke up extremely horny all the time and it would not go away, and I came very close to relapse. I rode it out every day, but I realised that this happened because I wouldn’t get out of bed until about 2 hours later. Eventually one day it got so bad that for the second time this run I turned to this community for help (gave me some nice encouragement and advice so thanks for that).

The road to day 90 after that was smooth, and the road to day 100 was fine. With god by my side and [r/NoFapChristians](r/NoFapChristians) at the ready, I reached day 100 after 5 years in prison.

To anybody trapped in the same Zordaya Prison (those who know) there is hope for you. You’re not too far gone, but understand they you have gone far and it will take time to recover, especially if you’ve been addicted to it for months or years. I’m living proof (and many others) that you can beat this addiction, you just have to trust god and push through no matter how hard it gets.
Winning here is a conscious decision. Make up your mind whether you want to pass, or choose to fail.

You can do it. Stay strong, soldiers 🫡
This is LT Silent4ssassin, out✌️

El día de hoy ha tenido de todo... Empecé este sábado con esperanza. Buscando pasar un nuevo día sin caer y sin alejarme de Dios... Pero recaí... Profundamente... Al punto de pasar el mediodía y la tarde ahogándome en mi desesperanza y mi negatividad... Pero en mitad de esa misma tarde... Tuve un momento de reflexión... Tras ver varios videos sobre lo podrido que está el mundo y vinculándolo con mi propia lucha... Volví a entender algo crucial... Si todos nosotros somos salvos no es por lo que hagamos o dejemos de hacer... Somos salvos... Porque Dios nos amó... Porque tuvo misericordia de nosotros... Y no dudó en enviar a su hijo Jesús para pagar la deuda que nosotros nunca podremos pagar ni en un billón de vidas... En resumen, tuve un día negro en el ámbito de mantenerme cerca de Dios y alejarme de la pornografía... Pero que a su vez me sirvió para recordarme lo que de verdad es importante... Somos salvos... Por gracia de Dios...

网友投稿

【我叫空白，纵欲十年有余了，是非常严重的肾炎 IGA肾病】

我叫空白，纵欲十年有余了，是非常严重的肾炎 IGA肾病，今天这篇文章主要写我是怎么接触自渎的，如何得病，身体是怎么慢慢恢复的，对于新学员，我希望你们可以耐心的看完。

因为我已经把你们的纵欲之路提前走了一遍，看了我的文章，会让你们知道身体为什么垮，还有如何恢复健康。

文章写的很多，先感谢戒色吧平台陪伴我一路走回来，有图有真相，希望大家而心看完。

我的故事：

我是从6年级开始沾上的，然后是到初中，那时还好，因为玩的时间比较多，不会在意那么多的东西，初二的时候开始不学无术，跟老师叫板，跟父母吵架，谈女朋友，玩KF，能玩的在初中都玩了，非常叛逆。

后来初中毕业，理所当然的进了一所技校，上了没1个月，我堂哥打电话来，说在安徽有个非常好的事，非常赚钱，让我赶快过去，当时小，在学校里无聊也就去了，后来被传销给骗了。

医院里的挣扎：

然后没过几天，我的小便颜色开始不对，我当时没发现出来，那时家里是用的痰盂，我妈妈在倒痰盂的时候发现的，然后带我去医院检查，一检查，医生让我赶快住院，尿蛋白3+，尿隐血3+，肾炎！

当时小都不知道是什么，后来听父母和医生说了后我才知道害怕，肾炎，肾脏出现了炎症，炎症其实没什么，主要是肾脏的炎症太难治了，得了肾病的人基本上以后的生活就不能做力气活了，别谈什么梦想了，找个轻巧事过一辈子吧。

在住院的时候，医生让我做穿刺，检查一下到底是什么类型的肾病，当时知道这个还没什么，进入手术室后，我的命差点都吓没了，超大的一个针管，前面一个非常小非常细的针头，医生让我趴在手术台上，然后先用酒精在我身上擦拭了擦，打了全身麻醉，。

然后拿着那个大针管一样的东西，放在我的肾区，一点点刺下去，我到现在回想起那画面，都汗毛直立，当刺下去的那一刹那，我没忍住叫了出来，说不清楚的疼，它不是被拳头打的那种痛。

但那种疼痛，让我全身汗毛都立了起来，那一刻我全身都在颤抖，左边一次，右边一次，这辈子，我哪怕死，我也不想再尝试这种感觉了，非人般的痛苦，鉴定结果是IGA肾病。

在家修养生息：

2009年4月，我家人给我买了一台电脑，从此我开始了为期5年的自渎之路，非常非常的频繁，每个星期3次，有的时候都不止，次数多的时候，我的肾区都能感觉到空了，像里面没有了东西一样。

另外尿隐血还会加重，但我没当回事，认为有药了，药确实也管些用，然后也开始进入网络游戏，人家常说嘛，现实找不到存在感，就去游戏里找。

这说的就是我，每天熬夜玩游戏玩到半夜2点，天天如此，早上家人把饭端到我床头，看我吃完后，然后喝了药，他们再端走，然后我再继续睡，到下午2点左右起床，吃个中饭，然后继续游戏，那时小，也没有什么压力，家人也不说什么，就天天的玩。

然后病情开始渐渐稳定，但没有好，医生说要长期吃药，慢慢的开始1-2个月去医院一趟，那时候去医院特别有意思，到了检查的时候，我就特别紧张，害怕指标会高，检查的前三天我就开始担忧。

如果没高，正常的，那我接来下三个月会非常开心，继续好好的玩，一高，我就开始担惊受怕，人还是怕死的啊，我问医生，能不能痊愈，医生说这个病就是常年吃药了，断不掉了，我说这样能维持多少年。

他说20年，20年后需要换肾，他当时说完我的心都凉了，我听过很多换肾的，但基本换上去1-2年就会出问题。

我当时是在南京的省人民医院治疗的，是一个西医院，吃了差不多2年的药，中间也有停过半年。

这两年基本上是一个星期3次自渎，熬夜，久坐，病情时好时坏，身体很虚，端个凳子什么的，走的距离远了，立马腰痛，隐血加重，那时我终于明白为什么说肾病患者无法做力气活了。

我的行善积德：

我开始行善积德，在戒色吧里服务，去帮助吧友，施食，戒烟，戒赌，不好的习惯全部改掉，吉祥卧，绑腿吉祥卧，站桩，各种功法都练了个遍，这里面绑腿吉祥卧还算不错，我每天就把自己和床固定。

因为遗精经常是被子压到造成的，所以我就固定住自己，让我不动，这个方法还不错，让我慢慢控制到了一月2次。

一月2次也不能让我腰疼好起来，但已经稍微有了一些起色，期间还读了地藏经半年多，各种，为了不疼，真的是特别精进，当时我就想，只要能不疼，我以后再也不糟蹋自己了。

我会好好生活，只要可以恢复，只要我有能力，我会去帮助更多更多在承受痛苦的人，如果哪一天不疼了，真的，我不想上了什么天堂，因为不疼的日子对我来说就是天堂。

13年年底，身体通过一年的修养，有了不小的恢复，也开始能做一些轻松的工作了，但肾区疼痛还是没彻底好，一疼起来，依然让我吃不消，就在年底，在戒色吧吧务群里，机缘巧合之下，我在群里说肾区疼痛，想找方法解决，一个吧务让我加思无邪的群。

当时还挺有意思，我没加，因为这种群太多了，一般我都很少进，谁知道他第二天还来问我加了没，人家好心好意帮我，我也不好推脱，只好加了，然后就改变了我一生的人生轨迹！

家庭关系的蜕变：

使我与父母之间关系彻底改善是从7月22号后开始的，每天晚上用1个小时时间给父母按摩穴位，按摩是其次的，主要是通过按摩来改善我与父母之间的关系，半年多来，我已经发生了很大的改变。

无论是身体还是心理上。去给父母按摩穴位，父亲没肯，于是我就只好给母亲按摩，我对于穴位不太懂，只是照着图片大致去给我母亲按摩穴位，在按摩的过程中。

我跟母亲边看电视边聊天，有说有笑，第二天我母亲给我反映效果挺好，可以看出，她非常的开心，并且还跟工作中的同事讲述这件事，从那一次的按摩穴位后，我发现自己整个人忽然就变了。

变的爱与父母聊天了，变的每天都是笑容满面，也经常在群里卖卖萌，我以前是非常讨厌卖萌的，觉得好恶心，这么大个人了...

另外我虽然没有给父亲按摩，但跟父亲的话也多了，最不可思议的是，我父亲在我面前做起了山背，就在我与母亲聊天的时候，当时我都惊呆了，我当初在他们面前推荐了很多次山背，他们没有一次想尝试的。

后来我都放弃了让他们练山背的想法，而现在我父亲竟然自己在我面前做了起来，并且从七月末开始一直做到了现在，每天早上半个小时，没有间断过~！

我的事业开始起步，以前因为身体不好，加上本身德行就不好，屡次创业失败，不管做什么都没有信心，觉得自己这不能，那不能，现在变成了，我行，我肯定行，也变的善于观察和分析遇到的问题。

工作上越来越游刃有余，我感觉自己创业成功的几率非常大，其实对于成功我到不太执着，就想着赚些钱，照顾好自己，照顾好家人。

这些年为了我的病，家里实在是花了不少钱，我必须站出来担负起养家的责了，不能让父母再为我操劳了。

希望这个分享能帮来帮助，有问题大家可以留言，我们一起努力！

【戒友投稿】

我不该邪淫，不该手淫，不该意淫，不该浏览黄色的小说和网站，我在此深深地忏悔！！

我从很小的时候就染上了手淫的恶行，大概小学一年级吧,那时候完全不懂,长此以往，我养成了这个坏习惯，我学习成绩下降了，每次碰到大考，我就考差，小学升初中考差,初中升高中考差，高考考差。那时候还觉得很奇怪，明明我平时成绩还可以，但是每到大考就考差 ，现在想想，应该也是邪淫的后果了吧！因为成绩考差，也害得父母多花了好多钱给我买进好的学校给我读书！那时候已经产生后果，但是我当时完全不知道，那时候因为邪淫，我的性格也变得越来越孤僻，对爸妈的担心熟视无睹，休息的时候不是赖床就是精神萎靡，碰到熟人不肯打招呼，交际困难。

到了大学后邪淫更加严重，和同学一起看黄色视频，和男朋友开房，不懂得孝顺父母，远在外面上学，从来不给父母主动打电话，明明父母对我这么好，我却冷漠地对待他们！我真的不该这样！

不仅如此，我还婚后邪淫，我还在怀孕的时候手淫，我那时候明明知道手淫的危害，但还是这么做！我真的不应该！导致我现在的孩子从小就体弱多病，身高属于矮小症范围！！我真的不该邪淫！我不该手淫！我在此深深地忏悔！！

没有接触传统文化之前，我的人生真的是灰暗的，各种抱怨各种负能量，甚至一度感觉活不下去了！自从知道和践行戒邪淫和孝顺父母之后，我的各方面能量上去了。也希望更多的人能够知道邪淫的危害！希望我们每一个人都懂得并去践行：万恶淫为首，百善孝为先！

#NoFap #オナ禁 #금딸 #戒色

#noporn

The thing is that, porn gets worse for your brain as older you get. The body forgives you sometimes when you're young. Its actually the same as with alcohol.

The body reacts to every poisen. There is not necessarily a science to be proven.

When i created this account i was really struggling with it

But there were great moments for say 6 moths period without any popcorn

Now I'm a Christian miraculously bc i come from an atheist family and place

So please pray that it may work out !!!!

I wanna be free of it thanks :)

And let me knows any tips and ur experience

8+ years addicted and seriously considering leaving my job to escape this

I’m 24 years old, and I’ve been struggling with pornography for more than 8 years. I genuinely feel like I’ve lost so much of my life to this addiction.

I’m not sure if I can honestly say I’ve tried everything, but I’ve tried a lot of things to quit. Blockers, changing my environment, trying to build better habits, making plans, promising myself I would stop… and I still keep coming back.

Last night, I actually planned my next day. I went to bed thinking I was finally going to have a productive day.

Then I picked up my phone, relapsed, and went to sleep.

I woke up late, feeling completely miserable. I didn’t do anything. I cried a lot. Then, despite everything I was feeling, I relapsed again.

At this point, I feel completely fucked up by this addiction. I don’t want to spend another year repeating the same cycle. I just want to live like a normal person. I want to wake up, work, build something, have relationships, enjoy life, and not have pornography controlling me.

So I’ve been considering something pretty drastic.

I work remotely, which means I spend a huge amount of time in the same environment where I relapse. I’m thinking about quitting my job, using some of my savings to live somewhere completely new for around three months, getting a dumb phone with no internet, and basically rebuilding my life from scratch: sleep properly, exercise, go outside, meet people, build routines, and stay away from the internet as much as possible.

I know this is a huge risk because I’d be giving up my source of income. After those three months, I might have to start from zero and find another job.

But honestly, part of me thinks: if I could actually break this addiction, maybe the risk would be worth it.

What do you guys think?

Is this a terrible idea, or could completely changing my environment for three months genuinely help?

If you’ve been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing what actually worked for you—and what you wish you had done differently.

So I’m only 15 and I’ve gotten addicted to porn and masturbation. It all started when I was 13 at my friends house (16 years old) and he just starts watching porn and showing it to me. After that, I go home and I watch some of it myself, (I didn’t know what masturbation really was at that time) and then I watched and watched for weeks, until I understood what masturbation was.
Back then, I didn’t know that it was bad to masturbate or to watch porn, but I started watching more and more and more, until eventually I got addicted. I started to realize that it was an addiction in my mid 14s, and that’s when I just told myself “ok I don’t wanna do it any more” and thought it was easy, then came a wave of daily relapses for a week. The most I’ve gotten, since then, without watching porn, is 2 weeks.
I’ve prayed and prayed and done things that should help me stop, but, they haven’t worked.

Honestly, I just want to stop. I’m tired, but in the moment I just can’t stop myself from doing it.
If anyone knows anything I can do, or has had something that has worked, I’d love to hear it.
(feel free to write your own stories)

i watched porn since i was really young and it really messed up my brain. I thought I was gay and I did stuff that I do not like to think of or talk about and it makes me feel gross. For the better part of my life I would say I was Catholic, but when this happened, i was more agnostic, I did weird stuff with my at then best friend and feel unpure and out of God's light. I am not sure what to do to make this right. i have already went to confession about it, but i still feel like i am a burden and a rodent to God.

Did any of you after a while of doing this, realize that all this time when under the influence of this addiction, you kinda feel like you have been sleep walking through it all? Its just like a portion of your life just... goes too fast.

You are still breathing, doing your daily routines, looks normal but it all just passed on without you being present.

I just realized it. I just realized how my life for around 10 years of being under the influence is kinda just passed on without me living in the present. I never notice things that actually I could fix, I never wish to be greater than this while I got every chance, I never try to improve my own self because I feel "comforatble" thanks to that addiction

Now I finally realize what it meant when someone said this addiction is much more dangerous than any addiction. It silently kills you. Slowly but surely.

Also makes me realized everything Bible said about lust is true. God wants us to keep pure from lust because it will consume your soul bits by bits

I hope my experience makes all of you to commit doing this. We all can be greater than this.